Michelle薇若谰的作文贴---Daily Writing

伶女UID：2797207

3.29 revised

I agree with the statement that it’s more important to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds. Only we build more art museums and music performance center could we absorb nutrients from art（这个说法有待斟酌） as much as possible and we could benefit more from art(我觉得ａｎｄ前后这两句没什么太大差别啊，). Art is chicken soup to our soul, and it has been inspiring us（这个说法我貌似没见过也） for long. It witnesses the human history（有点中文） and progress of culture so we learn a lot from art.

First, to build art museums and music performance center could provide space for children to develop their art potential from early childhood. Art and music are important for children. It is commonly recognized that education is foundation of a country. At the same time, children are hope（ｆｕｔｕｒｅ） of the whole country（孩子是祖国的希望这话很久没有听到了。。）. We certainly should make more investment in education especially on art and music education. Art museums and music center supply access for children to art and music as much as possible. It is reported that music and art could enhance development of intellectual ability. Children with more exposure of art and music would be brighter than those with less nurture on art and music.

Second, open art museum and music performance center could also provide us place to learn more about history and to acknowledge our ancestors’ achievements. More importantly, going art museum and music performance center could broaden our horizon.（怎么个扩大视野法。后面没有讲清楚） Usually people stay in the same place all the time stressed by work load and social obligation so they could hardly have time or chances to learn new things. The art museums and music performance center happen to be such perfect places for people to learn and improve capacity of art appreciation.- z) Y6 E# f. |* y6 `' w* P
   
To conclude, it is more important to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds.

两个论点还可以～语言表达方面个人认为有问题的都标出了

Go2011GoUID：3006241

I agree with the statement that it’s more important to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds. Only by building more art museums and music performance center could we absorb nutrients from art as much as possible and we could benefit more from art.后半句可以不要 Art is chicken soup to our soul, and it has been inspiring us for a long time which reflects the human history and progress of culture.
First, to build art museums and music performance center could provide space for children to develop their art potential from early childhood. Art and museum are important for children. It is commonly recognized that education is foundation of a country. At the same time, children are hope of the whole country.和主题关联小 We certainly should make more investment in education especially on art and music education. Art museums and music center supply access for children to art and music as much as possible. It is reported that music and art could enhance development of intellectual ability. Children with more exposure of art and music would be brighter than those with less nurture on art and music. % ]3 M9 Z- o& F+ a
    Second, art museum and music performance center could also provide us place to learn more about history and to acknowledge appreciate our ancestors’ achievements. More importantly, visiting art museum and music performance center could broaden our horizon. Usually people stay in the same place all the time stressed by work load and social obligation so they could hardly have time or chances to learn new things. The art museums and music performance center happen to be such perfect places for people to learn and improve capacity of art appreciation.
To conclude, it is more important to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds.

语言很流畅，主题也很明确，红色是我改过的部分，蓝色是觉得不合适的部分～～～

zhennuptUID：2748934

14# lv1015
329 独立修改

lv1015UID：2505136

Thanks a lot 16# 伶女

lv1015UID：2505136

来晚了，万分感谢 17# Go2011Go
    Nowadays in China, people’s living standard has been largely improved so it’s more important to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds. Only by building more art museums and music performance center could we absorb nutrients from art as much as possible. Art is chicken soup to our soul, and it has been inspiring us for a long time and it reflects the human history and civilization.
    First of all, to build art museums and music performance center could provide space for children to develop their art potential from early childhood. Art and music are important for children. We certainly should make more investment in education especially on art and music education.
Art museums and music center supply access for children to art and music as much as possible. It is reported that music and art could enhance development of intellectual ability. Children with more exposure of art and music would be brighter than those with less nurture on art and music.
    Also, to open art museum and music performance center could also provide us place to learn more about history and to learn from/appreciate our ancestors’ achievements. More importantly, going to/visiting art museum and music performance center could broaden our horizon. Usually people stay in the same place all the time stressed by work load and social obligation so they could hardly have time or chances to learn new things. The art museums and music performance center happen to be such perfect places for people to learn and improve capacity of art appreciation.
    In addition, I found that the recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds are far more common around. Compared to improvement of our physical condition, to improve the mental health is more important, and more emergent. Because people nowadays have gradually realized the significance of physical health, the place where I grew up is small city, thus few art museums and music center are established compared with the number of recreational facilities which scatter in newly build neighborhood, schools, and various sport centers. In a word, more art museums and music performance centers should be built to serve the artistic needs of mass people.
    To conclude, it is more important to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playgrounds.

