回报G友，开贴改作文，大家不用客气~（新人慎入，熟人快来）

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

今天改了5篇issue~大家写作水平参差不齐啊~
虽然我写的也不咋样，但是有些问题，尤其是内容上的问题，还是很明显滴
好吧，明天继续

秋尽江南UID: 2636333

多谢木耳童鞋～虽然临考前还有这么多问题相当得令人抓狂，不过知道问题在哪里有机会在考场上修正总比直接赴死好一些～

figuechenUID: 2850619

20# figuechen  

感觉你的语言越来越丰富了

内容还可以更充实
追梦小木耳 发表于 2010-7-31 21:24

关于这个题目有个问题想跟你探讨一下：
毫无疑问，人类的道德观是随着时代而变化的，比如你说的安乐死、堕胎和正当防卫。但是我们无法找到它们与技术进步的直接联系。这些道德观的变化是缘于人类思想的进步，而不是技术的进步。所以技术的进步对这些道德观是没有影响的。

Milo1990UID: 2771786

30# 追梦小木耳
首先要谢谢楼主啦 这么热心~
这是我这篇issue的提纲

定义education，1 人的自我完善（道德情操）…..2 找到合适的工作，贡献社会。
从自我完善角度上来说，于working outside academic 无关。
从贡献社会上来说分1，职业型的，于working 有很大关系，正解！！！

但是过分注重也无效，因为他从事工作的领域不全

2，纯教育型的，于working outside academic 无关，甚至有害

我的 中心论点是 teaching outside campus “小正大负”

首先定义education 的两个方面，后面就是在这两个方面里论述的，是和前提一致。
然后先肯定题目部分观点，（既第2段） 再说出他也是不足的 （第三段）最后在深层面上既education的第二个点上进行否定（第四段）


（现在我也有点疑惑啊，这种先在浅层次里部分肯定，再在高级层面否定  的思路也是在一篇帖子中看到的，但是你说不是攻击自己的观点了吗？然我觉得很不安）


教育者怎么传授这些思考、探索的方法呢？和工不工作有什么关系呢？既然提到了教育的目的，也应该回答一下这两个问题吧。下面你虽然说了有些应用学科教授应该有工作经验的作用、好处，但也没有提effective education.那么你这里讨论有效的教育目的何在？？
这个是要在第二段 职业型的，于working 有很大关系 中论述的
If the profession professor takesa job outside campus, knowing what exact skills and techniques aremostly needed in work, he or she will emphasize those aspects in classmaking sure all students mastered them.

我觉得这句话可以解释 教育者传授方法和 他本身工不工作的关系。



“不是所有的知识老师都能教。不明白你这一段论述和你的观点有什么关系。既然你认为老师出去工作的好处之一是可以让学生更好的掌握知识、在将来应用。你现在又提出有些知识老师不教，不是攻击自己的观点了吗？

前面提到的好处是一方面好处 但是还是有缺陷不足的。



最后怎么又扯到了辩证思维呢？？前面说effective education也没有提呀！
这里是真的失误了，应该是说第一点  人的自我完善（道德情操）


除了以上提出的问题，最大的问题是语言。错误太多，缺少多样性。有些用法改了，有的词用黄色标出，自己改改吧

建议好好列下提纲，严格按照提纲来写作

谢谢 小木耳 的中肯意见，小问题我会自己注意再去修改的，再谢谢啦。
这篇issue的主要问题我觉得是 没有清晰的反应提纲的思路 也就是你说的 没有严格按提纲来写作。
可能是语言水平不到家吧。关于这一点，我真的要下点功夫，多去模仿好句子了~

还要是更多意见 恳求欢迎再讨论再修改~

huchengbinUID: 2817854

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1132155-1-1.html谢谢楼主啊。一层层楼看下来收获挺大的~我也帖一篇目前模考的文章，还有十天考试了。抓狂了~~

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

关于这个题目有个问题想跟你探讨一下：
毫无疑问，人类的道德观是随着时代而变化的，比如你说的安乐死、堕胎和正当防卫。但是我们无法找到它们与技术进步的直接联系。这些道德观的变化是缘于人类思想的进步，而 ...
figuechen 发表于 2010-8-1 11:16

