[daily writing]愤怒公爵的作文主题帖，新手

lz007523UID: 2879683

Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than help determine children's future.
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A person’s childhood is the most vital time period(可以去掉time) of one’s life. When a person is a child, he would meet options which he had to make a decision.(这句感觉有点不对，建议改成，When we were teenages, how to make an optimal choice often confused us a lot.) Many parents have a strong will from their love to the children to help (them) determine children’s (改成their) future. (句号改逗号,加because t)hey think their choice is (choices are) wise and stable. However, in a deeper consideration, a right of the selection is pretty essential for the kids to make the decision that can motivate them in a maximum degree, practice them to make selections and offer more exercise to them.(第一段，看不出你的观点支持哪一方,最后最好加上你支持的观点，像，So， I prefer...)
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5 V9 q' j, U4 ?- cOne thing that illustrates the point is the motivation. Parents who make decisions are rarely considered the children’s opinion of the solution. So many children who follow the way that paved by others always have an obvious feeling that they are forced to do something that they don’t know if they want to do. (套太多从句了，拆解一下）So they have an instinct to refute the option. On the contrary, the children who make the selection by themselves that（改成or) choice by themselves(去掉） show that they have interesting in that direction.(不太对，语句意思不够清晰，改成great motivations in the choice that made by themselves) So they have the motivations to do this.(加by the way,) It can help them maintain the decision and go a longer way.
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Another（改成The other) thing that is important to say is to develop the children’s ability to make choice. In a vast majority of ordinary citizens’ whole life, they have to face countless amount of selections of which they must choose by themselves. (这个句式不错）So to practice how to make decision is necessary to everyone.（这句有点废话，句型要改一下，把这句提到第二句，后面用because解释） If a（用the) children’s selection are all made my their parents, they would get fewer chance to know how to make decisions, in addition they may acquire a bad habits that is depend on their parents.(这句语义不对，改成in addition they may acquire a bad habits that they can't learn to be independence.用同位语) It is a terrible consequent that can lead to a big failure to them. （直接用简单句比较简洁）2 ?! X. P: E( ?$ J6 I
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Someone（好像是单数） have their viewpoint that the decision make by the children are always not wise and the children may do much more work, and if their failed, they have a great possible to lose their confidence. In fact, mare（more) work means more practice. As they pass through the difficult in achieving the goal that set up by them(themselves), they can learn a lot and gained more. After this progress, they can be promoted in a level that is hardly achieved in the situation that the choice made by the (their) parents., r3 V0 Y6 V. _( K4 B# u
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Even it is good to encourage the children to make their own decision.（改逗号）But (But 去掉，不然不是一个句子）it is not（改doesn't） mean their parents needn’t to care of them. What the parents should do is to give instructions about the children’s selection and monitor them to keep on doing. If so, it will give a great help to the children. In conclusion, parents should allow the children to make their own choices.

REVISE BY ST^EVE

羊小咩89UID: 2848665

done~
O(∩_∩)O

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

嗯，以上说的对，我太不注重细节了，后面在写作文的时候会注意！！！

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

今天实在太累了，都没有时间写了，只写了独立，真是悲剧啊，批作文也不是一件简单的事。

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

8.3独立，悲哀啊，本来今天要写综合的~
还有今天的独立写得不好啊，观点不是很明确。

题目：
It is more important for the government to spend money building art museums and music performance center than building recreational facilities such as swimming pool and playground.

In almost most countries, elementary facilities are the necessary places for the ordinary citizens’ daily life. Also, building such places is one of the core works of every government. However, which kind of buildings are more important, museums and music performance center or recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground, is a confused problem of many governments. From an insightful point to view, it seems that the art museums and music center is more important. Because it needs more people to pay attention to, more performances are needed to do and the museums need less cost.

In the modern media and the ordinary people’s sight, fashionable affairs such as famous stars, include movie stars or sport stars. Some of them are well known, in some cases they have already came into the people’s daily life. On the other hand, the art, such as music and painting, are not known as well as the fashionable affairs. In these cases, to spread the arts should be a vital work. Art is essential to be learned and appreciated by people, it is a kind of expression of people’s thinking. Build more art museums and music center is a good way to do with it. Through these places we can get a better sense of the art.

Another thing that is also necessary to say is that in many cities or countries, many performances need to be held. However, many activities has to be canceled because there are not enough places to perform. For example, a student of my high school who have a great talent of arts and have many paints wants to host a small exhibition of his paintings, but he cannot find a museum to do it, at last he has to show his works only in the school and they are only seen by the students and teachers. So, build many museums and art place is a important action of the government. There are exactly many art activities that are need to be hold.

Finally, the cost to join the museum and the music performance is not very much. Many museums can open freely. The art performance, in many cases, is not expensive. Sometimes, when a famous stars holding a big party of music may need a lot of money. But it is worth to take if the art are known by more person.

To sum up, the art museum and the music perform center is more important to be built. The government need to spend more on them.

lisq9989UID: 2110509

改好啦

8.3 愤怒公爵独立-放飞的小鸟修改.doc (34.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2011-8-4 09:43:19 上传

下载次数: 5

little_catyUID: 3014175

同学你写的不是8月3号的题目啊

julijoneUID: 2843727

对啊 写错题目了

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

对啊 写错题目了
julijone 发表于 2011-8-4 20:47

啊，我看看~

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

真的错了，悲哀~

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

发错了~
今天的独立也写错题了，悲哀，没办法，今天只有上综合了~

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

8月5日独立+综合
4日没人看啊

jcf2008UID: 2681015

In the lecture, the professor made severalpoints about the advantages and the disadvantages of the policy “let it burn”.They took the fire happened in 1988 at the Yellow Stone for example. Thearticle stated the bad effects of that fire. However,the professor offered the good aspects of that fire.(这句与后句重复多余了) The professor’s lecture cast doubton the reading by using a number of contradicted points.

The first point that the professor used to cast doubt on the reading is aboutthe damage of (改为to) the trees. According to the reading passage, the fire destroyed thetrees in a great degree. But from the professor, the elimination of the trees makes the chance to let（绕口，可以改为gives place to） the smaller plants to grow（感觉有些多余）, especially some plants that need no shade（thoseplants that need adequate sunshine）.

Second, the article stated that the animals living in the park were also threatened by the fire. However, theprofessor claimed that the smaller plants gave theopportunity of the animals who
eat themto live (the smaller plants provide herbivorous animals food to survive).And it also attracts their predators. It helps the place species devise. Thisis another point the professor refute the reading.

Third, the reading claims that the fire damaged the value of the park as atourist attraction. On the contrary the professor stated that if the firehappens once a year, it is sure to disrupt the economy. But the fire is causedby the big light. And the fire did not happy(笔误) again after that. And the spices devise attracts more tourists.
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In conclusion, the points made in the lecture (totally)contrast with (contrast 是对比的意思，应该用contradicts with) the three reasons mentionedin the reading one by one .（结尾有些单薄）



改的地方有些多，楼主基础方面有些薄弱（虽然我也是……）。加油加油

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

8月6日 独立，看附件，谢谢

wendychuengUID: 2811319

29# 愤怒公爵 来了~ 8.5 综合-愤怒公爵--revised by wendy.doc (20 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2011-8-6 23:28:25 上传

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