lv1015UID：2505136

18# zhennupt
Many thanks.Below is a revised version based on your suggestion.
    The lecture apparently refutes the points from the reading passage. According to reading passage; salvage logging could be beneficial both to a damaged forest and to the economy. On the contrary, the lecture cast doubt on the above idea due to following reasons.
    First, the reading material raises that salvage logging could make room for fresh growth of new trees by removing the remains of dead trees. However, the speaker disagrees with the point mentioned above by suggesting that the dead trees should not be removed due to the nutrients given off to the soil during the dead trees' decomposition process and the nutrients could help the growth of the future trees.
Second, form the reading passage, the dead trees take up space and the decaying wood is highly hospitable for a large number of insects like spruce bark beetle which would cause damage to the forest. But this is contradictory to the view made by the professor who states that the spruce bark beetles have lived in the forest for more than 100 years. They have done anything but damage to the habitat. In addition, the habitat is also for birds and other animals beside the spruce beetles that are important contributors for the long term health of forest. Therefore, in the long run, salvage logging may end up doing more harm than the harmful insects do.

Third, the reading contends that salvage logging has economical (economic) benefits by providing wood and more job opportunities for the local residents. But the speaker holds a different perspective by stating that the economic benefit is very small and it does not last long. It makes huge damage to the forest. Besides, much lumber would be recovered only by using tools like helicopter and vehicles which are expensive to use and maintain. To make matters worse, the additional jobs are temporary and only fit for experienced professionals from outside instead of local people.
    To conclude, the reading passage is totally disputed by the lecture and the speaker (is) are against the views made in the reading material.

lv1015UID：2505136

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Movies and televisions should always show audience good people being rewarded and bad people being punished.
    With the advancement of economy, people have more access to entertainment and more opportunities to choose from, like watching TV, surfing on the Net and playing games etc. Among various options, movies and televisions are always our favorites. We love movies and televisions because they bring us kinds of emotional impulse. We experience everything via watching movies and televisions. However, does this mean they should always tell us good people being rewarded and bad people being punished? I do not think so.
    Movies and television should not always show audience what is good to be done or not, either morals. Everyone has his own opinion about an issue. I personally think that the mass media should hold an objective side toward everything they show to the audience. Because the purpose of the mass media is to tell us the fact we do not know.
    Several years ago, I saw a movie called “the mist” which is a real shock to me at that time. Why? I had never seen a movie without a happy ending before. “The mist” describes a catastrophe falling upon human being, and it ends up in overall death of the hero’s family and friends who struggle along the process. They work so hard to help each other in the hope of being alive. They conquered numerous obstacles but finally they surrendered to suicide. At first, I did not get the idea of the mysterious movie. I thought about it for a long time. Finally I understood that what the movie shows is real world which is totally contradictory to our common view to a certain degree. Actually, the real world is not people’s ideal picture. The reason why I feel so shocked is because then in my deep heart I also thought it is true of good people being rewarded and bad people being punished. That concept misled me so long that I could hardly believe what I saw and felt. Now I found that the world is like a common ecological setting which consists both positive and negative forces. The two forces act on each other and finally come to balance. It is natural scene that we should admit.
    To conclude, movies and televisions should not always show audience good people being rewarded and bad people being punished. It is not the duty of the mass media. What audience need is the fact with least bias.

ba80403UID：3034877

这是4.2号得修改。Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

Movies and televisions should always show audience good people being rewardedand bad people being punished.
    With the advancement of economy, people have more access toentertainment and more opportunities to choose from, like watching TV, surfingon the Net and playing games etc. Among various options, movies and televisionsare always our favorites. We love movies and televisions because they bring us kinds of emotional impulse. Weexperience everything via watching movies and televisions. However, does thismean they should always tell us good people being rewarded and bad people beingpunished? I do not think so.
开头其实可以再直接一些，不必从economy，entertainments再说到主题
    Movies and television should not alwaysshow audience what is good to be done or not, either morals. Everyone has hisown opinion about an issue. I personally think that the mass media should holdan objective side towards everything they show tothe audience. Because the purpose of the mass media is to tell us the fact wedo not know. 这一段我没看懂，我觉得你想表达的意思有点复杂，太复杂的东西最好不要写。
Several years ago, I saw a movie called“the mist” “The Mist” which is a real shock tome at that time. Why? 单单一个词的句子不书面I had never seen a movie withouta happy ending before. “The mist” describes a catastrophe falling upon humanbeing, and it ends up in overall death of the hero’s family and friends whostruggle along the process. They work so hard to help each other in the hope ofbeing alive. They conquered numerous obstacles but finally they surrendered tosuicide. At first, I did not get the idea of the mysterious movie. I thoughtabout it for a long time. Finally I understood that what the movie shows isreal world which is totally contradictory to our common view to a certaindegree. Actually, the real world is not people’s ideal picture. The reason whyI feel so shocked is because then in my deep heart I also thought it is true ofgood people being rewarded and bad people being punished. That concept misledme so long that I could hardly believe what I saw and felt. Now I found thatthe world is like a common ecological setting which consists of both positive and negative forces. The two forcesact on each other and finally come to balance. It is natural scene that weshould admit.  单单一个例子占一段得结构挺少见的，这种文章结构可能不受toefl评分的欢迎。
    To conclude, movies and televisionsshould not always show audience good people being rewarded and bad people beingpunished. It is not the duty of the mass media. What audience need is the factwith least bias.
个人感觉文章表达的意思很清楚。不过整体不够constructive,也不够comprehensive，可以加多一些内容和多几点论点，把那一大段的例子精简。