我认为思想的进步还是源于技术的进步
是先进的技术为这些提供了可能，然后才被人们接受

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

26# 师走99

In the letter, the author conclude that on account for the extremely high price of milk from which farmers gain great profit, the Batavia government should take part in regulating the milk market to ensure lower price with enough supply of milk.如果是为了凑字数而复述题目，大可不必了 However, the argument relies on a host of unsubstantiated assumption, and is easily arguable.
开头模板化严重

First of all, the author point out that the total number of dairy farms have risen by 25% than it was 10 years ago all across country, which seems a credible evidence to support the argument. Despite the growing number of dairy farms nationwide,
the author failed to prove the same increasing rate of dairy farms in Batavia during the past 10 years.
这句话表述不清。你在下面有解释，说明你知道这句话会产生读者的迷惑，问什么不一次说清楚呢？？That is to say, the number of dairy farms in Batavia would possibly decrease, which means there would be less milk supply than it was 10 years ago. If the milk population是什么？？ is doubled or tripled any way, it’s reasonable for the price to rise from $1.50 to $3.00, 如果你说的milk population是农场数量的话，那么农场数量增加了，凭什么奶价增加就合理呢？？nor is the claiming that excessive profits gained by the farmers. Therefore, the argument is unpersuasive for a lack of reliable date to support.


Let’s suppose that the increasing rate of dairy farms in Batavia is the same as the rate nationwide. Is the argument substantiated under this additional assumption? Milk price, however, is determined by a series of complex factors. Perhaps the cost of producing milk per gallon has also risen owing to a lack of enough grassland for cow. Perhaps the quality of milk is better than that ten years ago. Perhaps the milk population has risen faster than the number of dairy farm increased, thus cause causing a relatively short for milk supply. Or Perhaps Batavia is now suffering a severely inflation. All these factors would definitely affect the milk price in Batavia. Hence, the author’s recommendation is illogical without ruling out other alternative factors that behind the milk price.
这一段的假设做的都不错。但是为啥第一段有first,到了这一段就没有了second呢？？

Even assuming that milk price now is high enough for farmers to receive excessive profits. But is it possible for the government to lower the milk price without reducing the supply of milk? In the other words, the government could not guarantee the adequate milk supply while lowering the milk price at the same time. 我不明白，为什么同一句话要说两次The price is mainly determined by the relationship between supply and needs. The regulation would break the balanced of milk market. Many farmers would change their career to other more profitable fields, which would possibly lead to a great decline of milk supply. What’s worse, the milk industry may suffer a great crisis, which could have influence on other related industry. Once happened, the government will face a serious loss. In short, without ruling out this possible situation the regulation would bring about, the recommendation is still unpersuasive.这个词出现太多了，换用其他的
In conclusion, the recommendation of lowering the milk price without affecting the milk supply is unconvinced. If the author wants to persuade me, he should provide some clearer evidence included: the exact data of dairy farms increased in Batavia during past ten years; the exact data of milk supply and milk price changed in Batavia during past ten years; the cost of producing milk per gallon and the economic condition of Batavia now.

犯了一个新手常犯的错误：没有在开头指出错误。开头段不指出错误也就算了，至少在每一段的开头要点明错误
语言表达还需加强，最好每句话都有确切的含义，总是it means, that is to say, in the other words, 让人产生词不达意的感觉，也有凑字数的嫌疑
另外注意语言表达的多样性


建议看看这个贴https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1072585-1-1.html

huchengbinUID: 2817854

木耳童鞋真的好细心啊。辩证的思路也让我汗颜~~~快考试了。呵呵，希望能托你的福考个》=4分来。

怒放的生命UID: 2754391

楼主好人~~~~~~~帮我看下吧。。俺的都没有人拍
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1774229002

guo0693UID: 2540167

TOPIC: ISSUE153 - "Students should bring certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."
WORDS: 571          TIME: 01:12:57          DATE: 2010-8-2 10:55:50

With the popularization and ripeness of Internet, the era of great explosion of the information has already come. So many students lost themselves in the brimless sea of knowledge. At this moment, how to get rid of the fake and retain the genuine is fatal important. Therefore, student should keep certain skepticism to what they learn instead of accepting it passively.

To begin with, there are so many fake sciences in today's society that we must watch out and be suspicious to those we are not familiar with. If we take what others claim easily and those declaration turn out to be false, we will suffer heavy lose even at the cost of our health. For example, television advertisement can be seen every here and there nowadays, those productions are being overvalued to an unimaginable extent, such as some medical sellers claim that their medicine could help teenagers grow up at least 10 centimeters within just a few days, some weight-reducing aid is deeply believed by those girls who are so eager to lose weight that easily be deceived without any questions about the possible byproduct. Unfortunately, those medicines are not helpful but may bring some passive influence on our body. A survey shows that half of the customers reflect that they do not feel good about their stomach after took those pills. Since the worst situation will be an unexpected agony to ourselves, we could not easily believe those things which haven't been proved to be true or scientific.

