[倒计时4天]argument水平求鉴定（有改必回改～）

秋尽江南UID: 2636333

离考试没几天了，感觉argument这几天的水平比较稳定，自己的感觉是:一言以蔽之，曰：不给力。分析还比较superficial,但是又不知道应该怎样继续深入。
想看看还有哪些地方可以改进，请坛子上的各路高手不吝赐教～谢谢～
（家里的这台机器office是盗版，不具备拼写纠错的功能，我的人肉纠错可能有疏漏，拼写上的问题还请见谅）



提纲：

S未必能够治头痛
2.
S的商业应用未必是头痛病症下降的原因
3.
S作为调味剂的使用未必能使头痛病例继续下降

TOPIC: ARGUMENT35 - The following appearedin the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the samechemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although manyfoods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decadesfood-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods aspreservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found tocorrelate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported byparticipants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies havefound that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. Withthis new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in thenumber of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
WORDS: 452
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-7-28 22:57:06

In this argument, the notion that therewill be a decline in the number of headaches in Mentia due to the new use forsalicylates as flavor additives seems reasonable somehow. The argument is well-presented, but it contains several facets that are questionable. The author makes unwarranted assumptions and assumes that the correlation between the decline in the number of headaches and the commercial use of salicylatesamounts to a causal relationship. I will discuss each of these facets as below.

First and foremost, though salicylates are member of the same chemical family as aspirin, it does not necessarily indicate that it has the same medical function as aspirin-to treat headaches. Common sense tells that the chemical properties of two substance from the same chemical family can vary greatly from each other. There is no justification toprove that the salicylates are similar enough as aspirin in their chemical properties and share similar medical functions.

Further, the author unfairly assumes thatthe rise in the commercial use of salicylates causes the steady decline in the average number of headaches, according to the quoted study. The author overlooks other explanations for the decline. Perhaps the salicylates naturally contained in foods are adequate to cause the decline. For that matter, it has nothing to do with salicylates' commercial use. Since there are a myraid of chemicals in the preservatives, perhaps it is other chemicals rather than salicylates-as the author assumes, that are responsible for the trend. The observed phenomenon actually says little more than that the two events are synchronic to each other and that is all.

Even accepting that the commercial use ofsalicylates help to treat headaches, we cannot conclude that their new use asflavor additives will continue to lead a decline in the number of headaches.Perhaps as flavor additives, they would not be so effective in treating headaches as serving as preservatives. If it is so, the steady decline in the number of headaches would not occur as the author has expected. Moreover, the author fails to consider the possible negative effects of overuse ofsalicylates. It is entirely possible that absorbing too many salicylates is harmful to one's health-let alone relief the symptoms of headaches. Any conclusion is premature in the absence of a thorough assessment of the possible effects of the medicine.

In sum, the argument, which seems convincing at first, has several flaws as discussed above. To better support the argument, the author has to prove that salicylates share the same medical functions as aspirin and provide evidence that the correlation is indeed acausal relationship-that the rise in commercial use of salicylates attributesto the decline in the number of headaches. Furhter, the author needs toevaluate the effects of new use of salicylates as flavor additives.

chinese_idiotUID: 2854284

第一段废话太多
比我写的好就是了

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

In this argument, the notion that there will be a decline in the number of headaches in Mentia due to the new use for salicylates as flavor additives seems reasonable somehow.这一句可以省了吧 The argument is well-presented, but it contains several facets that are questionable. The author makes unwarranted assumptions and assumes that the correlation between the decline in the number of headaches and the commercial use of salicylates amounts to a causal relationship. I will discuss each of these facets as below.

First and foremost, though salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, it does not necessarily indicate that it has the same medical function as aspirin-to treat headaches. Common sense tells that the chemical properties of two substances from the same chemical family can vary greatly from each other. There is no justification to prove that the salicylates are similar enough不知道有木有这样的用法，有些别扭
as to aspirin in their chemical properties and share similar这句出现了两个similar，不如说s不一定能像a一样可以治头痛，不用总说有相似的功能 medical functions.

Further, the author unfairly assumes that the rise in the commercial use of salicylates causes the steady decline in the average number of headaches, according to the quoted study. The author overlooks other explanations for the decline. 这一句是本段的ts，考虑放在段首Perhaps the salicylates naturally contained in foods are adequate to cause the decline. For that matter, it has nothing to do with salicylates' commercial use. Since there are a myraid of chemicals in the preservatives, perhaps it is other chemicals rather than salicylates-as the author assumes, that are responsible for the trend. The observed phenomenon actually says little more than that the two events are synchronic to each other and that is all.
这一段说了有other explanations但是你只做了一个假设。也可能是医疗水平提高、生活环境好了等等。你可以假设一下头疼的原因

Even accepting that the commercial use of salicylates help to has helped treat headaches, we cannot conclude that their new use as flavor additives will continue to lead a decline in the number of headaches. Perhaps as flavor additives, they would not be so as effective in treating headaches as serving as preservatives. If it is so, the steady decline in the number of headaches would not occur as the author has expected. Moreover, the author fails to consider the possible negative effects of overuse of salicylates. It is entirely possible that absorbing too many salicylates is harmful to one's health-let alone relief the symptoms of headaches. Any conclusion is premature in the absence of a thorough assessment of the possible effects of the medicine.

In sum, the argument, which seems convincing at first, has several flaws as discussed above. To better support the argument, the author has to prove that salicylates share the same medical functions as aspirin to treat headaches and provide evidence that the correlation is indeed a causal relationship-that the rise in commercial use of salicylates attributes to the decline in the number of headaches. Further, the author needs to evaluate the effects of new use of salicylates as flavor additives.

错误基本都找出来了
但是感觉你的开头、每一段、结尾都在重复那几个原因，解释太少，做的假设太少。每一个body至少要两个其他的可能性吧
语言有点罗嗦了