求帮忙看study plan~谢过

clearlee1203UID: 2840414

高一生，9月去温哥华读高二。。
求帮忙看study plan ><

Study Plan

Dear Visa officer,

It is definitely my honor to be accepted to Royal Canadian College to continue mysecondary school education, thus I’m writing my study plan to apply for a study permit. I sincerely believe that this letter will give you a clear explanation of my decision.

My personal status:

Myname is  *****, female, born on ******, in Tianjin,China. Currently, I am a grade-10 student studying in ****. I have been at this school for 4 years, ever since I finished my elementary school education and passed the examination between more than 5000 students of my age, and I ranked top-20 among the 300 students who were eventually accepted to TFLS as grade-7 freshmen.

Compared to other top secondary schools among the city, TFLS specializes in foreign languages, including English, French, Japanese, German and Spanish, which means the students in our school have more foreign languages classes in our curriculum. Furthermore, our school offers a unique ‘second foreign language course’ as one of our normal courses, and I chose to learn French.

I study hard at TFLS and remain one of the outstanding students in our grade.Owing to the unique features of our school, I believe that I have obtained quite better English language skills compared to most students of my age, and that the characterized forms of education provide me with a better understanding of the world, both of which will contribute positively to my further study in Canada.

The reasons why I wish to study atRoyal Canadian College to continue my secondary school education:

Royal Canadian College, established in 1989, has built up a solid reputation amongst its students and their parents as a school that cares, which offers pretty high quality education - 95% of the students are able to enter celebrated universities after graduation.The school attracts students from different nations throughout the world. This exposes students at Royal Canadian College to the enriching experience of learning about different cultures in one place - an important aspect of education since globalization deepens.

Furthermore, Dr. Leon Kung, the President of Royal Canadian College, is a direct descendant of the great Chinese educator, Confucius. Thus, this school inherits the educationalspirits of Confucius - no discrimination in education. Moreover, students from China will feel less solitary as a result of cultural diversity.

Besides,even though my present school in China has high quality teaching resources, each class contains 50 to 60 students. Accordingly, every individual may not receive enough attention and communication from the teachers, whereas, Royal Canadian College offers small-scale classes at around 20 students each.Thus, I believe I can have more direct communication with the teachers and receive precious advice from them.

As I have mentioned above, my characterized educational background, especially my English languages skills will help me adapt to the new environment quicker and better. There will be fewer problems for me communicating with the local people, and having academic classes in English. Furthermore, my parents are highly supportive of my studying abroad and will absolutely pay all my tuition and cost.

My overall educational goal:

Iwill undoubtedly exert myself in order to finish my secondary schooleducation - Grade 11 and 12, at Royal Canadian College in the following 2years. After graduating from secondary school, I wish I can be accepted to one of the well-known universities internationally to receive remarkable highquality education.

What is more, I take part in, and am crazy about the Model United Nationsactivity. I attended the 2011 Peking University Model United Nations Conference for High School Students, in March, 2011, in the committee UNCTAD.The agenda is relevant to international commerce and my interest in business and commerce developed. Thus, I hope to major in business in the university, and a university which is especially known for its ability in business, and has an international point of view, for instance, the Simon Fraser University in B.C., Vancouver, would be more favorable to me.

If I am given the opportunity, I am sure that I will achieve my goal adhere to my time plan through hardworking and then return to my motherland, China.

My reasons for pursuing a programoutside China:

First of all, as I have just mentioned in the second part of my letter, the scale of each class in my present secondary school is comparatively large, therefore the teachers are not able to teach every individual to meet their very specificneeds. On the contrary, the Royal Canadian College offers small-scale classes, which is exactly what I wanted.

Secondly,my English languages skills have enabled me to communicate with native speakers fluently, thus I consider that it is the proper time for me to go abroad and experience the English-speaking world.

Thirdly,the two-year secondary school course in Canada will greatly help me adapt to the condition in Canada. It will be better for me rather than finishing secondary school in China then going to Canada for university, because I cansave time adapting to a new environment and thus I am able to fully concentrate on my major. Furthermore, my Model United Nations experience, to a certain extent, has broadened my horizon, and has increased my awareness of the globe.Therefore it makes me eager to know the world outside China through practice.

Besides,I have been living in school ever since grade 7. As a result, I’m an independent girl who is able to take care of herself. My parents hold the opinion that although I am still physically an adolescent, I have the ability to balance study and health. They trust me, thus they fully support my decision of studying abroad.

Ina word, I believe that going overseas at present to continue my secondary school study is the best and most proper choice for me.

My reasons for returning back to Chinaafter finishing my studies and the advantages I can get from studying abroad in my career:

My hometown, Tianjin, which lies off the east coast of China, is one of the fourcities directly governed by the country. It locates next to Beijing, the capital city of China, therefore catches up with the latest ideas of nation and enjoys pretty much preferential policies. It was listed as one of the first14 open coastal cities in 1984, and has been attracting a large amount offoreign investment ever since.

