ranger jiang 的作文贴

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

2009.09.11 北美题          2011.04.07   我们通过看电影电视来了解真正生活吗？
With the development of quality of life reform comes a public controversy topic, which demonstrate whether we should through watch movies and televisions let us understand the real life. Different people hold different opinion due to their respective looking at this issue, as far as I am concerned, I will give my reply focus on the real life not through the movies and televisions, that is to say I disagree this statement. Because the movies is not reflect the true of life and real life only we should experience these and then we could know the real life. These following examples and details will support my opinion.
The point of top importance my side will focus on the fake movies. There is no doubt the movies only give us a amuse mood. Generally speaking, many of the movies only direct by the directors, they full of imagination and their own experience, not represent all the people in the society. Take an Avatar as an example, which is a famous movies last year and was hot all over the world, it talks about other place individual life not access to our real life, therefore, it was so difficult that we understand the true life through this movies.
My second reason comes is we should spend our time taste the real life, such as take good care of families, have a supper dinner with family member together, communicate with friends directly,  experience the true life and travel a new place. However, movies will not get that effective result owing to we just watch movies in the dormitory or at home. If we fail to access to the real life, we never know the sadness, happiness,stress and motivation.Take my self as an example, I fail to in the examination  and lost my girlfriend last year, my father told me that I should be positive and try my best do in the next examination, and then, I get a excellent score after that examination. I think if I had not experience these events, I would not know what is the sadness and true love. Also, the movies and televisions would not let me understand them.
In light of above the points, we can safely conclude that only watch movies and television would not enable every individual know what is the true about the real life. On the other hand, movies and television is just amusement in modern society. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the statement that we spend our time focus on the movies and televisions.   
Word Count: 422

白猫猫UID: 3039408

  2011.04.07   我们通过看电影电视来了解真正生活吗？（这个机经的题目其实是这样的，It is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life? Agree or disagree.所以你写的文章跟真实的题目是有点偏题的，楼主注意一下了，不然到时候真的会考到了）


With the development of quality of life reform （life reform 是什么意思啊）comes a public controversy topic（comes ,前面没有主语啊）, which demonstrate whether we should through watch （改为watching） movies and televisions （插入to）let(let 改make) us understand the real life. Different people hold different opinion (复数opinions) due to their respective looking (这里的意思是看问题的不同方面吧~，looking 好象没有这个意思，改为aspects )at this issue, as far as I am concerned, I will give my reply（reply 是答复，这里是给什么的答复呢？） focus on the real life not through the movies and televisions,（give 和focus on 两个都是动词，整个句子的意思不太好懂，语法有问题）that is to say I disagree this statement. Because the movies is （is 改为 do）not reflect the true of life and real life only we should experience these and then we could know the real life.(句子好长啊，有因果关系，中间两个and ,还有转折关系 ，看不懂这个句子的意思，可以写简单点，或者插入逗号) These following examples and details will support my opinion.

The point of top importance my side（这四个单词连在一起是什么意思呢？top importance 也不是最重要的意思啊~）will focus on the fake movies. There is no doubt the movies only give us a amuse mood. Generally speaking, many of the movies（插入are） only direct (directed) by the directors,（呵呵，所有的电影不都是由导演指导吗？而且写剧本的一般不是导演？） they full of imagination and their （前面they指代电影，这个their 指代的导演，有些混乱，将their 改为the directors’） own experience, not represent all the people in the society（“他们充满想象和导演自己的经验，不能反应的社会中所有人的生活”，那有什么电影能反映所有人啊？）. Take an（an 改为the） Avatar as an example, which is a famous movies last year and was hot all over the world, it talks about other place individual life (插入 which )not access to our real life, therefore, it was so difficult that we (改为，for us to) understand the true life through this movies.

My second reason comes（comes 删除） is (插入that )we should spend our time taste the real life, such as take good care of families, have a supper dinner with family member together, communicate with friends directly,  experience the true life and travel a new place. However, movies will not get that effective result owing to we just watch movies in the dormitory or at home. （后面这一部分有些问题，直接删掉好了）If we fail to access to the real life, we never know the sadness, happiness,stress and motivation.Take my self（myself） as an example, I fail（过去式failed） to in the （in the 改为pass）examination  and lost my girlfriend last year, my father told me that I should be positive and try my best do (do 去掉) in the next examination, and then, I get a excellent score after（after 改为in） that examination. I think if I had not experience these events, I would not know what is the sadness and true love. Also, the movies and televisions would not let me understand them." K6 @7 |

In light of above the points, we can safely conclude that only watch(改为watching) movies and television would not enable every individual (插入to)know what is the true about the real life. On the other hand, movies and television is(改为are) just amusement (amusements)in modern society(这句说的太绝对了~). Therefore, I strongly disagree with the statement that we spend our time focus on the movies and televisions. （啊~啊~啊~，最后的主题怎么改成we spend our time focus on the movies and televisions了啊？主题不能换啊~）

