酒香作文小组10月4日第一次习作，arguement 6

Boris21UID: 2915545

Argument 6:The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe. “A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."

Date: 6. Oct. 2010.
Time: 40 min
Words:351
   This loan applicant asserts that a jazz music club must be extremely profitable in Monroe. To support his viewpoint he mentioned several reasons and statistics. However, these evidences poorly support the applicant`s claim.
   Firstly, it is rather counterevidence than a proof that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe. If the resident had the enthusiasm for jazz, it would like to have one or two clubs in the town already. The lack of clubs indicates that the demand is inadequate.
   Secondly, the applicant tries to prove that residents love jazz music by presenting that every year in Monroe holds a jazz festival, the number of musician who live here is big and the highest-rated radio station in Monroe is “Jazz Nightly”. None of them is eloquent enough to persuade the readers. The annual festival held in Monroe may be for other reasons apart from popularity of jazz, and the visitors of this acoustic feast possibly come from other cities. Moreover, we can deduce that the musicians who live in Monroe may not work here from the fact that there is no club in Monroe. So this fact cannot be used as evidence. Besides, the applicant leaves us no answer for that could the radio listeners like to watch live show? Obviously, he failed to demonstrate that jazz is popular in Monroe.
   Finally, the statistic do nothing to corroborate running a jazz club is profitable. The nationwide study may not be representative of a certain city, especially for a city without jazz club. In addition, the $1,000 is the amount of money which every fan spends on jazz entertainment, but jazz entertainment also includes the expense of CDs and tapes. The applicant does not offer us the number of how much money people paid for club.
   To sum up, the applicant shows little evidence to support his idea. In order to complete his argument he at least needs to provide the answer to these questions: How many people live in Monroe willing to attend the annual festival? Do those “Jazz Nightly” fans also like to pay money for club?

waxtearUID: 2904420

This loan applicant asserts that a jazz music club must be extremely profitable in Monroe. To support his viewpoint he mentioned several reasons and statistics. However, these evidences poorly support the applicant`s claim.
   Firstly, it is rather counterevidence than a proof that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe. If the resident had the enthusiasm for jazz, it would like to have one or two clubs in the town already. The lack of clubs indicates that the demand is inadequate.
   Secondly, the applicant tries to prove that residents love jazz music by presenting that every year in Monroe holds a jazz festival, the number of musician who live here is big and the highest-rated radio station in Monroe is “Jazz Nightly”. None of them is eloquent enough to persuade the readers. The annual festival held in Monroe may be for other reasons apart from popularity of jazz, and the visitors of this acoustic feast possibly come from other cities. Moreover, we can deduce that the musicians who live in Monroe may not work here from the fact that there is no club in Monroe. So this fact cannot be used as evidence. Besides, the applicant leaves us no answer for that could the radio listeners like to watch live show? Obviously, he failed to demonstrate that jazz is popular in Monroe.
   Finally, the statistic do nothing to corroborate running a jazz club is profitable. The nationwide study may not be representative of a certain city, especially for a city without jazz club. In addition, the $1,000 is the amount of money which every fan spends on jazz entertainment, but jazz entertainment also includes the expense of CDs and tapes. The applicant does not offer us the number of how much money people paid for club（how much 是不是可以不要；还有时态）.
   To sum up, the applicant shows little evidence to support his idea. In order to complete his argument he at least needs to provide the answer to these questions: How many people live in Monroe willing to attend the annual festival（ 或许这样更通顺：How many people living in Monroe are willing to attend the annual festival）? Do those “Jazz Nightly” fans also like to pay money for club?