Daily Writing- feifeionly

伶女UID：2797207

3.8 改好

feifeionlyUID：2778967

3月10日独立＋综合！


加油啊！

caochezhiUID：2450324

3.10独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.


Nowadays choose what kind of job for study and career development becomes a confusing decision for most of the young people. Under the atmosphere of economical crisis and fierce competition, a good job stands for a promising future which decides the path of the young people for success. In my view, it's better for young people try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. The reason illustrated as below.

First and foremost, young people need to experience the real world (这个表达有点奇怪) to know more about their choice. Most young people become more independent than before（你想表达现在年轻人比以前更独立？这个比较是不是和主题联系不大，而且后面也没有相关说明） which also makes them have personal ideas and thoughts. At the mean time（at the mean time?） their consideration isn't mature enough and also they are unwilling to accept other’s rational ideas. Psychologically, when parents give their opinions about job or career development, the more the parents concerned the more rebellious the young people will be. Thus let them try different job gives the young people （chance to）explore their truth and reconsider their choice. When their parents' words proved by the reality, young people will cherish the advice provided by others and could change their attitude which will makes them benefit (首先makes不应该有s；其次，是不是直接说which will benefit them 会更好点？) in the long run.

In addition, our decision always full of variable and the plan we set also has its insufficient aspects. Making the best decision should be more depend on practice. Taking my experience as an example, I was majoring in Chinese at the university. After graduated I could not find my position （这个表达有点奇怪） in the society. Most people considered it will be better for me to become a teacher or secretary, but every day does the same thing without change（这个做主语，应该说taking the same job without change） will make me (feel) boring. Finally, I decided to work in different companies to find more advisable choice. I became a secretary and then transferred to marketing department as a product manager, which makes (用helps吧？) me find my confidence and enthusiasm to strive for my career.  （例子用的不是太合适，可以在斟酌斟酌，怎么和这段的主题联系）

Moreover, some people will doubt spending time in different job will waste time which is also very precious for career development. On the other hand, I think the time wasted is not in vain. Young people also could win something from it, such as acquiring career experience, building up good interpersonal relationship, changing mind in problem solving. These will ensure a more successful job or career.  

In a word, young people should try different job before making their final decision. They should be responsible for their job or career’s development in the long term, which will make them experience the reality, achieve more sound option.

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.10综合改好了~

feifeionlyUID：2778967

3月12综合＋独立

限时就忘词没结构忘语法，要克服，要克服！

tulipzongUID：2803521

Nowadays, under the pressure of fierce social competition, parents pay more attention on children's education. The most direct criterion to judge children's performance at school is the scores of examinations. In order to motivate children's interests to get high scores, parents usually try different kinds of methods. Using money as a mean of encouraging children's aspiration for high scores has been widely discussed. In my view, I (am) totally disagree with this kind of method. Reasons are illustrated as below.

First, using money to push children’s interests for high scores will do harm to their mental development. Psychologically, children are too young to have awareness about the concept of money. When parents give them money, they will regard it as a gift which could help them buy anything they want. However, following more and more material reward, children will be prone to pursue money and measure everything surrounds them in money. Studying becomes a means for earning money rather than for their self-development. Once their parents stop rewarding them money, their impetus for attaining high score will be hurted seriously. What is worse, the experience in their childhood will affect their life in adult deeply. With their parents’ infusion(?) on money, they will become more realistic and even involved in criminal activities with the hope of acquiring more money.

In addition, some people will doubt that the money actually could be used as an efficient means to make children more positive and achieve higher score. Nonetheless, people with this (kind of) thought are impacted by social atmosphere, with the pressure of obtaining a better life and job positions.(逻辑不对，而且这个语法也有点问题) Although money plays an important role in satisfying people's material life, the awareness of deal with the relationship between money and aspirations, which should not be instill in children's mind，is more important. If they misunderstand your original motivation, on the contrary, indulging in the preference for acquiring more money.(?) The results will go against (with) their parents’ initial intention.

