习作

照无眠UID: 2764186

2.28 Issue 第一篇

"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."



3.2 Argument188

3.4 Argument 53

sophie-zyUID: 2894667

改好啦~谢谢你的修改哈~帮助很大~

卧沙场UID: 3016143

Argument 188

Based on the argument, by citing a research among dozens of men and women who （我倾向于过去时）take in（删） the same dosage of the certain kind of painkiller –kappa opioids——
after their wisdom teeth（被动） extracted, the author draws a conclusion that this kind of painkiller should be served for women rather than men, and suggests that a further research should be conducted to revaluate all effects of medication for men versus women. At the first glance, the author’s argument appears convincing, but it actually suffers from several logical flaws.

First of all, the research mentioned above is dubious. The number of respondents, 28 men and 20 women(the respondents, a total number of 28 men and 20 women in all), is too limited to ensure representiveness(representativeness) of the experiment. Only dozens of people can hardly reflect all kinds of situation of all men and women. In addition, the author fails to provide the backgrounds or more detailed information of these respondents. Unless the author sampled a sufficient number of people who take in painkillers, and did so randomly across the all men and women, the research is not（不建议直接使用not，如果可以用否定转移的方式去掉最好） reliable to gauge the general people（整个这句话不如这样表达：the research would turn out to be more reliable if the
author sampled a …… all men and women, which was able to make the logical analysis more smooth by gauging the general people to a satisfying degree.

Secondly, even if kappa opioids is(虚拟语气) especially effective for those people who have their teeth extracted, the author fails to prove that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required. As mentioned above, the author was
unable to offer enough evidence that kappa opioids is not only useful for those people suffers （from pain）删 after their teeth has been extracted, but also effective in other condition that painkillers are needed, (such as when suffering from other kinds of pains, such as headache.) 删，因为这个句子啰嗦，不过后面可以举headache的例子来推翻。

Admittedly, it is possible that painkillers do affect differently among men and women, because of different characteristics between men and women, however, it does not implies that effects of all medication should be reevaluate on men versus women. +reason，可以说medicine发展了多少多少年，很成熟，就这样一个实验能推翻所有以前的achievements?

In sum, the author fails(这个表达用的过多，可以换there is no evidence that, nothing regarding …… is represented)， to support his claim that kappa opioids should be recommended to those women who need painkiller, and effects of all medication should be reevaluate on men and women, because the evidence sited is not compelling. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to do more widely research to find out which painkiller is especially effective on women, and to find if there is a need to distinguish the effects of all medication on men versus women.

Ccomments:
1.
the most striking drawback of your essay is the deficiency of your glossary. The choice of your words and the sentence expression of your habit currently is not suitable for the GRE, so I suggest it is an emergency improve yourself by imitating and accumulating more from the paradigms. A passage of less than 400 words will deeply diminish the impression of the readers.
2.
although I have not found a clear outline of your passage, it never directs you have deviated from the topic or failed to illustrate your opinion. As long as the key words are obvious in your passage, it is ok.

FROM 卧沙场

照无眠UID: 2764186

英文表达实在太差，于是……纠结了很久之后决定上中文版

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

板凳儿你加油哦~~~

guiyujuanUID: 2898340

Argu 72 修改