进军美利坚学习组作文修改坊Season2【9-13起恢复】

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

关于模板: 模板是可以用的尤其是在写作文的初期. 用的好处是可以比较快的进入写作文的模式中. 但是在考试中不主张用传统模板, 在练习时候尽量使模板转成自己的形式, 使自己的作文与众不同. 对于语法和词汇比较逊色的板油来说, 首尾段如果模板痕迹比较强但是中间段落又薄弱的话那么分数就会稍低, 因为文章会有连接上的断痕. 无论怎样还是主张采用自己的模板.' Y9 v7 M: r( ~/ j: v+ G9 P/ q

关于字数: 写到400多甚至500+真的很佩服! 但是更重要的是你有没有回答作文问题, 有没有走题呢? 如果回答的恰到好处即使字数没有400也会是GOOD. 我的亲身经历一次作文360多得了GOOD, 一次是400多字但是就是F了. 我总结了下写360那次例子很贴近生活, 也很生动而且结构紧密. 400字的作文例子也不错就是有点走题跟题目不太贴近. 总之大家不要太纠结于字数问题, 当然要在规定的字数范围内, 否则太少的字也很难表达你想表达的思想.# E1 r) [& J# b: K) ^


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1 模板。请远之。
2 字数。请随意。
3 思路。请清晰。

尽力用自己有限的理解帮助大家提高作文水平。但是 改作文毕竟很费工夫，所以每天2篇。大家请排队。
大家每天发帖上来。然后顺带一份word附件。最后我会回复一份word的修改稿。
同时 大家有问题可以随时pm我。每日都会在线n次。n久。所以~~ 能及时回复。

By wuqian

严禁占楼 或者 连续po n篇上来修改  ——所有无关作文的东东 我就杀掉啦~~
如果有需要马上修改 请及早pm我
ps: 考前3天 不建议修改


8-26   superchaos<已改> 10楼
          serena-blue  <已改> 13楼
          S酱(M) <未改> *今天特殊。


ps: 之前遗漏童鞋的所有作文将在9-14前全部改好。并逐一pm各位来验收~ 鞠躬道歉！

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

自己顶一下~~~欢迎大家来·

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

沉得太厉害了—————— 自己再顶————

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

帮顶~~我给你宣传去，O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

S酱UID: 2883188

谢谢楼主～不过楼主人捏？

superchaosUID: 2863434

25th AUG Independent Writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

Of various things that a job offers people, the payment is definitely an important consideration. Meanwhile, different salary levels undoubtedly reflect different vacation systems. As for me personally, I incline to choose a job with a high salary but less vacation time, compared with the one with more vacation time but a low salary.

First, amongst the various considerations of an ideal job, such as salary standards, vacation schedules, and work environment etc., it is the high payment that I care most when looking for a job. Born in 1980s and raised up when our country is being developing at an unprecedented speed, I am deeply influenced by the severe competition and the brutal living environment. To lead a better life, I have to earn a lot of money merely to support a big family in great poverty, not to mention to satisfy my own needs. In our generation, working with low salary means you are tagged as loser. If that is the case, everything in your life is devastating: you are deprived from the good opportunity to date with a beautiful girl, and you will feel humiliated in front of old classmate who have made a lot of fortune, even worse, you have no confidence to go back to class reunion annually. Once it is associated with prestige and comparison, the income level seems to be the most powerful weapon. Nobody is willing to lose this battle. All they are striving for is to get rewarded by an agreeable payment when looking for a job. What about the leisure? What about the vacation plans?
I have to admit it is my last consideration.

Aside from this, less vacation time means that I would cherish every chance more when I have a vacation. It is acknowledged that whatever you do, the more time you do, the less pleasure you will enjoy. So does this principle apply to this phenomenon. I regard vacations as a valuable compensation for daily work. Once a vacation is scheduled for me, I would definitely enjoy it, totally forget all the annoyance, and play freely with my family or companions. That is the essence of a vacation, and it does not alter by the times of vacation you have.

