用钱奖励小孩是否正确 by a08805436 Daily Writing小组1.29

a08805436UID：2725634

Do you agree with the following statement? Parents should give school-age children money for getting a high mark they get in the school.

There is no doubt that parents should offer kids reasonable and proper rewards for the high mark they get in school. However, in my opinion, there are other methods to reward children -- sincere praise, encouragement and recognition go a long way -- even just saying "good job" leaves a lasting effect.

Admittedly, giving children money is an effective way to make them behave themselves. Such kind of reward methods raises children's awareness of being excellent and different, which could benefit children in the long run. However, undue encouragement, especially giving them too much money, in the other way around, may constitute detrimental elements to the lifelong growth of the children.

First, giving children money without appropriate education would decrease their enthusiasm to learn. As is known to all, children are easier to be content and satisfied. If parents give school-age children for getting a good mark, they would be satisfied immediately the first time. But what if children get other good marks? If parents continue to offer them monetary rewards, it would eclipse the genuine meaning of studying, which is to develop individuality and original thoughts. On the other hand, if parents choose not to give the money, children would feel depressed and at a loss, which, would also sap the ardor of children for study. Therefore, we may safely conclude that giving children money for their good marks would diminish the aspiration of children for learning.

Moreover, there is no better way to encourage children than to just praise them sincerely. As the famous educator B. F. Skinner put it "education is what survived when what has been learned has been forgotten". In that sense, what our children learn today is of limited use in their future life. The most important element they should learn is the enthusiasm to learn new things. While giving them money would just make them work for a mundane purpose, sincere praises make them understand the meaning clearer and clearer, which would finally, crystallizes into wisdom.

To sum up, while offering money sap the aspiration for learning, sincere praise and recognition perform far better than merely giving children money. Only in that way, could our children be cultivated and instructed intellectually, emotionally and gracefully.

蝶飞依依UID：2905269

Do you agree with the following statement? Parents should give school-age children money for getting a high mark they get in the school.* j$ m0 a1 x) b7 n! [

There is no doubt that parents should offer kids reasonable and proper rewards for the high mark they get in school. However, sincere praise, encouragement and recognition go a long way -- even just saying "good job" leaves a lasting effect.(我觉得这里再加一句你到底同意还是不同意题目观点，这样将你的观点说的更明确清楚一些更好)

Admittedly, giving children money is an effective way to make them behave themselves. Such kind of reward methods raises children's awareness of being excellent and different, which could benefit children in the long run. However, undue encouragement, in the other way around, may constitute detrimental elements to the lifelong growth of the child.

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First, giving children money without appropriate education would decrease their enthusiasm to learn. As is known to all, children are easier to be content and satisfied. If parents give school-age children award for getting a good mark, they would be satisfied immediately the first time. But what if children get other good marks? If parents continue to offer them monetary rewards, it would eclipse the genuine meaning of studying, which is to develop individuality and original thoughts. On the other hand, if parents choose not to give the money, children would feel depressed and at a loss, which, would also eclipse the ardor of children for study. Therefore, we may safely conclude that giving children money for their good marks would diminish the aspiration of children for learning.7 ^. I- h

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Moreover, there is no better way to encourage children than to just praise them sincerely. As the famous educator B. F. Skinner put it "education is what survived when what has been learned has been forgotten". In that sense, what our children learn today is of little use in their future life. The most important element they should learn is the enthusiasm to learn new things. While giving them money would just make their work for a mundane purpose, sincere praises make them understand the meaning clearer and clearer, which would finally, crystallizes into wisdom.

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To sum up, while offering money sap the aspiration for learning, sincere praise and recognition perform far better than giving children money.

语言上我很喜欢你用的一些小词和句型（让我标黑了），借鉴了~整体思路比较流畅，让步那里的论证感觉有些勉强，说服力不大，有些突兀。可以在however这句展开说明，比如再来上一句对detrimental elements 的举例，这样显得让步的有理有据，而且与下文也有个衔接。后面两段的观点写的还是很好的。

hdchangieUID：2402936

修改好了~