hyliu1-08 作文

hyliu1-08UID：3063421

6月18日 独立  谢谢 国宝姐姐

mpromanusUID：2565872

43# hyliu1-08

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends?

Different people have different views on whether one moving to a fresh city is a wise choice or not. Some persons believe that this means losing contact with their old friends, while others hold the ideas that turning to a new city indicates new opportunities and new friends. From my point of view, I appreciate more of the latter point, because if I decide to move to a new town, I can not only do what I plan to do such as finding opportunities and achieving new challenges (You don’t really ‘achieve’ a challenge. You can achieve goals and such or meet challenges.), but also make new friends from new areas. All this is not to say I will sever the connection between my old friends. Such reasons go as follows. (I think I’ve already pointed out in your previous essay that ‘such reasons’ means you were talking about reasons right before this sentence. You were not, so you can’t use ‘such reasons’ here. A simple ‘the reasons for my arguments are as follows’ will be more appropriate.)

Firstly, we cannot only realize that one coinsimply(merely only) has one side, (If you say ‘we cannot only realize xxx’, you’re effective saying you are not aware of xxx at all. This is obviously a translation from Chinese, and it makes little sense in English. What you are trying to say is simply ‘Every coin has two sides.’ But this, I’m sorry to say, is an idiomatic expression created more or less by the Chinese for the Chinese. Though in English there is ‘every coin has its flip side’ or ‘on the flip side of the coin’, there is never really ‘every coin has two sides’. Here you are trying too hard to rephrase the idiomatic expression.) because there are many aspects of oneincident should been taken into our consideration. (The relationship here is that you should take many aspects of an incident into consideration ‘because’ ‘every coin has two sides’, not the other way round.) For instance, if we onlyresortto the point of losing the contact with old friends to define a remove as bad, I think this idea is too arbitrary. There are a considerable number of advantages waiting for us in a new city, even though we may sometimes feel lonely without friends’ support. However just due to thiscircumstance, (I think you meant to say something like ‘only through this challenge we can mature, blah’.) we can mature step by step and become more and more independent and confident. Obviously, there are also lots of obstacles waiting for us, but in my mind, these barriers only can only be the staircase on our way forward road. (This does not make much sense to English speakers because their symbolism about ‘staircase’ is not the same as yours. Again, you’re very much trying to translate from Chinese.)

Secondly, there is no doubt that when we step into a new place we will meet many fresh faces. With the passage of time, many of these fresh faces mostly become our acquaintances. For example, there is one citizen who removes (Why do you keep using ‘remove’ as ‘move’? They are not the same.) into a new town because of work. Maybe when he moves into this town he nearly is not familiar with anyone, however he has to buy something that is essential for his life, then he will connect with the owner of the store. After several times, he may make friends with the owner. And the citizen also can also make many new friends via working. After several months, he will have a new friend circle of friends. Another thing I want to say is that the citizen also (moreover) (If you must use ‘moreover’, it needs to be in the beginning – it’s used to connect sentences. It doesn’t mean ‘also’. ‘Moreever, this citizen can also keep in tough with..’.) can keep in touch with his old friends. (You say this as if it is assumed to be a fact. The question is actually asking you whether this is a fact or not – the question’s logic is like this: I assume moving will cause one to lose his old friends. Since loss of friends is not good, and if my assumption is true, then I can say moving is not good. Your job is to argue that this logic is wrong, not to make an opposite assumption about if a person can keep in touch with his old friends.) All this is to say that the citizen can have more friends than before after he moves into a new area.

Admittedly, we will feel lonely when we move to a new place at first. But only that feeling can make us become independent and confident, and help us make the decision to make new friends. Add to our old friends we will benefit from this experience because we will get more friendship.

总结：

你的论述问题倒不是很大，但是语言方面实在过于中式。。很多地方都能找到和中文一一对应的表达。就像我上次说过的，你要多看英文原文，否则考官轻则觉得你的表达很奇怪，重则就是看不明白你在说什么直接跳过。。就算你没有时间，也可以抽点空稍微总结一下自己经常爱用的一些表达，至少确保你经常写的东西没什么问题。。

hyliu1-08UID：3063421

6月19日 独立

mpromanusUID：2565872

46# hyliu1-08

Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and more stressful. What is your opinion?

Different people have different views on whether computers bring more convenience or more stress to our lives. There is no doubt that a computer is an important part of our lives. It affects our lives every time (Every time of doing what? I think you are trying to express the idea that computers are affecting you ‘all the time’..) and everywhere. We use computers to achieve knowledge (You don’t ‘achieve’ but ‘gain’ or ‘acquire’ knowledge.), to obtain news and to contact with others (If you must use ‘with’, then it’s ‘make contact with others’.). So, from my point of view, the advantages and the conveniences computers supply us outweight its disadvantages and complexities, for the reasons as follows (‘as follows’ is a fixed expression.).

