小女习作新篇Argument147 求拍 留链接互改

amendaliuUID: 2855983

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."


In a business magazine, an editor confidently predicted that the sales of Whirlwind video games would increase dramatically in the next few months for they had introduced several new games. To further support his view, he cited the survey about the most important features in video games. Given a deep thought, the argument is not so persuasive as it seems.

The writer too optimistically infers that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically on the fact that Whirlwind has just introduced new games that might be popular. Obviously, from the aspect of company operation, the writer overlooks the crucial possibilities which might lead to the stability or decrease of sales. First, have the problems leading to the sales decrease over the past two years been solved? If not, it is completely possible that the sales will continue to fall. You can imagine how a game could sell well if there were too many piratical copies in the market or its scene quality was much worse than other similar games. Second, the fierce competition in video games market can also seriously influent the sales of Whirlwind. Since other companies may also have learnt the survey and introduced such games, a lower price and better service could help them win customers over Whirlwind. Third, an inappropriate advertising campaign can also result in poor sales unless the advertiser has sufficiently evaluated the games and customers. Perhaps the games introduced by Whirlwind contain violent scenes restricted to youngsters under 18th, thus, the advertisement will be a failure. Therefore, unless he could rule out the possibilities as mentioned above, the editor fails to persuade me into accepting his judgment.

Even setting the problems existing in the company operation aside, back to the product itself, whether the games introduced recently will actually bring vast increase in sales is still questionable. As the editor mentioned, the games providing lifelike graphics have a pretty particular requirement, the most up-to-date computers which will become an overwhelming obstacle for the popularity of the games. For instance, that most kids dream to experience virtual reality at home still remains dream because of the expensive virtual reality equipment. Admittedly, with the development of society, the current most up-to-date computers will gradually step into ordinary families. However, the spread of such computers and games is impossible to realize in the next few months as the editor predicted and as to the day when the required computers are widely used, whether the games will still be popular remains a mystery. For these reasons, the high demanding games, even though preferred by game players, are really difficult to achieve satisfying sales.

Moreover, cited by the editor to add persuasion, the survey which lacks a detailed background and strong content contrarily abates the stringency. First, the editor fails to illustrate the department of the survey maker, the capacity of the sample and the time when the survey was made. Without these details, the credibility and authority of the survey have been weakened. Again, the content of the survey is too limited. Other key questions about video games such as what is the most dissatisfying downside of a video game or which is more important to game players between picture and tune should also be included in the survey. Thereby, simply relying on the vague survey, the editor is far from drawing the conclusion of which games are to be popular.

In sum, to make me convinced, the editor need to display more evidence to support that the company is capable of working out an effective sales strategy. Also, I strongly recommend the editor to make a deep evaluation of the products and survey before driving a further conclusion.

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to
play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

In a business magazine, an editor confidently predicted that the sales of Whirlwind video games would increase dramatically in the next few months for they had introduced several new games. To further support his view, he cited the survey about the most important features in video games. Given a deep thought, the argument is not as persuasive as it seems.

The writer too optimistically infers that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically on the fact that Whirlwind has just introduced new games that might be popular. Obviously, from the aspect of company operation, the writer overlooks the crucial possibilities which might lead to the stability or decrease of sales. First, have the problems leading to the sales decrease over the past two years been solved? If not, it is completely possible that the sales will continue to fall. You can imagine how a game could sell well if there were too many piratical copies in the market or its scene quality was much worse than other similar games（这一句感觉太突然了，和上下文没联系起来）. Second, the fierce competition in video games market can also seriously influent the sales of Whirlwind. Since other companies may also have learnt the survey and introduced such games, a lower price and better service could help them win customers over Whirlwind.（如果在加上写内容关于“Whirlwind不改进或跟不上将会被淘汰”就更好了） Third, an inappropriate advertising campaign can also result in poor sales unless the advertiser has sufficiently evaluated the games and customers. Perhaps the games introduced by Whirlwind contain violent scenes restricted to youngsters under 18th, thus, the advertisement will be a failure. Therefore, unless he could rule out the possibilities as mentioned above, the editor fails to persuade me into accepting his judgment. （层次感不错）

Even setting the problems existing in the company operation aside, back to the product itself, whether the games introduced recently will actually bring vast increase in sales is still questionable. As the editor mentioned, the games providing lifelike graphics have a pretty particular requirement, the most up-to-date computers which will become an overwhelming obstacle for the popularity of the games. For instance, that most kids dream to experience virtual reality at home still remains dream because of the expensive virtual reality equipment. Admittedly, with the development of society, the current most up-to-date computers will gradually step into ordinary families. However, the spread of such computers and games is impossible to realize in the next few months as the editor predicted and as to the day when the required computers are widely used, whether the games will still be popular remains a mystery. For these reasons, the high demanding games, even though preferred by game players, are really difficult to achieve satisfying sales. （关于游戏，不光画面，玩家喜欢的还有游戏内容，游戏操作，游戏有趣不。）

Moreover, cited by the editor to add persuasion, the survey which lacks a detailed background and strong content contrarily abates the stringency. First, the editor fails to illustrate the department of the survey maker, the capacity of the sample and the time when the survey was made. Without these details, the credibility and authority of the survey have been weakened. Again, the content of the survey is too limited. Other key questions about video games such as what is the most dissatisfying downside of a video game or which is more important to game players between picture and tune should also be included in the survey. Thereby, simply relying on the vague survey, the editor is far from drawing the conclusion of which games are to be popular.（个人感觉把这一段放在第二段好些，你可以先怀疑数据，再假设数据可信并展开。。。（像第二段那样））



1# amendaliu

amendaliuUID: 2855983

谢谢啦
我再改改
2# wdx19861106