【10G10Hawk】小组8月10日任务——Argument176

谦行天下UID: 2797557

我开了两个帖子，互改一次

Argument176:
The following is a memorandum from the sales director to the president of the Healthy-and-Good food company.
'A recent study indicates that Venadial, a new margarine currently produced only in the country of Alta, actually reduces cholesterol levels. Derived from the resin of pine trees, Venadial works by activating a metabolic response that is not yet well understood. However, cholesterol levels fell ten to fifteen percent among participants in the study who consumed Venadial daily, and the risk of heart attack by one-third. In addition, the new margarine is so popular that stores in Alta are unable to keep it on their shelves. Therefore, if our company obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, our profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time.'

互改顺序（前改后）：

9-15-11-5-6

hwslqcUID: 2861597

TOPIC: ARGUMENT176 - The following is a memorandum from the sales director to the president of the Healthy-and-Good food company.

"A recent study indicates that Venadial, a new margarine currently produced only in the country of Alta, actually reduces cholesterol levels. Derived from the resin of pine trees, Venadial works by activating a metabolic response that is not yet well understood. However, cholesterol levels fell ten to fifteen percent among participants in the study who consumed Venadial daily, and the risk of heart attack by one-third. In addition, the new margarine is so popular that stores in Alta are unable to keep it on their shelves. Therefore, if our company obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, our profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time."
WORDS: 584
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-8-10 17:51:05

The notion that the Healthy-and-Good food company's profits will soar if they obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally seems to be sound and convincing. After all, the recent study indicated the benefit of Venadial and such conclusion is based on a survey. What's more, the arguer also claimed that the new margarine's popularity in Alta. However, close scrutiny of the evidences reveals that none of them can lend credible support to the conclusion. The reasons are stated as below.

First of all, even assume the recent study is convincing, which is an unwarranted assumption as the arguer does not give any information about the study, the substance of the survey can not prove the benefits of Venadial. Just like the arguer says, the works of Venadial is unknown. Chances are that it is not Venadial caused the fell of cholesterol levels and the risk of heart attack. As the arguer cited no details about the study, it is highly possible that all the respondents of the study do more exercise and have a healthier life style in the study, which is the truly reason of the phenomena mentioned by the arguer. Or the participants in the study were asked to eat some pills in the study to show these phenomena. Unless the arguer can provide more information about the study, the benefits of Venadial will be doubtful.

Even if the benefits of Venadial are true, the arguer cannot draw the conclusion that the popularity of Venadial can be ensured all over the world from the sellout of Venadial in Alta. It is possible that the people in Alta like the taste of Alta instead of the benefits of Venadial, and the people in other world would not like the tastes. Or the people in Alta buy only a little of Venadial but the number of Venadial is much less than the need so it seems that people in Alta like Venadial. Without ruling out the possibilities I mentioned above, the conclusion that Venadial will be popular all over the world would be undermined.

Granted that Venadial will be popular all over the world, the profits of Healthy-and-Good food company may not increase. As we know, the profit is based on cost and gain. If the company spends too much money on buying the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, the company may not earn profit in such plan. Or the cost of Venadial is too high that the company can earn little money in this product. Or the market or margarine is saturate and the company has already got the most percentage of the market, which means new product will not attract more consumers for the company.

Furthermore, as the function of Venadial is not known, it is highly possible such product will lead to some serious disadvantages. If it will cause other disease, no matter what the taste it is or the function to decrease cholesterol level and risk of heart attack, the consumer will not choose to buy such products.

After points so many flaws in this argument, now we can say the evidence cited by the arguer cannot be relied on by the conclusion. May be the Healthy -and-Good food company can increase their profits quickly if they obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally. However, the arguer have to do more practical and professional research before claiming so, like the cost of Venadial and the exclusive right, why Venadial in Alta sell out in Alta and the disadvantages of Venadial.

hwslqcUID: 2861597

The sales director recommends that the company's profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time if it obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial(V) internationally. To justify his statement, he gives a study of the benefit of V and what's more, he provides a statistic of the illness's changing of the people who had it. However, after a careful examination, I would point out a pile of flaws as I would discuss below.

