回报G友，开贴改作文，大家不用客气~（新人慎入，熟人快来）

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

Issue43，领导人的道德问题，唉总觉得写得有点晕，帮忙看一下逻辑和语言吧~

贴在附件里了，你就直接在Word里改然后发上来吧~辛苦啦
figuechen 发表于 2010-7-30 21:31

补充一个链接可以参考下
http://www.ambimama.com/2007/03/22/real-life-information-on-personalities-%E2%80%93-beethoven-hitler-roosevelt-and-winston-churchill/

jannethUID: 2769502

TOPIC: ISSUE131 - "The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."
WORDS: 466          TIME: 02:00:00          DATE: 2010-7-30 21:27:18

"Poetry comes nearer to vital truth to history", art is a kind of history.It is through the work of art that the artists not only express their passions, emotions,and desires, but also from the phenomenon we can see, art is actuallly concerning with the inner world rather than with the outside one as a whole. It is just as the speaker said that the arts reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society, it is really the truth.
In 19 centrary, there are a host of changes in French, Paris Commune Uprising makes the society change tremendously. The painting"Masonry" by Courbet, the realism artist in 19th France, factually reflect the factum at that time. In that painting, the vivid portry of two mansonries objectively describes the wretch lives of lower social people, rather than the romantic extravagant aristocratic life. From the Mansonry ,it reveals the true fact with concealing by the aristocratic life that common people become destitute and homeless as the reason of social unrest. The realism painting always reports the brutal actuality which is locked in the watery historical words.
“ Stand up, People unwilling to become slaves, with our flesh and blood,buil our new great wall”, it is the famous sentence of The March Of Volunteer, the national anthem of China. When Nieer writed this antem, it is time for chinese to be oppressed and rided roughed over, as a consequence, in The March Of Volunteer, you could feel suffering and repelling from it. It also reflects the inner mind that the people wants to stronger and to be independent hidden in the weak outside. And just for this emulative inner mind, the chinese resists the aggressors again and again until win the victory. We could understand the history even the human’s mind deeply with the temporal music.
In the modern society, some individuals give the definition to literature as novel, and simply considr that the novel is fancied and unpractical, in fact, novel is only a small part of the literature, literature is coming from the reality and higher than it.Do you know Dan Brown? The famous novelist in modern times, his well known work is Dightal Fortrss. In this book, he discusses the contradiction relationship with individual privacy and national security. Although it is only fictional, the expression idea in this book is really thought provoking, it is replacing a kind of worry concerning the individual privacy in this information sharing times by the citizens.Just because the novel is artificial, it could reflect the inner mind vertiably and without illusion.
Finnaly, just as the Picasso said “Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth”. No matter painting, music, literature or other forms of art, could frankly reveal the true sides of the society hidden in the appearance.
谢谢了，帮我看看吧，还有10天就考了，一休实在没啥思路，至于限时就更不用说了，严重超时啊～:L

figuechenUID: 2850619

补充一个链接可以参考下
http://www.ambimama.com/2007/03/22/real-life-information-on-personalities-%E2%80%93-beethoven-hitler-roosevelt-and-winston-churchill/
追梦小木耳 发表于 2010-7-30 22:33

恩，谢谢修改~你的思路很好哈，我有茅塞顿开之感~

有个问题需要讨论一下：领导究竟应该有哪些道德？你说honesty是，但我觉得诚实未必是一个优秀的领导应该具备的道德。比如关键时刻的谎言还是必要的。

所以我觉得领导有常人应该具有的道德之外，最主要是integrity，其它我就找不到能强迫领导具备的道德了。。。

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

木耳兄，兄弟支持你~~
考完了我也来开个修改铺~~

figuechenUID: 2850619

又要麻烦你了~Issue88，技术对道德和习俗的影响

里面有提纲，主要看逻辑吧~谢谢了~

Milo1990UID: 2771786

In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

定义education，人的自我完善（道德情操）…..找到合适的工作，贡献社会。
从自我完善角度上来说，于working outside academic 无关。
从贡献社会上来说分1，职业型的，于working 有很大关系，正解！！！
                                但是过分注重也无效，因为他从事工作的领域不全
                   2，纯教育型的，于working outside academic 无关，甚至有害



The speaker claims that in order for a more qualified education at any college or university, all faculty should take a job relevant to his or her field outside campus. I concede that it has its merit in certain aspect regarding certain courses offering students essential work skill and experiences in their future job. However, not every theory can be got in jobs especially those regarding high-techs. Furthermore in other courses, say, mathematics and physics and some purely academic ones, this would do little help and even might impeding effective teaching or learning. And as for the broader purpose of education- acquire critical thinking- has nothing to do with the job stuff at all.

