Daily Writing by phoenix2011(四饼加油！)

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities?
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Dangerous sports or other dangerous activities, such as hang gliding, surfing, bungee jumping, are increasingly popular and makes more people attracted. Why people are fascinated in an activity which has a high risk to cause injuries and even death? In my opinion, I think it can be explained both in physical and psychological aspects.
First, I'd like to demonstrate it in physical aspects. When encountering danger, human body will have a series of stress responses. A large amount of adrenaline will be released. This kind of hormone increases heart rates, constricts muscles, dilates air passages and brings excitement to people. Adrenaline junkies, who pursuing the plenty of adrenaline pumping moments, take large part in the group of people who favor dangerous activities. Take the movie Point Break for example, people in the movie choose to be bank robbers and sky divers for the adrenaline rush which accompanies (或者直接删掉)with dangerous activities. Once experienced the excitement brought by danger, adrenaline junkies hardly experience similar feelings in normal life and can not to resist（can后面直接加动词原形的 to可以去掉的） the allure of the second try. 4 y* i1 |" Q/ y8 o# g, u
The other reason that attract people into dangerous activities is the pleasure of control. When doing extreme sports, individuals are facing the challenge which seems an impossible mission. While they've had plenty adrenaline-pumping moments, their real pleasure comes from mastering the rush and conquering risks with the skills they've developed through years of training. Doing dangerous things involves the risk of dying and when they accomplish whatever they're doing they feel more alive because they've defeated the fear of death. The dangerous activity fans (就像是apple tree 而不是apples tree) such as climbers who've conquered the world's highest peak, Mt. Everest, often believe they can control their own fate and beat all difficulties in their daily life.+ r1 D: K0 Y0 g/ o* Z, A& }- W
In conclusion, I think people attracted to dangerous activities for excitement brought by adrenaline physically and the willing of proving themselves psychologically.

文中的两个原因论证得十分充分，但是两个原因有点小小的单薄，要是能让步一小段就更perfect的了！
adrenaline-pumping moments这个短语大概意思能明白，但是因为有些专业术语的感觉，具体什么意思和严谨的说法还是落实下比较稳妥，还是它本来就是专有名词？我没查到，要是落实了也给我说下，让我也丰富一下知识。
相互学习了~如果有异议欢迎联系！

karen0809UID: 2551257

1# phoenix2011


There are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes. When talking about the definition of friendship, someone may think friendship could fade with less communication and long distance. But for me, Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. So I think moving to a new city or newcountry will not affect true friendship.( c1 F. X6 G- e2 l

Understandably, it's tough to move away from close friends after your lives have become intertwined. Moving is at a high rank on the list of stressors. You would feel lonely in an unfamiliar place, in the meanwhile, your friend may feel abandoned because you left him/her behind. And with the changes of what you deal with, your opinions could also change and cause differences between you and your friend. It’s not surprising that people say distance is always a test and proof to a true friendship.# G; X$ {' f6 P0 V  ~+ P" ~( Y" O

It's true that distance matters, however, it is far less important as a role of ruining a relationship as you thought. What makes a good friend? Some people may say loyalty, while other people may say honest, but no one would say close location. Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. What's more, the advancement of technologies makes communication much easier today. You can pick up the phone and call your friends whenever you want. You can see them at anytime if you have internet and a video camera. You can fly to the old city in hours since our air transportation is so convenient today. If you're willing to put a little bit efforts, distance will not be a concern in your friendship any more.

In addition, moving to a new city or a new country definitely is not a bad thing. In a city of blank memories, although old friends can not be around you, sad memories were also left behind and you can move on with a new beginning. In a city where no oneknows you, you could remove your disguises and masks and just be yourself again.You even could make some new friends. I met my husband, who is also my best friend, in the similar situation. I just moved in town with a broken heart because my ex is seeing another women, so I dumped him and change my job to a new city. I was looking for a roommate at that moment and my husband just showed up. We found so much in common and got a happy ending at last as we all know. Change means new opportunities and a fresh start.

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In conclusion, a real friend will be glad when you are happy. you can't stuck yourself just because the possibility of losing old friends. Just be sure that make decisions wisely.  (that 指啥？）

总体感觉挺好的

phoenix2011UID: 3077553

6,3 Playing a game is fun only when you win. Do you agree or disagree?



