ISSUE48【六人行7.27】by Eileen

Eileen312UID: 2648750

I48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
【字数】561
【时间】2.5h
【正文】
Opinions differ on the question of whether historians have concerned too much about the far-famed historical figures, especially when the roles of celebrities and faceless average people I history are still controversial. The speaker criticizes the overemphasis on the notable individuals in historical research and claims that the historic events and currents are attributed to ordinary people, but rather the celebrities. From my pint of view, both the well-known few and groups of people, which are equally focused by historians, are indispensable and interdependent in history.

To start with, historians have evenly taken both the renowned individuals and common people into consideration by, for the sake of objectiveness in investigating the cause-and-effect patterns that determine events. Admittedly, famous figures are more apt to come to your mind when you cast your thought back to most history events. Nevertheless, it is gullible to take it for granted that the phenomenon is generated by the biased historical study. In fact, the prevailing media but rather the historians should take responsibility, considering the salable books, like Diana-The Princess of Wales, and well-received movies, like Abraham Lincoln. In fact, the historians’ research interest has gone deep into almost every possible historical corner, including not only the historic heroes, but also the common classes, such as the analysis of Jewish people, the immigration of American Chinese, and the rising of middle class in Europe.

Furthermore, critical historic events stems from the collective of average people, which means that the ordinary people supplies the probability or tendency for these events to actually taking place. My threshold reason is that it is people’s dissatisfaction toward the existing system, desire for moving forward, and will to change that initiated the historic movements. A related case here is the French Revolution, in which the oppressed and complaining people at the bottom of the society overturned the autocratic monarch. Another reason is that each single detailed process of the history events are carried out and propelled by the renowned groups of people. Taking the Industrial Revolution for example, how could it even take place if the machinery factory workers rejected to produce and the industrial departments refused to purchase Watt’s steam engine?

Finally, the famous few individuals provide the initial spark for the probability and tendency mentioned above, which directly irritates the significant history events. There are three reasons here. First, all the famous heroes are blessed with wisdom, capability, and courage, which are indispensable in stirring critical history events. For instance, Magellan, who was talented at navigation, bravely led his crew sailed across the Pacific Ocean with humble equipment and accomplished the first travel around the world in human history. Second, charisma or capability can usually be found on those historical celebrities and thus makes it easy for them to build up the power of the masses to focus on the historic events, which has already been proved by the Grate Wall and Egypt Pyramids. At last, most of the famous few of rose from forgettable ranks; consequently, it made them easier to be accepted and followed by the common force.

In conclusion, historians have already balanced quite well between the study of renowned individuals and nameless groups of people and should maintain the balance, because the power of ordinary people would be obscured without the leading of famed figures, while the minority of celebrities would decrease to armless warriors.


提纲：
138"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."
【核心：only】
1、起
2、Admittedly，错误有时有利于进步
3、However，错误不总是有利于进步的
4、Furthermore,不是只有通过犯错才才能进步
5、结论：既非充分又非必要条件

112"Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."
【核心：more + benefit】
1、起：分别简介EQ&IQ的好处，点名得分情况看
2、对于理工科学生，应该EQ为主IQ为辅
3、对于人文艺术学生，应该IQ为主EQ为辅
4、但不能走极端-只教EQ或IQ，或者两者并重，均不可取
5、结论

160"The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
【核心：原则的灵活性+most/any】
1、起
2、诚然，遵守原则利于成功
3、然而，原则不是影响成功的最根本因素，还有其他因素同样重要
4、而且，即便原则是最根本的，死守原则未必成功，灵活变通说不定成功
5、结论

121"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."
【核心：自然力VS人力 +thus】
1、起：危急！！
2、诚然，存在纯自然力灭绝物种的情况
3、然而，人力也在使物种灭绝，而且影响更大
4、而且，物种灭绝直接威胁人类生存，自然力不可测人力可控，还是做点什么吧
5、总结+应该怎样做

26"Most people would agree that buildings represent a valuable record of any society's past, but controversy arises when old buildings stand on ground that modern planners feel could be better used for modern purposes. In such situations, modern development should be given precedence over the preservation of historic buildings so that contemporary needs can be served."
【核心：古建筑---现代需求VS文化意义】
1、起
2、诚然，人多地少现代需求很重要
3、但是，现代需求可以通过其他方式来实现不必非拆古建筑
4、而且，古建筑也很重要
5、结论+其他建议

thisisyishuUID: 2586842

I48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
【字数】561
【时间】2.5h
【正文】
Opinions differ on the question of whether historians have concerned too much about the far-famed historical figures, especially when the roles of celebrities and faceless average people in history are still controversial. The speaker criticizes the overemphasis on the notable individuals in historical research and claims that the historic events and currents are attributed to ordinary people, but rather the celebrities. From my pint of view, both the well-known few and groups of people, which are equally focused by historians,（which are equally focused by historians指的是现在historians看待名人和普通人已经是同等的了，题目说的是the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals,这不是直接把题目的前提否了吗。。。。which are 是不是应该改成which should bee）are indispensable and interdependent in history.
你的立论：要平等对待

