我组第一篇，好难写啊

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

TOPIC: ISSUE138 - "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."
WORDS: 433        TIME: unlimited                       DATE: 2011-2-28 16:46:18

Discoveries happen now and then all around the world, and because of each discovery made by each person every day, our world make great progress each day. Everyone, however, knows that it is not easy to make discovery, and even many discoveries result from mistakes, after all, the road to progress are so winding and hard.
There is a saying that mistake gives birth to success. Yes, it's true that most successes
derive from mistakes. Some people won't agree with this idea. He would say that mistake has many negative influences and is disgusting, and without mistakes, i would have had succeed and now maybe i am enjoying my fruits of success and been around by ring of glory. Admittedly, people think first negative facets once failure is mentioned, because it is the negative facet that stop many people from getting closer to success. Everything has two sides, and the condition is same to mistake. Without mistake, we will have no idea what is progress. Because each time we made mistake, we have to stop to think where we have made, and each time you get the answer you are closer to make discovery.
The road, after all, to progress is filled with obstacles.
It is absolute a truth, in my opinion, that the attitude after making mistake should also be paid enough attention to. Making mistake is not terrible, and the most vital thing is that if we have courage to face mistake. I could even say that courage of facing mistake is the vital difference between succeed people and failure one. Everyone would make mistake, even so, but someone get progress while others get frustration. I think the main difference between the two kinds is that the succeed did not lose his heart after frustration and learned important things from mistake, and equipped himself again to continue his pursuit of progress; on the contrary, the failure got hurt on his dignity and lacked courage to confront frustration, and finally, gave up his chase to progress.
As i have stated above that mistake is important in process to progress, even unavoidable. Now that it is unavoidable, why can't we confront it naturally? Of course, unavoidable does not mean that only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress, because there are so many examples of who make good progress with no mistakes made. On the second place, the attitude to mistake is as same critical, if no more, as mistake. And there are also many stories about who did not success finally only due to lacking courage to face mistake.

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

[TOPIC: ISSUE138 - "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."
WORDS: 433        TIME: unlimited                       DATE: 2011-2-28 16:46:18

Discoveries happen now and then all around the world, and because of each discovery made by each person every day, our world make great progress each day. Everyone, however, knows that it is not easy to make discovery, and even many discoveries result from mistakes, after all, the road to progress are so winding and hard.
There is a saying that mistake gives birth to success. Yes, it's true that most successes
derive from mistakes. Some people won't agree with this idea. He would say that mistake has many negative influences and is disgusting, and without mistakes, i would have had succeed and now maybe i am enjoying my fruits of success and been around by ring of glory. Admittedly, people think first negative facets once failure is mentioned, because it is the negative facet that stop many people from getting closer to success. Everything has two sides,（此句用的人过多，建议楼主考虑换用） and the condition is same to mistake. Without mistake, we will have no idea what is progress.（没有错误我们就不知道什么是进步。此句与下面一句在因果关系上不是很紧密，建议可改为没有错误我们就不知道在哪里改正之类，以照应stop to think where we have made这句）Because each time we made mistake, we have to stop to think where we have made, and each time you get the answer you are closer to make discovery.
The road, after all, to progress is filled with obstacles.（这句话应该放到本段中较前的位置，因为它似与后文有脱节。。。）
It is absolutely a truth, in my opinion, that the attitude after making mistake should also be paid enough attention to. Making mistake is not terrible, and the most vital thing is that if we have courage to face mistake. I could even say that courage of facing mistake is the vital difference between succeed people and failure ones. Everyone would make mistake, even so, but someone get progress while others get frustration. I think the main difference between the two kinds is that the succeed did not lose his heart after frustration and learned important things(things 是一个比较模糊的说法 建议楼主换为experience) from mistake, and equipped himself again to continue his pursuit of progress; on the contrary, the failure got hurt on his dignity and lacked courage to confront frustration, and finally, gave up his chase to progress.
As i have stated above that mistake is important in process to progress, even unavoidable. Now that it is unavoidable, why can't we confront it naturally? Of course, unavoidable does not mean that only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress, because there are so many examples of who make good progress with no mistakes made. On the second place, the attitude to mistake is as same critical, if no more, as mistake. And there are also many stories about who did not success finally only due to lacking courage to face mistake.
楼主本文写的非常不错，在说理方面能够做到步步深入。
些许逻辑联系不是很紧密，在这方面可以加强练习。另外楼主可以尝试举几个例子起到进一步阐释的作用。此外我个人觉得楼主的连词（或连接短语）能够做到富有变化，但在实意词方面存在个别词语缺乏变化的问题。
最后的结尾似乎还可以再写一句总结概括或者升华的句子以收束全文。
总体而言本文比较成功，再接再厉 一起加油！