Do you think playing a game is fun only when you win? I totally disagree with this idea. From my personal experience, I believe that whether I am a winner or not in a game, the process of playing gives me much fun which is better than the glory of win.

First of all, playing games is an effective way to relax and take all stresses away. According to the previous research, human body can release endorphin, which is a peptide to make people feel pleasure, during exercise and other physical activities. I was always curious about the reason why my brother was still so energetic after studying the whole day. He told me the secret tips is he plays basketball every afternoon. It looks like sports swipe away all his pressures and make him refreshed which is amazing. For this reason, playing a game brings fun no matter you win or not.


Secondly, playing a game is a convenient way to connect people and build up a relationship network. A lot of business men would like to invite their partners and clients to play Golf. Why they're fond of doing that? Because Golf is a game that attracts many rich people. When you are in a Golf club, whoever you meet are all rich guys and whatever you talk about is important business information. Both human resource and business information are greatly helpful for running a company and develop your career. Playing a game is a chance to meet new people and have new friends. What's more, playing a game with your family and friends could improve the relationship and make a better understanding to each other. All of you will have a wonderful memory which is much better than simply be a winner.


On the contrary, if a person cares too much about win, his attention will focus on the scores and dismiss the purpose of playing a game which are relax yourself and enjoy a moment with your family and friends. He may put himself under pressure and easily lose temper. Even worse, he will become aggressive and push all friends away. Even he win the game at last, he is still a loser in his life since he is so misery with no friends.

In conclusion, you do not have to be the winner to feel satisfied after a game. Because by joining in the game, you've gained happiness and pleasure already .

victor_zsqUID: 158080

我是nn2qq,文章改好，水平有限，仅供参考啊，自己的级别太低了，发不了附件，用老公的账号发给你~

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

Confucius said, if I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and bad points of the other and correct them in myself. A lot of people hold misconceptions that there is nothing that young people can teach older people and young people are always the one be educated. In fact, just as Confucius quoted above, old people also could learn something from young people, such as curiosity to unknown world, ability to accept new things and courage to confront challenges.
My three-year-old nephew always asks me some questions like why sky is blue and why dinosaurs are extinct. Some of the questions I can explain to him while quite a few I cannot answer even with a degree of science. Then I began to ask myself: when did I lose my curiosity about the world? I even didn't notice the moment that I stopped asking questions and started to gain knowledge passively. Before Newton's time, there must be someone curious about why apples fall down to the ground instead of the(特有名词) sky. However, when they've grown up, most people are more likely to treat this question as a fact or experience and stop seeking the reason. Newton didn't stop, so he proposed Newton's three laws of motion in Mechanics which greatly improved the development of science and technology. Just try to imagine if all adults still hold the curiosity to the nature, the development of our society surely will be accelerated which makes the world better. Innovation comes from curiosity （这一段是讲好奇心的重要性？）.
The other point that old people can learn from young people is the ability to accept new things. My grandpa and even my father often feel that they are so obsolete that cannot keep pace to the changing world. Unlike young people, old people are stubborn and accept new things slowly. Take the use of computer for example. When home computers were put into use at the end of 20th century in China, my father thought it was not a big deal and didn't take it seriously. However, ten years later he found himself so outdated that he(前后句子主语一致可以省略) even couldn’t(前后语态一致) figure out what people are talking about, such as twitter and facebook me（这个me是要表达什么意思？可以去掉）. Then he realized that if he refused to learn using computer, he would（前后语态一致）be eliminated soon. On the contrary, young people don't have such problems. They are fast-learner and love to try new things. They don't have fear to unknown things and much easier to accept it.
Last but not the least, compared with older people, young people are braver to challenging the authority. Just as the ancient saying goes, the more wit, the less courage. Before doing something, older people always concern much about the bad consequences and lose the courage. Young people are fearless, therefore young students often take the leadership when the society need transform. For example, the May Fourth Movement of China in 1919 was a challenge to traditional Chinese values and asked for freedom from colonists. And the leader of this significant movement was young students. The courage of challenging authority is another point older people should learn from young people. In conclusion, old people have wise and young people have passion. Young people also（去掉） could teach older people something no matter in knowledge or in values.
楼主这篇文章语言语句什么的没什么问题，但是有几个问题想和楼主探讨下：
1、 题目直译过来是年轻人教导年长者，没什么大不了的。题目中除了年轻人和年长者，还有一个teach啊。从你的文章中看的题目，是年长者向年轻人学习。Teach 和learn 是被动和主动的关系，虽然内容和因素上有或多或少的联系。第一段结尾就把文章的旗帜竖歪了，年长者可以向年轻人学习。然后第二段写的是可以学习创新和好奇心，接下来写接受新事物及挑战权威。应该要写的是the young teach the old，而不是 the old learn from the young.所以整个文章有跑题的嫌疑。
2、 文章中两次提到很有中国特色的文化，孔夫子和五四运动。这个不是46级作文，给你评分的是老美。牛顿的例子就很好。
3、 结尾总结，文章全文也没有看到一个观点是年轻人可以教年长者知识。既然写了三段，总结也按三个方面来,与文章呼应。
4、 每一段的第一句及最后一句很重要，尽量在这两句就能了解这一段的大意。

