issue 212 -拍文修改小组 6.27

crazyjooUID: 2805124

TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."





   Should we praise any measures a people take to reach a worthy goal?The speaker claim so for the reason that all the means taken to attain a worthy goal are as justifiable as the goal itself. However, in my observation, the speaker's view might be a bit extreme and the issue should be analyzed in two respects.
   The implicit rationale behind this speaker's statement seems to be that a ''worthy''goal is a goal which is accepted by everyone. However the speaker's definition of ''worthy'' is not am accurate one since whether a thing,a people pursing for, is worthy or not is determined by individual value system,subjective preference. For instance,spending 10 hours on cracking a complex software is a contemptible behavior to most people ,since it is surly illegal,but an amazing feat to a computer hacker.In other words, the speaker's claim begs the question. For the sake of the  following discussion,we should define a worthy goal as a widely accepted goal rather one that only  accepted by the practitioner himself, while the speaker's claim is a bit misleading.
   I concede that under some specific circumstance, it is necessary, or even desirable to attain the worthy goal irrespective of whether the means satisfy the moral law. For supporting example,one need look no further than the battlefield. The game of war calls for a certain amount of violence, cruelty, cunning, that we might otherwise characterize as inhumanity.These behaviors are necessary means to the final worthy goal--the comprehensive victory of a war. A soilder's charity and tolerance are sign of vulnerable, and which his enemy will use to every advantage to kill him. In sum, those seemly inhumanity behaviors are critical to a soldier's survive, and even more , to a country's survive.
    Forgoing this proviso, however, the speaker unnecessarily extends this broad assertion to embrace the idea that all means are justifiable as long as the goal is worthy, while ignoring that certain means of attaining a worthy goal are unjustifiable. We, as part of the democratic society, should no deviate the written law and the moral law in the process of attaining the worthy goals we regard. In the event that money is worthy to everyone ,should we abandon all the moral laws we followed in order to gain as much as we want, by deceiving or even stealing and robbing the innocent people? Under the circumstance that grade is worthy to students, should every student begin to cheat in the exams for a higher grade? If everyone say yes to these two questions, it is hardly to imagine how dangerous and chaotic the society would be. As a result, every residents suffer from the unregulated behaviors, leading to moral anarchy and corruption.
   Another reason for my fundamentally disagreement is that the speaker's claim might undermine the rigor of scientific research upon which is the very foundation human knowledge advances. For example, Hwang Woo Suk, the top biology scientist of Korea, concocted scientific research statistics about the human embryonic stem cell in order to gain more academic reputation for his motherland, and probably ,to gain more funding for himself. Though the purpose is a understandable one, the means Hwang took are mean anddisdainful. Had all the scientist acted like Hwang, we would have still lived in cavern and have no television set for entertainment.
  To sum up, in most cases, though attaining the worthy goal he or she believes is important to everyone, we must take a consideration over the means which are aimed at finally achieving it .In short, the merit of the worthy goal pales in importance compared to conscience and moral.

yaniiUID: 2807225

第二段反对题目的说法最好和第三段换一下位置，一般先承认题中观点合理的一方面，然后转折说不足
（有些地方有雕饰的痕迹，不太流畅，还有一些语法问题，可以先在Word下改改。去掉上面一些瑕疵，会是一篇好文章。
PS格式：标点符号后先敲一个空格， 再敲单词
段首定格，段间空一行）

