issue 51, 求拍，必回拍

doraliuUID: 2842061

Issue 51
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student


Effectiveness means the capability of producing effect; means doing the right thing to achieve an overall goal; so the evaluation of the effectiveness of education is to examine whether education is capable of achieving set goal, is doing the right thing for its excepted purpose. So we need to know its purpose before the discussion of its capability in achieving this purpose. Any after that can we come to the discussion of whether it is effectively when certain method is concerned.

The purpose of education can be varied differently when different people are concerned; Socrates considered the purpose of education was to draw out what the students already have in the brain while Eric Hoffer assumed that education was to prepare the students with the willingness and the basic facility to explore the unknown on their own. And sophist considered education as a method of gaining a position in the society and so on. The list can go on and on, there is no all agreed on definition about the purpose of education. But since it is the students who are at the stake, I believe it is more reasonable the define the purpose from the students’ point of view; what do their what to get out of education? Should the purpose of education not be to satisfy their wants?
So I believe a more generally accepted opinion of the purpose of education should be: education should aim at equipping its students with the ability to make a living and at the same time to make a life.

Then come to the discussion of how to make education effective, that is how to make it capable of achieving the goal of making a living and at the same time make a life. Mass education is doing well in preparing students the ability to make a living, to find a job in the society; that’s the point held by sophist. For example, Students major in accounting in college are taught about the principles of recording down costs and revenues; the rules to be obeyed when preparing balance sheet, income statement and cash flow sheet; they are also taught of the knowledge of tax laws, contract laws and so on; these knowledge received form school could enable them to find a job in company thus to make a living for his own or afford a family. But as to the purpose of make a life, that is the unfailing childlike appetite for the game of living, the vigor of emotion, the quality of imagination, the lure of wondering for the unknown, massive education is incapable; it is the education of individual for this education happens only when it is registered in the mind of particular individual. To serve this purpose effectively, education should be designed to the needs of particular individual. As it is remembered by all, in ancient times, teaching was conducted person to person; Leonard Da Vici received one to one education from Verrocchio, I wonder whether he could achieve so much if he was educated in today’s big classroom. Mozart received his elementary knowledge form his musician farther; and I assume that ancient china owned its large number of great philosopher to its particular education system that was person to person discussion between students and teachers and free debate among peer students. And I also notice that in today’s society, we achieve a lot in  academic field of science, but in the field of humanity, philosophy, the achievements seems to be ignorable compared to the achievements in science and technology, and  it is also true when compared to the achievements of passed days; and I consider the transform form person to person education to massive education is in anyway unavoidable to be blamed for this situation.

To sum up, the purpose of education should be to preparing its students the ability to support his life materially and spritely, the current education performs well in achieving the first goal, but to effectively achieving the second one, education should be specially designed to each individual.

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

第一段：说实话，没太看懂。感觉有些地方是在重复同一个意思。
第二段：论证教育的目的，运用几个名人的例子来说明，不错。在第二段结尾得出观点，有特色。
第三段：通过古今教育模式的对比来论证教育在不同时期满足不同的需要，不错。
第四段：结尾也还行。

但说实话，我感觉你这篇文章的论证段也就第三段，但是你好像有些偏，你的文章以有效性为切入点，但是你第三段的论证似乎和你的总观点“education should aim at equipping its students with the ability to make a living and at the same time to make a life. ‘有些出入。


我的文章，谢谢了。https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1129409-1-1.html

doraliuUID: 2842061

2# zhangjunzj

我的总观点不是这个，这个是purpose, 总观点是考证教育有没有有效的服务于这个观点啊


第一段要说的是我们要先有目的才能说明教育有没有有效的服务于这个目的，第二段提出教育的目的，第三段说明massive能有效服务 于谋生的目的，但是不能服务于感受生活的目的，要达到这个目的，需要有针对性的教育。。。。。。。