First and foremost, the author fails to establish a relationship between having V and the cholesterol levels and the risk of heart attack. V isn't the only way to make cholesterol levels fell and reduce the risk of heart attack. People who take V everyday may take another medicine the doctors tell them to have. And perhaps they come up with a healthy diet that benefit for their bodies. Perhaps they do exercises regularly which stronger their bodies to avoid heart attack and down the cholesterol levels. In addition, the author doesn't provides the result of the ones who haven't take V, there may be possible that people who didn't eat V may have their cholesterol levels fell more than ten to fifteen percent or less than one-third the risk of heart attack. Thus in this case, no solid evidence has given to bolster the reliable of the research.【seems nice】

Secondly, we have no idea about the numbers of V in sell in the stores in Alta thus we have no idea that how many people bought it. Perhaps the number of V in sell in A is little in origin and perhaps there are a few persons who bought multitudes of V in each one. So there is no strange that V is unable to keep it on the Alta's stores shelves. V's selling out isn't equal to it is popular, we need to consider that there may be a host of people who don't eat V in terms of their regions problems[这句话好突兀，和上下文一点关系都没有。。]. Thus in this case the director can't conclude that V will be sold out well in his company.【这段貌似阻隔了下段和上段的让步。】

Granted that V is sure to bring benefits for people, however, since the V works by activation a metabolic response is not yet well understood, we have to notice that side effect may take place in a high possibility. Patients may have another problems such as eating problems, stomach pains, head pains which are unknown now after they have V. And also the effect does not exist forever, perhaps after a period of time the patients' levels of cholesterol are back as before. Thus the director could only suggest this idea after a complete study of the V.【可能的disadvantages可以的话没必要写一段，提一下就好了。】

What's more, to say the least that V is effectual all right【没见过，不敢说】 in Alta, there is nothing to say that it would also make sense in other place. Alta is just a small part of a whole place, it is wrong to think that the thing works on Alta would definitely works on the director's place. First of all, the geographical environment in Alta may be different from other cities which may play a vital part in V’s acting on. Second, to transport V to other cities or countries may lead to its getting bad. What's more, it may cost a lot to carry V to other places and keep it fresh which may over the profits the company would earn. And also, even that V is very popular in Alta does not guarantee that it will also be popular all over the world.

In sum, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the director should make sure of the connection between the effects and the V, and research more statistics about the patients. Otherwise, he needs to make a study of whether the people around other cities are willing to take V in their daily live Thus to ensure the company would get profit in a short time if it obtains the exclusive right to sell V.
【总的来说就是很长但是没有闪光点。。。。和我的文章一样。】

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

我来了

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

2

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

TOPIC: ARGUMENT176 - The following is a memorandum from the sales director to the president of the Healthy-and-Good food company.

"A recent study indicates that Venadial, a new margarine currently produced only in the country of Alta, actually reduces cholesterol levels. Derived from the resin of pine trees, Venadial works by activating a metabolic response that is not yet well understood. However, cholesterol levels fell ten to fifteen percent among participants in the study who consumed Venadial daily, and the risk of heart attack by one-third. In addition, the new margarine is so popular that stores in Alta are unable to keep it on their shelves. Therefore, if our company obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, our profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time."
WORDS: 697
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/8/11 9:33:07

The sales director recommends that the company's profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time if it obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial(V) internationally. To justify his statement, he gives a study of the benefit of V and what's more, he provides a statistic of the illness's changing of the people who had it. However, after a careful examination, I would point out a pile of flaws as I would discuss below.

First and foremost, the author fails to establish a relationship between having V and the cholesterol levels and the risk of heart attack. V isn't the only way to make cholesterol levels fell and reduce the risk of heart attack. People who take V everyday may take another medicines the doctors tells them to have. And perhaps they come up with a healthy diet that benefit for their bodies. Perhaps they do exercises regularly which stronger their bodies to avoid hart attack and down the cholesterol levels. In addition, the author doesn't provides the result of the ones who haven't take V, there may be possible that people who didn't eat V may have their cholesterol levels fell more than ten to fifteen percent or less than one-third the risk of heart attack. Thus in this case, no solid evidence has given to bolster the reliable of the research.