Besides, the proposal of truth usually results from the suspicion to existent theory. Try to image such situation, if Copernicus just accepted the theory that earth is the center of universe without any skepticism, how could the truth that the all other planets move around the sun had been found? If we passively accept whatever we learn even though they are wrong, our science will impossibly advance. I still remember that one of the teachers of mine gave us a complex arithmetic problem to check our mathematic ability and introduce us a wrong answer on purpose. The result is very amazing: no one had suspected his answer, all of us accept that the answer will do solve the problem. How pathetic it was! If we still keep on like this, we will always be fallacious to solve any questions like this. Therefore, suspicious attitude towards what we study will determine whether we could find the truth.

Last but not the least, passively accepting will deprive us of the ability to think and to learn. Argument will make a deep impression on us so we will not forget it when we face the same question by next time. And from the process of putting forward question, trying to find information to support our opinion and finally getting the correct conclusion, we will learn how to study by ourselves, how to think thoroughly and even how to cooperate to others, which are more important than the answer itself to our development. After all, we will depend on our own on the road to the unknown success in the future. At that time we will find that nothing can be more useful than the ability to find the truth by ourselves. Therefore, we should begin to study positively instead of accepting passively.

In conclusion, to look for truth and to have better achievement in the field of study, we must keep certain skepticism to everything which hasn't been proved.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
提纲
1背景
2现实生活中有太多的伪科学需要我们怀疑
3真理的提出往往源于怀疑（想写成真理的提出往往源自于对现存理论）
4被动接受的缺点
5总结

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

呵呵， 美女，你好。
说明你挺强的~~
24# 追梦小木耳

我有个建议：我们一起帮他们修改作文吧？
我也打算开个修改铺，不过可能每天只能修改2篇左右。可能忙不过来。俩人合作每天应该能改4篇左右吧，而且不会占用太多时间。~~

MaydaysjUID: 2805242

TOPIC: ARGUMENT89 - The following appeared in a newspaper published in the state of Celera.

"Speed limits on our state's highways should be eliminated in order to increase our state's prosperity. Because greater speed means more efficient travel, commercial deliveries will be faster, increasing business profits. Elimination of speed limits will also make driving more attractive to motorists, so that more people will use the highways, providing more highway toll revenues for the state. At the same time, safety on our highways will not be affected: daytime speed limits were eliminated last year in the western states of our country, and no significant increase in the number of accidents in these states has been reported."
   DATE: 2010/8/2 9:41:09 谢谢楼主！~

The author suggests an elimination of speed limits on highways of Celera to increase its prosperity. However, all demonstrations about the economic benefits of high speed and safety guarantee are full of flaws.
First of all, high speed elimination does not necessarily lead to commercial benefit and revenue increase. Greater speed can make commercial delivers faster only on the condition that the traffic is in good order. If there is no speed limit, it is quiet possible that some highway drivers want to overtake others which may cause the traffic condition into chaos. If it's the case, high speed elimination will not increase but decrease the travel efficiency and thus give a bad effect on business profit. Furthermore, vehicles for commercial deliver on Celera’s highways may not belong to Celera and therefore cannot make contributions to the state’s financial increase whatever their business benefit blossom. As for the point that high speed attracts more motorists and thus increases toll revenue, however, increasing number of motorists also means heavier burden on the maintenance. Suppose that another 100 motorists can get only $200 toll revenue while will cost $500 for maintenance, then could we say it’s worthwhile? Without weight the cost and revenue of traffic flow increase, it is unconvincing to conclude that great speed will do increase economic benefits.
Second, the author cites an example of the western stats to claims that high speed has little to do with safety. However, the testimony that "no significant increase “is vogue. Whether there is a great increase in traffic accidents or not in fact is unknown. Does it possible that researchers didn’t conduct a precise calculation survey and thus gave this inaccurate statistic result? Or does it possible that the proposers or officers supporting speed elimination conceal the fact deliberately? In a nutshell, the author should provide more convincing information to support that high speed has little thing to do with safety. In addition, even we concede the point mentioned above, it does not mean the same will do in state of Celera. There may be some differences between them in states population, condition of highway, and climate ect. Maybe the western states are in peripheral areas where there are little population and thus less vehicles on the highway which alone can guarantee low ratio of accidents. And if the climate in western states is stable, while state of Celera are full of hazards weather like tornadoes and rainstorm, then the traffic accidents will be undoubtly more in the latter. If so, eliminating speed limit will add insult to injury there. And since the western states only adopt speed limits elimination on daytime, it is inappropriate to extend it to Celera to night when the traffic accidents are more likely to happen.
Finally, even elimination of speed limit can boost commercial benefit and not affect traffic safety, it dose not lead to prosperity of Celera state. Toll revenue makes up of only negligible proportion of the almost every state revenue let alone commercial vehicles may not belong to Celera. To really increase Celera’s prosperity, what should be done is adjusting measures to local conditions, for examples, exploiting local resources, developing local state industry, and strengthening exchanges and cooperation with outside through the full use of highways.
To sum up, before hastily eliminate speed limits, the local officers should careful weight the benefit and cost to ensure economic propensity and traffic safety.