falloutrangerUID: 2800348

Should we praise any measures a people take to reach a worthy goal?(这句话意思有误，应改为Is any measure a person takes to reach a worthy goal is justifiable?)The speaker claims so for the reason that all the means taken to attain a worthy goal are as justifiable as the goal itself. However, in my observation, the speaker's view might be a bit extreme and the issue should be analyzed in two respects.
   The implicit rationale behind this speaker's statement seems to be that a ''worthy''goal is a goal which is accepted by everyone. However the speaker's definition of ''worthy'' is not an accurate one since whether a thing,a people pursing for( whether something an individual pursues ) is worthy or not is determined by the individual's value system and subjective preference. For instance,spending 10 hours on cracking a complex software is a contemptible behavior to most people ,since it is surly illegal,but an amazing feat to a computer hacker.In other words, the speaker's claim begs the question. For the sake of the  following discussion,we should define a worthy goal as a widely accepted goal rather than one that is only  accepted by the practitioner himself, while the speaker's claim is a bit misleading(多余且意思不明确).
   I concede that under some specific circumstances, it is necessary, or even desirable, to attain the worthy goal irrespective of whether the means satisfy the moral law(似乎不能这么说，可以改为 comply with morality ). For supporting(删) example,one need look no further than the battlefield. The game of war calls for a certain amount of violence, cruelty, cunning, that we might otherwise characterize as inhumanity.These behaviors are necessary means to the final worthy goal--the comprehensive victory of a war(多余). A soilder's charity(mercy) and tolerance(用词不当) are signs of vulnerable(vulnerability), and which his enemy will use to every advantage to kill him. In sum, those seemly(seemingly) inhumanity behaviors are critical to a soldier's survive(survival), and even more , to a country's survive(to a nation's victory).
    Forgoing this proviso, however, the speaker unnecessarily extends this broad assertion to embrace the idea that all means are justifiable as long as the goal is worthy, while ignoring that certain means of attaining a worthy goal are unjustifiable. We, as part of the democratic society, should no deviate from the written law and the moral law in the process of attaining the worthy goals we regard(the goal we regard as worthy). In the event(In the event用的不对，可以改为for instance) that money is worthy to everyone ,should we abandon all the moral laws we followed(follow) in order to gain as much as we want, by deceiving or even stealing and robbing(deceiving, stealing from or even robbing) the innocent people? Under the circumstance(Under the circumstance同样用的不对) that grade is worthy to students, should every student begin to cheat in the(/) exams for a higher grade? If everyone says yes to these two questions, it is hardly(will be easy) to imagine how dangerous and chaotic the society would(will) be. As a result, every(all) residents suffer from the unregulated behaviors, leading( which lead ) to moral anarchy and corruption.
   Another reason for my fundamentally(fundamental) disagreement is that the speaker's claim might undermine the rigor of scientific research upon which is the very foundation human knowledge advances( -- the very foundation upon which human knowledge advances). For example, Hwang Woo Suk, the top(leading) biology scientist of Korea, concocted scientific research statistics(data) about the human embryonic stem cell in order to gain more academic reputation for his motherland, and probably ,to gain more funding for himself. Though the purpose is an understandable one, the means Hwang took are mean and disdainful. Had all the scientist acted like Hwang, we would still lived in cavern( we would still live in caves) and have no television set(删去) for entertainment.
  To sum up, in most cases, though attaining the worthy goal he or she believes is important to everyone( attaining the goal he or she believes worthy is important), we must take a(删去) consideration over the means which are aimed at finally achieving it .In short, the merit of the worthy goal pales in importance compared to conscience and moral(morality).

文章写的不错，第二段给worthy goal一个更具体的定义，第三段用战争的例子支持题目，第四段用钱和学分的例子反对题目，第四段举了科学的例子反对题目。论证具体，例子恰当、充分。
需要注意的是词语的使用，语法和句式。另外模仿的痕迹较重。
我的习作Issue 25在 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1117757-1-1.html 。欢迎楼主回拍

江雪UID: 2790520

Should we praise any measures a people take to reach a worthy goal? (这句话意思有误，应改为Is any measure a person takes to reach a worthy goal is【is是多余的】justifiable?)The speaker claims so for the reason that all the means taken to attain a worthy goal are as justifiable as the goal itself. However, in my observation, the speaker's view might be a bit extreme and the issue should be analyzed in two respects.

