3G重新出发+互改小组紧急集合

炸鸡胖死人UID: 2681594

第一次发练习贴。。。虽然这次是第三次准备AW了，但好久不写，有点生疏。。。望拍砖。。。本人铁头，不怕痛


Argument
TOPIC: ARGUMENT23 - A recent sales study indicated that consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent over the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurants that specialize in seafood. Moreover, the majority of families in Bay City are two-income families, and a nationwide study has shown that such families eat significantly fewer home-cooked meals than they did a decade ago but at the same time express more concern about eating healthily. Therefore, a new Bay City restaurant specializing in seafood will be quite popular and profitable.
WORDS: 517
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-8-26 14:42:25

No matter a restaurant, a cinema, or a real estate agency, the pillar to be popular and profitable lies in consumers' need to their goods or services.
In marketing, only with certain purchasing power can customers’ want turn into need. Therefore, there are two factors should be taken into account: the want and the purchasing power. These two factors relate to the necessity of opening a new business. Besides, as any institution or organization will consider, the cost or the feasibility also matters.

In this case, the author recommends opening a restaurant specializing in seafood. To bolster his opinion, the writer points out the necessity of starting such a business, by illustrating the seafood consumption increase and blank situation of such a specialized place for seafood. The author also uses the national survey to support his idea that more families will eat outside instead of cooking at home. Admittedly, the writer offers some plausible viewpoints. However, there are still several facets that need further discussion and consideration.

To begin with, the great want for seafood is open to doubt. The mere fact that the consumption of these dishes increases 30% does not indicate that Bay City residents do have urgent and strong want to seafood. Without knowing the specific former number, we can not conclude that 30 percent increase is a considerable one.
Maybe there is a huge expand, but the consumption after the increase is still limited. Thus, to open a seafood restaurant is not marketable.
Besides, the fact that there is no currently operating restaurant in the city may demonstrate that the target market is not large and profitable enough.


Moreover, the national research tells little about the popularity of such a restaurant.
Even more two-income families seldom cooked at home, it does not mean that they will choose eating at restaurant instead. It is possible that they may eat at their parents' places, or they may eat their companies’ canteens--now more and more operations provide meals for their employees as welfare. And the concern about eating healthily does not equal that having seafood. Seafood is nutritious, but there are many other options like vegetables, fruits, and roughage.
So the nationwide study does not show that two-income families prefer seafood dishes. Granted that they do love seafood, the national survey may not apply to Bay City.

The below evidences does not constitute a strong want for seafood dishes.
So the very piece of the whole picture of marketing is missing. Besides, the author ignores customers' purchasing power. Maybe there is a want for seafood, but if consumers cannot afford these goods, the market still has no potential.

Even both of these factors are favorable, that is, the want turns into need with certain purchasing power, to open a restaurant will be popular and profitable is questionable. Maybe a general restaurant provided seafood is enough. Without knowing the cost and the relative human resources of such an operation, we cannot reach the conclusion that it is profitable.

In all, the recommendation has several logic flaws. Such decision before further investigation and consideration will be hasty.


结尾来不及了，所以就一句，我习惯留两分钟修改，会有一点头重脚轻。。。


我以前一直单打独斗，一来我们学校出国的人也不多，没几个可以互改的同学；二来我自己在英文杂志实习，老外多，不愁没人改没人评价。不过我的AW啊！！！只有3！！！哭。。。大概我们编辑比起ETS那帮沈兽，段数还差很多。。。

我要出去念新闻传媒这块。。。学校对作文都有较高的要求。。。非牛校都要5。。。望尘莫及！！！还是指望团结力量大啊！！！我9月6号上海考，有没有还没有找到组织的童鞋。。。我们就在这占个山头杀G吧！！！

oldfishdkUID: 2692510

这是我列的提纲和分析,供你参考一下吧,欢迎讨论
另外我QQ332869487，也是6/9在上海机考,有没有兴趣互改?
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TOPIC: ARGUMENT23 - A recent sales study indicatedthat consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percentover the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurantsthat specialize in seafood. Moreover, the majority of families in Bay City aretwo-income families, and a nationwide study has shown that such families eatsignificantly fewer home-cooked meals than they did a decade ago but at thesame time express more concern about eating healthily. Therefore, a new BayCity restaurant specializing in seafood will be quite popular and profitable.
________________________________________________________________________

Conclusion: a new Bay Cityrestaurant specializing in seafood will be quite popular and profitable
Evidence: consumption of seafooddishes has increased
Evidence:there are no currently operating city restaurants specializing in seafood
Evidence:nationwide study indicates that the majority of families in Bay City eat fewerhome-cooked meals than they did a decade ago and express more concern abouteating healthily
Argument1: To what extent has this consumption of seafood increased? A little plus alittle is still a little. There is no evidence showing the consumption isreally too large to be fulfilled with existing restaurants.
Argument2: Will seafood-specializing restaurant meet the customers’ demand? Forexample, these customers might think seafood as a dish, which is sometimesincluded in a meal, but not the theme of a meal.
Argument3: Does nationwide behavior pattern take effect in Bay City and in thosetwo-income families?
Argument4: Will two-income families go out for more meal since they reduce consumptionof home cooked food? For instance, they might buy more fast-frozen food insteadof going out for meals. Further, will these families prefer seafood? Noevidence is supported.
Argument5: Even if we suppose the two-income families would prefer seafood-specializingrestaurant, we cannot ignore the fact that we have not taken other kinds ofcustomers expect families into consideration. Under the extreme circumstances,percentage of families account for in the Bay City is too tiny, which means themajority of families are also few.
Argument6: Even though the demand for seafood-specializing is really huge, the demandswill cause lots of newly operating restaurant specializing in seafood, whichwill lead to a more competitive situation, which will not assure profits.




