conformity vs innovation I238, 希望各位赐教

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The speaker asserts that conformity stifle one’s creativity and energy at all times. In my opinion, the author over emphasize the negative effect of conformity and ignore the real its meaning. Whether conformity may deaden individual creativity and energy depend on different conditions.

First of all, I concede that conform the stereotype and some rules that are not suited to environment may keep persons away from activity and energy. Making some innovation breakthroughs need devote a lot of energy, time and money. However people are lazy in born. If they find the rules they follow work at the present stage, they may be too idle to think about another norms that may be more benefit in the future. Or they may be scared arouse discontent from their peers. It is not strange to see some innovational ideas be opposed by majority. A.vesalius, for example, who was the founder of modern anatomy and did some researches using human bodies was against by conservatives who conformed Galen and the church. His revolutionary ideal and research method made him been expelled. As a result his research had been impeded.

However, conformity should not be ignored just because it may stifle several individuals’ innovation. With the development of human’s society, it is found that teamwork is so important for people to finish work more efficiently and to achieve greater success. Conformity is one of the most crucial elements of the spirit in groups, communities and societies. Without conformity society may lose its normal order and be in chaos. The remarkable example is law. Law is a system of rules which is used to shape all people in certain society in almost every aspect such as economics and politics. The aim of law is to provide criterion of
normative behaviors and eradicate some behaviors which may violate the benefit of public. To some extent law is a symbol of modern and democratic society. Everyone in the society must obey laws unconditionally, or it will cause a big reverse in history. On the other hand conformity itself is not the reason of constraining persons’ innovative activity. In fact it is the rule individuals conform that affects people’s behaviors. A reasonable and scientific regulation can provide people with standard together with leeway for their revolutionary activities. It eliminates harmful behaviors that may damage the interests of the whole society. Moreover it allow people have new ideas and has system which make the rule discard disadvantages and seek for better and more reasonable one. As the example mentioned above, even constitution has amendment if it is not suitable. In sum, conformity is just a necessary tool. Making good use of it is good for societies.

Finally, conformity and innovation both exist in our word at the same time. That is contradiction which is the unity of opposites. There are not many wars between them, since they are two aspects of the same thing and are always changing. That is revolution always breaks the old rule and finally be a part of a new rule.
What we have to do is making individuals conform and encouraging their proper innovation.

Above all over emphasis of any one is an over statement. Conformity is not the key reason to restrain revolution.

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多谢指教

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还不会改颜色……
The speaker asserts that conformity stifle one’s creativity and energy at all times(改写主题句). In my opinion, the author over emphasize the negative effect of conformity and ignore the real its meaning. Whether conformity may deaden individual creativity and energy （这个whether的句子中的陈述应该是肯定的吧，建议不要用may）depend on different conditions.

First of all, I concede that conform the stereotype and some rules that are not suited to environment may keep persons away from activity and energy. Making some innovation breakthroughs need devote a lot of energy, time and money. However people are lazy in born. If they find the rules they follow work at the present stage, they may be too idle to think about another norms that may be more benefit in the future. Or they may be scared arouse discontent from their peers. It is not strange to see some innovational ideas be opposed by majority. A.vesalius, for example, who was the founder of modern anatomy and did some researches using human bodies was against by conservatives who conformed Galen and the church. His revolutionary ideal and research method made him been expelled. As a result his research had been impeded.
comments:第一段是让步段，承让conformity可能带来的问题，感觉最后vesalius的例子展开不够。
However, conformity should not be ignored just because it may stifle several individuals’ innovation. With the development of human’s society, it is found that teamwork is so important for people to finish work more efficiently and to achieve greater success. Conformity is one of the most crucial elements of the spirit in groups, communities and societies. Without conformity society may lose its normal order and be in chaos. The remarkable example is law. Law is a system of rules which is used to shape all people in certain society in almost every aspect such as economics and politics. The aim of law is to provide criterion of
normative behaviors and eradicate some behaviors which may violate the benefit of public. To some extent law is a symbol of modern and democratic society. Everyone in the society must obey laws unconditionally, or it will cause a big reverse in history. On the other hand conformity itself is not the reason of constraining persons’ innovative activity. In fact it is the rule individuals conform that affects people’s behaviors. A reasonable and scientific regulation can provide people with standard together with leeway for their revolutionary activities. It eliminates harmful behaviors that may damage the interests of the whole society. Moreover it allow people have new ideas and has system which make the rule discard disadvantages and seek for better and more reasonable one. As the example mentioned above, even constitution has amendment if it is not suitable. In sum, conformity is just a necessary tool. Making good use of it is good for societies.
comments:第二段的结构有些奇怪，首先此段的论点我个人觉得有点偏，conformity should not be ignored…和文题并不对应，前一部分正文逻辑似乎是conformity——〉order——〉？？，后一部分从On the other hand开始扣题了。

Finally, conformity and innovation both exist in our word at the same time. That is contradiction which is the unity of opposites. There are not many wars between them, since they are two aspects of the same thing and are always changing. That is revolution always breaks the old rule and finally be a part of a new rule.
What we have to do is making individuals conform and encouraging their proper innovation.

Above all over emphasis of any one is an over statement. Conformity is not the key reason to restrain revolution.

总结：按照LZ的思路，总论点是“depend on different conditions”那么后面是不是要分不同条件展开更好,主论点似乎与后面的论述不能完全匹配。
第一段用让步没有问题。
第二段可以讲Conformity不是影响创造力的原因。
第三段讲conformity促进团队合作，有利于创造力。
本人是新手，才疏学浅，意见有不正确的还请见谅。