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

看了楼主文章一遍，感觉很有特色，完全是在按自己思路来写，而不是按模板写，赞一个！
看了一遍发现一个问题，“in the field of humanity, philosophy, the achievements seems to be ignorable compared to the achievements in science and technology”，这句话有点儿主观判断，缺乏论据去论证，我们论证一个题目的时候却又用自己的主观判断去论证，似乎是不妥的，这点楼主好好考虑一下。
接下来我在看第二遍啊，楼主的文章值得多看几遍~~

hugeseaUID: 190158

2# zhangjunzj  

我的总观点不是这个，这个是purpose, 总观点是考证教育有没有有效的服务于这个观点啊


第一段要说的是我们要先有目的才能说明教育有没有有效的服务于这个目的，第二段提出教育的目的，第三段 ...
doraliu 发表于 2010-7-27 20:11

两个字：跑题

doraliuUID: 2842061

“这句话有点儿主观判断，缺乏论据去论证，我们论证一个题目的时候却又用自己的主观判断去论证，似乎是不妥的，这点楼主好好考虑一下。"


那么我写according to statistic conducted by some agency?


some agency....咱们的国宝啊~~~

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

先不讨论主观判断了。。。
看了第二遍，看懂了作者的结构，就像作者说的“第一段要说的是我们要先有目的才能说明教育有没有有效的服务于这个目的，第二段提出教育的目的，第三段说明massive能有效服务 于谋生的目的，但是不能服务于感受生活的目的”。
但是，楼主确实跑题了，题目是“Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student”，反过来说education如果没有设计成那样，那就不是effective。楼主文章一半写教育目的，一半写massive不能达到这个目的，这个目的是感受生活的目的，这个和题目有什么关系？。。。
个人观点，楼主不同意可忽略

doraliuUID: 2842061

另一半写massive 不能达到这个目的，所以需要 教育 designed for individual...............这样才effective

某非这部分写的不够着重。。。。。。。。

doraliuUID: 2842061

5# hugesea


这个是结论，求 prove。。。。。。。。。

doraliuUID: 2842061

我的意思是effective 与否要看是不是达到了目的，教育的目的有两个，第一个massive做到了，那么题目就不成立了，因为individual education 不是only，第二个目的做不到，这时候special designed 的才能做到effective。。。。。。。某非真的偏题了？


求evidence。。。。。。不能说了个偏题就跑人了么。。。。。。。。

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

8# doraliu 个人觉得，不过着重是一个方面，还有就是massive达不到，难道就一定要designed for individual，除了这两种，就没有第三种的可能性吗？
文章要论证只有“designed for individual”才能effective, 楼主论证是通过说individual的一个对立面massive不行就证明需要individual，还有可能还有另外一个对立面啊？
我可能想的有点儿歪，有点儿钻牛角尖了，楼主参考一下，不对的地方楼主见谅啊。。。

linglong151314UID: 2692585

楼主的句子和用词都挺强的 没敢细看 都觉得自愧不如 额 我还是不要丢人了

doraliuUID: 2842061

11# mitchelllc


我是想用massive说明individual 不是only， 你指的是艺术音乐需要special designed的那部分其实还存在其他的教育方式么？呵呵脑子有点乱了，明天再看看，要是要argue这么久才能说明不偏题的话，文章确实是失败了

不过。。。除了massive 跟individual，还有其他的什么呢？

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

13# doraliu
可能没有吧，但总觉得这样论证不太保险，因为毕竟没有公理或定理说出了这两个一定没有。。。

还有一个问题，在第二段中，楼主论证教育目的，前面说没有一个统一的定义，然后说从学生的角度来定义教育的目的是更合理的，接下来却并没有具体讨论学生怎么看教育的目的，就直接定义教育的目的了，这样感觉不好。。。