Before we go any further, we should at least define the purpose of education. One of the purpose of education, is acquire certain skills for certain job in future, thus contributing to societies in turn. And another equally important one, especially for advanced education in college and university, is helping its students finding his or her unique way of examing the world and how it works. Only by this can a person decide what is right and what is wrong then become critical.  As long as the two purposes are better achieved, we can call a education system is effectively improved. For the later purpose, it obviously has nothing to do to with teacher whether taking a job or not. What does count is that our educators show students the cause-effect relationship or other factors behind certain theory to develop their own method of thinking instead of just reciting or repeat lessons.


As for the first one, it has certain beneficial for improving education quality in some job-centered fields to acquire its faculty to spending time in real works. After all, these fields, such as architectural, engineering, or business management is about teaching skills and techniques that would be useful in practice. If the profession takes a job outside campus, knowing what exact skills and techniques are mostly needed in work, he or she will emphasize those aspects in class making sure all students mastered them. Thus, students will skillfully handle problems in their future job, making their very best to contribution to society.
However, on the other hand, not all the skills that students might use in future would come form the job which their profession is taking. In any given job, one's work is just part of whole procedures; no one can acquire all the skills in one single position. For examples one need look no more than the field of architecture. There several sub-realms in term to the position its students occupied in future job, such as project making, plan designing, CAD drawing, and so forth. As for different sub-realms, lies its own method dealing with problems. It is unrealistic to expect one professor from one single position of work to teach all of the skills in the whole field.

Further more, when it comes to certain fields, which are purely academic like mathematics, physics, asking professors spending time outside campus would even server to undermine the purpose of achieve essential knowledge and skills.  Those courses are totally about theory, and have nothing to do with a specified job. Not only students could learn nothing form his or her teachers' job experience, but also the quality of academic teaching would be diluted by exhausted energy of its teacher taking an extra job.

In final analysis, as for the broader purpose of education, developing critical thinking has little to do with teachers taking a job outside academic world. While for the skill-provide aspect, it is insufficient to provide all aspects of techniques concerned. Only certain job-centered courses would be beneficial in certain sub-realm, while to other sub-realms, it still remains useless. Further, in theory-centered fields such as mathematics and physics it would eventually server to demean the quality of education.

辛苦楼主咯~

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

有个问题需要讨论一下：领导究竟应该有哪些道德？你说honesty是，但我觉得诚实未必是一个优秀的领导应该具备的道德。比如关键时刻的谎言还是必要的。

所以我觉得领导有常人应该具有的道德之外，最主要是integrity，其它我就找不到能强迫领导具备的道德了。。。



figuechen 发表于 2010-7-31 14:42

有时候确实需要善意的谎言
但是领导面对公众还是应该树立诚实的形象吧。所以我觉得作文也可以写诚实~

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

木耳兄，兄弟支持你~~
考完了我也来开个修改铺~~
wdx19861106 发表于 2010-7-31 16:46

您这个“兄”是泛指么？

告诉你个小秘密~偶素女滴~嘻嘻

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

20# figuechen

感觉你的语言越来越丰富了

内容还可以更充实

师走99UID: 2857041

The following appear in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.
‘’The department of the agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of the dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During the same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.5 to over $3.0 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and a adequate supply of milk for consumers.’’



