lina的作文帖

soeil123UID: 2961437

1# lina.inverce
Throughout history mankind has strived tomake his life easier and better, in which process he has achieved much success.Whether it be technology, science or social generalization, each generationmade one unique and influential contribution. It can be argued, however, thatit is more difficult for human to be successful than before, for he takes toomuch equipment some of which might be useless, and even deleterious, whenclimbing scientific mountains.- g0 M  {:i3 P4 e. [
8 K0 K& }&|4 G* n; r
We have more assistance from forerunners’ advancements nowadays, but we areless fruitful than them, because we trust authorities too much. I see it occurin our daily lives now and then. When we try to figure out a mathematicalquestion, most of us prefer to rely on calculators instead of our minds andpens. Once we find an answer differ from Answer Key, we are often convinced theanswer is wrong but doubt the Key rarely. After we accomplish it, we neverreturn back to wonder whether there is another way to work it out. Theseactions make us machines that can work out problems on paper only, and we arelosing our capabilities of creatively speculating. A celebrated scholar used toask why no more celebrities, say, Francis Bacon and Da Vinci, emerged recently,and he answered himself with irony—this is because people lived in that era didnot（这里我孤陋了，总觉得加个have通） so many books to read. Albeit ourancestors have striking creativity, we seem to lose it due to undue reliance ontheir inventors, which means we may be unlikely to succeed like them.
* {- d  U1 D$ b/ n+ K$ U% g2s9 ~
4 Z  b. d% g, M0 A8 JAdmittedly,contemporary scientists have made many astonishing discoveries and inventions,but many of them can not be defined as successes. Clone is a compelling exampleto illustrate my perspective. First, it compromises the definition ofindividual. A clone has the same genes as the matrix, so it will grow into thesame one as the matrix theoretically, from external to internal. （externalto internal这个有争议吧。。。external说得过去，internal就略有偏颇了，这句话多余了，在我看来）Thisbreaks the natural principle that every life is unique. Second, clones may betreated as seconds, which is another serous consequence. It challenges thehuman principle that all men are created equal. Third, according to the currentresearches, cloning technique is still not stable and clones have morepossibilities to vary, which may trigger a devastating disaster. Even thoughcloning technique is amazing, it is not a success but a two-sided sword.Therefore, Dr. Wilmot, who created Dolly, can not be regarded as a successfulperson. （结尾可以在深一点，毕竟这个段落clones是个例子，还是要同主旨点一点吧）
- p" X3 M, C% O3 t- J! n% X$ G, g0 }5 W5 j
In a nutshell, it is harder for us to succeed in this day and age than in （the） past. One can createsomething original and unprecedented, yet he may not be considered successfulbecause this discovery or invention has many disadvantages, which, to someextent, overwhelm its advantages. We need to struggle harder than our progenitorsto achieve success.
文章的思路很缜密，让我受益匪浅！
遣词造句以及结构都很好,最好第二段后再有一个段落和第二段一样是阐明it is harderfor people nowadays to succeed than it is in the past的
加油加油，很厉害的说。
学到了很多！

topics_jasonUID: 2859308

With financial crisis sweeping the world, increasing number of people, including lots of youth, lose their job加S and这个and不推荐，丢了个工作并努力再找一个，意思有点别扭。 try their best to find another one. 个人觉得，前面在讲年轻人丢工作，后面年轻人踌躇于换工作，是不是有点不连？前面是不得不找，后面写选择换一个。Meanwhile, the youth are bewildered by the question，whether they should try varied jobs or not before后面可以去掉，意思重复before they decide their careers. From my perspective, interest is the key of a successful career and the （number jobs done does not matter so much.）不知道是不是又Chinglish得嫌疑，要么就是我看得太少了。
When they are teenagers, some people have got clear which job intrigues them and decide to devote to it. Bill Gates, who is consistently ranked among the world’s wealthiest people, is a compelling example to illustrate my viewpoint. He has study in Lakeside School, 这个逗号有点诡异at which the Mother Club bought a GE computer for students when he was 13. Soon, Gates took a great interest in programming the GE system in BASIC and was excused from math classes to pursue his interest. Albeit这…高！ he enrolled at Harvard University latter, he found specialist mathematics humdrum and still had a passion for programming. Brilliantly, Gates made an influential decision, which seemed foolish to the average’s degree, that he quit from Harvard. Before long, he founded the Microsoft with Paul Allen. Now, Microsoft is one of the most celebrated enterprises, and we utilize不想用use但这个词有点牵强 Windows system and Office software everyday. Not working a lot of jobs 这句独立主格有点多余，需要改一改and following his heart, Gates becomes so successful. 例子题材虽然一般，但精心准备过，言之有物，可惜跟论点没太大关系。老盖的生平事迹除了退学，甚至转学，跟change job before….几乎无联系，可能是因为分论点在intrigue them上， passion 兴趣，单独拿出挺好。
In contrast to Gates, Harland D. Sanders, who founded the Kentucky Fried Chicken, did not know what was his career and tried many jobs. Fortunately, he found out it 这句有歧义，最好写全finally. When he was a child, he found （cooking compelling）这个表达可能我见得不多，有点别扭，前面就已经出现过一次. However换成besides或者moreover, his parents’ divorce hurt him so deeply that he became passive. After he dropped out of school at the age of 13, Sanders （worked many jobs）work job？ such as steamboat pilot, insurance salesman, railroad man and farmer, but none of these led him to wealth success好点. At the age of 40, he cooked chicken and other delicious meals for people who stopped at by his service station in Kentucky. He finally knew he was still interested in cooking and tried his best to cook and develop secret recipe for chicken. Now, we can enjoy fried chicken everywhere and the KFC is one of the most influential chains 这个说法感觉有点Chinglish，能读懂of fast food. Although Sanders had tried to do many jobs, he still managed to reach his peak via following his heart.follow heart是你的主题，但这个例子不足以支持感觉。 例子说的很好，但不够突出重点来服务于论点，像是在叙事，不过看判卷的心情，有例子就有差不多的分。

To sum up, one should choose his career relying on his interest, no matter how many jobs he has done. For many, it is not easy to find out what they are interested in. Therefore, people who do not stop seeking, as well as trying, are more likely to choose a suitable career.

建议： 叙事中突出重，分论点跟例子匹配度不够，细节稍微有点多，可以多几个例子，少一点细节。
另外，文中习惯性用法是 sb V. and V. …或者 sb V. and sb V.
稍微有点多。
个人觉得 ，可以换成提前或者分开句型。
个别词的用法和短语还需要斟酌。