The implicit rationale behind this speaker's statement seems to be that a ''worthy'' goal is a goal which is accepted by everyone. However the speaker's definition of ''worthy'' is not an accurate one since whether a thing, a people pursing for (whether something an individual pursues) is worthy or not is determined by the individual's value system and subjective preference. For instance, spending 10 hours on cracking a complex software is a contemptible behavior to most people ,since it is surly 【surely】 illegal, but an amazing feat to a computer hacker. In other words, the speaker's claim begs the question. For the sake of the following discussion, we should define a worthy goal as a widely accepted goal rather than one that is only accepted by the practitioner himself, while the speaker's claim is a bit misleading (多余且意思不明确).

I concede that under some specific circumstances, it is necessary, or even desirable, to attain the worthy goal irrespective of whether the means satisfy the moral law (似乎不能这么说，可以改为comply with morality). For supporting (删) example, one need 【to】look no further than the battlefield. The game of war calls for a certain amount of violence, cruelty, cunning, that we might otherwise characterize as inhumanity. These behaviors are necessary means to the final worthy goa – the comprehensive victory of a war (多余). A soilder 【solider】's charity (mercy) and tolerance (用词不当) are signs of vulnerable (vulnerability),
and which his enemy will use to every advantage【which his enemy will take advantage of】 to kill him. In sum, those seemly (seemingly) inhumanity behaviors are critical to a soldier's survive (survival), and even more, to a country's survive (to a nation's victory).


PS：有问题的地方我用绿笔标出来了，楼上改得蛮认真的，赞！

starfirezhuUID: 2842465

第一评 ——形式问题：（标点、格式方面。因形式问题扣分实在很冤枉。）
1.        多处标点符号后面没有留出空格，例如，…goal?The…; …''worthy''goal…;…system,subjective…等等。
2.        字与字之间没有流出空格，例如：…anddisdainful…;
3.        …am accurate… 应该是… an accurate…； …most people ,since…怎么把空格放在了标点的前面呢？…a complex software…里面的a不是多余的吗？…the  following discussion… the的后面怎么打了两个空格？还有那个…only  accepted by…的前面也是两个空格；…one need… 还是…one needs…？…of violence, cruelty, cunning,…，并列词语中后面的那两个应该用and连接！…cunning, that…中的that用which取代比较好！…soilder…拼写错误，应该是soldier！…should no deviate…这里的no应该是not！…everyone say…这一句和前面的那句one need一样的错误！…every residents…还是every resident？…a understandable…还是an understandable？…all the scientist…指的是all scientists吧？这些都是很明显的错误哦，都很容易识别和避免的。

starfirezhuUID: 2842465

第二评 —— 明显的语法问题：除了语法错误，还有用词和表达不够清楚的问题…


Should we praise any measure(s) a(?) people take to reach a worthy goal? The speaker claims so for the reason by saying that all the means taken to attain a worthy goal are as justifiable as the goal itself. However, in my observation, the speaker's point of view might be a bit extreme and the issue should be analyzed in two respects aspects.


Should we praise any measure(s) a(?) people take to reach a worthy goal? 这句话的主要问题：1、搭配不当
—— any 修饰复数词 measures? Any means 没问题，any measures就不对了。people前面加a；等等。2、用praise这个词显然是来自中文的“赞成”，放在这个句子中显得不协调，还不如agree to。整个句子的用意是想从另外一个角度重复阐述issue的意思，以清楚地暴露出issue的真实观点，是不是可以改成：Is a worthy goal worth of using any means to attain?  这样可以突出issue的矛盾，进而对于“不择手段达成目标”的思想进行批驳。可以借用环保、名誉、金钱、权利、享乐等方面的话题发挥讨论。。。。。。

starfirezhuUID: 2842465

TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
疑惑论点：只要目标正确，就可以不择手段！
Key words: worthy goal; any means justifiable. ANY这个词暴露了论点的破口！
Position: Means is not necessarily justifiable!