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

谢谢，这是我变风格后尝试写的第一篇，里面的“失败乃成功之母”和“凡事都有好和坏”真的是无奈之举，哎！
你一语中的啊，我得同义词积累很少，而且句型变化不多。也许是因为我没有看过范文吧。我会努力的，谢谢，谢谢！一起加油哦！

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

A188
WORDS: 514
TIME: Unlimited
DATE: 2011-3-1 20:29:43

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Because there are some striking errs: first, we are known from above research that the 28 men and 20 women are administered the same dosage of kappa opioids without any information about the 48 persons; second, as we know from the report that the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women than in men, it is unsuitable that women should be prescribed with kappa opioids whenever pain medication is required; third, the participants of this survey are so few that the result has no representation; forth, even though the report is true, there is still no need to reevaluate the effects of all medications. The careful analyses are shown below.
Now, let's analyze the first point. From above argument, we can only get the information about attendant that 28 men and 20 women tried the same dosage of kappa opioids when they were having their wisdom teeth extracted, and that' all. Obviously, the researchers are failing to consider other possible factors, such factors may include the fact that men attended the research are much younger than women, so they can stomach less pains than women; or that the female candidate have a heavier weight than the male, because the lighter will feel more pain than one with heavier weight at the same condition that they are prescribed the same dosage of medicine due to the by-effect of medicine. In addition, the same health condition should be insured when they are invested in a research.
In the second place, we are presented that the time women feel pain is considerably longer than men, while the research still suggest to prescribing kappa opioids to women whenever pain medication is required. Is this ridiculous to you? I don't think it is not a better choose to use painkiller with both less pain and shorter time for women.

In fact, a study with only 48 participants is unreliable, especially on medicine. As we all know, medical is such a precise and meticulous subject that even little carelessness is not allowed, otherwise, none dare to imagine the aftermath, for little mistake would kill someone. And it's a common sense that there are great deal of takers for each kind of medicine, the situation is the same. Accordingly, each medicine should be tried at least by thousands of people who need also be observed a period of time before input into use.
Finally, let's make the assumption that the report is true, is there need to reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women? The answer is absolutely no, for there are lots of medicines only for female or male.
Overall, the reasoning for this report seems logical as presented above since the researcher deduced it from such an experiment that men and women taking the same dosage of capsulate are all taken into accounted. However, before any final decisions are made about a medical report, the researchers should see to it that all possible alternatives and causes are taken into account, after all, it is relative to life, the most precious of the world.

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

TOPIC: ISSUE138 - "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress." WORDS: 433        TIME: unlimited                       DATE: 2011-2-28 16:46:18 Discoveries happen now and then all around the world, and because of each discovery made by each person every day, our world makes great progress each day. Everyone, however, knows that it is not easy to make discovery, and even many discoveries result from mistakes, after all, the road to progress are(is) so winding(这个词可以再斟酌 感觉不太合适) and hard. There is a saying that mistake gives birth to success. Yes, it's true that most successes derive from mistakes. Some people won't agree with this idea. He（They） would say that mistake has many negative influences and is disgusting, and without mistakes, i would have had succeed and now maybe i am enjoying my fruits of success and been around by ring of glory.(这句结构不是很工整 主语从mistake变到人 意群也太多了 最好拆分一下吧) Admittedly, people think first negative facets once failure is mentioned（？没看懂 推荐一个词mindset 你是要说这个意思吧）, because it is the negative facet that stop many people from getting closer to success. Everything has two sides, and the condition is same to mistake.（如果一定要用这个句子 就改成这样吧Every coin has tow sides, and so is mistake.） Without mistake, we will have no idea what progress is. Because each time we made mistake, we have to stop to think where we have made（ 错在哪了 典型chinglish了~）, and each time you get the answer you are closer to make discovery. 这段逻辑没问题 只是感觉最后说正面特点的这句出现的太笼统 理由不足 也没有例子支撑 显得突兀 The road, after all, to progress is filled with obstacles. It is absolute a truth, in my opinion, that the attitude after making mistake should also be paid enough attention to. Making mistake is not terrible, and the most vital thing is that if we have courage to face mistake. I could even say that courage of facing mistake is the vital difference between succeed people and failure one（s）. Everyone would make mistake, even so, but（？二个转折连词应删一个） someone get progress while others get frustration. I think the main difference between the two kinds is that the succeed did not lose his heart after frustration and learned important things from mistake, and equipped himself again to continue his pursuit of progress; on the contrary, the failure got hurt on his dignity and lacked courage to confront frustration, and finally, gave up his chase to progress.  这段比较好 应对mistake的态度区分胜者败者 意思清楚完整 As i have stated above that mistake is important in process(ing) to progress, even unavoidable. Now that it is unavoidable, why can't we confront it naturally? Of course, unavoidable does not mean that only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress, because there are so many examples of who make good progress with no mistakes made. On the second place, the attitude to mistake is as same critical, if no more, as mistake. And there are also many stories about who did not success finally only due to lacking courage to face mistake.(为什么最后一段还说 还有好多故事证明自己的1、2观点呢？让读者还在期待你的故事的时候 文章结束了 强烈感觉没说完哇)

