被删掉的作文本。。。

S酱UID: 2883188

改好了～又打很多字＝ ＝
加油～

err0716UID: 2893957

09.03.21NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success.这是题目

Why do many people think that to remain happy and optimistic is more important than achieving success? Maybe they believe that keeping happy and optimistic can have more harvests than becoming success. However, I oppose this opinion. As for me, after we achieve success, we will know that having the strong encouragement and creativity are the success’ beddings（我好像没大看懂T_T感觉和题目要求。。关系不大？）, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint.

First of all, the mood of achieving success is based on the encouragement. For example, Nobel, he（who） is one of the most famous scientists all over the world. Once upon a time, he wanted to investigate new dynamite, though he had a distressingly grievous (grievance): his father was dead and his younger brother was suffered from this test, he still encouraged himself. Because he thought that if he kept considering, he would be删
achieve success. Consequently, he found new dynamite successful. As a result, we can understand that we can fail numerous times before we accomplish success, but we should encourage ourselves all the time. Because encouragement is the foundation about the success

The firs example above is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, which is that not only the encouragement, but also creativity is the another important reason. Bernard Shaw said: "The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them."(好句~) According to this sentence, we should create the chances when we near to（near to是相似，be about to好点）
abandon. For example, I have a friend, Alex; he was dismissed by GM, because GM was fallen into financial crisis. However, he did not surrender to the status; he created a new company, the main investigation about hedge funds in China. Because this fund is the new and profound knowledge in China, he was easy to success. According to this passage, I think that how to achieve success?（Can we find the way to success?） Having a strong creativity is one of the most important reasons.

Of course, compared with achieving success, to remain happy and optimistic when we fail sometimes has the other experience; we can transfer our stress to the other thing（optimistic attitude）. In this way, we can be easy to regroup ourselves（we can easily regroup ourselves）. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is. At the same time, I think that my description can conquer all opposes.(这种论证方法值得学习！)

In conclusion, although some people still support their viewpoint：There are many harvests when they remain their happy and optimistic, I still trust my own perspective: we can learn the essences in archiving success, so it is more important than keep+ing happy and optimistic.


个人想法～仅供参考^^
红色是改的地方，粉色是觉得更好的表达法，蓝色是值得我学习的^^

err0716UID: 2893957

10.7的是咱们一组吧？~ 请批阅^^多谢喽

jcf2008UID: 2681015

09.03.21NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success.这是题目

Why do many people think that to remain happy and optimistic is more important than achieving success? Maybe they believe that keeping happy and optimistic can have more harvests than becoming success. However, I oppose this opinion. As for me, after we achieve success, we will know that having the strong encouragement and creativity are the success’ beddings（飞了飞了!）, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint.

First of all, the mood of achieving success is based on the encouragement. For example, Nobel, he is one of the most famous scientists all over the world. Once upon a time, he wanted to investigate new dynamite, though he had a distressingly grievous: his father was dead and his younger brother was suffered from this test, he still encouraged himself. Because he thought that if he kept considering, he would be achieve success. Consequently, he found new dynamite successful. As a result, we can understand that we can fail numerous times before we accomplish success, but we should encourage ourselves all the time. Because encouragement is the foundation about the success(感觉有些例子和主题搭不上边~)

The firs example above is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, which is that not only the encouragement, but also creativity is the another important reason. Bernard Shaw said: "The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them." （背下来了~强人）According to this sentence, we should create the chances when we near to abandon.（我见识面太窄了~） For example, I have a friend, Alex; he was dismissed by GM, because GM was fallen into financial crisis. However, he did not surrender to the status; he created a new company, the main investigation about hedge funds in China. Because this fund is the new and profound knowledge in China, he was easy to success. According to this passage, I think that how to achieve success? Having a strong creativity is one of the most important reasons.(还是感觉飞得有些远了。原题是问：失败了也能积极面对比成功更重要；而不是成功的要素吧)

Of course, compared with achieving success, to remain happy and optimistic when we fail sometimes has the other experience; we can transfer our stress to the other thing. In this way, we can be easy to regroup ourselves. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is. At the same time, I think that my description can conquer all opposes.（太霸气）

In conclusion, although some people still support their viewpoint：There are many harvests when they remain their happy and optimistic, I still trust my own perspective: we can learn the essences in archiving success, so it is important than（感觉这样表达有些怪~） keeping happy and optimistic.
语言功底挺好的，而且还能应用些名人名言~加分。但感觉论证上偏题有些严重，可能是题目不太熟悉吧。总之，如果论证好了，文章一定分不错哦~