Argument51，这样写能否拿6分？

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

经过数个月对Argument一心一意的钻研，并研读了书多本GRE作文书及寄托上的帖子后，最近写了这篇A51,自己修改了多次，请广大G友多多指教~~小女感激不尽，希望自己数月的努力没有白费。。。。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

Grounding on a study of two groups of patients, the author attributes quick recuperation time most to the intake of antibiotics, and therefore recommends all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics to convalesce quickly. The argument, while seems logical at first glance, actually rests on several unsubstantiated assumptions.

At the beginning, the author assumes that the research results about these two groups of patients who suffered from muscle injuries are reliable. Yet, the author provides insufficient evidence to support this assumption. The author must inform me that a large number of people are involved in this research and these two groups of patients are representative of all patients who were diagnosed with infections caused by muscle strain. Also, the soundness and scientificalness of the study must be substantiated to ensure the dependability of the conclusion. For example, whether these two groups of patients were cured under the same treatment condition, such as their hospitalization environments and dietary intake of each meal? Did they have the same kinds of exercises aside from taking medicine as part of their treatment? Otherwise, it is unwarranted to draw any conclusion about the effectiveness about antibiotics in face of such limited evidence.

Secondly, even assuming that the reliability of the study allows of no doubt, it is irrational to infer that antibiotics are the primary factors contributing to accelerate patients' recuperation time. The author ignores a host of other possible alternatives to the quick recovery rate. Perhaps since Dr.Newland specializes in sports medicine, he possesses better professional knowledge in terms of curing muscle strains which in most cases are caused by sports and owns more experience as to how to effectively treat patients. It is even possible that Dr.Newland is more responsible than Dr.Alton, and subsequently put more effort and time to take care of those patients. Or perhaps patients in the first group have stronger recovery ability to rehabilitate from muscle strain than those in the second group. They may still quickly recover even if they do not take any medicine. Without ruling out all other such factors, the author cannot justifiably conclude that antibiotics are beneficial to cure patients with muscle strain.

In addition, even if these two groups of patients are advised to take antibiotics for their treatment, it is nevertheless unfair to infer that all patients should adopt the same medical measures. How about those people who may be allergic to antibiotics and become severely sick after they take these kinds of drugs? And will antibiotics produce same effect on those patients who are suffered from the first infections with those that are diagnosed with the secondary infections after muscle strain? As a matter of fact, antibiotics may even exacerbate rather than cure illness for patients who are infected for the second time. As the same token, although antibiotics precipitate recuperation of infection after severe muscle strain, those medicines may not apply to all levels of muscle strains. Perhaps appropriate rest is enough for people only with light muscle injury.

Finally, the author cannot overlook the negative effects that antibiotics may bring to patients. It is possible that long-term intake of antibiotics will increase patients’ dependence on drugs and also lesson their resistance to all kinds of diseases. And it may also harm people’s certain organs and trigger other illness, like stomachache or hypertension.

In sum, the author’s recommendation about taking antibiotics for patients diagnosed with muscle strain is not well supported. To better convince me, the author must offer sufficient evidence to substantiate the reliability of research and establish a direct causal relationship between antibiotics and recuperation time. It is also necessary to rule out all the negative effects that antibiotics may bring.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

从语言和结构上看，作者确实下了番功夫。

不过一篇argument你写这么长，来得及么...

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

呵呵，你说的是，确实来不及，主要是因为刚开始写所以没计时，之后练会注意缩短篇幅的 ：） 2# 咖啡盐

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

还有个建议，你的各段开头既然选择了让步式，其实没必要再去加前缀了

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

对哦，很有道理，这点一直被我忽略了，谢谢你哈~~ 4# 咖啡盐

xzm110UID: 2775495

我觉得写的比我好多了。看了几篇a51,你这篇最好了。崇拜！
我也写了这篇，刚开始研究，不过2月1号就要考了。向你学习啊！https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1218195-1-1.html

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

呵呵，谢谢你的 6# xzm110

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

呵呵，谢谢你的夸奖哈~~我帮你看看~~ 6# xzm110

xzm110UID: 2775495

8# 快乐小水鱼 没夸奖，我确实那么认为的。你什么时候考作文啊？

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

我是3月28号考，还有段时间~~你加油哦~！！！ 9# xzm110

天使之名1987UID: 2568698

我也觉得挺不错的，结构、内容和文笔都是一流的水准，句式也挺丰富的，长短结合，我个人觉得白璧微瑕的一点是Transitional Words稍微有所欠缺和单调，有好几个的perhaps，我觉得可以换成probably or there exist other alternative explanations that等从句形式, 因为Transitional words在Erater上会非常的加分。