   Should we praise approve any measures means a people take to reach attain a worthy goal? The speaker claim so for the reason that all the means taken to attain a worthy goal are as justifiable as the goal itself. However, in my observation, the speaker's view might be a bit extreme and the issue should be analyzed in two respects.
第一段亮出自己的观点：No matter the goal is worthy or not, the means to attain it is not necessarily justifiable! The goal is one thing, the means is another.

   The implicit rationale behind this speaker's statement seems to be that a ''worthy''goal is a goal which is accepted by everyone. However the speaker's definition of ''worthy'' is not am accurate one since whether a thing,a people pursing for, is worthy or not is determined by individual value system,subjective preference. For instance,spending 10 hours on cracking a complex software is a contemptible behavior to most people ,since it is surly illegal,but an amazing feat to a computer hacker.In other words, the speaker's claim begs the question. For the sake of the  following discussion,we should define a worthy goal as a widely accepted goal rather one that only  accepted by the practitioner himself, while the speaker's claim is a bit misleading.
分辨worthy的真假，有转移话题之虞！需要攻击的目标应该锁定在any means上面。只要说出有些means不是justibiable就可以了。当然，先要肯定有些means是justifiable。先让步，后攻击！

   I concede that under some specific circumstance, it is necessary, or even desirable to attain the worthy goal irrespective of whether the means satisfy the moral law. For supporting example,one need look no further than the battlefield. The game of war calls for a certain amount of violence, cruelty, cunning, that we might otherwise characterize as inhumanity.These behaviors are necessary means to the final worthy goal--the comprehensive victory of a war. A soilder's charity and tolerance are sign of vulnerable, and which his enemy will use to every advantage to kill him. In sum, those seemly inhumanity behaviors are critical to a soldier's survive, and even more , to a country's survive.
感觉转移了话题，而且不利于自己的观点。竟然说 Unjustifiable means is sometimes necessary for a worthy goal？

    Forgoing this proviso, however, the speaker unnecessarily extends this broad assertion to embrace the idea that all means are justifiable as long as the goal is worthy, while ignoring that certain means of attaining a worthy goal are unjustifiable. We, as part of the democratic society, should no deviate the written law and the moral law in the process of attaining the worthy goals we regard. In the event that money is worthy to everyone ,should we abandon all the moral laws we followed in order to gain as much as we want, by deceiving or even stealing and robbing the innocent people? Under the circumstance that grade is worthy to students, should every student begin to cheat in the exams for a higher grade? If everyone say yes to these two questions, it is hardly to imagine how dangerous and chaotic the society would be. As a result, every residents suffer from the unregulated behaviors, leading to moral anarchy and corruption.
到底是讨论justifiable还是moral？这段的重点是说：即使goal是worthy的，很多时候采取的means却不是justifiable。举例：战争中的暴力；靠欺骗赚钱；用核武器维护和平；靠暗杀夺取政权；等等。

   Another reason for my fundamentally disagreement is that the speaker's claim might undermine the rigor of scientific research upon which is the very foundation human knowledge advances. For example, Hwang Woo Suk, the top biology scientist of from Korea, concocted scientific research statistics about the human embryonic stem cell in order to gain more academic reputation for his motherland, and probably ,to gain more funding for himself. Though the purpose is a understandable one, the means Hwang took are is mean and disdainful（这个词用法不对！） unjustifiable. Had all the scientist acted like Hwang, we would have still lived in cavern and have no television set for entertainment.
这几段是上一段的补充，one more example about science,  is chieting justifiable to attain a worthy scientific reputation for one's motherland? Obviously not!

  To sum up, in most cases, though attaining the worthy goal he or she believes is important to everyone, we must take a consideration over the means which are aimed at finally achieving it （语法不通！）. In short, the merit of the worthy goal pales（？） in importance compared to conscience and moral.
由于前面自己的观点偏离，总结不太有力。后句也不知所云。用长句结尾实为下策啊！况且还是病长句！建议改成： To sum up, though a worthy goal is worthy of great effort and investment, the means to attain it is not necessarily justifiable. We should pay attention to guarantee that we are taking justifiable means on the way to attain our goals so as to make it really worthy.