我的一篇ibt作文，求批~

doingbestUID: 2675812

是高分120的一篇习作，题目是“是不是文明的进步总是好事”，希望大家给点宝贵建议~然后~~请大家无情的鞭挞吧

When it comes to the question whether the progress in our culture and society is always a good thing, overwhelming majority will give supportive answers. It is definitely true the progress of our civilization have brought us too much benefits, at least this kind process has helped us develop from hunger risking pristine people who lived in the caves into nowadays modern men and women who can comfortably sitting before a laptop in a warm office and surf on the internet. But in my opinion what accompany with progress are always some serious problems that we humans have to confront.

First and foremost, never in history have the people had to be faced with so much pressure like it is today. Today we have more than 6 billion people around us to share this small zone on earth. We have to stay up late to study what we shall never finish, to work with what we shall never accomplish and to sleep while we shall never get a good sleep with all of the stuffs that put on enormous stresses on us. These stuffs are grades the students are chasing, the promotion the white collars are competing with each other to achieve and the huge budget that everyone is struggling to balance. Living with all of these pressures how can we say that the progress always brings us the advantages.

Additionally, when our science and our technology are developing so rapidly, some unprecedented challenges are facing us. One of the most obvious one is climate change caused by the green house. As well as this, numerical cars and factories have provided people sound convenience, but when these things have just been available to most people all over the world, some side effects begin to crop up. With the toxic fumes alone it caused so many deaths of people as well as the animals.

Finally, some advanced technological products bring along some side effects on our society. For example, the computers have bought us to high work efficiency. On the other hand, the porn stuff and most of the PC games have hazarded the youth lived in this circumstance.


These may seem to be controversy, with all of the efforts to bring benefits to ourselves we harms ourselves along the way. In my opinion, it is high time for us to slow down and contemplate on all of the problems, or the some calamities may loom up in the near future.

paddysunusUID: 2469705

建议不要写这种非真题题目。真题题目目前你就写不完。TPO+真题185之类的，那个是更好的选择。

doingbestUID: 2675812

呵呵，谢谢提醒，用120主要是考虑那个软件的环境，想严格控制一下时间~~ 2# paddysunus

paddysunusUID: 2469705

那种能够计时的软件很多，本版就能搜到不少，而且还是和真题集成在一起的

doingbestUID: 2675812

谢谢了，软件用上了，很有帮助:)

jiangskyskyUID: 2478960

短。

jiang08UID: 2391146

语法错误太多。第一段中：“who can comfortably sitting before a laptop”--〉who can comfortably sit in front of a laptop; "surf on the internet"-->surf the internet 等等。主要是谓语的形态不对，多注意一下。
第一段开头太长，让你的观点不明确。
第二段论点句子太绕。like前后结构不平衡（句子结构错误）。stuff是口语用词，非常不妥（而且不可数）。搭配有误，如achieve（-->get） a promotion。最后一句反问要用问号。
第三段中provide用法有误，自己查。crop up是个什么用法？pop up？
第四段太短，没有说清楚论点。如果想不出第三个原因，这段可以说说怎样引导文明往好的方向发展，争取更多的advantage。这样的话这段就可以直接做总结了。

总结一下，文法错误比较多，有些搭配不熟悉，句子结构不地道，比较中式。