给楼主连改两天的作文，也是有缘分，这篇没有上一篇精彩。
P.S.我是学法律的，所以会比较注重强调严谨和完整性，如果觉得有些矫枉过正的话，按照你自己的来。有异议欢迎联系。

qianhuangUID: 2766587

6月3日 独立 修改

zahngxinUID: 2976843

18# phoenix2011

mpromanusUID: 2565872

18# phoenix2011

6,3 Playing a game is fun only when you win. Do you agree or disagree?

Do you think playing a game is fun only when you win? I totally disagree with this idea. From my personal experience, I believe that whether I am a winner or not in a game, the process of playing gives me much fun which is better than the glory of winning.

First of all, playing games is an effective way to relax and take all stresses away. According to a previous research (Which research is ‘the’ previous research? If you use ‘the’ in front of a noun, the noun must be specific and unambiguous – there are so many researches in all kinds of fields, which one is your ‘the previous research’?), the human body can release endorphin, which is a peptide to make people feel pleasure, during exercise or other physical activities. I was always curious about the reason why my brother was still so energetic after studying the whole day. (This sentence is like, totally unrelated to the previous one about endorphin..) He told me the secret tips is that he plays basketball every afternoon. It looks like sports swipes away all his pressures and make him refreshed (Why not just ‘refresh him’..?), which is amazing. For this reason, playing a game brings fun no matter you win or not. (So you’re saying ‘relax and take all stress away/refreshed’ == fun? So a monk who sits quietly in deep meditation for 4 hours in his Zen garden is having ‘fun’..alright..although I need to admit this is quite a borderline definition of ‘fun’..)

Secondly, playing a game is a convenient way to connect people and build up a relationship network. A lot of businessmen would like to invite their partners and clients to play golf. Why they're fond of doing that? Because golf is a game that attracts many rich people. (‘because’ cannot lead a sentence on itself. If you put this into Microsoft Word, you’ll see a squiggly green line under this sentence saying this is a ‘fragment’.) When you are in a golf club, whoever you meet are all rich guys, (And possibly not-so-rich girls who are seeking rich guys.) and whatever you talk about is important business information. Both human resource and business information are greatly helpful for running a company and develop your career (Weren’t you talking about ‘businessmen’? When does this whole discussion about golf concern ‘you’?). Playing a game is a chance to meet new people and have new friends. What's more, playing a game with your family and friends could improve the relationship and make a better understanding to each other. All of you will have a wonderful memory which is much better than simply being a winner.

On the contrary (You are not talking about anything that ‘contrasts’ i.e. differs from your opinion, so why ‘on the contrary’?), if a person cares too much about winning, his attention will focus on the scores and dismiss (‘his attention’..will ‘dismiss the purpose…’?)the purpose of playing a game which are to relax yourself and enjoy a moment with your family and friends. He may put himself under pressure and easily lose temper. Even worse, he will become aggressive and push all friends away. Even if he wins the game at last, he is still a loser in his life since he is so miserable with no friends.

In conclusion, you do not have to be the winner to feel satisfied after a game. Because by joining in the game, you've gained happiness and pleasure already.

