写了篇雅思作文，求拍

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Some say that secondary school tend to spend less time on traditional subjects such as history and should spend more time on communication skill and business course .To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

There remain divergent opinions on this issue ,a prevalent phenomenon in secondary schools, as to whether students should spend more time on communication skill and business course or not. I agree that business and communication course should occupy so much of students’ time insofar as the traditional subjects such as history are of little value. Yet , we cannot actually ignore the pivotal role in certain aspect of children’s education.


Admittedly, technological innovations and political climate have transformed our relax lifestyle into competitive one. Such factors as informative explosion , peer pressure , Which made students feel helpless ,are result in the distinct attitude about subjects assigning. Majority of schools tend to impel students to accept more business and communication course in order to assist them to pursue an excellent career in future. Similarly, parenting has exerted impact on children and they are apt to be away from traditional subjects toward practical courses.


However, those sanction the statement fail to take into consideration that traditional subjects serve as a motivating force in cultivating students’ interests , values, mores. Those inspired by the courage and tenacity of great human in history course might decide as a result to pursue a career in archeology , oceanography ,or astrology. Simultaneously , traditional course such as history can help us appreciate past culture and formulate informed and reflective values and ideals. In addition, studying such traditional subjects as history lead us to avoid repeating those mistakes .On a societal level , history subject can enable students to apply the lesson rapidly and adopt a enlightened approach to solve those issue they face in life .

我没写结尾，因为结尾其实就是重复开头最后的观点

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5-5.5

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大侠，给批改一下行不？