作文贴by 米爆爆（小米+大米）

米爆爆UID: 2892134

我觉得他批我批得很有道理。
我作文跑题了。
诶。。。。。重写去。

17308001UID: 2737541

niunai

米爆爆UID: 2892134

纠结了好久。
天杀的综合。

S酱UID: 2883188

18# 米爆爆

三更半夜来改作文～
综合的问题有点多，加油～

米爆爆UID: 2892134

19# S酱
S酱姐。我们都是夜猫。哈哈

米爆爆UID: 2892134

独立
困死我了。
好混乱的独立。

JohnnyyUID: 2923505

Has Technology made children less creative than they were in the past

When it comes to technology, the majority of people strongly believe that it has a great deal of advantages to children such as TV can broaden children’s horizon; Computer can help children contact with the outside world; English learning machine can assist children to improve their english ability as soon as possible and so on. 开头不错啊But howevber(however), lay aside these benefits, some critic argue that the technology(technology) has made children less creative. From my point of view, I basically donot stand for the idea that the technology lower the children’ s ability of creation. Here comes to some consequential examples and reasons to support my idea.

To begin with, I would like to set my experiment as an example. When I was a little girl, taking a fancy of telecar(这个词是不是准确？), I always played with it. One day, when I played with my new telecar, implusively,（impulsively） I was attracted to the structure of the telecar because I wanted to know what motivate it to move and why I can control it just by the remote. So, after I had the long consideration, I decided to dissect the telecar. Well, as you can imagine, things would not end up with the dissection of the telecar. What’s more is that I rebuilded it and tried to add a pair of wing to it. After taking this experiment, I have fallen in love with creating new things. So that it is not hard for us to draw a conclusion from my experiment that the technology raises children’s curiosity which is the most important factor of creation.

What’s more, acknowledged by everyone that the creation is based on the current technology. So that children can accumulate the basic theory from the current technology and practice to form something existly（exactly？这句话有点乱，and两边是不是关系不明？）. Nothing can be more important than this process due to its function that can help the students to be similar with the process of creation and to make up the fundation（foundation） for creation. In addition , it also stimulate children to create when children have learn enough skill. No one can deny that people will not satisfy with the current situation, so do children. Learning the current technology, they will be stimulated to create something their own. From this point we can find out that the technology not only can raise children’s curiosity but also can stimulate them to create something new.
From what have been discussed above, Technology does not make the children less creative but more. Raising the children’s curiosity and stimulating the children’s to creat（creation）, current technology plays an important part in children’s creation.

总体写的还是不错啊，词汇能在丰富些就更好了

JohnnyyUID: 2923505

不知道为什么好多颜色没显示出来，见谅啊。。。

米爆爆UID: 2892134

23# Johnnyy
你能传附件的么？
o(╯□╰)o~  这样我瞄不出你 哪里没改哪里改了阿~  
但还是谢谢阿。由于三更半夜写的，。后面思维都混乱了。

米爆爆UID: 2892134

btw。telecar是遥控车~

米爆爆UID: 2892134

最后一个不懂写~好晕。我讨厌综合。

xjf1023UID: 2676396

When it comes to technology, the majority of people strongly believe that it has a great deal of advantages to children such as TV can broaden children’s horizon; Computer can help children contact with the outside world; English learning machine can assist children to improve their english ability as soon as possible and so on. But howevber, aside these benefits, some critic（critics） argue that the tchnology has made children less creative. From my point of view, I basically donot stand for the idea that the technology lower the children’ s ability of creation. Here comes to some consequential examples and reasons to support my idea.

To begin with, I would like to set my experiment as an example. When I was a little girl, taking a fancy of telecar, I always played with it. One day, when I played with my new telecar, implusively, I was attracted to the structure of the telecar(it) because I wanted to know what motivate(motivated) it to move and why I can control it just by the remote. So, after I had(删掉)the long consideration, I decided to dissect the telecar. Well, as you can imagin, things would not end up with the dissection of the telecar. What’s more is that I rebuilded it and tried to add a pair of wing to it. After taking this experiment, I have fallen in love with creating new things. So that it is not hard for us to draw a conclusion from my experiment that the technology raise children’s curiosity which is the most important factor of creation.(这个句子很好啊 把前面的例子很好的和主题联系起来了 赞一个)

What’s more, (it is 不加这个语法不通啊，不然把后面的that改成逗号也行)acknowledged by everyone that the creation is base(based) on the current technology. So that children can accumulate the basic theory from the current technology and practice to form something existly. Nothing can be more important than this process due to its function that can help the students to be similar(familiar) with the process of creation and to make up (of 没有of就是虚构啊) the fundation for creation. In addition , it also stimulate children to creat when children have learn enough skill. No one can deny that people will not(never) satisfy with the current situation, so do children. Learing the current technology, they will be stimulate to creat something their own. From this point we can find out that the technology not only can raise children’s curiosity but also can stimulate them to creat something new.（这一段写得不如第一段啊 是不是瞌睡的 呵呵没有例子显得不够说服力 说创造的基础是当代科技是不错的
但是和小孩子联系起来就有点牵强了啊 不如说现代科技的进步可以开阔小孩子的眼界 比如计算机和电视机 这样创造的基础就得到了积累 宽泛的说当代科技有点空洞呢）
From what have been discussed above, Technology does not make the children less creative but more. Raising the children’s curiosity and stimulating the children’s to creat, current technology plays an important part in children’s creation. (结尾段干净整洁 挺好的)


一家之言 谬误之处多多包涵~
1．整体思路很好啊 但是第二段要再有例子支撑就更好了~
2．拼写错误好多呢 我没有一个一个改。。。
3，句式多变用词准确 值得我学习~

米爆爆UID: 2892134

好吧，很烂。

17308001UID: 2737541

I like milk

taylor.1023UID: 2713071

很抱歉。修改来晚了。附件中！