canonlee的独立写作小组的作业帖

canonleeUID: 2827997

大家狠狠拍

9.2日作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.


Lots of students in universities take part-time jobs today. People who criticize this phenomenon say that students should spend their time on their courses. Other people, including these students who take part-time job, may have different opinions. From my point of view, in order to make a conclusion, we should take a case-by-case study.

Firstly, students who don’t really know their interests should take part-time jobs. Before attending universities, few students in China have an idea of what they want to do in their future. They choose their majors not according to their interests, but scores they get in college entrance examination, whose result is that many students hate their majors. To make things worse, they have little chance to change their majors in universities. As a result, taking part-time jobs becomes an efficient and almost only way to find what their interests are, and to discover their ability. Additionally, those objectors should realize the fact that perplexed students are easily addicted to computer games, which causes failure in their majors and lose of possibility of their future too. Therefore, taking part-time jobs can help students understand themselves better.

Secondly, practice is necessary for students both in technology and social sciences. Technologies, especially computer technology, develop so quickly that students who don’t take internship programs may find their knowledge too old to understand the most popular technology after graduation. And all top IT corporations wish to hire people with practical experiences, or they have to spend large amount of money and time to train his employees. Similarly, students of social sciences, like economics and management also have to do part-time jobs. Theories may be important, but for people in these fields, social relationship, adaptability to unpredictable environment, communication seems more important, and these things can’t be learned from textbooks and classes.

Finally, things may be different for students who commit themselves to fundamental sciences, such as mathematics and theoretical physics. For these students, their time should be spent in libraries for reading, calculating, reasoning and deduction, discussing with their teachers and classmates, or be spent in laboratories to do experiments and analyze their results. Even so, students in these areas still feel too much stress. The reason is that these fields have contribution of so many geniuses in history, which makes today’s students have to learn much more than their predecessors. In 1900, when quantum mechanics was founded, physicists don’t have to learn quantum mechanics, general relativity and quantum field theory as students now. Therefore, students in these fields need more and more time to learn enough to be physicists in their future, taking part-time jobs seem not necessary and impossible for them.

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

写得很好~
只有电脑游戏那个例子后面的总结，有点小问题。

各种好话不多说了。。。在这么短的时间内做分类讨论，又想每类都做的很详尽，是很难做到的。所以建议就抓住一个方面写丰满就行了，而且这样结构会更加清楚。这篇文章，每个方面都写得很具体，实战中可能很难做到这样吧。还有，最后一段的细节显得有些琐碎了。用一、二、最后这样的形式未免有些僵化，可以过渡更自然一些，特别是这样两面写的文章。最好能有个总结，不然会有戛然而止的感觉。

canonleeUID: 2827997

大家狠拍！写的还是太慢了，要加快速度！！！
PS: 错字我已经用word改过来了
9.4作业
09.08.01 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life.

In this era of commercial society, criterions of success are always wealth and social level. And lots of people have no objection to this situation, and they spend too much time and energy to make others know their strengths and accomplishments. Life for them is just tired. For me, success not means more money and higher position, but happiness and satisfaction in our daily life, including both work and leisure time.

First of all, working shouldn't be boring and waste of time in our mind. What we should do is working hard and makes good relationship with co-workers. And it is natural that influential people will pay attention to all his employees, so that it is always clear for them whether we have ability or not, or our accomplishments are good or bad. On the other hand, kick-ass who does nothing but adulating their employers easily get reverses results. Their bosses may think they are not honest and lazy, who should be fired soon, and their relationship with their colleagues can’t be good. As a result, he can get nothing but sadness in their work.

Moreover, life not only means work, we all have much leisure time. In my free time, I will read, watch movies and do exercises, all of which distract my attention from busy work. Reading books, especially novels, will make enter another world completely different from mine, which is really fruitful. I can learn more about other countries’ cultures, history in this process, or I can enter into the authors' figments--helpful for my imagination. Similar things include watching movies, learning concerts and so on. While doing exercises is different, I like play ball games and running. Take running for example, it greatly solidify my body and willpower as well. In the beginning, I never believed that I can run 10 kilometers one time, but now I even decide to take my first marathon this autumn in Beijing. In a word, these things teach me a lot and make me feel satisfied, which I thing the highest level of success.

To sum up, everyone should have their own standard of success. It should be rational according with our ability and what kind like we want. If we always take other persons' criterion as our own, especially these people great successful in history, we will not feel satisfied and happiness when we get little progress. This will cause us lose our confidence to keep going for our dreams, and success becomes impossible.