Firstly, owing to the increasing developments of the internet, it is easier for us to gain knowledge through computers than though books. (This applies to any device that can connect to the internet. In fact, personal computers are now often considered too bulky and complex to use, compared with mobile devices like smartphones, which can be hooked up to the internet in an instant..so it’s the computers or the internet that’s giving you the convenience? This is a perspective for you to think about.) For example, I selected large amounts of valuable materials via my computer from a learning website when I prepared for this IBT exam, rather than through books or taking some training classes. I think there are enormous amounts of knowledge in the world of the Internet world, while some certain books contain a finite amount of knowledge (If you say ‘some books contain finite knowledge’, you effective mean ‘some other books may contain infinite knowledge’. ‘Some’ means a limiting set and implies there are ‘others’. You don’t need to use ‘some’ if you’re using a plural noun to talk about a generic state, e.g. I take piano lessons. If you say ‘I take some piano lessons’, you’re either trying to be modest and imply that the number of lessons and the level are limited, or you’re implying that you take some other lessons besides piano lessons.). In fact, I got lots of valuable knowledge and methods (‘methods’ of what? This is too far away from ‘IBT’ for your reader to remember you were talking about exam preparation.), which taught me how to prepare for my exam, such as how to use the time during exam cleverly, how to develop the ability of listening and how to practice the writing skills, and all these prove my choice is wise (Doesn’t sound like you can’t get any of these in a book..in fact a proper Official Guide will contain all this information.). When I finished the work of choosing learning materials, I was surprised and found that I only spent two hours. But if I chose the way of buying books, I think I would face many problems, such as which books I should buy and from which bookstore I should get my books. (Are you saying you know which material to use and from which website you should download, automatically, when you are using computers? Are you saying once you’re online, everything you find is useful and proper, and you don’t need to select from that ‘lots of’ stuff at all? Think about it: if you’d likely encounter the same materials and problems in choosing materials online or offline, does ‘using the computers’ still make a difference? Your argument is simply too made-up to be effective, and you obviously haven’t thought thoroughly about what exactly is making ‘using computers’ more effective than getting books. Plus, you don’t really know how to use the semi-colon..) Facing such problems I should involve in many others’ views, and I think it was one week after when I got materials what I want (I don’t really get this. Didn’t you say you got your materials through the internet, not from buying books?).

Secondly, using computers will let us connect to each other more easily than before. For instance, nowadays, there are many companies using computers to organize a distance meetings. It does not only reduces the time people waste on travelling, but also avoids the boring matters which are that people have to change their plans due to have a face to face together meeting (All this in one word: scheduling. And you’re basically writing non-standard English in this whole paragraph: no grammar in the long sentences, direct translations of all sorts. I understand you may be tired from writing, and you’re probably not concentrating as much, but please try not to lose your grip of the essay. If you can’t write proper long sentences anymore, write shorter ones that are easier to get right.). So we can depend on computers, the products of the third industrial revolution, to solve such problems. (Computers alone don’t do this. Again, it’s the connected network that makes all this possible. Computers are simply nodes in the global network. You’re focusing too much on connectivity, which is not limited to computers.)

In Summary, a computer is of importance, not only for work, but also for our daily life. I could not imagine how the world will be without it. Since the time it has been designed, it has played a crucial role. And with the development of science, it became an important part of our lives, making our lives faster and more convenient. (Well, this didn’t really summarize any of your points above..It looks more like an introduction than a conclusion.)

总结：

基本上从secondly开始就是在乱写。。好吧我知道限时神马的鸭梨很大，但是你也不能就这样虎头蛇尾啊。。请注意平衡你的体力和集中力。如果到后面脑子累了就不要再勉强自己写长句。。

mpromanusUID：2565872

48# hyliu1-08

Why go to university

There is no doubt that attending university is a wise choice for students who will make a decision of whether to going on studying or to entering the workforce (‘to do’ forms cannot be simply replaced by ‘do-ing’ forms. Please consult a good dictionary or use Google if you are not sure about usage.). I always believe that knowledge is the key to everything that we want to improve, and this argument even supports every part of our life (This argument supports every part of our life? How? Why? You need to validate this statement.). But from where can we gain knowledge efficiently and effectively? I think there is no place much more appropriate than universities in this world. Via studying at universities, we can benefit a considerable number of advantages (You don’t ‘benefit’ advantages. You either ‘gain’ advantages or ‘benefit from’ something.), such as a charming learning setting (This is mostly surely a direct translation, because I’d normally say ‘conducive learning environment’..), excellent teachers and advanced equipment. (Your question is ‘why go to university’, but what you’re answering here is ‘why going to university to study is good’. Not the same at all.)

Studying at universities means we can more easily put our hearts into knowledge and skills than at society (What does it mean to be ‘at society’?). A famous writer has said that that the most beautiful place in this world is the university; it is just like a river of knowledge. I understand this sentence in this way. Universities being an enormous amount of knowledge repertory (I think you mean ‘a repertory of an enormous amount of knowledge’..), it can supply us with information about what we want to learn. Universities are always established very pleasant (??). And students have the chance to pay their all attention in their majors (There are part-time students at all levels in tertiary education, including part-time undergraduates. How can you assume that all students who attend universities must be full-time students?). This is not only because all students study together, but there are not so large amounts of distraction at school as there are at other places.

In addition, excellent teachers in universities can help us solve problems, and this benefit we can seldom achieve in other settings. They will boost our confidence when we finish a perfect task, and that will highly improve our comprehension (of what?). By studying with classmates, we can accumulate the experience of teamwork. In that process, one’s team spirit can at the same be accumulated. (1. I do not really understand this sentence. 2. You talked about teachers and classmates, which are two points instead of one..)

Finally, there are enormous numbers of arguments supporting my view that going to university is reasonable, some important ones I have outlined. In summary, only if we store sufficient knowledge, we can do things well what we wish to do. And attending university is the wisest way to attain this goal.

总结：

其实看你的结论段，你最后只论述到了一个论点– only if we store sufficient knowledge we can..and [that’s why we attend university: it is the wisest way to attain this goal]. 问题问的是为什么要上大学，而不是上大学读书有什么好处。。每个问题都是不一样的，请注意审题，避免所有的题目都写成优缺点列表型。。