Secondly, we have no idea about the numbers of V in sell in the stores in Alta thus we have no idea that how many people bought it. Perhaps the number of V in sell in A is little in origin and perhaps there are a few persons who bought multitudes of V in each one. So there is no strange that V is unable to keep it on the Alta's stores shelves. V's selling out isn't equal to it is popular, we need to consider that there may be a host of people who don't eat V in terms of their regions problems. Thus in this case the director can't conclude that V will be sold out well in his company.

Granted that V is sure to bring benefits for people, however, since the V works by activation a metabolic response is not yet well understood, we have to notice that side effect may take place in a high possibility. Patients may have another problems such as eating problems, stomach pains, head pains which are unknown now after they have V. And also the effect does not exist forever, perhaps after a period of time the patients' levels of cholesterol are back as before. Thus the director could only suggest this idea after a complete study of the V.

What's more, to say the least that V is effectual all right in Alta, there is nothing to say that it would also make sense in other place. Alta is just a small part of a whole place, it is wrong to think that the thing works on Alta would definitely works on the director's place. First of all, the geographical environment in Alta may be different from other cities which may play a vital part in V’s acting on. Second, to transport V to other cities or countries may lead to its getting bad. What's more, it may cost a lot to carry V to other places and keep it fresh which may over the profits the company would earn. And also, even that V is very popular in Alta does not guarantee that it will also be popular all over the world.

In sum, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the director should make sure of the connection between the effects and the V, and research more statistics about the patients. Otherwise, he needs to make a study of whether the people around other cities are willing to take V in their daily live Thus to ensure the company would get profit in a short time if it obtains the exclusive right to sell V.

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

The notion that the Healthy-and-Good food company's profits will soar if they obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally seems to be sound and convincing. After all, the recent study indicated the benefit of Venadial and such conclusion is based on a survey. What's more, the arguer also claimed that the new margarine's popularity in Alta. However, close scrutiny of the evidences reveals that none of them can lend credible support to the conclusion. The reasons are stated as below.
First of all, even assume the recent study is convincing, which is an unwarranted assumption as the arguer does not give any information about the study, the substance of the survey cannot prove the benefits of Venadial. Just like the arguer says, the works of Venadial is unknown. （这句写得有点矛盾）Chances are that it is not Venadial caused the fell of cholesterol levels and the risk of heart attack. As the arguer cited no details about the study, it is highly possible that all the respondents of the study do more exercise and have a healthier life style in the study, which is the truly reason of the phenomena mentioned by the arguer. Or the participants in the study were asked to eat some pills in the study to show these phenomena. Unless the arguer can provide more information about the study, the benefits of Venadial will be doubtful.
Even if the benefits of Venadial are true, the arguer cannot draw the conclusion that the popularity of Venadial can be ensured all over the world from the sellout of Venadial in Alta. It is possible that the people in Alta like the taste of Alta instead of the benefits of Venadial, and the people in other world（places） would not like the tastes. Or the people in Alta buy only a little of Venadial but the number of Venadial is much less than the need so it seems that people in Alta like Venadial. (这个论据不应该跑到这一段来吧，这段不是在说一个以小不能见大的问题么)Without ruling out the possibilities I mentioned above, the conclusion that Venadial will be popular all over the world would be undermined.
Granted that Venadial will be popular all over the world, the profits of Healthy-and-Good food company may not increase. As we know, the profit is based on cost and gain. If the company spends too much money on buying the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, the company may not earn profit in such plan. Or the cost of Venadial is too high that the company can earn little money in this product. Or the market or margarine is saturate and the company has already got the most percentage of the market, which means new product will not attract more consumers for the company.
Furthermore, as the function of Venadial is not known, it is highly possible such product will lead to some serious disadvantages. If it will cause other disease, no matter what the taste it is or the function to decrease cholesterol level and risk of heart attack, the consumer will not choose to buy such products.
After points so many flaws in this argument, now we can say the evidence cited by the arguer cannot be relied on by the conclusion. May be the Healthy -and-Good food company can increase their profits quickly if they obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally. However, the arguer have to do more practical and professional research before claiming so, like the cost of Venadial and the exclusive right, why Venadial in Alta sell out in Alta and the disadvantages of Venadial.

sharonyeUID: 2862009

题目：ARGUMENT176 - The following is a memorandum from the sales director to the president of the Healthy-and-Good food company.

