issue128

linlinUID: 137589

Issue 8 “It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.”

[B]position: In morden culture, educational system is diverted by its emphersis on such things as textbooks and examination, on the other hand it lose its essential purpose - opening people's mind to an imaginative free world and equiped everyone with useful life experience and skill. [/B]  
[U]1. Education's purpose is to free people's mind and take them to a new world.
2. lots of students are restrained by their teachers to memerize and repeat.
3. In morden society, children are deprived of the capacity of thinking and imaginative. [/U]  

Our depending on the education to improve our society is the same as the car need engine to speed up. Recently, convinced of the importance of education, our governments invest so much in the institution of learning, but the purpose of education, on the other hand, is diverted by some factors such as the cycles of imbusing platitudes and the exhaustic compulsory examination attendances so that in this respect, we lose the purpose of education.

From the primitive instruction to the modern progressive educational system, the purpose of education to free mind and spirit remains the same, even though the process may be different from time to time. In primitive culture, among tribe people, the obligation to hand down traditional knowledge was bonding to all. There, every member of the tribe was taught to some useful information inherited from "the happy few" so that they could equip and store such instruction as the way to hunt, fish and pick, applied psychology, and the capacity of communication for their whole life. From this process of the primitive education, all the premature were enlightened and did not merely gain knowledge but also accumulate self-confidence and the spirit to confront unexpected difficulties. And then, in modern society, with the industrialization and great social development, we may not need to fish and hunt any longer, so the process of education may be changed, but the purpose is the same and need to be punctuated. For high development and specialization, our mind are liberated from meditation of pitting against lacking of basic living elements, and mental works gradually plays a role superior to physical works, and invention become the rung of ladder of social development. For example, the invention of electric lamp changes the way people lived, the invention of telephone reduces the distance between individuals, and the computer networks facilitate the communication and ability of seeking information. Consequently we need our student to be entitled with the open mind and spirit in our society for our further development.

However, On the other hand, formal teachers lay so much stress on the students' ability of memorizing textbooks, repeating what they are taught, and vieing to get better performance in examination, and then at the same time neglect the student's other (may be more important) merits such as imaginative and capacity of invention. For example, the students in my high school must compete in the gradational examination if they wished to enter into a decent university and proved that they were promising. Obligation to pore over those abstruse and tedious courses often made the students exhausted and decent into depression. And to deal with this course need merely mechanical memorizing and repeating application, which often lacken the trainings for imaginative. And the students may even be accused by both their parents and teachers of delinquency of schoolwork, if they spend so much time on their own 'enterprise'. So in this case we can concludes that, in our society, the purpose of education to enlighten individuals is greatly undermined and then people are inevitably restrained.

Furthermore, our student, especial those premature, was also restrained by their families because of the influence of our traditions. In modern culture, the high level of education of their descendants embodies the parents' ability and succeeds. And some parents believe that their failure to enter into college should be compensated for by their children's qualifications of advance education. So lots of children are deprived of their spare time because of a series of strict training for attaining the entrance to college. Before long the children will lose his hobbies and his capacity of communication and the definition of himself and consequently become a machine to study. So those premature are greatly restricted.

In sum, modern educational system's emphasis on the uniform process of education deprives its attendance of their right to think and the wing to imagine.

linlinUID: 137589

最近可能是斑竹太忙的原因吧，我的文发了好久了也没人改。我先刷一下^_^

linlinUID: 137589

还是没人改吗？是不是我的文章写的太烂了。

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

不，你的我接了。明天给你。

linlinUID: 137589

谢谢了斑竹！^_^

glidingshUID: 110700

写的不错哦，我有危机感，建议不知道对不对，欢迎讨论

From the primitive instruction to the modern progressive educational system, the purpose of education to free mind and spirit remains the same, even though the process may be different from time to time. In primitive culture, among tribe people, the obligation to hand down traditional knowledge was bonding to all. There, every member of the tribe was taught to some useful information inherited from "the happy few" so that they could equip and store such instruction as the way to hunt, fish and pick, applied psychology, and the capacity of communication for their whole life. From this process of the primitive education, all the premature were enlightened and did not merely gain knowledge but also accumulate self-confidence and the spirit to confront unexpected difficulties. And then, in modern society, with the industrialization and great social development, we may not need to fish and hunt, so the process of education may be changed, but the purpose is the same and need to be punctuated. For high development and specialization, our mind are liberated from meditation of pitting against lacking of basic living elements, and mental works gradually plays a role superior to physical works, and invention become the rung of ladder of social development. For example, the invention of electric lamp changes the way people lived, the invention of telephone reduces the distance between individuals, and the computer networks facilitate the communication and ability of seeking information. Consequently we need our student to be entitled with the open mind and spirit in our society for our further development.
（写的主要还是适应社会，没有写主题minds and spirits吧，要不就写the process of education give us some foundamental skills and let us adapt this society. but the development of the whole society need free the minds and the spirits. such as the invention..... ）
PS，positions写的不错哦

linlinUID: 137589

呵呵，谢谢你的鼓励^_^。你说的我接受，其实我的写作目的是要说从古到金，教育起到了给人
courage的作用和启发人们，主要不是要交代教育的过程，可是不知怎么写偏了。还有我抱了9月15日的作文机靠，咱们一起努力吧。We are fighters，Fighter never gives up。

