跪求作文被拍

fannihuangUID: 2801270

我的作文非常非常的差，写了很多也不知道如何进步，小组内的互动不是很积极，所以我决定放上来让所有G友帮我改一改。我一定一定要进步，所以在这里请求所有G友能够帮我看一看，告诉我我到底思路出了什么问题。真的谢谢了！

25"Anyone can make things bigger and more complex. What requires real effort and courage is to move in the opposite direction—in other words, to make things as simple as possible."

Is it true as stated by the speaker that every individual is capable of making things bigger and more complicated, however what is difficult to achieve is to make things easier? In my opinion, I can only agree with the speaker to the extent that it’s a piece of hard work to make things as simple as possible in many fields like education and science. However I have doubts about the part that everyone can successfully achieve their goal of expanding their business.

As I have affirmed, it’s likely impossible for all people to own the ability of making things bigger and more complex. Let’s take business as an example. In the business world, it’s considered successful if you are able to expand your company or industry as fast as possible, and as big as possible. If you are a businessman, there’s a part of you that is so ambitious that you want to make your effort and pave your way to make your company one of the fortune 500 in the world. However, the prerequisite of being selected is that your company must have been listed. It suggests that your ambition must be accompanied with a company with a big business going on, otherwise it’s just a mirage for you. Based on this situation, if the speaker’s statement is right, I think there’ll be no worrying about facing poverty since all of us are able to found a company and make it a big and complicated one, with administrative staffs at all levels, and business in many countries. Therefore, the first part of the statement is debatable, as far as I am concerned.

However, I have to agree that the second part of the statement is reasonable under certain circumstances. In the educational system, the main goal is to correctly educate and impart the students that they can gain a better background of knowledge. The system should be simple with participation of students and teachers, in which students’ only assignment is to learn, and teachers’ only assignment is to teach. However, the situation is often more complicated than it should be. Under the influence of profit, there are many universities in China and other countries that have expanded so fast that their resource of teachers is in short. In order to fill in all the spots, they have to lower their standard of hiring, which directly influences the quality of teaching. Sadly, it has already become a trend to make schools bigger, as more and more universities in China have developed several different campuses. It indeed requires more effort to make the situation easier, back to where it should have been. However, it seems to be really hard for people to realize how to make it simpler.

We can get same conclusion from the technology field. The best example to illustrate my point is the development of computer. When the first computer was invented in 1946, it was a gigantic working machine that can take up the space of a room. Later, the transistor computer came into being in 1956, which is smaller but still would be considered big by modern people. During the development of computer, it’s a challenge for scientists to minify the size of the computer while keeping or even enhancing its functions. Today, we have personal computer, which occupies only a corner of our table; we have laptops, which we can put in our cases; we even have tablet PC, which we can carry them with us everywhere. Every progress is a breakthrough of modern technology, to which thousands of scientist and experts have contributed unmeasured effort. In this case, it’s true that it’s harder for scientists to make these breakthroughs.
It’s unwise to give the conclusion that any one of us is able to make things bigger and more complex, as the ability of every individual varies. As I have referred to, is the statement is right, we would have a extremely competitive society which would fail to function well. However, the second part of the statement is considered the truth in specific fields. There is no doubt that in these fields, it’s more difficult for the people to accomplish in the direction of making things as simple as possible.

cherryxixiUID: 2935282

1，语言方面，感觉有点罗嗦，其实GRE的语言要求简洁，所以不要把本应该可以一个词搞定的修饰非要用一段话来说，楼主这方面可能有点欠缺。
2，论证方面，你先同意作者的前半句，但你在论证的时候表达的意思是你不同意，难道是笔误？