总结：

这篇写得相当不错，我没看出有什么严重的问题。也许可以想一想你的integrated writing是否有听力要点描述错误或者不完整这样的问题。。

phoenix2011UID: 3077553

June 9th
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Today, there are so many sources of information that it is difficult to knowwhom to believe or who is telling the truth.
06-9-15


Do you think it is harder to know whom to believe due tothe massive information sources nowadays? I disagree with this idea because multiple information sources are not our suspects here, on the contrary, it plays a witness role by providing evidences to prove true or false.

First of all, a large number of information sources make people more convenient to obtain knowledge and broaden their horizons. Hence people's ability of distinguishing between the truth and the lies has improved. For example, in ancient China, people generally considered eclipse as a sign of bad fortune. People felt panic and helpless when eclipse happened and thought it was a punishment from god on the sins what they had been done. People always have fear with unknown things, so when they were told the explanations above, they easily accepted it and thought that was true. Without information sources, people are blind. Limited knowledge makes them lose the ability to verify true or not and just simply believe the theory which seems to make sense. If similar situation occurs in current times, people would know it is a lie. Even he doesn't know how eclipse happens, he just need to google it and a bunch of answers will come out to prove the ancient explanation is absurd. In this way, actually people get easier to know whom to believe with more information sources.

Secondly, people will consider things more fully and carefully with the help of multiple information sources. When they have doubts on something, they don't need rush to make a decision to choose whom to believe. The most common way is searching on the internet and collecting other people's opinions. As the saying goes, two heads are better than one head. With specificand detailed background check, people will know a person or something more clearly, which effectively prevent people from getting deceived. I met a cheater once when I was looking for a job. One day he called me and claimed that he could help me to get a job and left me his company name. Then he asked me one grand cash deposit which made me feel something is wrong. So I searched his company name on the internet and found out it had a very bad reputation. If there is no so sufficient information source, the guy probably successfully got my money with his deceptive words. What I had been through proves that it is easier to know whom to trust with the aid of more information sources today.

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that multiple information sources would not make things more complicated but simpler. It helps us to know whom to believe and who is telling the truth.

zhengxiao0312UID: 3099700

怎么上传附件

zhengxiao0312UID: 3099700

Do you think it is harder to know whom to believe due to the massive information sources nowadays? I disagree with this idea because multiple information sources are not our suspects here, on the contrary, it plays a witness role by providing evidences to prove true or false.' H9 B' D) D9 r- `
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First of all, a large number of information sources make people more convenient to obtain knowledge and broaden their horizons. Hence people's ability of distinguishing between the truth and the lies has improved. For example, in ancient China, people generally considered eclipse as a sign of bad fortune. People felt panic and helpless when eclipse happened and thought it was a punishment from god on the sins what they had been done. People always have fear with unknown things, so when they were told the explanations above, they easily accepted it those explantions and thought that they was true. Without information sources, people are blind about truth. Limited knowledge makes them lose the ability to verify whether things are true or not and just simply believe the theory which seems to make sense. If similar situation occurs in current times, people would know it the theory is a lie. Even he doesn't know how eclipse happens, he just need to google it and a bunch of answers will come out to prove the ancient explanation is absurd. In this way, actually people, with more information sources, get easier to know whom to believe with more information sources.

Secondly, people will consider things more fully and carefully with the help of multiple information sources. When they have doubts on something, they don't need rush to make a decision to choose whom to believe. The most common way is searching on the internet and collecting other people's opinions. As the saying goes, two heads are better than one head. With specificandspecific and detailed background check, people will know a person or something more clearly, which effectively prevent people from getting deceived. I met a cheater once when I was looking for a job. One day he called me and claimed that he could help me to get a job and left me his company name. Then he asked me one grand cash deposit which made me feel something is wrong. So I searched his company name on the internet and found out it had a very bad reputation. If there is no so sufficient information source, the guy probably successfully got my money with his deceptive words. What I had been through proves that it is easier to know whom to trust with the aid of more information sources today.
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From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that multiple information sources would not make things more complicated but simpler. It helps us to know whom to believe and who is telling the truth.

Maybe because I am  a new learner in ibt writing and do not have much experience, I cannot find out many fault in this essay. I think it is simple and easy to understand.

zhengxiao0312UID: 3099700

不好意思 不会上传

zjxdxokzzyUID: 3072531

6.10独立修改

zhengxiao0312UID: 3099700

6.10  phoenix2011 BY zhengxiao0312