In the letter, the author conclude that on account for the extremely high price of milk from which farmers gain great profit, the Batavia government should take part in regulating the milk market to ensure lower price with enough supply of milk. However, the argument relies on a host of unsubstantiated assumption, and is easily arguable.
First of all, the author point out that the total number of dairy farms have risen by 25% than it was 10 years ago all across country, which seems a credible evidence to support the argument. Despite the growing number of dairy farms nationwide, the author failed to prove the same increasing rate of dairy farms in Batavia during the past 10 years. That is to say, the number of dairy farms in Batavia would possibly decrease, which means the less milk supply than it was 10 years ago. If the milk population is doubled or tripled any way, it’s reasonable for the price to rise from $1.50 to $3.00, nor is the claiming that excessive profits gained by the farmers. Therefore, the argument is unpersuasive for a lack of reliable date to support.
Let’s suppose that the increasing rate of dairy farms in Batavia is the same as the rate nationwide. Is the argument substantiated under this additional assumption? Milk price, however, is determined by a series of complex factors. Perhaps the cost of producing milk per gallon has also risen owing to a lack of enough grassland for cow. Perhaps the quality of milk is better than that ten years ago. Perhaps the milk population has risen faster than the number of dairy farm increased, thus cause a relatively short for milk supply. Or Perhaps Batavia is now suffering a severely inflation. All these factors would definitely affect the milk price in Batavia. Hence, the author’s recommendation is illogical without ruling out other alternative factors that behind the milk price.
Even assuming that milk price now is high enough for farmers to receive excessive profits. But is it possible for the government to lower the milk price without reducing the supply of milk? In the other words, the government could not guarantee the adequate milk supply while lowering the milk price at the same time. The price is mainly determined by the relationship between supply and needs. The regulation would break the balanced of milk market. Many farmers would change their career to other more profitable fields, which would possibly lead to a great decline of milk supply. What’s worse, the milk industry may suffer a great crisis, which could have influence on other related industry. Once happened, the government will face a serious loss. In short, without ruling out this possible situation the regulation would bring about, the recommendation is still unpersuasive.
In conclusion, the recommendation of lowering the milk price without affecting the milk supply is unconvinced. If the author wants to persuade me, he should provide some clearer evidence included: the exact data of dairy farms increased in Batavia during past ten years; the exact data of milk supply and milk price changed in Batavia during past ten years; the cost of producing milk per gallon and the economic condition of Batavia now.

figuechenUID: 2850619

20# figuechen  

感觉你的语言越来越丰富了

内容还可以更充实
追梦小木耳 发表于 2010-7-31 21:24

灰常感谢啊~~

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

17# janneth

" oetry comes nearer to vital truth to history", art is a kind of history. It is through the work of art that the artists not only express their passions, emotions, and desires, but also from the phenomenon we can see, art is actually concerning with the inner world rather than with the outside one as a whole. It is just as the speaker said that the arts reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society, it is really the truth.
开头说艺术是一种历史，可是下面的论述和例子都没有体现这个观点

In 19 centrary, there are a host of changes in French France, Paris Commune Uprising makes the society change tremendously. The painting "Masonry" by Courbet, the realism artist in 19th France, factually reflect the factum at that time. In that painting, the vivid portry of two masonries objectively describes the wretch lives of lower social people people of low class, rather than the romantic extravagant aristocratic life. From the Masonry, it reveals we could see the true fact with concealing by the aristocratic life that common people become destitute and homeless as the reason of social unrest. The realism painting always reports the brutal actuality which is locked in the watery historical words.
这个例子很好。但是为什么不在段落开头详细说一下你的观点和理由呢？


“ Stand up, People unwilling to become slaves, with our flesh and blood, buil our new great wall”, it is the famous sentence of The March Of Volunteer, the national anthem of China. When Nieer writed this antem, it is time for Chinese to be oppressed and rided roughed over, as a consequence, in The March Of Volunteer, you could feel suffering and repelling from it. It also reflects the inner mind that the people wants to be stronger and to be independent hidden in the weak outside. And just for this emulative inner mind, the chinese resists the aggressors again and again until win the victory. We could understand the history even the human’s mind deeply with the temporal music.
In the modern society, some individuals give the definition to literature as novel, and simply considr that the novel is fancied and unpractical, in fact, novel is only a small part of the literature, literature is coming from the reality and higher than it. Do you know Dan Brown? 太口语化了The famous novelist in modern times, his well known work is Dightal Fortrss. In this book, he discusses the contradiction relationship with individual privacy and national security. Although it is only fictional, the expression idea in this book is really thought provoking, it is replacing a kind of worry concerning the individual privacy in this information sharing times by the citizens. Just because the novel is artificial, it could reflect the inner mind vertiably and without illusion.
作者对题目误解了。Otherwise hidden ideas and impulses不是指内心隐藏的感受。而是指只有艺术可以反映，通过其他形式反映不了的社会思想和动力。也就是说，如果不是艺术，某些社会思想和动力就永远不会被发现，被历史掩盖。所以你的两个例子都不合适
Finnaly, just as the Picasso said “Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth”. No matter painting, music, literature or other forms of art, could frankly reveal the true sides of the society hidden in the appearance.