风起云落UID: 2833888

谢谢点评~~
回改，能力有限，望多包涵！

canonleeUID: 2827997

非常感谢修改，提的意见很好！
我会努力改进的！
5# 风起云落

canonleeUID: 2827997

9.7作业
真诚球拍！！！
写的速度有所提高，但还需提高！
9.7.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 27)

2010-9-6 17:27:12 上传

下载次数: 27

canonleeUID: 2827997

9.9作业
求拍！！！
9.9.doc (21.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2010-9-9 17:31:48 上传

下载次数: 7

yishanchengUID: 2894733

2009.8.7 NA  是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices.

Parents all hope their children to be successful and healthy, so they always make choices for their children according to their criterions of success and habits. This is rational when children are too young to make their own choices, but when children grow older; they should gradually learn to make choices by themselves, which is helpful for their development and future. （总的来说很好，但观点鲜明点更好。）

To begin with, young children have little knowledge and experiences to make rational choices. They have no idea what is important for their future. For instance, parents today may let their children learn musical instruments in their leisure time, but children tend to object their parents' decision, and they are more willing to play (be willing to 后用动名词，改为playing)
computer games or watch (同样，改为watching) television all weekends. Actually, music is helpful for children's development in intelligence and imagination as well, though they may not all become musicians in their future. Similarly, candy and beverage are always children's favorite, and children often take these things (foods ) as their diet rather than rice and soup. As a result, children, who are obese and with bad teeth, are much more than ever before. In order to solve the issue, parents should make their children's diet choices. (good，但再改改，有些用词不准确)

Moreover, children should learn how to make their own choices in their growing process, and finally they can make their choices independently. To make their own choices, children have to learn more about problems they face, find their strongpoint and weakness and refer other people's experiences and opinions. They can learn problems solving strategies and how to deal with other people's suggestions to avoid hurting them, which will great useful in teamwork. In addition, although children may make bad choices, they can also learn much from them. People who can learn more from their failure and don't lose their confidence will get greater success. What parents should do is lead their children to the right direction and encourage them make their choices independently. （用个具体例子更好）

To sum up, parents should make choices for their children for they are ignorant when they are too young, and they should help their children to make their own choices independently. For children, they can learn much in order to make a good choice.
建议：1，观点不太明确

2，有些词用得不恰当
3
最好就说一个方面，分类有时会使观点模糊
继续，加油!

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

With the development of industry in 20th century, movies have become a part of people's daily life. It is rational to say that we learn much from movies, (and these we learned) which can be used in real life. However, watching movies have other merits, such as joy and being helpful for imagination and thoughts.

First of all, movies do teach us much about real life. Watching the same movie may takes people different experiences and lessons. I learn from Forest Gump that I should never give up and keep my confidence forever, while other people think that people must be simple to get (real merits) true essence of their life. In addition, movies are always with diverse background, including cultures, countries and natural scenes, so that we can learn myriad things about worlds we have not chances to visit, or distinct life styles that we can try in our future. In a word, movies teach us much about real life.

Nevertheless, movies don't all have to have real worthiness, and they can take us just fun, or make us ponder over some interesting issues or ideas. (In the era of commercial society, to make a fortune, all movies companies produce large amounts of movies that make people swarm into theatres, consume on other commodities, like popcorn and beverage.)这句描述性的句子似乎写多了点，本质上电影的多少与其娱乐功能并无直接关系。 And watching movie make people release from stress in their work or schools, have fun with their friends and families. Moreover, movies make people think over serious issues and ideas. Take Inception for example, its exposition of dreams makes people discuss the movie from all kinds of perspectives after watching it. Actually, friends around me even become interested in psychology and cognitive behaviors after they watched the movie. Movies like this are really helpful for ordinary people's imagination and thoughts.

To sum up, movies teach us much about daily life, for their recourses are from real life, but that doesn't mean movies just the mirror of real life. Movies can be just fun for people, or they can tell us much about this colorful world, or even motivate our imagination and thoughts to ponder over some ultimate questions, and to learn more. Therefore, it is worthy watching all kinds of movies.
1、        缺点难找，盗梦空间的例子不错；
2、        第一段最后一句暗示读者中间两段会分述电影的娱乐功能和引人学习的功能，实际上没有，建议将第三段分成两段，以显示楼主论证之充分；
3、       向你学习

canonleeUID: 2827997

写的不好，欢迎狠拍!
Despite of great improvement of medical facilities and medicines, the best method to keep heath is still doing exercises. So I strongly support that government should pay more attention to build sports facilities than art museum or music performance. I have three reasons to support my statements.