lv1015UID：2505136

谢谢点评，我自己写的时候也挺晕的，其实心里知道应该结构明确些，
弄个1+2/3+1的结构，就是写着写着就写走开了。太晕了:dizzy: ，多谢多谢:) ！
我觉得你写的还不错，不过好像不是昨天的题目~
23# ba80403

melon134UID：2338116

向lz认真地学习

lv1015UID：2505136

For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?   (09-11-07 NA)
Nowadays, there are controversies on whether a government should focus its budget more on universities or on very young children education. For the benefit of a country, I think the government
should focus[c1] its budget more on the universities which are the cradles of talents than young people education. Only when a country whose higher education currently can not catch up with its pace of the economic development is equipped with numerous talents could it has successful development.
First of all, universities are more important because they play an indispensable role in providing intellectuals to the society. Talents determine the future of the country. Whether the country will be successful or not, talent is key factor. Because university is the major place for people to accept systematic training of a certain discipline, more importantly, usually this period of education decides the direction of life career. So the quality of college education decides most part of the people’s life development later on. Since each person is a single unit of the country, thus thousands of person’s successful development makes up the country’s successful development.
Second, in China, we specially need to focus more on university education. Compared to developed countries, our universities are not qualified at present time. Brain drain is increasingly severe phenomenon. A number of projects which need financial investment are neglected, thus the candidates provided to society are often incompetent. That is why nowadays an increasing number of Chinese parents are trying to send their children to foreign countries for college education at an expense of ten to twenty times of tuition fees which is not affordable for each Chinese family. When these kids graduated, a large group of them choose to work and stay in those developed countries like the United States. Our universities are the same as before or developing gradually at a relatively slow pace. The talents we educate are still incompetent, under some circumstance, unable to meet the need of the society. Where are the excellent minds? Most of them have been attracted to developed countries rather than their motherland. Hence it is high time that the government put more budget on universities.
Admittedly, we should also care about children education because it is the foundation of the higher education. But actually, our quality of elementary and secondary education has developed to a certain degree. We have carried out/implemented a night-year compulsory education scheme for each child in this country. Children basically could master fundamental knowledge of a domestic language (Chinese), mathematics, a foreign language (most commonly English) and other subjects which render/facilitate the young students to further their higher studies in universities. Therefore, the need to put emphasis on young children education is not that emergent as the need on universities
In conclusion, the importance for a government to focus its budget on universities outweighs young children education.

aurora0624UID：3039878

4.4独立修改

蝶澈UID：2789619

改好了

lv1015UID：2505136

Some people believed that to be successful in the past is much easier than it is today whereas other people believe in the opposite. As for me, I would like to side with the latter people. I am willing to discuss it by proposing two main reasons.
  First, more educational and career opportunities are main reason for contemporary people to acquire success. In the past, among our ancestors only a fraction of rich families could afford the exclusive education. Even in the near decades, the generation of our parents’ time, the opportunity to go to university is so small that once obtained they will cherish it as it comes only once of the life time. I clearly remember how eager my mother wanted to learn at her teenage year and how precious the chances of going to school. However, nowadays much more schools and universities are opened. More people have the access to education as long as the individuals have the wish to learn. We are more competent than our ancestors and our parents. Besides, more doors of careers are open to us. You make your own choices. Whether being employed by a company of your favorite style or being your own boss, it is up to you. As the proverb goes, all roads lead to Rome. Opportunities are there as long as you could take a close grasp. Success is on the way.
   Second, the information age brings us a large amount of resources which create a comparatively fair and just environment for everyone in the society. We are almost equally exposed to the mass media such as TV, newspapers and the most important Internet, thus all people compete at the same stage. Possibilities of success largely increased today.  Previously, what we did have is only books which are merely available for a small group of people.
   Generally speaking, it is easier to be a success today than it was in the past owing to more opportunities of personal development and fair environment.

蝶澈UID：2789619

改好了