作者有必要好好看看优秀的高频作文了
至少把题目研究透彻再下笔
最好写前能列个提纲。写不完总比乱写一通强吧

黄色的词是拼错的，自己改改吧

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

辛苦前辈了~！


207 "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

OUTLINE:

典礼和仪式是一种文化传统的表 ...
peteryu010 发表于 2010-7-31 18:38

The rituals and ceremonies that pass down from one generation to another were the most sacred social activities in the old times, so they have much value in retaining culture and history. However, not only the rituals and ceremonies could preserve culture, but clothes, habitat and art can be reflect a nation’s culture, and even for these countries which have short history and with less native rituals and ceremonies they could maintain their culture too.

The rituals and ceremonies is a form of one nation’s traditional social behaviors. At those old and sacred ceremonies, the traditional culture could be passed down and the individual could feel the sense of their culture. Spring Festival is one of most important traditional ceremonies in China.春节是节日不是仪式 During that ceremony, we stick a big red paper with a Chinese word ”Fu”( happiness) on our doors to pray for our family safe, healthy and maintaining a good relationship with our neighbors in the next year. This tradition is so long that our historians are unable to determine when and how it became our culture custom. Although we do not exactly know what the original meaning of this acting is,不同意这个观点。难道这些习俗只是让我们回忆祖先那些迷信的行为而对我们来说毫无意义吗？ when we hold that big red paper in our hands, it is like a feeling that we touch the memory of people who lived thousands years ago. They did what I do, they prayed what I pray. The sense of whom we are, where I belong is deeply engraved on our memory at the time we stick the red paper on our doors.

Not only our rituals and ceremonies can help us build the sense of our own nation, but strengthen the cohesiveness of our society. Another traditional Chinese ceremony is Duanwu Festival which is also known as Dragon Boat Festival. The focus of this celebration includes eating Zongzi(rice wrapped in reed leaves) and racing Dragon Boat. Every year, several days before Duanwu Festival, hundreds of local people from my home town will enroll to join this match holding on the Duanwu Festival, and then players are separated into several groups at random. After training for several days, not only the players get familiar with each other, but all the family members of each player are well known. On the match day, the whole people of my town come to the Liwa River with Zongzi made by each family. We sit together and share our Zongzi with different family. So this ceremony gives us a chance to make new acquaintances and strengthen the cohesiveness of our society.
这一段论述仪式的其他作用偏题了.没有仔细看

However, without the help of rituals and ceremonies, we can still preserve our culture identity. Every culture has its unique clothes, habitat and art. From them we can easily recover our tradition culture into our daily life. The chopsticks are the characteristic of our Chinese culture, and also it is the sign of the Chinese diet culture. When we sit around at the dinner table, we share the food with each other by using our chopsticks. Maybe, we could not notice this slightly difference between different cultures, however, when we are at abroad using forks and knives to have dinner, we will feel lost and lose our spiritual sustenance. Hence, the most common things that we have already been used to are also can help us to define a culture.
这一段才是重点，你却没有详细论述

Admittedly, the rituals and ceremonies are not the only things can help to define a culture, but they are the soul of our culture which refine from daily life. So with the help of traditional custom we can define and find our culture identity from rituals and ceremonies better.