结构 观点都有 优点就不多客气啦

只是楼主这篇是要写平衡观点的话
那我觉得正文两点应该内容都应更丰富一些
推理啊 分情况讨论啊 举例子什么的
也能扩展你的字数

加油！共勉！

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

TOPIC: ISSUE112 - "Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."
WORDS: 506
TIME: UNLIMITED
DATE: 2011-3-2 21:45:30

Education, how attractive to eyes the word is! It is commonly believed as a proverbial fact that knowledge plays a more and more significant role in society. And due to this, all educational institutes are doing their utmost to "invent" a system from which students benefit most. But what should the educational system be that it could teach children most?

As we are presented above, some institutes accentuate the development of children's capacity of reasoning and logical thinking, because in no way can one address his trifles without the competence of reasoning and logical thinking. Taking the electrical bank as an example, nearly all people deposit money into a bank who will give people a card or passbook, then, the holders can withdraw money everywhere without taking money with themselves. There is a kind of crime about electrical bank recently: The criminal pretending to be staff of bank phones an account lord and tells him or her that because of obstacle of bank system he calls to ensure that his or her money is still in bank as before, thus, he needs the lord to tell him the account number and will check it out in his or her favor. And the holder does the same as is told. The felons' success gives the very explanation that there are a great majority of people lacking the ability of deducting. Otherwise, if the account lords had reasoning capability, they should have doubted the caller's identity, for a bank worker wouldn't call guest due to the regulations of bank, and so, the felons could not have succeed.

Although the capacity of reasoning and logical thinking is very important, by no means is it the only critical competence among the traits of humans. Because there are a great number of traits that do human beings’ favor in their future lives.

Among so many calibers, the ability of exploring their own emotions for children should also be paid enough attention to. If we defined the capacity of deducting as the intellectual quality, shorten as" IQ", and to some extent IQ means the competence of work. Similarity, we could take the caliber of exploring their own emotions as emotional quality, shorten as" EQ", and in a way EQ indicates the ability of contacting with another people. It is broadly known that humans are the sum of social relations. It is undoubtedly that we, as a portion of social relations, have to get along with other persons during our daily lives, such as working in our company, learning in school, shopping in supermarket, and so forth. None completely is there who wouldn't keep touch with others, and that kind individual, if any, survive no place.

Accordingly, the former apparently ignored some significant individuals with the obvious character that educational systems only emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, because except for this trait, the ability of contacting with one another should also paid adequate attention to. Hence, those institutes with that exploring students' emotions is taught which do children's great favor are more popular.

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

AW Intro 读后感 FROM 周九
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1226492&highlight=
资料分享
http://www.langlib.com/webpages/Forum/ThreadList.aspx?FID=0103
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1237391&extra=

guiyujuanUID: 2898340

Argument 188 修改~~
楼主辛苦了，下面直接开拍

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Because there are some striking errs: first, we are known（有点拗口，建议替换成主动。Eg. We get the information…） from above research that the 28 men and 20 women are administered the same dosage of kappa opioids without any information about the 48 persons; second, as we know from the report that the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women than in men, it is unsuitable that women should be prescribed with kappa opioids whenever pain medication is required; third, the participants of this survey are so few that the result has no representation; forth, even though the report is true, there is still no need to reevaluate the effects of all medications. The careful analyses are shown below.（这里罗列了四点argument的不足，个人觉得不用这样做，开头这么小的篇幅讲不清楚，还不如放到后面详细讲。开头直接指出原论证的结论，然后说不同意结论）

Now, let's analyze the first point. From above argument, we can only get the information about attendants that 28 men and 20 women tried the same dosage of kappa opioids when they were having their wisdom teeth extracted, and that' all. Obviously, the researchers are failing to consider other possible factors, such factors may include the fact that men attended the research are much younger than women, so they can stomach less pains（medicine） than women; or that the female candidates have a heavier weight than the male, because the lighter will feel more pain than one with heavier weight at the same condition that they are prescribed the same dosage of medicine due to the by-effect of medicine.（这句话前后看不到因果关系） In addition, the same health condition should be insured when they are invested in a research.