jannethUID: 2769502

[b]谢谢楼主，虽然时间很少了，但现在发现问题总比上了考场才意识到来的好，尽最大的努力不能说考多好的分，但希望每天都有进步，谢谢哈~:)

TOPIC: ARGUMENT143 - The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a national newspaper.

"Your recent article on corporate downsizing* in the United States is misleading. The article gives the mistaken impression that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment. But this impression is contradicted by a recent report on the United States economy, which found that since 1992 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated. The report also demonstrates that many of those who lost their jobs have found new employment. Two-thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and the vast majority of these jobs are full-time."

*Downsizing is the process in which corporations deliberately reduce the number of their employees.
WORDS: 483         TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010-8-2 15:44:30

In this letter, the writer asserts that the article concerning the downsizing workers finding jobs hardly is really misleading, and to support this assertion the writer merely cites a recent report on the United States economy, at first glance, the report seems logical and sound to render the conclusion, however, close scrutiny of it , reveals there are a train of logical fallacies to weaken the assertion by the writer.
The major problem with this report is whether the report is really verious and accurate, it might be important  to this letter, if this report by the United States economy is only particial and mendacious to let the workers under the illusion that they could find better jobs and would be a better life, as a this the writer makes some conclusion based on this unsubstantiated report unreasonablely. In addition, in this report the writer cites fact that there are more jobs have been created than have been elininated to indicate that the workers could find jobs. In fact , albeit the work chances have been created, it is not meaning that the unemployment workers could be employed for this position, it is entirely that the populations have been increased and the unemployments are also increasing from 1992 to now. The downsizing workers might still find none job.
Furthermore, in this report it also points out that many of the workers who lost their jobs have found new employment. I still have a significant question about it, whether the jobs they find now is the suitable employment for them. It is highly possible that these workers find jobs provisionally just for living, the jobs they have now might not the steady and full-time jobs. Without accounting this possibility, the writer could not persuade me the that the article about difficult in finding jobs is misleading.
Before I draw my conclusion there is another sighificant flaw in this letter, I really have a question whether the new created jobs by jidustries could be suitable with the unemployment workers. The writer has not provided us the charactor and requirement of the jobs, perhaps these high average wages and full time jobs requires the high techniques and experienced skill in some specific fields, such as electronics, environment protection and so on, that the workers have not been in ever. The workers probabilly could not be hired for the different kind of working feild.
According to the foregoing analysis, we could easily detect that the writer concludes only by thereport that full of  unsubstantiated and logical flaws. The conclusion of this letter is groundless vertibly. If the writer want to better support the letter, he must provide us more information concerning the authenticity of the recent report by the United State economy. And aloso for better evaluating the conclusion of this letter, the writer should provide concrete information about the number and the characters of the jobs.
帮我看一篇阿狗吧，这是第一次限时～辛苦了～

figuechenUID: 2850619

唉你好辛苦啊，改那么多文。。。不过还是要来麻烦你。。。Issue221，历史的作用是能帮助我们发现不同时代人们的共通性。这篇我的论点什么的都比较少，例证为主。

大概看看思路和逻辑就行，我现在发现语言还真的是浮云，思路和逻辑才是关键。。。

非常感谢~

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

我晕~
今天人真么多啊~
改到12点吧，没改到的明天继续