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改5
本帖最后由 czlilac 于 2010-8-5 18:41 编辑
In this argument, the arguer concludes that voters should vote for Ann Green,a member of the Good Earth Coalition, instead of Frank Braun,a member of the Clearview town council, and then the enviromental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved. First because our environment are not be protected by the current members. In addition, the arguer cites some examples happened during the past year. Plausible as it may seem(be seemed), I am afraid that the argument can hardly bear further examination since there are several flaws in it.
To begin with, the arguer assumes that if residents of Clearview replace the current mayor, Frank Braun(F), with Ann Green[A], the environment will be solved definitely, while provides little evidence to support this assumption. As a mayor, he need(s) to do many things to solve the environment problems by no means just one of the Good Earth Coalition can qualify. For example, collecting concrete information about factories, and coordinate(coordinating) with all departments to discuss the urban macro environmental planning. We are in the absence of what about the data of A in other aspects. . In any events, the arguer cannot straightly assume that concern about the environmental protection is the only reason available for voting.(不能说环境问题是惟一能影响选举的,而应该是当前的空气污染问题)
Next, the assertion is unfair. That the current government does not care about protecting the environment for example, is doubling the number of factories over the past few years, air pollution is increasing, but the local hospital for treatment of respiratory patients more than 25% previously(这句话在表达形式上相当混乱,建议先理清顺序再重写一下). But the argument does not tell us whether the new factory is polluting industries(industry), these plants have not taken measures to prevent pollution, without such information we can not determine the impact of these factories for the degree of environmental pollution, because it is possible that these plants are less polluting new industries, or take effective measures. Talking about the air pollution problem(表达不完整), one which is facing a global state, the city's argument(就用the argument就行了吧) did not say(表达不地道 say->provide) the same characteristics of other cities, or in comparison with the earlier history, the figure is large or small, thus can not judge(judge what?表达不完整), on the other hand the air pollution is not necessarily because the city itself, because the wind flow, pollution may come from other places. The hospital, the lack of respiratory disease patients as determined on the basis increase, respiratory diseases occur for many reasons, there are natural, there because of aging, the thesis did not say whether the cause of new patients because of pollution caused. (这是几个散的句子,读不出之间的联系)
Finally,the assertion of another candidate and unfair(这个句子有问题). Even if the argument really like(like在这里表达什么意思?) the current government do not care about the environment said(这句话有问题), that he does not care about the environment. Thesis does not provide whether the damage to the environment of the candidate's record, has been promoting measures that damage the environment.(这样表达也不是很好) Can not be excluded(what can not be excluded主语都省了) because he was concerned about the environment, but his voice was drowned by the Government other sounds(??).
In sum, the conclusion is very arbitrary and unfair. The arguer did not provide the candidates address environmental issues in the results and capabilities(这句读不懂), but also did not provide any evidence of the present government as well as another evidence of the candidates do not care about the environment. If you want to call voters agreed with him, he needs to provide further information in this regard.(又是you, 又是he)
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TOPIC: ARGUMENT7 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.
"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."
WORDS: 412
TIME: 00:31:53
DATE: 2010-8-4 15:13:21
In this argument, the author recommends the residents of Clearview to vote for Ann Green in the next mayoral election rather than Frank Braun. In order to make the recommendation convincing and compelling, he/she cites several evidences to bolster it, which involve the increasing of factories in Clearview, and respiratory illnesses have raised 25%. It appears plausible to achieve the conclusion at the first glance.
However, the most conspicuous flaw is that the author decisively asserts if they elect Ann Green the environmental problems will be solved. Although Ann is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, there is no evidence to indicate that Ann will dedicate to solve the city's air pollution or Ann whether Ann is qualified in solving these problems still open to doubt. Because there are many relations should be tackled(adjusted) before solving the problems, and Ann should acquaint with industry production as well, the author has not provided whether Ann has this ability(these capacities), so the conclusion is not convincing.
Furthermore, it is mentioned in the argument that the factories have doubled during the past. But he/she fails to provide what do these factories mainly produce, it is likely that they don't emit any dirty and poisonous air at all, for example they are computer companies(electronic factories). In addition, the author fails to provide whether these factories have deal with air pollution, and whether the air pollution can be ascribed to them. Perhaps, they have deal with the pollution very well, and(or) the dirty air is produced by other (nearby) cities rather than the local factories, and it has been brought to their city by winds. It is, therefore, reasonable for the author to clarify(make clear) these problems to before come(coming) to the conclusion.
Again, are the illnesses caused by air pollution? As we all know, many reasons can contribute to respiratory illness, such as genetic and climate. The author should provide more strong statistics about what results in it, and the sex, age and other physical status of the illnesses are have not be provided, it is possible many of them are old persons, and their illness are not caused by (resulted from) air pollution.
In sum, it is kind the author dedicate to help the residents to improve healthy. And his/her recommendation seems to be rational at the first glance, but more strong statistic and other possible factors, such as whether Ann is the best candidate to solve the pollution and serve as the position, as well as what is primarily accounted for the environmental problem, etc should be well reasoned.
