Daily Writing - xieqy0326

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

8.5 独立的修改~~

米陌UID: 2663269

8.6的独立改好了~论述的很好~加油~

happinessviviUID: 2837177

改好了，继续加油~~~

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

谢谢byebye，米陌 和 happinessvivi的修改，非常感谢。加油~~~

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

With the advancement of the society, more and more people who realizethe importance of team work would love to cooperate with each other. However,someone argues that people holding different views in a team cannot achievesuccess in the end. In my opinion, teams with variouskinds of views are more easily to succeed. My perspective will be discussed inthe following.



First and most, discussionin a team with different views may generate a better solution. As an oldChinese saying goes, three stupid shoemakers can take the place of a genius. Forexample, the famous scientists Watson and Crick once hold different views onthe structure of nucleic acid DNA. These different thought (thoughts) drew them toreconsideration and made a constructive conclusion. Different views stimulateone's potential intelligence, activate one's craving for a better solution andthen send us closer to success. So the power of discussion is enormous and everyopinion has its own virtues.


In addition, working with people holding different views, you couldbroaden your eyesight and learn how to communicate with each other. Peopleholding different opinions can see what they do not pay enough attention to. Aswe all know, it is difficult for us to realize the mistake we take, but otherscan. Through talking with people holding various ideas, you can analyze thingsin a more thorough perspective. In this way, you can learn more from others. What’smore, you learn how to communicate with different people in a group. Dealingwith different people in a small group is a very useful practice and skills (skill) foryou to deal with kinds of people (前面出现过deal with people，最好同义改写下，比如keep companies with various personalities) in a society.


Actually, there are many conflicts in a team due to people from variouscountry (countries) have different cultural background. So the members of a team shouldlearn skills (+of?) how to communicate with each other and make a harmonious atmosphere.What’s more, they should learn how to deal with people holding differentopinions and learn from each other. (没有举例感觉这段空虚了)



From all the aspects and examples above, we can safely make aconclusion that different opinions in a team will help the team to success.



我觉得这个题目着重强调different view和success的关系，无论前者能带来什么，最后应该提一下不同的好处都是success为好，不知道是否过于刻薄了...
有一些单复数的问题，整体感觉行文流畅，句子用法都很熟练，加油！

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

=。=等你的TPO5出来嗯，除了内容我觉得综合可改的东西不多。。

happinessviviUID: 2837177

对这个TPO的内容有印象，貌似是前天写过的，改了~~~呵呵:D

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

13的作文，我以前写过，所以今天帮我该作文的就免了哈，我还是会帮你们改的，嘿嘿~~

season08UID: 2667789

不好意思，昨天去爬山了，今天才回来，刚改完~~~~~~~~~~
加油！

moonlightlaneUID: 2764105

怎么贴文件？不好意思新手不会贴文件，改好的放在这里，不介意吧~希望回改哦~~
8月12日
20100221NA
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? All school teachers should be required to take courses every fiveyears to update their knowledge?

In this modern era, with the high rate ofupdating（前后两个update，这里可以考虑替换成renewing） information, it is undeniable that everyone should be required toupdate their knowledge for following the rapid development（in order to follow the rapid development。？？）. Especially for theteachers, who play an important role in the children’s growth up, are asked tolearn more and update their knowledge.（怎么感觉这句怪怪的，似乎没有主语耶....看这样写行不,和前一句合并：......rapid development, which is especially important for teachers who........）

First and foremost, taking courses is anexcellent method to update teachers’ knowledge and enhance their ability. Inother words, taking course could broaden their horizon and get(course不能get吧，人才能“get”。建议换成help teachers get) types ofteaching pattern by exchanging teaching experience with each other. On the onehand（这个好像一般是表示转折的，建议换成additionally, furthermore等）, they should learn academic knowledge and exert the latest technology tomake their work more efficiently, like（应该是such as 吧） using computer to teach easier（低级错误哦，动词后面用副词，应该是 more easily). On theother hand（同样的问题哦）, they should learn some experience from other teachers and maketheir students study without boring（being bored）.

Second（secondly）, the process of updating theirknowledge is necessary（用critical，vital这种词是不是更好呢） to improve（the improvement of；名词化，个人习惯~） students' academic interest. Teachers areobliged to impart knowledge to their students. If the teacher could talk（要加about） somenew ideas, or the latest technology, which is not available in the books, theycan attract their student's attention better（这句比较chinglish了，你应该是要说能更好的吸引学生注意力。这样改你看如何：students will be better involved in courses）, since human beings always paymore attention and passion to new things in their life. Apart from that, thestudents can even get involved in the study of the most updating fields,(and) takesome projects with their teachers, which inevitably improve their academicability.

Third（thirdly）, imparting the latest knowledge tostudents improves students' ability. There's no denying the fact that we shouldapply what we have learned in school into the real life. However, if the informationtaught by our teachers is out-date, we will meet some embarrassments in thefuture time and have to take time to learn new knowledge by ourselves. In thisway, our ability will not be trained.

In conclusion, I reinforce the opinion thatthe school teachers should be demanded to take courses to renew theirknowledge. Taking courses is not the best way to access the knowledge andimprove their students’ ability.


观点清晰，结构明了，用了很高级的单词，唯一的不足就是语言组织了，楼主认真体会哦~~祝考试高分！！

moonlightlaneUID: 2764105

补充一句，如果能注意词汇多样性就更好了，用很多不同的单词（甚至是词组、句子）表达同一个意思~~

moonlightlaneUID: 2764105

33# season08 嘿嘿有没有兴趣看看我的作文？我会回改的~~~

happinessviviUID: 2837177

留印，我来找你13号的作文，看到你的留言了~~谢谢你帮我改:D

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

同组的同学，不好意思，今天有点不舒服，晚点再来~~