1，楼主的小错误有点多，都是一些很简单的错误，如单复数，还有有些句子会缺少主语。希望楼主下次写完可以自己先检查一遍。

2，楼主的整篇文章的思路不够清晰，一直都没搞懂，到底要写的是什么，感觉主题一直在变。到底是，是否可以通过看电影来了解生活？还是仅仅通过看电影来了解生活？最后怎么结尾又成了要不要花时间在电影和电视上面？

3，因为主题我一直没搞明白，所以论点的问题就不好说了，不过有些句子说的太绝对了。

4，楼主有些句子，感觉是按中文直接翻译过来，所以有的时候翻译出来有点怪，如：The point of top importance my side（这四个单词连在一起是什么意思呢？top importance 也不是最重要的意思啊~）will focus on the fake movies. 但是后面写自己例子的时候，就顺很多，可能是自己比较熟悉吧。还是希望楼主多写一些自己有把握的句子。

上面只是一些个人的意见，本人水平不高，希望有问题可以大家一起讨论~:)

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

（头一句我就看不懂 没主语啊 还是life后加逗号？）With the development of quality of life reform （reform是什么意思？）comes a public controversy topic,which （这里用同位语是不是好点）demonstrate whether we should through watch movies and televisions （to）let us understand the real life. Different people hold（holding） different opinion（复数） due to their respective looking （改成attitude是不是好点）at this issue, （断句）as far as I am concerned, I will give my reply focus on the real life not through the movies and televisions, that is to say I disagree this statement.（这句主语太多，在as far as I am concerned后面直接说你不同意就行了） Because the movies is not reflect the true （名词truth）of life and real life only we should （should去掉 experience用过去式）experience these （life）and then we could know（what is） the real life. These following examples and details will support my opinion.’}+ R' E  }0 K$ j3 B% p5 Z! F
The point of top importance （of + n表示形容词 前面要有be动词 ）my side will focus on the fake movies. There is no doubt the movies only give us a amuse mood. Generally speaking, many of the movies only direct by the directors, （逗号不能连接两个句子）they （are）full of imagination and their own experience, not represent all the people in the （real）society. Take an Avatar as an example, which is a famous movies last year and was hot all over the world, it talks about other place individual life not access to（which has no connection with） our real life, therefore, it was so difficult that we understand the true life through this movies./ a! u  e' _$ {% \" u1 I- c
My second reason comes is （两个动词？）we should spend our time taste the real life, such as take good care of families, have a supper dinner with family member together, communicate with friends directly,  experience the true life and travel a new place. However, movies will not get that effective result owing to we just watch movies in the dormitory or at home. If we fail to access to the real life, we never know the sadness, happiness, stress and motivation. Take my self as an example, I fail（过去式） to in the examination  and lost my girlfriend last year, （断句）my father told me that I should be positive and try my best do in the next examination, and then, I get a （an）excellent score after that examination.（这句跟你lost女朋友没关系 女朋友删掉） I think if I had not experience these events（这些事不适合用events）, I would not know what is the sadness and true love. Also（of course 会不会好点）, the movies and televisions would not let me understand them.
In light of above the（these） points, we can safely conclude that only watch movies and television would not enable every individual（everybody 就可以了吧） know what is the true about the real life. On the other hand, movies and television is just amusement in modern society. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the statement that we spend our time focus on the movies and televisions.


存在语法问题 句子关系需要明确
有些词的用法 不太恰当
论证举例不够 说理的文字过多
能力有限 望见谅 供作者参考

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

题目：2009.10.10CN
观点：不同意此观点
论点一：教育方面
论点二：交流方面 因特网   
求狠拍， 昨天的文章感谢白猫猫同学，郝郝同学，你们俩辛苦了

With the development of education comes a public controversy topic, which demonstrate whether people are access to the successful in the past than nowadays. Different people holding various opinions due to the respective aspects on this issue. In my point of view, I strongly disagree with this statement. To my knowledge, it is convenience of today bring us a better education system, unimaginable fast information and more opportunities access to the success. These following example and details will support my opinion.

The point of top importance for my reason will focus on the better education system. As we all know, there were a great number of people suffer from the poor situation in fifty years ago, it was so poor that most of children cannot afford the school tuition and lack of fundamental opportunities to the school. Take my father as an example, he had obtained only five years education at school owing to family needy. Under this condition, he had became a farmer in my hometown a few years ago. Compare with modern ages today, almost all the children are able to the school even universities, and enjoy a high standard of education. Which is enable the youth to acquire abundance of knowledge and useful working skills, a result that the youth will success in their career more than before.