个人意见，仅供参考~

shadow1987UID: 2605840

Issue 51
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student


Effectiveness means the capability of producing effect; means doing the right thing to achieve an overall goal; （一上来做definition，破题的好方法！建议少用semicolon，那是半句号，断句的感觉比comma强很多，让文章读起来感觉很碎。）so the evaluation of the effectiveness of education is to examine whether education is capable of achieving set goal, is doing the right thing for its excepted purpose. So we need to know its purpose before the discussion of its capability in achieving this purpose. Any after that can we come to the discussion of whether it is effectively when certain method is concerned.（你对topic是观点？给一个直观一点的，别加那么多限定条件了，indirect）

The purpose of education can be varied differently categorized variously（使不同的不同？这两个是同义词） when different people are concerned; Socrates considered the purpose of education was to draw out what the students already have in the brain while Eric Hoffer assumed that education was to prepare the students with the willingness and the basic facility to explore the unknown on their own. And sophist considered education as a method of gaining a position in the society and so on. The list can go on and on, there is no all agreed on definition about the purpose of education. But since it is the students who are at the stake（at stake是in danger的意思，at the stake我查了下，一般貌似是sb. was born at the stake，被烧死在火刑柱上，你的意思是？）, I believe it is more reasonable the define the purpose from the students’ point of view（没看懂，是想说it is more reasonable to define sth.吗？那是verb啊= =！）; what do their what to get out of education? （想说why do they want to get out of education?）Should the purpose of education not be to satisfy their wants?
So I believe a more generally accepted opinion of the purpose of education should be: education should aim at equipping its students with the ability to make a living and at the same time to make a life. （这个and两边是完全一样的意思啊！你稍微换换词都好。）

你还是列个提纲吧，你在研究什么？教育的目的？还是哪种教育才是effective的？你已经乱了~

Then come to the discussion of how to make education effective, that is how to make it capable of achieving the goal of making a living and at the same time make a life. （你很有自信的又写了一遍这两个词组，好吧，如果有区别的话教我一下，我真的不知道。）Mass education is doing well in preparing students the ability to make a living, to find a job in the society; that’s the point held by sophist. For example, Students major in accounting accountancy in college are taught about the principles of recording down （你又得教我了，这是什么词组？） costs and revenues; the rules that should to be obeyed when preparing balance sheet, income statement and cash flow sheet; they are also taught of the knowledge of tax laws, contract laws and so on; these knowledge received form school could enable them to find a job in a company thus to make a living for his own or afford a family. But as to the purpose of make making a life, that is the unfailing childlike appetite（永恒的天真的欲望？太费解了= =！） for the game of living, the vigor of emotion, the quality of imagination, the lure of wondering for the unknown, massive education is incapable; it is the education of individual for makes this education happens only when it is registered in the mind of particular individual. To serve this purpose effectively, education should be designed to for the needs of particular individual .（这个句子说得不错！） As it is remembered by all, in ancient times, teaching was conducted person to person; Leonard Da Vici received one to one education from Verrocchio（what a weird sentence）, I wonder whether he could achieve so much if he was educated in today’s big classroom. Mozart received his elementary knowledge form his musician farther; and I assume that ancient china China owned its large number of great philosopher to its particular education system that was person to person discussion between students and teachers and free debate among peer students. And I also notice that in today’s society, we achieve a lot in  academic field of science, but in the field of humanity, philosophy, the achievements seems to be ignorable compared to the achievements in science and technology, and  it is also true when compared to the achievements of passed days; and I consider the transform form person to person education to massive education is in anyway unavoidable to be blamed for this situation.

To sum up, the purpose of education should be to preparing its students the ability to support his life materially and spritely spiritually, the current education performs well in achieving the first goal, but to achieve effectively achieving the second one effectively , education should be specially designed to each individual.

从思路上来说，感觉写偏了半篇文章，后半篇在拼命往回写；
从语言上来说，你懂得运用很多短语，有些我都不知道，比如那个at the stack，文中标出来的还请你解释一下，这个积累做得好，赞一个；
但是可能你这篇是限时作文，很多句子没写通，你写完贴网上之前看一遍，自己就能挑出好多错了。