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

Issue 8 “It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.”

position: In morden culture, educational system is diverted by its emphasis on such things as textbooks and examination, on the other hand it lose its essential purpose - opening people's mind to an imaginative free world and equiped everyone with useful life experience and skill. (关于最后一句的语法错误：改为to open people’s… and to equip…)注意：你有好多语法及拼写小错误，最好现在就抓紧练。

1. Education's purpose is to free people's mind and take them to a new world.
2. lots of students are restrained by their teachers to memerize and repeat.
3. In morden society, children are deprived of the capacity of thinking and imaginative.

关于你的提纲，我首先要指出的是你的第2，3两点重复了，完全可以合并成一点的；另外，虽然你陈列了事实，但是没有利用这个反面事实引出自己解决的做法呀。

Our depending on the education to improve our society is the same as the car need engine to speed up. Recently, convinced of the importance of education, our governments invest so much in the institution of learning, but the purpose of education, on the other hand, is diverted by some factors such as the cycles of imbusing (改为imposing)platitudes and the exhaustic(改为tedious或arduous) compulsory examination attendances so that in this respect, we lose the purpose of education. 我不得不指出的是，你没有在第一段就陈列清楚自己的立场。

From the primitive instruction to the modern progressive educational system, the purpose of education to free mind and spirit remains the same, even though the process may be different from time to time. In primitive culture, among tribe people, the obligation to hand down traditional knowledge was bonding（改为bounded） to all. There, every member of the tribe was taught to some useful information inherited from "the happy few" so that they could equip and store such instruction as the way to hunt, fish and pick, applied psychology, and the capacity of communication for their whole life. From this process of the primitive education能否进一步指出这种primitive teaching methodology 比之现代机械式教育的优越性，怎么好法？这很重要的。, all the premature were enlightened and did not merely gain knowledge but also accumulate self-confidence and the spirit to confront unexpected difficulties. And then, in modern society, with the industrialization and great social development, we may not need to fish and hunt, so the process of education may be changed, but the purpose is the same and need to be punctuated. For high development and specialization, our mind are liberated from meditation of pitting against lacking(改为lack) of basic living elements, and mental works gradually plays a role superior to physical works, and invention become the rung of ladder of social development. For example, the invention of electric lamp changes the way people lived, the invention of telephone reduces the distance between individuals, and the computer networks facilitate the communication and ability of seeking information. Consequently we need our student to be entitled with the open mind and spirit in our society for our further development.

However, On the other hand, formal teachers lay so much stress on the students' ability of memorizing textbooks(建议改为the skills and ability of rotating), repeating what they are taught, and vieing(什么意思？？？) to get better performance in examination, and then at the same time neglect the student's other (may be more important) merits such as imaginative and capacity of invention. For example, the students in my high school must compete in the gradational examination if they wished to enter into a decent university and proved that they were promising. Obligation to pore over those abstruse and tedious courses often made the students exhausted and decent into depression. And to deal with this course need merely mechanically memorizing and repeating application, which often lacken the trainings for imaginative. And the students may even be accused by both their parents and teachers of delinquency（没有这样的搭配） of schoolwork, if they spend so much time on their own 'enterprise'. (最后这一句话的总结不太顺理成章的。你只能说出现了这种情况，不能说因此我们得出……)So in this case we can concludes that, in our society, the purpose of education to enlighten individuals is greatly undermined and then people are inevitably restrained.

Furthermore, our student, especial those premature, was also restrained by their families because of the influence of our traditions. In modern culture, the high level of education of their descendants embodies the parents' ability and succeeds. And some parents believe that their failure to enter into college should be compensated for by their children's qualifications of advance education. So lots of children are deprived of their spare time because of a series of strict training for attaining the entrance to college. Before long the children will lose his hobbies and his capacity of communication and the definition of himself and consequently become a machine to study. So those premature are greatly restricted.

In sum, modern educational system's emphasis on the uniform process of education deprives its attendance of their right to think and the wing to imagine.

总得来说，你的每一段观点并不明确的，而且说理较少，只是陈列事实，现象罢了。你要说明：是的我们出现了这样那样的教育误区，那么究竟是什么原因呢？教育体制的问题？人们普遍把education和schooling 相混？分数等于能力？……然后推出自己的看法和解决见解，这样会更好。多练练，加油！