First of all, sports facilities are crucial for people's health. People today are always busy in their working, and they have little time to do exercises. They will choose watching television or play computer games after one day's tired work. To make things worse, there is little public space for them to do sports. Cars, skyscrapers, wide roads are common in my city, but it is hard to find suitable place to play ball games rather than in schools. Everyday, large number of people plays football on sports ground in my university, and one filed is divided into tens of small pieces. Therefore, it is not hard to imagine that most people just don't do exercise now, which is really bad for their heath. Government should pay enough attention to this issue. What they should do is building recreational facilities, and encouraging more people to do exercises to keep healthy.

Moreover, sports are helpful to enhance social relationship and sports facilities provide people with public space for communication. I often play basketball with friends in my spare time, which not only improve our friendship, but also teach me a lot in teamwork. Also, I met new friends on sports ground, some of whom are my close friend now. Besides, lots of companies choose sports games as their means of communication. It is obvious that a team with high moral will be a good partner.

Finally, we have several other ways to enjoy arts or music other than museums or music performance. First, internet has become the most popular way to get information, so more and more artists now publicize their work on internet. If it is really good, it will soon be popular around the world. Second, new technologies have made it possible to make three-dimensional image of artworks, and too many tourists are harmful for some masterpieces. Therefore, new kinds of technology like this should be supported. In addition, visiting exhibition or attending live performance is still too expensive for most people in our country. In order to improve people’s artistic appreciation, education is the most important now for my country.

To sum up, building recreational facilities is crucial to keep people healthy, and sports ground is a good place to enhance social relationships, so government should pay enough attention to building swimming pool and play ground. While for museums or music performance, we can choose other ways to enjoy them or it is not suitable to support too much to them is such a developing country like China.
9.11.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2010-9-11 20:55:57 上传

下载次数: 0

littleecho33UID: 2876349

Despite of great improvement of medical facilities and medicines, the best method to keep heath is still doing exercises. So I strongly support(be supportive of ) that government should pay more attention to build sports facilities than art museum or music performance. I have three reasons to(3 reasons will) support my statements(as follows).

First of all, sports facilities are crucial for people's health. People today are always busy in their working, and they have little time to do exercises. They will choose watching television or play computer games after one day's tired work. To make things worse, there is little public space for them to do sports. Cars, skyscrapers, wide roads are common in my city, but it is hard to find suitable place to play ball games rather than in schools. Everyday, large number of people plays football on sports ground in my university, and one filed is divided into tens of small pieces. Therefore, it is not hard to imagine that most people just don't do exercise now, which is really bad for their heath(do harm to). Government should pay enough attention to this issue. What they should do is building recreational facilities, and encouraging more people to do exercises to keep healthy.2 z. E& J' |/ l3 \  f0 s5 Y

4 V* t. y3 Z  ?7 F; ]Moreover, sports are helpful to enhance social relationship and sports facilities provide people with public space for communication. I often play basketball with friends in my spare time, which not only improve our friendship, but also teach me a lot in teamwork. Also, I met new friends on sports ground, some of whom are my close friend now. Besides, lots of companies choose sports games as their means of communication. It is obvious that a team with high moral will be a good partner.
  S) n, d3 Q5 b/ G" S" L
; U# M! h9 m) |3 p) x+ B9 g1 C2 v0 PFinally, we have several other ways to enjoy arts or music other than museums or music performance. First, internet has become the most popular way to get information, so more and more artists now publicize their work on internet. If it is really good, it will soon be popular around the world. Second, new technologies have made it possible to make three-dimensional image of artworks, and too many tourists are harmful for some masterpieces. Therefore, new kinds of technology like this should be supported. In addition, visiting exhibition or attending live performance is still too expensive for most people in our country. In order to improve people’s artistic appreciation, education is the most important now for my country. 1 E* C/ g  S! W0 N, d( y

0 Q7 }% R- n; c# ]9 A; h1 sTo sum up, building recreational facilities is crucial to keep people healthy, and sports ground is a good place to enhance social relationships, so government should pay enough attention to building swimming pool and play ground. (While for museums or music performance, we can choose other ways to enjoy them or it is not suitable to support too much to them is such a developing country like China.
)删！累赘了. \# L3 V0 C8 l4 X) `) n" Z


这是一篇很流畅的托福作文，我觉得在用法用词方面还可以再雕琢一下 加油！

canonleeUID: 2827997

谢谢修改！我会努力改正的！
12# littleecho33

高小鱼UID: 2714619

我觉得作者的语言OK，最大的问题在于论点，尤其是分论点，太琐碎以致重点不突出，连贯性不强。建议作者自己好好修改下，我的意见仅作简单参考，如果不妥之处，请见谅。是很紧密

canonleeUID: 2827997

感谢你的修改！
根据你的修改意见，我已经对文章进行了重新整理，收获颇丰！
14# 高小鱼