To start with, historians have evenly taken both the renowned individuals and common people into consideration by, for the sake of objectiveness in investigating the cause-and-effect patterns that determine events. Admittedly, famous figures are more apt to come to your mind when you cast your thought back to most history events. Nevertheless, it is gullible to take it for granted that the phenomenon is generated by the biased historical study. In fact, the prevailing media but rather the historians should take responsibility, considering the salable books, like Diana-The Princess of Wales, and well-received movies, like Abraham Lincoln. In fact, the historians’ research interest has gone deep into almost every possible historical corner, including not only the historic heroes, but also the common classes, such as the analysis of Jewish people, the immigration of American Chinese, and the rising of middle class in Europe. 你还可以举例甚至有历史学家用过去的法庭卷宗作为了解以前人们生活状态的资料
这一段的中心是是媒体而不是历史学家过多地关注了名人。倒是有趣的观点，但我个人认为这片文章的重心是在于谁创造了历史，而不是人们怎么编写历史，所以你的笔墨也应该注意多放在名人与非名人上
Furthermore, critical historic events stems from the collective of average people, which means that the ordinary people supplies the probability or tendency for these events to actually taking place. My threshold reason is tha is people’s dissatisfaction toward the existing system, desire for moving forward, and will to change that initiated the historic movements. A related case here is the French Revolution, in which the oppressed and complaining people at the bottom of the society overturned the autocratic monarch. 法国革命是个好例子Another reason is that each single detailed process of the history events are carried out and propelled by the renowned groups of people.( 嗯。。。怎么又说知名人士推动事情进展了，转折有点唐突，another reason不足以说明白这两者之间的逻辑关系。转折和并列吗? 如果是的话可以用while这个连词。While each single detailed process of history events are carried out and propelled by the renowned groups) Taking the Industrial Revolution for example, how could it even take place if the machinery factory workers rejected to produce and the industrial departments refused to purchase Watt’s steam engine? 又回到workers了，属于被遗忘的大多数吧。对我来说这一段跳跃性有点太强了，不理解中间renowned groups 出现有什么作用。前半段很明确地看懂你是说普通人是历史关键时间的根源，展开到后半段就混乱了
Finally, the famous few individuals provide the initial spark for the probabuanility（probability？） and tendency mentioned above, which directly irritates（irritate我不太熟悉，是不是有激怒的意思，没有查到与event连用的用法。用sparked off呢?） the significant history events. There are three reasons here. First, all the famous heroes are blessed with wisdom, capability, and courage, which are indispensable in stirring critical history events. For instance, Magellan, who was talented at navigation, bravely led his crew sailed across the Pacific Ocean with humble equipment and accomplished the first travel around the world （circumnavigation
环球航行）in human history. Second, charisma or capability can usually be found on those historical celebrities and thus makes it easy for them to build up the power(Gathers the superiority resources集合优势资源是不是更好些) of the masses to focus on the historic events, （to focus on the historic events
虽然没有问题，但是我认为当时的人并不能确定自己所做的就是historic events, 也许会劳民伤财而无所得呢，所以说“而这巨大的力量足以推动历史进展，形成历史事件）which has already been proved by the Grate Wall and Egypt Pyramids. At last, most of the famous few of rose from forgettable ranks; consequently, it made them easier to be accepted and followed by the common force.
这一段说famous few的伟大，段首用on the other hand或许比finally 更清楚地指明逻辑关系。

In conclusion, historians have already balanced quite well between the study of renowned individuals and nameless groups of people and should maintain the balance, because the power of ordinary people would be obscured without the leading of famed figures, while the minority of celebrities would decrease to armless warriors.
最后点题，你认为historians已经balance了，还要继续balance, 因为名人有掩盖普通人光辉的趋势。
结构是完整的，但是我一开始提出的 关于题目本身理解的疑问The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten。我觉得题目的关键不在于第一句，而在于famous few 和 groups of people. 全文中这两者关系的逻辑很不清晰，应该在逻辑转折的地方用更明确的语言。我觉得应该多下力气在这两点关系。我甚至觉得The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals.只是题目自己说的前提，没有必要去驳呢，要不然再找其他人讨论一下这个问题。
抱歉我拖了这么久才改完，不知为何我读这篇文章非常吃力，或许是自己状态的问题吧。总之，久等了，对不起。

xyjprcUID: 2412778

有同感，就是虽然用了许多复杂句和复合句，并且也有连接词，但逻辑流程似乎不太明晰。

Eileen312UID: 2648750

意见很中肯，是有这毛病。。。。一定要改掉！谢谢啊O(∩_∩)O~

Eileen312UID: 2648750

谢谢包包头，你改的很认真。。。这么多复合句加上混乱的逻辑，肯定让你感冒中又增了头疼。。。SORRY，会改掉这个毛病的:)