关于这个话题，我认为重点是在后半句——没有了仪式，社会群体就无法自我定义了。
因此这个issue并不是让你讨论仪式的作用，或者好坏。而是让你讨论仪式是不是唯一定义一个社会群体的途径。所以你讨论仪式的其他作用是离题的，关键是讨论是不是还有其他途径来识别、定义一个社会群体。
另外，我从来都不认为一个issue题目是让你简单的说说正反、好坏、作用的，尤其是高频。对于一个题目最好先问一些为什么。比如这个题目，人们通常都是怎么定义自己的？人们为什么要通过仪式来定义自己？？想通这些问题，我觉得文章能深入不少，不仅限于表面了

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the cours ...
Milo1990 发表于 2010-7-31 19:22

The speaker claims that in order for a more qualified education at any college or university, all faculty should take a job relevant to his or her field outside campus. I concede that it has its merit in certain aspect regarding certain courses 什么意思？？ offering students essential work skill and experiences in their future job. However, not every theory can be got in jobs especially those regarding high-techs. Furthermore in other courses, say, mathematics and physics and some purely academic ones, this would do little help and even might impeding effective teaching or learning. And as for the broader purpose of education- acquire critical thinking- has nothing to do with the job stuff at all.

Before we go any further, we should at least define the purpose of education. One of the purpose of education, is to acquire certain skills for certain job in future,语言缺少变化，一句出现两个certain thus contributing to societies in turn. And another equally important one, especially for advanced education in college and university, is helping its students finding his or her unique way of examing the world and how it works. Only by this can a person decide what is right and what is wrong then become critical.  As long as the two purposes are better achieved, we can call an education system is effectively improved. For the later purpose, it obviously has nothing to do to with teacher whether to taking take a job or not. What does count is that our educators show students the cause-effect relationship or other factors behind certain theory to develop their own method of thinking instead of just reciting or repeat lessons.
教育者怎么传授这些思考、探索的方法呢？和工不工作有什么关系呢？既然提到了教育的目的，也应该回答一下这两个问题吧。下面你虽然说了有些应用学科教授应该有工作经验的作用、好处，但也没有提effective education.那么你这里讨论有效的教育目的何在？？

As for the first one 不好意思，没看出来指代的是啥~, it has certain beneficial for improving education quality in some job-centered fields to acquire its faculty to spending time in real works. After all, these fields, such as architectural architecture, engineering, or and business management is are about teaching skills and techniques that would be useful in practice. If the profession professor takes a job outside campus, knowing what exact skills and techniques are mostly needed in work, he or she will emphasize those aspects in class making sure all students mastered them. Thus, students will skillfully handle problems in their future job, making their very best to contribution to society.


However, on the other hand, not all the skills that students might use in future would come form the job which their profession is taking. In any given job, one's work is just part of whole procedures; no one can acquire all the skills in one single position. For examples one need look no more than the field of architecture. There several sub-realms in term to the position its students occupied in future job, such as project making, plan designing, CAD drawing, and so forth. As for different sub-realms, lies its own method dealing with problems. It is unrealistic to expect one professor from one single position of work to teach all of the skills in the whole field.
不是所有的知识老师都能教。不明白你这一段论述和你的观点有什么关系。既然你认为老师出去工作的好处之一是可以让学生更好的掌握知识、在将来应用。你现在又提出有些知识老师不教，不是攻击自己的观点了吗？？


Further more Furthermore, when it comes to certain fields, which are purely academic like mathematics, physics, asking professors spending to spend time outside campus would even server severe??不知道你想用哪个词to undermine the purpose of achieveing essential knowledge and skills.  Those courses are totally about theory, and have nothing to do with a specified job. Not only students could learn nothing form his or her teachers' job experience, but also the quality of academic teaching would be diluted by exhausted energy of its teacher taking an extra job.

In final analysis, as for the broader purpose of education, developing critical thinking has little to do with teachers taking a job outside academic world. 最后怎么又扯到了辩证思维呢？？前面说effective education也没有提呀！While for the skill-provide aspect, it is insufficient to provide all aspects of techniques concerned. Only certain job-centered courses would be beneficial in certain sub-realm, while to other sub-realms, it still remains useless. Further, in theory-centered fields such as mathematics and physics it would eventually server to demean the quality of education.
除了以上提出的问题，最大的问题是语言。错误太多，缺少多样性。有些用法改了，有的词用黄色标出，自己改改吧

建议好好列下提纲，严格按照提纲来写作