1改
In this argument, the author recommends the residents of Clearview to vote for Ann Green in the next mayoral election rather than Frank Braun. In order to make the recommendation convincing and compelling, he/she cites several evidences to bolster it, which involve the increasing of factories in Clearview, and respiratory illnesses have raised 25%. It appears plausible to achieve the conclusion at the first glance, while several persuasive statistics should be covered as well.
The most conspicuous flaw is that the author decisively asserts if they elect Ann Green the environmental problems will be solved. Although Ann is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, there is no evidence to indicate that Ann will dedicate to solve the city's air pollution or whether Ann is qualified in solving these problems still open to doubt[不如删了,or连接两个宾语]. Because there are many relations should be adjusted before solving the environmental problems, and Ann should acquaint with industry production as well, the author has not provided whether Ann has these capacities, so the conclusion is not convincing.
攻击了主要错误点!
Furthermore, it is mentioned in the argument that the number of factories have doubled during the past. However, he/she fails to provide what do these factories mainly produce,我觉得你这句应该跟前面“连”成一个复合句而不是后面 it is likely that they don't emit any dirty and poisonous air at all, for example they are electronic factories, which just process the electronic productions, such as cell phone and PDA, never discharging dirty air at all.解释一下吧!求真相. In addition, the author fails to provide whether these factories have deal with air pollution, and whether the air pollution can be ascribed to them. Perhaps, they have deal with the pollution very well, or the dirty air is produced by other nearby cities rather than the local factories, and it has been brought to their city by winds. It is, therefore, reasonable for the author to make clear these problems before coming to the conclusion.
攻击工厂,很流畅!
Again, are the illnesses caused by air pollution? As we all know, many reasons can contribute to respiratory illness, such as genetic factors前面那个词是形容词
and climatic condition. The author should provide more strong statistics about what results in it, meanwhile, the sex, age and other physical status of the illnesses have not be provided as well, it is possible many of them are old persons, and their illnesses do not result from air pollution, but rather the aging of their respiratory system.
攻击呼吸病的来源
In sum, it is kind the author[ for the author to] dedicate to help the residents to improve healthy. And[delete] His/Her recommendation seems to be rational at the first glance, but more strong statistic and other possible factors, such as whether Ann is the best candidate to solve the pollution and serve as the position, as well as what is primarily accounted for the environmental problem, etc should be well reasoned.
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In this argument, the author gives some examples to prove that the current members do not effectively protect their environment. Despite some doubts exists(exist) in the evidence, the author contends that as Frank Braun (FB) is one of the town council and Ann Green (AG) is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, AG will solve the Clearview's environmental problems. The argument seems true at first glance, but the second examination reveals that it suffers from several logical flaws.
Firstly, the provided examples can not convince us that the current members
did not protect(感觉用have not protected是不是要好点呢?) the environment. The author presents us three examples. The first one is the doubled factories. Factories are impetus for economy and the government should take a balance between the number of factories and the protecting of the environment. It is aberrant for the government to put aside the development of economy and only consider the protection of the environment. If these factories didn't obey(用have not been obeying 一直不遵守) the environment regulation to pollute the environment, it is not reasonable to count the current. After all, it is possible that a proportion of factories doesn’t or slightly pollutes the environment.
The second example is about the increasing air pollution levels. Air pollution has no boundary, so I doubt whether the essence reason is the current council's policies. Pollutant generated by nearby place is easily spread to Clearview town and as air pollution increase is a global phenomenon, may be the data provided in a global phenomena. The author needs to provide more detail data, like the percentage of air pollutant increased and comparison with other place.
The last example about the increasing patients with respiratory illnesses is doubtful, too. It is possible that these patients are working in other places and come to this hospital to treat disease because the advanced facilities and expertise. It is also possible that the elder citizens, who are vulnerable to all kind of disease, in town are getting more and more. Or may be more and more people is addicted to smoking cigarette nowadays.
这个论述得很好
From the analysis above, we can conclude that the current members may have not overlooked the environmental problems. However, be a member of a group, the Good Earth Coalition or the Clearview town, does not mean the person has the same quality as the group. In other words, FB may be an environmentalist, and AG may not. Without providing evidence to support either one is environmentalist, we cannot reckon that he will pay attention to the environment when he is elected as the mayor.
What's more, to elect a mayor, people couldn’t only judge by one standard, that is whether or not he/she is an environmentalist. There are many more virtues of a person that we need to take into consider, such as the ability to be a leader, the moral and ethic standards, and so on. If the person only emphasize environment but omit other problems in the town, I doubt this one is the right.
All in all, the author's suggestion of voting for AG as the mayoral is untenable. To strengthen his statement, he needs provide the true virtues of AG as a mayor along with his concepts of protecting the environment. Without description of AG, the suggestion cannot convince readers.
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