作文第三波，很认真地写了改了，求问能否到6.5

电大的UID: 2946979

好像有一个英语修改论坛吧

jakehkUID: 2665316

Recently, a heated debate has arisen over whether adolescents should receive higher education in a sizable proportion. Some people argue that this will exert beneficial influence on society. Whereas some others see its downsides such as increasingly higher unemployment rate. Before presenting my view,I intend to discuss both sides of the argument.

Is it really necessary to repeat the topic? You are not giving any new information or opinion here. I suggest you give a summary of what you are going to talk and have a firm opinion. Agree or not? Better or worse, instead of just repeating the topic.

My version:

Are there too many college students these days? A heated debate has come about over whether we should limit the admission of college students or we should encourage as many as possible young people to go to university. In my opinion, a large population of undergraduates will benefit the society in genreal, however, college education is by no means the only way to educate young people.



The supporters of such a tendency have generally focused on three arguments. The first is that policies such as encouraging young people to accept 4-year higher education can provide abundant human resources to the development of one country, especially for those Third World Countries. In addition, as for the post 80s groups, they are too young to make judicious decisions in the society teemed with temptation; therefore, it seems advisable for them to stay in the relatively safe and peaceful campus. The third argument raised in favor of having immense scale of adolescents going to universities follows from the second, The argument is that although they will earn money and acquire particular social experience if they go to work immediately after graduating from high school, such job opportunities are more likely to associate with physical requirement instead of intelligence, which will not provide them sufficient incomes for decent subsistence.

I think they want your opinion, instead that you guessing on other's thoughts. So just say why you think more college students benefit the society.

A large population of college graduate benefit the society in many ways. First of all, it provide the society with a large pool of high-quality human resources. College student are better trained in many aspects, for example, the are better self-learners since a lot of study work in college is done individually. When put into a work place, they can acquire new skills faster, thus bring profit to the company more efficiently. Secondly, college education gives young people more time to grow. In their early twenties, many young people cannot cope with the real world's complexity, especially relationships at workplace and other social circumstances. College education  give them an opportunity to experiment through a series of activities on campus and off-campus. They also have access to guidance and other supports from advisers in college. In addition, without further study, most high-school graduate are only qualified for labor-intense jobs such as a waiter or a construction worker. Limited education will restrict them from developing a more intelligence based and sustainable career.

Some opponents, however, are strongly against large proportion of young boys and girls all going to universities blindly and maintain that it will merely contribute to unemployment. First of all, once numerous students surge into universities, it will overburden teachers and make too much pressure over campus accommodation, thereby decreasing education quality. Moreover, disproportionate graduates and job vacancy will contribute to massive unemployment with no doubt. There is no denying that there is some truth in the above point of view. Nonetheless, intensity of competition is a symbol which shows the promotion of individuals’ capability and one country’s sustainable development.

But it does not mean that all young people should go to the college. Obviously, education resource is limited. After all, there are only a limited number of universities and professors. Blah.... In addition, not all young people are suitable for college. ....   



Considering the social atmosphere today, though the extension for higher education has leveled down university standards to some extent, it is not the time to transform popular education into elite education in undergraduate period. As far as I am concerned, we should assure most youngsters to accept undergraduate education and encourage elites among them to pursue higher degrees such as MPHIL and PHD.

Inclusion, a higher proportion of people with higher-degree benefit the society. But we must insure the quality of such education. Also, college education may not be for everyone....


Feel free to correct me.