"A recent study indicates that Venadial, a new margarine currently produced only in the country of Alta, actually reduces cholesterol levels. Derived from the resin of pine trees, Venadial works by activating a metabolic response that is not yet well understood. However, cholesterol levels fell ten to fifteen percent among participants in the study who consumed Venadial daily, and the risk of heart attack by one-third. In addition, the new margarine is so popular that stores in Alta are unable to keep it on their shelves. Therefore, if our company obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, our profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time."
字数：525
用时：00:40:00
日期：2010-8-10
下午 03:00:54

In this argument, the author suggest his/her company to obtain the exclusive right of selling Venadial(V), a new margarine, internationally in order to raise their profits in a short time. He
intruduced
a study which has already showed V
can reduce
cholesterol level from ten to fifteen percent, as well as decline the risk of heart attack by three-third
of the participants to support his conclusion. Also, he/she claims the new margarine is so popular that stores in Alta are unable to keep it on their shelves. However, this argument suffers from several flaws.
In the first place, the study provided in this argument is not suffient. There is no evidence concerning the procedure of the study, so I have good reason to doubt whether the result is representative enough to convince me of the recommendation. For example, if the participants are all from hospitals who are taking other drugs at the same time of the study, it is arbitary to say only V contribute to their health, maybe V is of no use absolutely. Or if the time of the study is very short, it is also no reliable to draw a conclusion from the result, it is likely that after the study, the healthy condition of these participants become
even worse, for their being better only attribute to the change of the whether. As is showed in the argument, V works by activiting a metabolic response is not yet well understood, so we can not make sure it really has the ability to reduce
cholesterol levels only by some simple studies.
What is more, although V is popular in Alta, it does not mean it is well accepted around the world. People in Alta who buy V may not for its potential healthy effects, but because they like the taste of V, and V can make their meals more delicious. However, no one can ensure people in other places also prefer V to add to their food, after all, the world is full of variety, people around the world are also totally different, especially in their food.
Last but no least, the author ignored the problem that if the obtain the exclusive right, is it sure they would make profits? It is a general rule that buying the right for a certain product need a lot of money, if they cannot earn more from selling V than what the pay for the right, obviously,the are not getting any profits. V is derived from the resin of pine trees, so other company can also produce it when they see the potential profits, which will also make obtaining the exclusive right for the wrighter;s company is a risk.
To sum up, the aughor's conclusion is not persuasive as it stands. Before I can accept his/her suggestion, he/she must produce more concrect evidence to show the effects of the margarine. To better evaluate the recommendation, he/she would better do a research among people who always buy V in Alta to know clearly about the reason why they like V, so that the company can make a more strategic selling plan.

sharonyeUID: 2862009

"A recent study indicates that Venadial, a new margarine currently produced only in the country of Alta, actually reduces cholesterol levels. Derived from the resin of pine trees, Venadial works by activating a metabolic response that is not yet well understood. However, cholesterol levels fell ten to fifteen percent among participants in the study who consumed Venadial daily, and the risk of heart attack by one-third. In addition, the new margarine is so popular that stores in Alta are unable to keep it on their shelves. Therefore, if our company obtains the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, our profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time."

The argument presented above is relaatively sound, however, the arguer fails to recognize all the elements necessary to evaluate his situation（为什么用这个词呢）. The idea that money should be invested in obtaining the exclusive right of a new margarine may be a helpfule one, but perhaps not help increase our profits. To clarify, it may be necessary to obtain the exlusive right, however can that increase？subsstantially within a very short time in profit still is questionable（感觉这两句话说的有点啰嗦，另外，你开头好像只提出了一个问题，即. obtaining the exclusive right 是有帮助的，可能是必要的，但下文论述的又是这种必要性有可能不存在，有点矛盾，也许是我看的不太明白吧，个人意见）

First of all, the arguer fails to demonstrate that there are not side effects of Venadial since its metabolic response is not yet well understood, the arguer fails to take into account the possibility that the combined effects of the new margarine and the particular diet and living habits （我觉得这个应该放在下一段，主要是说不同地方，V受欢迎不同的原因）of the Alta people may have contributed to the reduction of cholesterol levels and risks of heart attack. Without analyzing and weighing the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly about Venadial, the argument cannot guarantee undoubtedly making a profit.

