Agrument45北極鹿@12.29

huimieUID: 2578470

昨天幫另一位朋友改作文，自己先寫了篇~總共372字。

Argu 45 The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer population is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."

The notion presented above seems perspicuous and valid. However, the conclusion that global warming results in the declicine in arctic deer population may mask other, potentially more significant, causes of the supposed population decline.

First of all, little information about hunters' reports, an indispensible sustain for the argument, has been provided. How do these reports collect? If it relied on self report, or the questions asked were leading, the trustworthiness would be debilitated, since hunters may just respond with the expected answer. How well the reports represented the puplic opinion should also be taken into consideration. If the reports only came from a few hunters or most inexperienced hunters, these particular individuals may contribute to the result. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most hunters. Furthermore, the feeling of hunters may not reflect the realistic situation. It is possible that after years' "hide and seek" with hunters, the deer recently are more skillful to prevent themselves. Factors like these could explain hunters' reports in another way and possibly undermine the reliability and generality of the reports.

Even if the deer populations are declining, the argument could be weaken by the assumption that the correlation between global warming and decreasing deer population means the melt of ice due to global warming causes the decrease of deer population. This assumes a correlation amount to a causal relationship, however, without sufficient evidence, such as the land the area the ice covers now and several years ago, to support it. In addition, it is possible that the global warming has destroyed the natural climate which is essential for the plant, therefore influenced the deer population.

The author also fails to role out alternative explanations. Such alternatives may include the fact there is an outbreak of infectious disease among deer. It might also be the case that the decreased population of deer is attributable to the overhunting of hunters. The lack of plant is also likely to decrease the population.

The argument for the correlation between arctic deer and global warming may provide importent information and presumably save deer's lives. However, before any final conclusion are drawn, a more conprehensive analysis of evidence and possible alternatives for the deline of the deer population is essential.

ihuaziUID: 2728057

The notion presented above seems perspicuous and valid. However, the conclusion that global warming results in the decliine（decline） in arctic deer population （The author has not drawn this conclusion, the logic is global warming trendàsea ice melting in Canada’s arctic regionàthe migration patterns destroyedàdeer population decline）may mask other, potentially more significant, causes of the supposed population decline.

First of all, little information about hunters' reports, an indispensible sustain（动词，语法错误，
可以换为evidence 或者proof） for the argument, has been provided. How do these reports collect(correct)? （科技写作少用这种反问句，如果要用，一定要紧接着做正面回答, 而且这是中国式英语，
可以改为 Without giving sufficient statistic data to support the reports, I remain unconvinced about the results of the reports）If it（是指reports吧？应该用they） relied on（时态错误，relies on） self report（personal reporting）, or the questions asked were（时态错误，are） leading（misleading）, the trustworthiness would be debilitated, since hunters may just respond with the expected answer. How well the reports represented the puplic (public) opinion should also be taken into consideration. If the reports only came from a few hunters or most inexperienced hunters, these particular individuals may contribute to the result. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most hunters. Furthermore, the feeling of hunters may not reflect the realistic（real） situation. It is possible that after years' "hide and seek" with hunters, the deer recently are more skillful to prevent（protect） themselves. Factors like these could explain hunters' reports in another way and possibly undermine the reliability and generality of the reports.

Even if the deer populations are declining, the argument could be weaken（weakened） by the assumption that the correlation between global warming and decreasing deer population means the melt(melting) of ice due to global warming causes（has caused） the decrease of deer population. This assumes a correlation amount to a causal relationship(语法错误，有两个谓语，assume 和 amount to, The author assumes that there is a cause and result relationship between the two events concurring), however, without sufficient evidence, such as the land the area the ice covers now and several years ago, to support it. In addition, it is possible that the global warming has destroyed the natural climate which is essential for the plant, therefore influenced the deer population.

The author also fails to role（rule） out alternative explanations. Such alternatives may include the fact there is an outbreak of infectious disease among deer. It might also be the case that the decreased population of deer is attributable to the overhunting of hunters(删除). The lack of plant is also likely to decrease the population.(句子不通，有语法错误。Lacking of food may also likely lead to decrease of the deer population.)

The argument for the correlation between arctic deer and global warming may provide importent information and presumably save deer's lives. (在argu中不要说与逻辑无关的题外话)However, before any final conclusion are drawn(作者确实做出了最终结论，虽然是有逻辑错误的), a more conprehensive（comprehensive） analysis of evidence and possible alternatives for the deline(decline) of the deer population is essential.（结尾段得好好改改，好好总结一下，最好提出为了让argument 更有说服力，作者应该提供xxxx论据）

huimieUID: 2578470

thanks for the detailed correction!
There are far more flaws than I expectedT-T
By the way, the use of past tense during the survey paragraph may be all right. I just follow the official 6's one.