我是12月31号在北京考完的，当时抽到的不是高频，但是幸好在美国读Public Administration这一个学期写了不少paper，Argument写了将近650，大概和这篇字数差不多，不过其实我觉得如果思路来得快，打字也还好的话，在半小时内敲到600+还是挺有希望的。

buyingUID: 2733663

我也是2.1考  现在很紧张啊 6# xzm110

buyingUID: 2733663

作者的语言是下了功夫的 但我觉得开头过长了 可以缩短点  继续加油啊

txfilesUID: 2982233

TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medicalnewsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections maykeep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. Thishypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groupsof patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuriesby Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibioticsregularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average,40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, allbeing treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills,although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their averagerecuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients whoare diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics aspart of their treatment."

Grounding on a study of two groups of patients, the authorattributes quick recuperation time most to the intake of antibiotics, andtherefore recommends all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics toconvalesce quickly. The argument, while seems logical at first glance, actuallyrests on several unsubstantiated assumptions.

At the beginning, the author assumes that the research resultsabout these two groups of patients who suffered from muscle injuries arereliable. Yet, the author provides insufficient evidence to support thisassumption. The author must inform me that a large number of people areinvolved in this research and these two groups of patients are representativeof all patients who were diagnosed with infections caused by muscle strain.Also, the soundness and scientificalness (这个词词典查不到)of the study must be substantiated to ensure the dependability of theconclusion. For example, whether these two groups of patientswere cured under the same treatment condition, such as their hospitalizationenvironments and dietary intake of each meal?（Whether不能单独用吧）

Did they have thesame kinds of exercises aside from taking medicine as part of their treatment?Otherwise, it is unwarranted to draw any conclusion about the effectiveness about(of?) antibiotics in face of such limited evidence.

Secondly, even assuming that the reliability of the study allowsof no doubt, it is irrational to infer that antibiotics are the primary factorscontributing to accelerate patients' recuperation time. The author ignores ahost of other possible alternatives to the quick recovery rate. Perhaps sinceDr.Newland specializes in sports medicine, he possesses better professional knowledgein terms of curing muscle strains which in most cases are caused by sports andowns more experience as to how to effectively treat patients. It is evenpossible that Dr.Newland is more responsible than Dr.Alton, and subsequentlyput more effort and time to take care of those patients. Or perhaps patients inthe first group have stronger recovery ability to rehabilitate from musclestrain than those in the second group. They may still quickly recover even ifthey do not take any medicine. Without ruling out all other such factors, theauthor cannot justifiably conclude that antibiotics are beneficial to curepatients with muscle strain. （这一段和上一段其实讲的是一个东西吧）

In addition, even if these two groups of patients are advised totake antibiotics for their treatment, it is nevertheless unfair to infer thatall patients should adopt the same medical measures. How about those people whomay be allergic to antibiotics and become severely sick after they take thesekinds of drugs? And will antibiotics produce same effect on those patients whoare suffered from the first infections with those that are diagnosed with thesecondary infections after muscle strain? As a matter of fact, antibiotics mayeven exacerbate rather than cure illness for patients who are infected for thesecond time. As the same token, although antibiotics precipitate recuperationof infection after severe muscle strain, those medicines may not apply to alllevels of muscle strains. Perhaps appropriate rest is enough for people onlywith light muscle injury.

Finally, the author cannot overlook the negative effects thatantibiotics may bring to patients. It is possible that long-term intake ofantibiotics will increase patients’ dependence on drugs and also lesson theirresistance to all kinds of diseases. And it may also harm people’s certainorgans and trigger other illness, like stomachache or hypertension. （这一段感觉和上一段有些重复）

In sum, the author’s recommendation about taking antibiotics forpatients diagnosed with muscle strain is not well supported. To better convinceme, the author must offer sufficient evidence to substantiate the reliabilityof research and establish a direct causal relationship between antibiotics andrecuperation time. It is also necessary to rule out all the negative effectsthat antibiotics may bring.



(那个firstly什么的前面讲过了)

快乐小水鱼UID: 2762984

说的很有道理，我下次写的时候会注意变换了，谢谢你哈~ ：）
好佩服你啊，真实考试的时候能写这么多字。。。你抽到的那道题之前复习的时候有看到过吗？还是完全考试的时候当场准备哒？ 11# 天使之名1987