We might also ask: How can Alta's selling situation be applied to worldwide?Many differences should be taken into account. Perhaps in other areas, people's cholesterol levels and possibility of heart attacks is so low that it is unnecessary for their adoption of this margarine. Since there still have many other factors contribute to Venadial selling, the arguer fails to provide more specific information about selling of Venadial in the country of Alta. Besides, the arguer gave a hasty generalization : internationall business are more complex than local one, moreover, not all people tend to use margarine, in some regions ,they might only use real butter.The problem is that key terms in the argument are too vague to be meaningful.


Another element to consider is this: perhaps the assumption that if our company obtain the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally, our profits are sure to increase substantially within a very short time is unwarranted. Furthermore,(感觉后面提到的是对前面提出问题的解释，所以建议用for example) the arguer provides no information regarding he costs of producing, transporting, and marketing this new margarine as well as the presence of other competing medicines in the market, in the absence of which it is impossible to predict whether the business can make huge profits.Since Venadial are derived from the resin of pine trees, there are many other methods to produce the similiar margarine. thus the exclusive right to sell Venadial might not works well since other company can made the similiar margarine.


To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive, and take every possible consideration into account.
感觉语言很好，条理么，还有一点点小问题，再斟酌一下吧。另外，再说一些观点是还可以具体举一些例子

austen06UID: 2841836

In this memorandum, the sales director suggests the profits of the Healthy-and-Good (HG) food company would skyrocket in a short time by acquiring the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally. To substantiate this conclusion, the director cites a study showing the health benefits of the new margarine. Also, the author points out Venadial is quite popular in Alta, and stores run out of it in a very short time. However, this argument suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, several problems are involved in the study which shows consuming Venadial would reduce the level of choleterol levels and lower the risk of heart attack considerably. First, the director must show that the study is statistically reliably. Specifically, the participants in this study constitue a large sample of the general population and they are representative of all the people. Yet no information is provided. Second, there are other factors which can also influence the level of cholesterol level and the risk of heart attack, such as the dietary habits of the participants and the amount of exercise they take every day, but the study offers no information that these factors stay constant during the study, therefore, it could not conclude that Venadial could validate the health benefits it claims.

Moreover, the author unjustifiably infers that Venadial would also be popular i the international market based on the popularity of Venadial in Alta. It is entirely possible that people in other countries prefer butter than any margarine. Besides, the dietaries of many countries even do not include margarine, and people have no knowledge about this food, which will cast considerable dout of the popularity in the international markets.

Furthermore, even though Venadial would be very popular in the international markets, the director's claim that HG would have much profits from Venadial in a short time is still unwarranted. Since Venadial is only produced in Alta right now, and it would be quite a long time before foreign customers could accept this new food, thus HG's huge profit in a short time could not be guaranted. Besides, common sense and experience has informed me that profitability is a function of revenue and expense. Since Venadial is currently produced in Alta only, the cost of transporting it to various markets overseas would be very high, and even if Venadial can sell well internationally, profits might not be realized.

To sum up, the argument is not persuasvie. To bolster the argument, the director must provide more evidence that Venadial would be accepted by international customers in a short time. In addition, the director should show that they can deliver the margarine all over the world at a small price.

austen06UID: 2841836

In this argument, based on premises that a new margarine called Venadial
is popular in Alta and can reduces cholesterol levels, the author concludes that his/her company will increase profit by obtaining the exclusive right to sell
Venadial
internationally. It seems soundless（sound） at first glance; however a scrutiny examination reveals several logical fallacies undermining the conclusion.

In the first place, the argument depends on the gratuitous assumption that Venadial will be as popularly consumed in other countries as it is in Alta. Having analyzing the direct reason of Venadial's popularity in Alta, and the situation in other countries, the assumption that Venadial will be popular world wide is invalid. For one thing, it is possible Venadial which is produced in Alta is cater to people in Alta uniquely. People in other countries may not （be）fond of Venadial's flavor. For another, maybe the popularity of Venadial in Alta just a temporal phenomenon for people's curious in new products. Or this popularity comes from advertising in the local which is hardly to apply （被动吧）internationally. Thus, the number of potential consumers of Venadial is open to doubt.