As I grow old, I may demand for more vacations and concern less about the salary I gain, but right now, I definitely choose a job with high salary even though it offers less vacation time.

写完感觉自己跑题了……又感觉没有..请斑竹指点~~辛苦啦~~

serena-blueUID: 2811284

多谢版主。。
PS，还发错地方了，刚刚，囧了。。。。

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

Telephone and television, as the two most typical tools of communication brought by the rapid development of technology has influence people in different aspects. The telephone shortens the distances between people and makes it easy for people to contact each other in a simple and convenient way while television has more on effects on people’s spiritual life. Generally speaking, the effects brought by television overweigh the telephone, both positively and negatively.

From a personal standpoint, television provides humans with relaxation and enjoyment. In other words, television plays a role as an entertainment in people’s everyday life while the telephone cannot reach. People nowadays can easily find whatever programs they like on the television show, making themselves comfortable and relaxing without going outside. The talent show program, which is now widely spread across the world offers people great opportunity to immerse them in laughter and has formed a new culture that encourages people to express themselves. Television, to some extent, serves as not only a kind of entertainment, but also a tool for generating new culture.

Socially speaking, television controls people’s ideas towards many things by providing specific information while filtering others. There was once an idea that prevailed in both the field of advertisement and journalism, saying “The media cannot decide how you think, but it did perform well on determining what you think”. This is true when it comes to media like television. Television influences people’s mind by offering programs that benefit the interest groups and omit information that is not good for them. In other word, television sometimes serves as a tool for strengthening powers of certain groups of people and due to this, audience sometimes cannot get a full image of things, thus, they have to figure out things by using other ways like the Internet. In this sense, television doesn’t seem good to people’s life because it conceals the fact sometimes, by which people will gradually forget something without realization or even change their perspective towards something, as the famous idea mentioned above says.

From the technical perspective, television overweighs telephone by enabling more people to be engaged in at the same time. In most occasions, people use telephone to communicate with someone one-to-one while television can perform well to millions of people simultaneously. This really saves time and improves efficiency, particularly when television acts as a station for broadcasting emergency like the recent disaster Mudslides in China. It absolutely works well than if we just call our families and friends by telephone one by one.

Taking all these factors into consideration, television has more effects, both positively and negatively on people’s life than telephone does.


这篇文是817的作文训练，没想到821就考到了...我821考的，所以还蛮幸运的。但是说实话不是很有底，不知这篇文章是否紧扣题目（do you agree or disagree with the statement. The telephone has a greater effect on people's life than the television has?）呢. 希望能得到版主的指点。谢：）

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

顶～咱第一个报名了哈～PDF行么～咱电脑里没有word……
S酱 发表于 2010-8-26 16:57

没有word 起码贴上来

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

superchaos
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:) x2 s* c. e& I( q# r  W
A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time

makeithappenUID: 2585223

综合写作可以改不？tpo9
The lecture successfully contradicts the future of hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine by pointing out its three weaknesses. Simultaneously, the speaker completely refutes the passage by demonstrating that the evidences of supporting hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine in the reading material largely result from the ignorance and prejudice.

To begin with, the lecture mentions the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is not easily available recently. In order to make the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine, the engineer must transform the hydrogen into liquid state. And this process requires advanced cold technology which is not easily to utilize now. Although hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is renewable resources as the passage says, lacking of sufficient technology makes hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine hard to become popular.

Secondly, the factories of hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine produce large pollution. Comparing with the passage indicting that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine create nothing harmful in the process of powering the car, the speaker points out that the producing process requires bursting oil and some other resources, which definitely increases the pollution problems. This directly jeopardizes what the passage says.

Thirdly, the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine might not necessary economic, since the manufactory for fuel-cell engine is very expensive. No cheaper alternatives can lead the fuel-cell engine into electricity. Thus although the fuel-cell engine is more effective than internal-combustion, it will not save money for sure.