Withthe establishment of Tianjin Binhai New Area, Tianjin has been the new developing focus that China puts much attention onto, and the New Area is considered the third hotspot being that the first and second are Shenzhen Economic Zone and Shanghai Pudong New Area. With the rapid development of Tianjin,it is undoubtedly a great number of people who good at foreign languages arehighly needed. With the academic knowledge and English language skills I get through studying in Canada, I will be definitely far more competitive among peers. Moreover, coming back to my hometown will provides me with moreopportunities, putting the current status of Tianjin in consideration.

Besides,I am the only child of my parents. Thus I am responsible for taking care ofthem as their beloved child. I know how hard it is for them to endure me not being around them. However, I also know that they had fully considered andthen decided to send me to study abroad in order to receive a form of education that suits me most. The only thing I can do for them is to finish my education successfully, and then come back to my hometown to spend time with them for the rest of their life.

I will be deeply grateful for your kind approval of my visa application.

Yours sincerely,
Applicant, *****




为什么好多空格复制过来就没了TAT 改起来太麻烦了。。。

clearlee1203UID: 2840414

顶一下。。求帮忙。。谢谢T-T

answer1UID: 2963206

写的不错了 比那些中介写的好多了····

quehua1983UID: 2658750

写地灰常好啊~~我自己写的好短。。。

louisa_feiUID: 2639149

写得不错 点都有了 篇幅略长 如果能控制在1000字以内会更好一点哦

quehua1983UID: 2658750

写得不错 点都有了 篇幅略长 如果能控制在1000字以内会更好一点哦
louisa_fei 发表于 2011-5-9 10:32

600字的表示鸭梨很大。。。。。。

clearlee1203UID: 2840414

二稿= =

Study Plan

Dear Visaofficer,

Itis definitely an honor to be accepted to Royal Canadian College to continue mysecondary school education, thus I’m writing my study plan to apply for a studypermit. I sincerely believe that this letter will give you a clear explanationof my goals and aspirations.

Mypersonal status:

Myname is ***, female, born on December 3rd, 1994, in Tianjin,China. Currently, I am a sophomore studying in Tianjin Foreign LanguagesSchool attached to Tianjin Foreign Languages University (abbreviated to TFLS).I have attended TFLS for 4 years, ever since I finished my elementary schooleducation and passed the examination, and out of 5000 pears I ranked in the top20 among the 300 students who were eventually accepted.

Comparedto other top secondary schools among the city, TFLS specializes in foreignlanguages, which means the students in our school have more foreignlanguages classes in our curriculum. Furthermore, our school offers a unique‘second foreign language course’ as one of our regular courses, and I havechosen to learn French.

Istudy hard at TFLS and remain one of the outstanding students in our grade.Owing to the unique features of our school, I believe that I have obtainedquite better English language skills compared to other students of my age,and that the characterized forms of education has enlightened my outlook,both of which will contribute positively to my further study in Canada.

The reasons why I wish to study atRoyal Canadian College to continue my secondary school education:

Royal Canadian College, established in1989, has built up a solid reputation among its alumni group as aschool that cares, which offers pretty high quality education - 95% ofthe students are able to enter celebrated universities after graduation.The school attracts students from different nations throughout the world. Thisexposes students at Royal Canadian College to the enriching experience of learningabout different cultures in one place, which is an important advantage ofeducation since globalization deepens.

Furthermore, Dr. Leon Kung, thePresident of Royal Canadian College, is a direct descendant of the greatChinese educator, Confucius. Thus, this school inherits the educationalspirits of Confucius with discrimination in education. Moreover, students fromChina will feel less isolated as a result of cultural diversity.

Besides,even though my present school in China has high quality teaching resources, eachclass contains 50 to 60 students. As a result, every individual may notreceive enough attention from and have plenty of communication with theteachers, whereas, Royal Canadian College offers small-scale classes witharound 20 students each. Thus, I believe I can have more directcommunication with the teachers and receive precious advice from them.

AsI have mentioned above, my characterized educational background, especially myEnglish language skills will help me adapt to the new environment quickly.There will be few problems for me communicating with the locals andunderstanding my peers and teachers. Furthermore, my parents are highlysupportive of my choice to study abroad and will absolutely pay all mytuition and fees.

My overall educational goal:

Iwill undoubtedly exert myself in order to finish my secondary schooleducation - Grade 11 and 12, at Royal Canadian College in the following 2years. After graduating from secondary school, I hope to be accepted to awell-known university internationally in order to receive remarkably highquality education.