In the second place, the author fails to take into account the possibility that the combined effect of Venadial and the particular diet and living habits of the Alta people may have contributed to the reduction of cholesterol levels and risks of heart attack. If Venadial may leads to side effect（会导致副作用，有些别扭）, the benefit of reducing cholesterol levels is suspened. The author's claimation that Venadial's functions on human body are still unknown adds my doubt to the side effect of Venadial. Also, other factors may contribute to the reduction of cholesterol levels. Maybe the participants exercise for these days resulting in decreasing in cholesterol levels. Maybe they eat a kind of special tonic which can reduce the cholesterol levels. Or maybe recently jogging becomes popular in Alta resulting in down regulating on the cholesterol levels. (来个总结吧）

In the third place, the arguer provides no information regarding the costs of producing, transporting, and marketing this new margarine as well as the presence of other competing medicines in the market, in the absence of which it is impossible to predict whether the business can make huge profits. As profit counts on two things: the cost and the income. If the cost is almost equivalent to the income, high profits will be illusion. A report for the market of other countries, expense of producing and transporting would help to substantiate the conclusion. With convincing budgets of new market for Venadial, the conclusion of high profit is soundness.

All in all, in order to substantiate the argument, the popularity of Venadial in new market, the side effect of Venadial, other factors contribute to decreasing in cholesterol levels, and the cost to expand market need to be take into account.

in the ... place 感觉有些单调

谦行天下UID: 2797557

In this argument, based on premises that a new margarine called Venadial
is popular in Alta and can reduces cholesterol levels, the author concludes that his/her company will increase profit by obtaining the exclusive right to sell
Venadial
internationally. It seems soundless at first glance; however a scrutiny examination reveals several logical fallacies undermining the conclusion.

In the first place, the argument depends on the gratuitous assumption that Venadial will be as popularly consumed in other countries as it is in Alta. Having analyzing the direct reason of Venadial's popularity in Alta, and the situation in other countries, the assumption that Venadial will be popular world wide is invalid. For one thing, it is possible Venadial which is produced in Alta is cater to people in Alta uniquely. People in other countries may not fond of Venadial's flavor. For another, maybe the popularity of Venadial in Alta just a temporal phenomenon for people's curious in new products. Or this popularity comes from advertising in the local which is hardly to apply internationally. Thus, the number of potential consumers of Venadial is open to doubt.

In the second place, the author fails to take into account the possibility that the combined effect of Venadial and the particular diet and living habits of the Alta people may have contributed to the reduction of cholesterol levels and risks of heart attack. If Venadial may leads to side effect, the benefit of reducing cholesterol levels is suspened. The author's claimation that Venadial's functions on human body are still unknown adds my doubt to the side effect of Venadial. Also, other factors may contribute to the reduction of cholesterol levels. Maybe the participants exercise for these days resulting in decreasing in cholesterol levels. Maybe they eat a kind of special tonic which can reduce the cholesterol levels. Or maybe recently jogging becomes popular in Alta resulting in down regulating on the cholesterol levels.

In the third place, the arguer provides no information regarding the costs of producing, transporting, and marketing this new margarine as well as the presence of other competing medicines in the market, in the absence of which it is impossible to predict whether the business can make huge profits. As profit counts on two things: the cost and the income. If the cost is almost equivalent to the income, high profits will be illusion. A report for the market of other countries, expense of producing and transporting would help to substantiate the conclusion. With convincing budgets of new market for Venadial, the conclusion of high profit is soundness.

All in all, in order to substantiate the argument, the popularity of Venadial in new market, the side effect of Venadial, other factors contribute to decreasing in cholesterol levels, and the cost to expand market need to be take into account.

=====================自改文============
In this argument, based on premises that a new margarine called Venadial is popular in Alta and can reduces cholesterol levels, the author concludes that his/her company will increase profit by obtaining the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally. It seems soundness at first glance; however a scrutiny examination reveals several logical fallacies undermining the conclusion.

In the first place, the argument depends on the gratuitous assumption that Venadial will be as popularly consumed in other countries as it is in Alta. Having not analyzed the direct reason of Venadial's popularity in Alta, and the situation in other countries, the assumption that Venadial will be popular world wide is invalid. For one thing, it is possible Venadial which is produced in Alta is cater to people in Alta uniquely. People in other countries may not be fond of Venadial's flavor. For another, maybe the popularity of Venadial in Alta just a temporal phenomenon for people's curious in new products. Or this popularity comes from advertising in the local which is hardly to be applied internationally. Thus, the number of potential consumers of Venadial is open to doubt.

In the second place, the author fails to take into account the possibility that the combined effect of Venadial and the particular diet and living habits of the Alta people may have contributed to the reduction of cholesterol levels and risks of heart attack. If Venadial has side effect, the benefit of reducing cholesterol levels is suspened. The author's claimation that Venadial's functions on human body are still unknown adds my doubt to the side effect of Venadial. Also, other factors may contribute to the reduction of cholesterol levels. Maybe the participants exercise for these days resulting in decreasing in cholesterol levels. Maybe they eat a kind of special tonic which can reduce the cholesterol levels. Or maybe recently jogging becomes popular in Alta resulting in down regulating on the cholesterol levels. If any of these happens, the benefit of Venadial brings may be a lie.

In the third place, the arguer provides no information regarding the costs of producing, transporting, and marketing this new margarine as well as the presence of other competing medicines in the market, in the absence of which it is impossible to predict whether the business can make huge profits. As profit counts on two things: the cost and the income. If the cost is almost equivalent to the income, high profits will be illusion. A report for the market of other countries, expense of producing and transporting would help to substantiate the conclusion. With convincing budgets of new market for Venadial, the conclusion of high profit is soundness.

All in all, in order to substantiate the argument, the popularity of Venadial in new market, the side effect of Venadial, other factors contribute to decreasing in cholesterol levels, and the cost to expand market need to be take into account.

谦行天下UID: 2797557

改13号

In this memorandum, the sales director suggests the profits of the Healthy-and-Good (HG) food company would skyrocket in a short time by acquiring the exclusive right to sell Venadial internationally.很好的句子 To substantiate this conclusion, the director cites a study showing the health benefits of the new margarine. Also, the author points out Venadial is quite popular in Alta, and stores run out of it in a very short time. However, this argument suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing.
漂亮的开头！
To begin with, several problems are involved in the study which shows consuming Venadial would reduce the level of choleterol levels and lower the risk of heart attack considerably. First, the director must show that the study is statistically reliably这里应该用形容词. Specifically, the participants in this study constitue a large sample of the general population and they are representative of all the people. Yet no information is provided. Second, there are other factors which can also influence the level of cholesterol level and the risk of heart attack, such as the dietary habits of the participants and the amount of exercise they take every day, but the study offers no information that these factors stay constant during the study, therefore, it could not conclude that Venadial could validate the health benefits it claims.
说明这个人造黄油的作用别有他因。
Moreover, the author unjustifiably infers that Venadial would also be popular i 这是啥 the international market based on the popularity of Venadial in Alta. It is entirely possible that people in other countries prefer butter than any margarine. Besides, the dietaries of many countries even do not include margarine, and people have no knowledge about this food, which will cast considerable dout of the popularity in the international markets.
此段说明不肯能在全世界流行——我认为可以加内容
Furthermore, even though Venadial would be very popular in the international markets, the director's claim that HG would have much profits from Venadial in a short time is still unwarranted. Since Venadial is only produced in Alta right now, and it would be quite a long time before foreign customers could accept this new food, thus HG's huge profit in a short time could not be guaranted. Besides, common sense and experience has informed me that profitability is a function of revenue and expense. Since Venadial is currently produced in Alta only, the cost of transporting it to various markets overseas would be very high, and even if Venadial can sell well internationally, profits might not be realized.
很好，攻击profit问题
To sum up, the argument is not persuasvie. To bolster the argument, the director must provide more evidence that Venadial would be accepted by international customers in a short time. In addition, the director should show that they can deliver the margarine all over the world at a small【low】 price.
结尾觉得可以加强！