In a nutshell, the speaker raises a issue that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine has a great deal of disadvantages. This point contradicts with the statement that Fuel-cell engines will probably soon replace the internal-combustion demonstrated by the passage.
8.26IntegratedWriting.doc (27.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2010-8-26 21:02:52 上传

下载次数: 0

zenglingyuanUID: 2773905

try to sever different job before take a career in a long term
  As things stand now, whether a young should try to sever different job before take a career in a long term have triggered a hot discussion. The follower declare that youngs could gain  more  valuable  experience and enlarger their socity circle. The objector suspect that it is waste money and time to do that.so many people,so many minds. To my perspective, I supports the former suggestion . My reasons can be illustrated as follow.

  It is essential for youngs to find their own interested file. Nowadays, so many parents come to award high marks for the people who choose a  high-paid job at sacrifice of their own interest. Parents named it "mature". This words only add up to a great barrier for teenager who wants to find their own path.  Be yourself. Find yourself. Money will come with people who respect for who you are .So Youngs need opportunities and time to find what is he really want. More important,every time the youngs change the job,they can be more and more mature. For instance. one of my friends, who graduate from the school, have changed 3 jobs within one year, we all thought that he gave up the position of a police for working in BDHW,which aim at the homeless children ,is inavisible. But he told us he never felt life is so meaningful.

  What is more, With different job experience, a young could work more efficient. To understand the idea better, let us look the connection between diiferent jobs.The taxi driver request the responsibilty, which still need for being a police. If a waitress wants more tips, she has to work more careful. The same goes a worker. A master of artist and businessman grasp how to control themselves under the pressure. Therefore we can draw a conclusion that a young who spend their all life on one job can not be compared with his same age peer who have different  jobs experience. The reason is simple, the more experience you have, the more expert you can be in it.

  Furthermore, experience is only part of explanation, perhaps the most remarkable about changing job is more friends. Changing your job, you could know an amount of friends. When you  fail to take some important factor in you program, who help you correct it? When you feel depressed about your job,who gave you a smile to encourage you? When you are promote a new position, who do you want to celebrate with? I believe the answer is friends. Thus, The young ,who have more friends, will keep a positive attitude to life and more good at communication. That vital for their life.

  Given the factors that I have outlined it is wise to support the statement that youngs should sever different  job before take a career in a long term

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

Serena Blue
8-25

niunianUID: 2864048

麻烦了~~Younger school children (aged five to ten)should be required to study art and music in addition to math, language,science and history

superchaosUID: 2863434

Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most important factor to successful development of country?

Technology, science, education, medical care, etc, none of these factors should be considered as first priority strategy to ensure the successful development of a country. They should all be treated equally. Therefore, hardly can anyone rank that of improving schools as the most important factor when sketch the future of the country. The successful development of a country is so complex a plan that myriad of aspects should be taken into account. As a crucial impetus of social improvement, technology plays a significant role for either promoting the fundamental conditions world widely or facilitating people the new standard of daily lives. The more advanced the technology is applied, the more convenient life would be, which is basic for a country to develop successfully. Meanwhile, science, as the critical guided principle, is leading people to better understand the continuous changeable world. As science being progressing, the path for a country to the successful development could be built more and more stably. Moreover, to generally enhance people’s abilities and broaden their knowledge for the future demands of a country, education is being emphasized significantly, whose process lasts for years, even decades. Combined all these considerations, there is no way to put the improvement of schools in the first place to fulfill the successful development of a country.

Aside from these micro factors, the relatively limited scope of improving schools cannot benefit all people in the country for sure. As complicated as society itself, people tends to choose their particular ways to approach success, which means not all of them have access to enter in universities to study. Since the successful development of a country requires improvement of all people, this limitation largely confines the general influence of schools. Therefore, this strategy should not be regarded as the most important factor as for the future of nation. However, at the same time, the significance of schools should not be questioned, and theirs consistent development should be satisfied.

To guarantee a country to develop successfully, a lot of considerations should be designed and scheduled. Of all these factors such as technology, science or schools, etc, none of them should be ranked as first priority, nor does the improvement of schools.