_________________________Your Argument__________________________________


No matter a restaurant, a cinema,or a real estate agency, the pillar to be popular and profitable lies inconsumers' need to their goods or services.In marketing, only with certain purchasing powercan customers’ want turn into need. Therefore, there are two factors should betaken into account: the want and the purchasing power. These two factors relateto the necessity of opening a new business. Besides, as any institution ororganization will consider, the cost or the feasibility also matters.

In this case, the author recommends opening arestaurant specializing in seafood. To bolster his opinion, the writer pointsout the necessity of starting such a business, by illustrating the seafoodconsumption increase and blank situation of such a specialized place forseafood. The author also uses the national survey to support his idea that morefamilies will eat outside instead of cooking at home. Admittedly, the writeroffers some plausible viewpoints. However, there are still several facets thatneed further discussion and consideration. [觉得开头过于冗长]
To begin with, the great want for seafood is opento doubt. The mere fact that the consumption of these dishes increases 30% doesnot indicate that Bay City residents do have urgent and strong want to seafood.Without knowing the specific former number, we can not conclude that 30 percentincrease is a considerable one. Maybe there is a huge expand, but theconsumption after the increase is still limited. Thus, to open a seafoodrestaurant is not marketable. Besides, the fact that there is no currently operatingrestaurant in the city may demonstrate that the target market is not large andprofitable enough.
Moreover, the national research tells little aboutthe popularity of such a restaurant. Even more two-income families seldomcooked at home, it does not mean that they will choose eating at restaurantinstead. It is possible that they may eat at their parents' places, or they mayeat their companies’ canteens--now more and more operations provide meals fortheir employees as welfare. And the concern about eating healthily does notequal that having seafood. [ that 去掉]Seafood is nutritious, but there are many other options like vegetables,fruits, and roughage. So the nationwide study does not show that two-incomefamilies prefer seafood dishes. [prefer seafood-specializing restaurant] Granted that they do love seafood, the national survey may not apply to Bay City.

The below [following] evidences does notconstitute a strong want for seafood dishes. So the very piece of the wholepicture of marketing is missing. [觉得这句话有语病,可以考虑把so去掉] Besides, the author ignores customers'purchasing power. Maybe there is a want for seafood, but if consumers cannotafford these goods, the market still has no potential. Even both of thesefactors are favorable, that is, [此处不该用that is吧,which means that] the want turns into need with certainpurchasing power, to open a restaurant will be popular and profitable is [still] questionable. Maybe a generalrestaurant provided seafood is enough. Without knowing the cost and therelative human resources of such an operation, we cannot reach the conclusionthat it is profitable.

In all, the recommendation has several logicflaws. Such decision before further investigation and consideration will behasty.


看了你的文章以后,我觉得你的思路是这样子的, 1)提出基本的出发点,即running a new business need both want andpurchasing power, 2)认为increase in consumption ofseafood并不一定意味着strong want, 3)认为nationwidesurvey不一定适用于Bay City,且调查结果不一定意味着go for a seafood-specializing restaurant, 4)提到了文中没有出现的因素,比如the residents cannot afford seafood,由此来证明不一定有很强的purchasing power
乍看之下似乎你的文章很有道理,但是我觉得有一个比较严重的问题.在Argument中,题目的要求是"Discuss how well reasoned youfind this argument.". 但你写的这个文章确是按照自己的出发点在进行推理,而不是对这篇文章的思路进行分析,反驳.不知道我这个观点对不对.
而且,个人觉得你每次展开的都不充分, Granted that they do love seafood, the national surveymay not apply to Bay City. 比如这一句,我觉得是一个较不错的point,但是你的文章到这里戛然而止.我觉得可以至少加一句: The preference, salary level,cultural difference or local tradition may change conclusion of the surveygreatly.
本人QQ332869487,也是上海6/9号考试,不妨加我一起互改吧?

炸鸡胖死人UID: 2681594

这是我列的提纲和分析,供你参考一下吧,欢迎讨论
另外我QQ332869487，也是6/9在上海机考,有没有兴趣互改?
________________________________________________________________________
TOPIC: ARGUMENT23 - A rece ...
oldfishdk 发表于 2010-8-26 20:58

谢谢谢谢~你有msn么。。。扣扣太多诱惑。。。msn是工作学习好帮手。。。哈哈~我的，rmy5411@hotmail.com

炸鸡胖死人UID: 2681594

3# 炸鸡胖死人

我觉得你第二点好中肯啊!!!我不太会能把握到底应该展开到什么程度~好比我开头展开了,就显得冗长了~我一不小心很容易变成话痨。。。不展开我自己也觉得不太有道理。。。指教啊！！！

第一点我不是看得很懂。。。我前两次都是用XDF模式的，G友们说这样不容易得高分，所以我就根据自己的方法写了。