被删掉的作文本。。。

dadafanUID: 2659273

昨天已经改过
可网络似乎有问题
传不上附件，拖到现在

canonleeUID: 2827997

终于可以上传附件了！
修改情况见附件！
9.4大组.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 19)

2010-9-6 08:24:28 上传

下载次数: 19

我爱englishUID: 2897335

你有邮箱么，我发给你吧，我不能发附件

我爱englishUID: 2897335

都是些个人意见，不对的地方不要介意啊:D

我爱englishUID: 2897335

你有帮我判作文么

Icybaby77UID: 2893399

6# chenyyalex

wttyuseUID: 2755832

http://www.rayfile.com/zh-cn/fil ... -a791-0015c55db73d/  批改稿在此链接，麻烦下一下

zsy2912371UID: 2852365

do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is
better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

Nowadays, some people think having a high salary job but being easy to lose that(不要) they can be easy to become rich. However, some people, like me, do not realize how much salary we have because we do not care（about） it. I support that having low salary and being high secure because we have enough time to learn other subjects, and to support philanthropy.

First of all, why we should learn other subjects when we have free time? Although we just have low salary, we can still use the spare time to learn knowledge. A celebrity said:" Never too late to learn." Consequently, we can use knowledge to enrich ourselves; we should not think our knowledge has already full enough. Although we have a few（little） salary, we cannot buy some luxury things like rich men, we have knowledge to equip us. Compared with low salary job（s）, if people have high salaries but being easy to lost, they must always concerning（no ing）
their jobs, and they have not any energy to study. As I see, if we have secure jobs, we should still study in spare time, because knowledge is never full enough.

This example is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, that is in China, the philanthropically donation just has a few. Why? Because numerous of people have not（no） extra energy to donate, they have paying attention to their jobs though they have high salaries. In addition, if people just have low salaries and being high secure, most of them will be glad to donate, because they have free time to think that how to return the society. For example, Jet Li, he is a famous actor in China. When he was young, he was just concerned about how to have a high fame and wealth. The indispensable reason is: he had not enough time to have a perfect project to return, if he was plan it on that time, he would be quickly to lose his status, because in Chinese entertainment, if stars had not any movie exhibited to customers. After he has all glories, he creates a foundation calls Yi Yuan foundation. This foundation is used helping most of victims. As a result, although most of people have minds about how to return society, they have not any energy and afraid lose their jobs.

Of course, people have a high salary and being low secure that has also some advantages, such as they can be become rich quickly, because salaries are higher than having a low salary's people. However, a celebrity said: High risks high return. Consequently, if people having salaries and being low secure jobs, they will also have high pressure.

In conclusion, although numerous of advocates support that they prefer to choose a low secure but have being high salary, I still trust myself: if people like to have comfortable and stable jobs, like me, we should choose having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure. Because having these jobs, we will be easy to find loose environment.

两个理由想的都是不错的 Jet Li的用的也很恰当
注意一下语言的简洁性，比如说Li的例子有点过长
注意一下语法错误

tracyqian17UID: 2768321

Nowadays, some people think having a high salary job but being easy to lose that they can be easy to become rich. However, some people, like me, do not realize how much salary we have because we do not care（about） it. I support that having low salary and being high secure because we have enough time to learn other subjects, and to support philanthropy.' j! W& Q0 q$ j
8 u  O/ @, j+ K) H
First of all, why we should learn other subjects when we have free time? Although we just have low salary, we can still use the spare time to learn knowledge. A celebrity said:" Never too late to learn." Consequently, we can（are able to） use knowledge to enrich ourselves; we should not think our knowledge has already full enough. Although we have a few salary, we cannot buy some luxury things like rich men, we have knowledge to equip us. Compared with low salary job（jobs）, if people have high salaries but being easy to lost, they must always concerning（people who having high salaries but being easy to lost always  concern）
their jobs, and (perhaps) they have not any energy to study. As I see, if we have secure jobs, we should still study in spare time, because knowledge is never full enough.
* `4 f6 Q# S' k$ c2 \
This example is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, that is in China, the philanthropically donation just has a few. Why? Because numerous of people have not（no） extra energy to donate, they have paying attention to their jobs though they have high salaries. In addition, if people just have low salaries and being high secure, most of them will be glad to donate, because they have free time to think that how to return the society. For example, Jet Li, he is a famous actor in China. When he was young, he was just concerned about how to have a high fame and wealth. The indispensable reason is: he had not enough time to have a perfect project to return, if he was plan it on that time, he would be quickly to lose his status, because in Chinese entertainment, if stars had not any movie exhibited to customers. After he has all glories, he creates a foundation calls Yi Yuan foundation. This foundation is used helping most of victims. As a result, although most of people have minds about how to return society, they have not any energy and afraid lose their jobs.6 b. B5 ]- [; a1 y- j' I/ D+ D
% R1 h3 S9 e" c" v1 ^# q
Of course, people have a high salary and being low secure that has also some advantages, such as they can be become rich quickly, because salaries are higher than having a low salary's people. However(这地方不要转折吧？), a celebrity said: High risks high return. Consequently（therefore）, if people having salaries and being low secure jobs, they will also have high pressure.0 [# P7 H1 R$ m' _. i2 A6 J

In conclusion, although numerous of advocates support that they prefer to choose a low secure but have being high salary, I still trust myself: if people like to have comfortable and stable jobs, like me, we should choose having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure. Because having these jobs, we will be easy to find loose environment.

整体逻辑很不错，值得学习！
语言上能不能简练些？
个人意见，有问题互拍！