Inaddition, I take part in, and am crazy about the Model United Nationsactivity. I attended the 2011 Peking University Model United NationsConference for High School Students, in March, 2011, in the committee UNCTAD.The agenda is relevant to international commerce and thus my interest inbusiness and commerce further developed. In fact, business has always beenmy ideal major, and model UN has strengthened it. Personally,
a university, known for its ability inbusiness, that has an international point of view, for instance, the SimonFraser University in B.C., Vancouver, would be more preferable.

IfI am given the opportunity, I am sure that I will achieve my goal adhere tomy time plan through hard work and return to China afterwards.

My reasons for pursuing a programoutside China:

Firstof all, as I have just mentioned in the second part of my letter, the scale ofeach class in my present secondary school is comparatively large, therefore theteachers are not always available to meet the very specific needs of every individual.On the contrary, the Royal Canadian College offers small-scale classes,which is exactly what I long for.

Secondly,my English language skills have enabled me to communicate with nativespeakers fluently, thus I consider that it is the proper time for me to goabroad and explore the English-speaking world.

Thirdly, the two-year secondary school coursein Canada will greatly help me adapt to the conditions in Canada. OtherwiseI will finish my secondary school in China and apply for a well-knownuniversity abroad, which actually wastes time. Therefore I can save timeadapting to a new environment and am able to fully concentrate on my academic major.Furthermore, my Model United Nations experience, to a certain extent, hasbroadened my horizon, and has increased my awareness of the globe. Therefore Iam eager to know the world outside China through practice.

Besides,I have been living in school ever since grade 7. As a result, I’m anindependent girl who is able to take care of herself. My parents hold theopinion that although I am still physically an adolescent, I have the abilityto balance study and health. They trust me, thus they fully support my decisionof studying abroad.

Ina word, I believe that going overseas at present to continue my secondaryschool study is the best and most proper choice for me.

My reasons for returning back to Chinaafter finishing my studies and the advantages I can get from studying abroad inmy career:

Myhometown, Tianjin, which lies off the east coast of China, is one of the fourcities directly governed by the country. It locates next to Beijing, thecapital city of China, therefore catches up with the latest ideas of the nationand enjoys pretty much all preferential policies. It was listed as one ofthe first 14th open coastal cities in 1984, and has been attracting a largeamount of foreign investment ever since.

Withthe establishment of Tianjin Binhai New Area, the government of China hasbeen putting pretty much attention onto Tianjin, and the New Area isconsidered to be the second Shenzhen Economic Zone or Shanghai Pudong New Area.With the rapid development of Tianjin, there are undoubtedly a great numberof people who specializes in foreign languages that are badly needed. Withthe academic knowledge and English language skills I get through studying inCanada, I will be definitely far more competitive among my peers.Moreover, coming back to my hometown will provide me with more opportunities,putting the current rapid developing status of Tianjin in consideration.

Iam the only child of my parents. Thus I am responsible for taking care ofthem as their only child. I know how hard it is for them to endure me notbeing around them. However, I also know that they had fully considered myfuture before deciding to send me to study abroad in order to receive a form ofeducation that suits me most. The only choice I have now is to finish myeducation successfully, and then come back to my hometown to spend time withthem.

Iwill be deeply grateful for your kind approval of my visa application.

Yours sincerely,
Applicant,****




嗯 感谢楼上回复的各位>< 我也把文章拿给外教和托福100+的同学看过了 改了些语法错误 表达不恰当的地方 也稍微缩了下篇幅
我也觉得长了TAT 但是不知道从何删起。。哪儿都觉得有用。。。




另外问几个小问题，申学签的话那个资产证明要写的多细？是只粗略地写几句话证明是家庭成员工作的合法收入 还是要把每一笔资金怎么来的都仔仔细细列一个表格？这个没做好会不会对VISA有很大影响啊= =


还有就是父母要写担保信？貌似使馆给的要求里没有这一项= =？


再次感谢~

305989424UID: 2899885

牛b了 我高一的时候还是this is an apple that is a pear 的level

easonchanchhUID: 2846002

牛b了 我高一的时候还是this is an apple that is a pear 的level
305989424 发表于 2011-5-15 23:49

The same to me!!我还出去读graduate，，真是惭愧~~

lichxdUID: 2907680

才高一啊
LZ是天津小外的滴

GuessyUID: 2184792

首先我建议你把开头那个dear officer给我改成dear sir/madam
其次我认为你那3个回国理由不够强 不一定会被拒签 但反正不够强 全中国学生都有那3条 看不出那3条怎么就能让你回国了

clearlee1203UID: 2840414

嗯。。非常感谢 那请问比如什么样的理由才算“够强”呢= =？

GuessyUID: 2184792

很难说什么叫够强 但我觉得那种给谁都能用的理由肯定是不强
如果是我写 我会结合我自己的背景和职业规划来写

mumuxilmUID: 2968762

I'm writing 改成I am ,不要缩写吧