郝郝同学 daily writing

江左风华UID??3028061

With the booming of society which abounds with numerous opportunities and challenges, a growing number of people achieved their goals. （我觉得people achieve success 与booming society没什么直接关系，这样放在一起难免让人觉得牵强~） Some people wondered weather it is easier to be successful nowadays than past? Currently, people held thoroughly different perspective. Most of people approve that success is definitely easier to acquire today because of numerous opportunities and high quality of education. A few people, however, deprecate that opinion because plenty of people, although lived in the past, without that pierce competition, realized their dreams. From my prospective, it is more pertinent to achieve our targets nowadays than （in the) past. The reasons are demonstrated as below.

First, considerable opportunities is rendered by modern society which is not(had not been) offered that many in the past. (从句部分写得很chiglish，还不如直接用More opportunities are offered today than in the past简洁明了)As we all known, opportunities is premise of success. Without opportunities, talent, for all struggling people, is not able to be elaborated; without opportunities, incipient dreams, supplying them impetus, fade in their brains gradually. Take my grandfather as an example. He is a genius in painting. He, nevertheless, could not found a job related to painting during the past. He had to be a doctor which he did not excel in. Coincidentally, opportunities, not sufficiently offered in the past, are ready for strivers in recent years. Thus, comparing with past, the proportion of success of those people(the possibility to achieve success for those people) is risen immediately.Second, comparing with people before, people in our time possess more (a larger range of )knowledge, which induces people are more likely to success. (induces people to success more easily,如果非要那样写也应将are换成being success换成succeed)As we all known, knowledge is power. Expending(Expended实际上我觉得用broader更常见一些） horizon, familiarizing cosmopolitan cultures and developing potency（这三个动名词用得都不好，建议用形容词代替） are all advantages knowledge brings about and（用which） accelerate（S） the rapid （velocity)of achieving goals. Modern education just gratified people’ requirement. Distinguish with past, prorageting of advanced knowledge increased both people’s level of education and level of skill-ability. For example, Kai Fu, Li(Kaifu Lee), who is a noticeable(notable) manager of Microsoft, gained his doctor degree when he was young(at a very young age，when his was young 一般指小时候）. He said, his successful career depended on the knowledge he required.

Admittedly, it seems more diffcult to obtain success in our time because pierce competition. （这句话给人的感觉是与你的主题思想完全违背了 Admittedly, fierce competition today seems aggravates the difficulty to obtain success)In the past, without such fierce competition, people lived leisure life. Since competition emerged into modern society, nonetheless, life was rescheduled. Numerous though the disadvantages fierce competition brings about, they cannot compete with the advantages competition causes when development of society and accomplishment of individual are taken into consideration. For example, a old biological professor of mime told me (about) what he deserved from competition. At the first several years of his work, he lived a boring life which was repeating (the) same work as yesterday(everyday). Fortunately, as time went by, competition was emerging between collages. Impetus competition aroused gave the(去掉the) energy to his work. And he got prises now and then(这个短语用得非常别扭） on biology. Hence, nowadays, being fraught with competition, （it）is easier to attain success than past.In a nutshell, I strongly support the viewpoint that it is easier to be success nowadays than (in the) past. All pivots regarding success, like opportunities, education, even competition, are offered by the modern society.

我读楼主的文章最大的感觉就是——很费劲！ 一是用了很多不常用的形容词，二是句子结构过于复杂，给文章平白增添了很多滞涩感，更何况有些词语或句子使用得并不恰当，建议楼主写更明白流畅的文章，好的词语不在于复杂而在于准确，好的句子不在于长短而在于流畅

郝郝同学UID??3024925

46# 江左风华 [/b

我这篇文章你都读得费劲 那你阅读都怎么读的？
这篇文章是我们老师 改过的 所以说 句子词汇复杂时一定要的 你可能不知道我一个托友 同学们看他的文章都觉得非常流畅感觉很好 但是却没有高分 原因就是不够高分的level
这个问题可能每个人理解的也不一样 可是 英语都是咱们的外语 英语是母语的人 看你这不跟玩一样~~

同样感谢你的批改~~