In addition, my second point concentrate on the communication of the Internet. with the rapid of technology offers the high technology methods. For instance, it is Internet donates the unimaginable information. We can use the Internet communicate with others and exchange the ideas from each other, and Internet directly improve our speedy on the collect information, especially on the business or economic realm. Internet  might does assist us get the essential data to the business and enable us acquire success in the business life. Take my friend Jack as example, he is my classmate in the university who had achieve success in the business realm two years ago. Through the Internet information and e-commence, he had establish a company base on the Internet and he usually exchange business in the Internet.
Facing such magnificent success, we actually believe that Internet has benefited human being far beyond their imagination.

In light of above these points, we can safely conclude that we easily access to the success today than in the past. It is nowadays provides a better education, convenient to communicate and opportunities toward the success. Therefore, this statement is not complete correctly.

蝶澈UID: 2789619

4.9改好了

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

5# 蝶澈


我作文里有句 different people holding different opinions,   你说要改为hold，  我一开始也是用的hold，被小组成员改为holding，于是我就用holding， 今天你又改为hold ，  到底我是用holding呢还是hold   泪奔了我 最后感谢谍澈的细心修改。辛苦了。

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

Different people hold（holding） different opinion（复数） due to their respective looking （改成attitude是不是好点）at this issue.实在不好意思 是我改错了 我以为后面due是动词呢 你用hold 在这句里没错

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

04.10 作业   综合写作   首先说明 我是0423考生，写作全部来自机经。综合写作也是。 这两篇是2009.04.03北美  2009.10.30北美   如果今天修改我文章的同学是0423托福考生，估计你会有机经题目，请您参考下就是，如果不是0423考生修改，没有题目请联系我，我给你发过去。我QQ473322102 。。大家辛苦了

2009.04.03                            2011.04.02
The listening lecture is completely contradict the reading passage. In the reading passage hold a opinion that Hohokam people disappear suddenly in the x place, and the listening is refute that opinion in the following aspects.
In the first place, contrary to the belief in the passage that the local people using of high alkaline water lead to the soil deposit, the professor states that they know how to manage the water and rain could also wash the soil and the irrigate system has been used for several thousands of years. This point directly refute what the passage shows.
Secondly,the passage maintain that the trees cut down for cooking and building house by the local people, without the trees to the animal survive, result in the extinction of animals as food supply. However, the professor argues that the trees could reproduce and grow quickly. The woods only to the cooking and building house, it would not be used up, also, the animals reproduce and grow with the high speed. This is another point the lecture against with the reading passage .
Finally, unlike what the passage said in the passage that there was a war or invasion by other groups, realize some evidence in the remains and some damage structures. But, The professor believes that there was no war in there and there is only little evidence seems not proved that conflicts ever happened before.
In the light above the points, we can safely conclude that the professor completely contradicts that opinion in the reading passage.
Word Count: 253
2009.10.31                 2011.04.02
The lecture is completely contradict the reading passage, the reading passage talks about the hydroelectric has three advantages. In the listening lecture, the professor argues these information in the reading passage in the following aspects.
In the first place, contrary to the belief in the reading passage that hydroelectric has a low costs and it can save much costs. But in the listening materials, the professor said that it was not saving the costs because it should spend amount money to build dam. Research cost for selecting the location and the hydroelectric plants was not low in that era. This point directly refute what the reading passage shows.
Secondly, the reading passage maintain that the hydroelectric will produce little pollution. However, the professor argues that hydroelectric would also produce the greenhouse gas as fossils fuel plants do, such as CO2. This is another point the listening lecture against the reading.
Finally, unlike the reading passage said that the water would protect the wild animals and some animals. the professor believes that water path cannot protect all fishes, he take England as an example, the water path cannot protect a kind of fish,as salmon. This point, therefore, was directly refute the passage claims.  
Word count :205

Yvaine198831UID: 2956487

4.9日 独立

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

今天4月11号   昨天没有修改  请同学们  修改4月10的哈  我写的是综合

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

请改过我作文的同学看过来，白猫猫，好好同学等，我作文有些完全是模仿新东方老师的作文，有两处地方遭到狠批。我问过老师了，老师给出了说明。The point of top importance for my reason focus on +___ 此句话没有错误，of 后并不只是加名词，top importance为后置定语，翻译为我最重要的论点集中于,,,,,,,这是老师的解释。第二句，with the development of life quality reform comes a public controversy topic. 这句话你们说没有主语，老师说这是一句倒装句：a public controversy comes with the deveopment of life quality. 翻译为随着生活品质改革的发展出现了一个公共争议的话题。

凉言UID: 2996787

改得比较仓促，不好意思

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

0412作业 2010.01.30 NA 机经独立作文题目  不知道题目的请联系我QQ47332210

Yvaine198831UID: 2956487

4.11综合

snowlauraUID: 2872328

412的独立修改:loveliness: