明天就考试了，求告知这种语言水平能拿个几分？（ARGU-7)

Esther912UID: 2731872

题目：
'In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved.'

以下是习作



In this article, the author recommends the residents of Clearview to vote for Ann Green instead of Frank Braun, since Ann Green could solve the environmental problems in Clearview. To illustrate the recommendation, the author point out that Ann Green is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, which is obviously an organization friendly to the environment; in contrast, Frank Braun made the environmental situation of Clearview worse that the number of people who get respiratory illnesses even increased. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and is therefore unconvincing.

To begin with, the author claims that Frank Braun and other members of the current council are not protecting the environment of Clearview simply because the number of factories in Clearview has doubled during the past few years, and the author unfairly assumes that these factories have caused series air pollutions. However, no evidence shows that the author’s assumption is right. It is entirely possible that these factories have taken measures to control the pollution, or the production of these factories does not pollute the air at all. For example, in the factories making clothes, the sewing machines cannot cause any air pollution. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the new built factories, the author cannot convince me that his recommendation is sound.

Even assuming that the new factories did pollute the air, the author concludes too hastily that the increasing patients with respiratory illnesses are caused by the air pollution. Common sense tells me that the factors could cause respiratory illnesses could be a lot, for instance, allergies to flower seeds, inherited diseases, or even colds could lead to severe respiratory illnesses. According to the argument, the author neither did any surveys about the causing reasons of the increasing respiratory illness patients, nor showed any evidence that the diseases are not caused by any other reasons besides the air pollution. Since the argument fails to account for these alternative explanations for the respiratory illnesses, the author cannot make any sound recommendations to the residents.

Finally, the author unfairly assumes that Ann Green can help the resident to solve the environmental problems simply based on the fact that Ann is a member of the Good Earth Coalition. The fact, however, could only show that Ann is concerned about the environmental problems,
the article provides no evidence that Ann know how to become a good mayor. It is entirely possible that Ann lacks the management skills and the situation may become even worse, or the new factories promote the economy of Cleanview in a great way and even Ann Green does not want to change the situation after balancing----if the pollution is slight. After all, it is unfair to conclude that Ann Green will solve all of the environmental problems the author mentioned without considering other possible situations, and the author cannot convince me that his or her recommendation is sound.

In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it the author must assure me that the new built factories did pollute the air severely and even caused the people get respiratory illness. The author must also provide clear evidence that Ann Green has enough skills and experience to manage a town well, and she will always put the environmental problems before every other problems else.


我知道我写的很烂，但是明天就考试了，还是请大家给点建议，帮我怎么改一改，这种水平能拿个几分？
拜谢各位！
4 K

Esther912UID: 2731872

自己顶顶，很着急啊，求大家帮助！