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[未归类] 俺的作文作业帖~~~求批改 [复制链接]

tulipzong
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发表于 2011-3-26 11:45:33 |只看该作者

呃，你先把文章你的要点列出来，然后听得时候你会发现基本上两个要点都是对应的，包括小点 15# aurora0624

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tulipzong
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发表于 2011-3-26 13:30:53 |只看该作者

发的有些迟，不好意思

3.25独立 tulipzong.doc

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双非DIY美硕申请总结

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Go2011Go
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发表于 2011-3-26 14:06:11 |只看该作者

3.25独立 tulipzong.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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tulipzong
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发表于 2011-3-26 17:09:20 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tulipzong 于 2011-3-27 07:34 编辑

3.26综合 tpo12

tpo12-tulipzong.doc

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aurora0624
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发表于 2011-3-26 20:20:03 |只看该作者

3.25独立revised
As we all know, after the enormous seism happened in Northern Japan, nuclear slipping becomes an urgent problem to be solved. Apparently, it is an environmental problem. However, millions of people’s life is threatened by this problem now. At the same time, thousands of the wounded in Japan are eager for being rescued. If your are the authority（authorities表示当权者时是复数） of Japan government and only have limited money and manpower resource, what will you do, rushed repair the nuclear power station or save the wounded? Certainly, most of us will choose the former. From here(this view), we can see that environment issues are more important than health care issues. I will strengthen this opinion below.(这段写得太好了~鼓掌~)
First of all, as we can inferred from the example above, environment issues affect a wide space which located by innumerable citizens while health care issues only focus on comparatively fewer people. From utilitarianism perspective, the former outweighs the latter.
In addition, most of environment issues will lead to health care problem. Taking another accident happened in Japan in 1950s for example. The methyl mercuric chloride poisoning incident was caused by industrial pollution in water and led many people to be died(deaths更简洁我感觉) of nervous disorder. Thus coping with environment issue is the permanent（fundamental更合适些） solution to many health care issues.
At last, environment issues have impact on the whole ecosystem while health care issues only have effect on human beings. Other species of creature are equal to us human being, so we should not be so selfish that only pay attention to ourselves and lower their life quality.
In conclusion, since environment issues are the origin of many health care issues, and affect not only more human beings but also more species of animals than health care issues, we should devote more energy in them.

写得很好，逻辑清晰，词汇量超大啊，LZ以前考过GRE吧。。。羡慕。。。欢迎交流~

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