Moreover, Parents should consider other positive methods to conduct children’s behavior. The most successful parents could influence their children’s thinking, for instance, parents could become a good (role) model and show their enthusiasm for life and achievement, telling their children about the stories of celebrities and showing their good personalities to change children's thought, and eventually award them with a positive and healthy quality.(?)

In a word, it is unacceptable for parents to attract children with money to chase a high score. It (is) not only spoils their mental development, but also leads them to a criminal life. More healthy and active methods could be applied for children

hcp4715UID：2697633

3.12号综合修改加油！

ChwyUID：3027653

独立修gia

feifeionlyUID：2778967

3月15独立

ChwyUID：3027653

3.15独立修改


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People would be happier if they had fewer possessions.

Nowadays, following the development of material life and social civilization, more rich people existed这个词我个人感觉用地有点怪阿 in the society than beforeA rising number of rich individuals have come to the society你觉得这样可以吗？. The relationship between people and their possessions has been widely disputed. In my view, people indeed would not be happier if they had fewer possessions. The reasons illustrated as follow.

刚才顺便有查到也可以说是wealthy people..//

First of all, possessions will make people happier and find a better way to share the happiness to others. Clearly, people usually judge whether the person is successful or not according to his/her考试建议写成his or her 别符号 possessions. The more possessions the people obtain, the more admires hehim/she will receive from others. Under the atmosphere of fierce competition and stressful living standard紧张的生活水平？, the possessions will make people believe themselves and make them attain the feeling of security and happy. In addition, possessing fortune also attributes to the poor people have the happiness这句谓语有两个，我也不知道怎么改对…可能把后面改成the poor people which is help them gain more happiness，。。。. We have always seen some rich people who donate their money to the poor and engaged himself/herself in the charitable enterprise. Using the money he/she earned in an appropriate way to benefit more poor people should be praised by most of us.这个观点很好学习了

In the second place, if people have more possessions they will be confident and satisfied with themselves.这个在上面不是提过了吗？要么就把上段的will make people believe themselves去掉 Psychologically, abundant possessions reflected为什么用过去式 the person's efforts, which also stand for the successful career and higher social status in the society. In the process of striving for a better life and becoming rich, people will know more meanings about their life and success比如说是如何strive for然后知道了什么meaning?. ThisThe你并没有特质某一个 precious experience could bring them about confidence and satisfactory, which is valuable than the possessions itself.

Finally, some people may doubt that people also need to sacrifice their time and energy to obtain the possessions, such as having the delicious supper with families, watching movies with lovers, and hanging out with friends. However, people use precious time to earn more money will ensure a happier life for their family members because he/she could afford to buy what they want, For instance, givingoffering good education for children, buyingpurchasing expensive gifts for lovers, and making sure his/her parents could go to the best hospital and get good treatment when they are taken ill总觉得这话有点怪，你看改成说when emergency comes to them, 会不会更合适？.

然后这里我可能跟LZ的观点有点不太一样 我理解的是题目说的是那些富人是已经拥有那些财产不需要再为钱奋斗了 拥有比较少财产的才更会在为钱奋斗阿<LZ方便的话，能告诉下吗，到底题目说的是？>

In a word, compared to liveliving in a poor life, people would be happier if they had more possessions. They could find their positions in the society, and make good use of the money to help the poor people个人觉得要么the poor要么poor people. Although they spend more time and energy, it guarantees an enjoyable life for their families and friends.

我个人觉得独立作文的段开头什么的不要用first, second这种明显的连接词…
我前几天也写过这篇 是相反的立场 因为想不出正方的
看了LZ的有所启示了 观点很好 学习了

ChwyUID：3027653

:handshake 还有谢谢你哈 每次你都给我改地超级认真 我很受启发！

feifeionlyUID：2778967

41# Chwy

It's my pleasure

feifeionlyUID：2778967

3月17日独立

caochezhiUID：2450324

3.17修改

hcp4715UID：2697633

43# feifeionly 3.17修改