In the second place, we are presented that the time women feel pain is considerably longer than men（pain 是指easing time？）, while the research still suggest to prescribing kappa opioids to women whenever pain medication is required. （这句话的转折关系不明显）Is this ridiculous to you? I don't think it is not a better choose to use painkiller with both less pain and shorter time for women.（建议使用一些例证提高说服力）

In fact, a study with only 48 participants is unreliable, especially on medicine. As we all know, medical is such a precise and meticulous subject that even little（有点奇怪，建议用tiny） carelessness is not allowed, otherwise, none dare to imagine the aftermath, for little mistake would kill someone. And it's a common sense that there are great deal of takers for each kind of medicine, the situation is the same（情况和什么相同？建议在后面加上，eg. the situation is the same to kappa opioids ）. Accordingly, each medicine should be tried at least by thousands of people who need also be observed a period of time before input into use.（这句话有点拗口，eg. Each medicine should be tried by thousands of people before putting into use and the long-period medical effect is also an important consideration.）

Finally, let's make the assumption that the report is true, is there need to reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women? The answer is absolutely no, for there are lots of medicines only for female or male.（论述太单薄，建议加些例子）

Overall, the reasoning for this report seems logical as presented above since the researcher deduced it（it的指代不明确） from such an experiment that men and women taking the same dosage of capsulate are all taken into accounted.（结尾就不要再重述题目了，直接指出arguer未能有效支持自己的观点） However, before any final decisions are made about a medical report, the researchers should see to it that all possible alternatives and causes are taken into account, after all, it is relative to life, the most precious of the world.

本文论点：
1.没有patients的其他信息
2.药物只提供给女性
3.样本量少
4.即使正确，也不需要把药物对男女的不同作用全部查一遍

作者的反驳点思路很清晰，不足的是例子运用较少，文章结构略显单薄。建议多研究下范文~~

夏诺多UID: 2981956

Education, how attractive to eyes the word it is(what a eye-catching word可能好一点)! It is commonly believed as a proverbial fact that knowledge plays a more and more significant role in society（society前必须加冠词）. And due to this, all educational institutes are doing their utmost to "invent" a system from which students can benefit most. But what should the educational system be that it could teach children most感觉怪怪的。。?

As we are presented above, some institutes accentuate the development of children's capacity of reasoning and logical thinking, because in no way can one address his如果你但用his而不用her，会不会给以女权主义著称的ets一点性别歧视的感觉呢 trifles without the competence of reasoning and logical thinking. Taking the electrical bank我表示没有听说过电力银行。。 as an example, nearly all people deposit money into a bank who will give people a card or passbook, then, the holders can withdraw money everywhere without taking money with在身边的话用by themselves. There is a kind of crime about electrical bank recently: The criminal pretending to be a staff of the bank phones an account lord? and tells him or her that because of obstacle of bank system he calls to ensure that his or her money is still in bank as before, thus, he needs the lord to tell him the account number and will check it out in his or her favor这句话相当纠结，可以改为the criminal will personate the bank stuff and phone the victims for their account number, pretending the bank system is under attack and the information is needed to ensure their account security. And the holder does the same as is told. The felons' success gives the very explanation that there are a great majority of people lacking the ability of deducting. 说实话，我觉得这个例子不太合适，reasoning and logical thinking应该重点指科学上和哲学上解决问题上的一种能力，而不是这种生活常识，类似诈骗的问题小心一点就可以了，还没到深化为logic thinking的时候吧，而且这个例子有点长Otherwise, if the account lords你最好确定一下，我表示没听说过account lord这种说法 had reasoning capability, they should have doubted the caller's identity, for a bank worker wouldn't call guest due to the regulations of bank, and so, the felons could not have succeed.

Although the capacity of reasoning and logical thinking is very important, by no means is it the only critical competence among the traits of humans. Because（because必须在一句话中连接因果，这里因果断开了，故不能另起一句） there are a great number of traits that do human beings’ favor in their future lives.

Among so many calibers, the ability of exploring their own emotions for children should also be paid enough attention to. If we defined the capacity of deducting as the intellectual quality, shorten as" IQ", and to some extent IQ means the competence of work. Similarity, we could take the caliber of exploring their own emotions as emotional quality, shorten as" EQ", and in a way EQ indicates the ability of contacting with another people. It is broadly known that humans are the sum of social relations. It is undoubtedly that we, as a portion of social relations, have to get along with other persons during our daily lives, such as working in our company, learning in school, shopping in supermarket, and so forth. None completely is there 不通顺who wouldn't keep touch with others, and that kind individual, if any, survive no place.IQ EQ的例子很恰当

Accordingly, the former apparently ignored some significant individuals with the obvious character that educational systems only emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, because except for this trait, the ability of contacting with one another should also paid adequate attention to.这句子太纠结了，不要一味追求长句，咱们水平还没到那步 Hence, those institutes with that exploring students' emotions is taught which do children's great favor are more popular.最后这句也纠结了

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

9# 夏诺多
谢谢你的修改，对我很有帮助，受益匪浅！

sophie-zyUID: 2894667

非常不好意思，我前两天有事，改的有点晚了！非常不好意思！
I112

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

没有关系，特殊情况嘛！

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

argument-51

欢迎拍砖！

zerrUID: 3006555

A51

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

Issue-17