第一篇issue，130，请大家帮忙看看吧，记得猛拍~！

KelCiUID: 2848951

第一次的AW啊，第一次的ISSUE，觉得很是惨不忍睹……

报的是9月1号的机考，感觉时间不够了，要死了

请大家帮忙帮忙啊，不然真的要死的很惨了……

欢迎任何批评，我觉得吧，现在只要是个G友，作文肯定比我强，汗……

嗯嗯，谢谢谢谢大家了~！！！

130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Consider what the speaker announces, it seems to be reasonable to believe that the socialization of children determines the destiny of society, after all, the children today will grow up to the builders and leaders in the future. However, on closer analysis, I find that the assertion is groundless. I will explain it in three aspects below.

Consider first the speaker's assertion that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized today. In general, No one can deny that the future has much to do with children. What they learn determines who they will be, thus, what the society will be. However, the socialization of children is only one factor that influences how much developed an individual will be. And yet it may not be the most important one. Their family, their childhood, the knowledge they gained, the aspect they see the world, and so on, also play a vital part of one's development. Let’s take Theodore Roosevelt for example, whose socialization was stunned by his physical limitations during his childhood. Ignoring the isolation from the society, Roosevelt managed to
by means of his appetite of knowledge and his personal psychokinesis.

Furthermore, when it comes to the item "better society", I regard it as a society with equality, prosperity, a society with an integrated system, a complete civilization as the majority will do. However, the children don't predominate in the "better society". Generally, they only provide the initial possibility to reach this goal. Beside this, we call for the experience of the elder generation, the knowledge we learn and discover today. Imagine that there were only well-taught children in society without

Moving on to the third point of view that we don't know how to raise children to ensure a better society, I can hardly agree. Actually, the past century has seen the efforts we have made to let the society greater, and the impressing progress we have procured. If the society including the equality of men and women, the great respect for individual rights, the greater corporation among countries is not a better society, then, what is it? As we all can see, we do know how to build a more civilized, respectful society, even though the experience is not enough and some results still remains unseen, we are making great efforts to reach this goal.

In sum, neither the socialization determines the development of a person, nor do the children determine the society's destiny. How children are socialized makes a difference to them but never control the lives of them. As the same, not only the children, but also the people in society, the history, the experience all make a great contribution to a better society.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

其实我觉得你的文章吧 没有你说的那么惨。
不过题目只有一个point。。你说人家有三个point，实际上你是把题目的statement 拆成三个短语来讲。
这一点上很有问题的。题目可以拆成几个方面，但是不能拆成几个短语。
比如better society那段和moveing onto 那段，就没有很好的回应题目，这道题的关键词是孩子的社会化，和教育。简单来说是教育类。结果你说孩子不是未来的主导。这一点本身就很有问题。很显然说的是教育孩子，让他们以后bring about better society，没说在他们还是孩子的时候就能对社会有什么作用。你直接就把原题给扭曲了。。

下面一段内容虽然还不错，问题是同样的，题目说的是教育孩子，也就是说告诉孩子怎么bring about better society，但是你只说了现在的社会很好。没有讨论题目中提到的教育问题。

所以你在这个题目上偏离的关键词教育。 另外这两段的论证很单薄。比起第一点。这方面也要注意一下。

KelCiUID: 2848951

2# lingli_xiaoai

呵呵 谢谢小哀前辈了  点出了我完全没注意到的问题
我会再反复修改反复琢磨的
以后会继续努力的~要加油~!