Eileen312UID: 2648750

Opinions differ on the question of whether historians have concerned too much about the far-famed historical figures, especially when the roles of celebrities and faceless average people in history are still controversial. The speaker criticizes the overemphasis on the notable individuals in historical research and claims that the historic events and currents are attributed to ordinary people, but rather the celebrities. From my pint of view, both the well-known few and groups of people, which are equally focused by historians,（which are equally focused by historians指的是现在historians看待名人和普通人已经是同等的了，题目说的是the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals,这不是直接把题目的前提否了吗。。。。which are 是不是应该改成which should bee）[我这里的立论是：历史研究已经做到平衡地研究两者了，which are equally focused by historians隶属于From my pint of view]are indispensable and interdependent in history.
你的立论：要平等对待

To start with, historians have evenly taken both the renowned individuals and common people into consideration by[去掉by], for the sake of objectiveness in investigating the cause-and-effect patterns that determine events. Admittedly, famous figures are more apt to come to your mind when you cast your thought back to most history events. Nevertheless, it is gullible to take it for granted that the phenomenon is generated by the biased historical study. In fact, the prevailing media but rather the historians should take responsibility, considering the salable books, like Diana-The Princess of Wales, and well-received movies, like Abraham Lincoln. In fact, the historians’ research interest has gone deep into almost every possible historical corner, including not only the historic heroes, but also the common classes, such as the analysis of Jewish people, the immigration of American Chinese, and the rising of middle class in Europe. 你还可以举例甚至有历史学家用过去的法庭卷宗作为了解以前人们生活状态的资料
这一段的中心是是媒体而不是历史学家过多地关注了名人。倒是有趣的观点，但我个人认为这片文章的重心是在于谁创造了历史，而不是人们怎么编写历史，所以你的笔墨也应该注意多放在名人与非名人上
[你建议的例子很好！我这里不是关注人们怎么编写历史。而是想说：由于媒体的原因，我们知晓更多历史名人。其实正在进行着的历史研究并没偏向名人。我把原论的前提给否了。]
Furthermore, critical historic events stems from the collective of average people, which means that the ordinary people supplies the probability or tendency for these events to actually taking place. My threshold reason is tha is people’s dissatisfaction toward the existing system, desire for moving forward, and will to change that initiated the historic movements. A related case here is the French Revolution, in which the oppressed and complaining people at the bottom of the society overturned the autocratic monarch. 法国革命是个好例子Another reason is that each single detailed process of the history events are carried out and propelled by the renowned[这里用反词了，换为nameless] groups of people.( 嗯。。。怎么又说知名人士推动事情进展了，转折有点唐突，another reason不足以说明白这两者之间的逻辑关系。转折和并列吗? 如果是的话可以用while这个连词。While each single detailed process of history events are carried out and propelled by the renowned groups) Taking the Industrial Revolution for example, how could it even take place if the machinery factory workers rejected to produce and the industrial departments refused to purchase Watt’s steam engine? 又回到workers了，属于被遗忘的大多数吧。对我来说这一段跳跃性有点太强了，不理解中间renowned groups 出现有什么作用。前半段很明确地看懂你是说普通人是历史关键时间的根源，展开到后半段就混乱了
Finally, the famous few individuals provide the initial spark for the probabuanility（probability？） and tendency mentioned above, which directly irritates[的确用错词了]（irritate我不太熟悉，是不是有激怒的意思，没有查到与event连用的用法。用sparked off呢?） the significant history events. There are three reasons here. First, all the famous heroes are blessed with wisdom, capability, and courage, which are indispensable in stirring critical history events. For instance, Magellan, who was talented at navigation, bravely led his crew sailed across the Pacific Ocean with humble equipment and accomplished the first travel around the world （circumnavigation
环球航行）in human history. Second, charisma or capability can usually be found on those historical celebrities and thus makes it easy for them to build up the power(Gathers the superiority resources集合优势资源是不是更好些) of the masses to focus on the historic events, （to focus on the historic events
虽然没有问题，但是我认为当时的人并不能确定自己所做的就是historic events, 也许会劳民伤财而无所得呢，所以说“而这巨大的力量足以推动历史进展，形成历史事件）which has already been proved by the Grate Wall and Egypt Pyramids. At last, most of the famous few of rose from forgettable ranks; consequently, it made them easier to be accepted and followed by the common force.
这一段说famous few的伟大，段首用on the other hand或许比finally 更清楚地指明逻辑关系。[on the other hand这个建议很好]

In conclusion, historians have already balanced quite well between the study of renowned individuals and nameless groups of people and should maintain the balance, because the power of ordinary people would be obscured without the leading of famed figures, while the minority of celebrities would decrease to armless warriors[without the support of people.].
最后点题，你认为historians已经balance了，还要继续balance, 因为名人有掩盖普通人光辉的趋势。
结构是完整的，但是我一开始提出的
关于题目本身理解的疑问The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten。我觉得题目的关键不在于第一句，而在于famous few 和 groups of people. 全文中这两者关系的逻辑很不清晰，应该在逻辑转折的地方用更明确的语言。我觉得应该多下力气在这两点关系。我甚至觉得The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals.只是题目自己说的前提，没有必要去驳呢，要不然再找其他人讨论一下这个问题。

[我觉得凡是原论的，论据、结论、逻辑关系，都可以驳。。。]
抱歉我拖了这么久才改完，不知为何我读这篇文章非常吃力，或许是自己状态的问题吧。总之，久等了，对不起。