【Daily Writing作文特训小组】Anne的作文贴！我弱的不得了，欢迎大家狂拍砖！！！

happinessviviUID: 2837177

811 独立+综合：

pirateasyUID: 3133642

The article states that communal online encyclopedias have several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias. However, the professor in the lecture disputes this standpoint and shows three evidences at the same time.

First, the article asserts that communal online encyclopedia （少了一个s，小错误，因为后面是复数谓语）often lack academic credentials, such as making their contributions partially informed at best and downright inaccurate in many years（原文是cases吧）. But, the professor considers that you will hardly find such an error in the traditional communal online encyclopedia（这里不是很明白，怎么又是traditional又是online, 而且Professor并没有提到说很难发现错误哦）. And if you make your effort to find some mistakes from communal online encyclopedia carefully, you will find something inaccurate(这句有点赞同阅读观点的意思啦~). The professor also says, one of the disadvantages printed books have acts as if they couldn't delete their mistakes in time and have to remain them for decades.

Additionally, the article claims that the communal online encyclopedias are easily be fabricated, deleted and corrupted information by unscrupulous users and vandals or hackers. The professor gives a talk to argue against this view. On the one hand, the websites will avoid this kind of behavior by just showing reading only format to people. On the other hand, those websites have monitors to keep their pages safely （safe修饰pages, 而不是修饰keep）.
Finally, the professor comes up with the view that it's incorrect to say the communal encyclopedias focus on trivial and popular topics instead of important issues. In fact, the communal encyclopedias wants to meet the interests of various people（并不是wants to meet，好像，应该是”代表了”，哎我也没听太清）, and it doesn't mean trivial and eyeless popular.

除了最后一段外，每段的开头都是讲the article，这可能有点忽略了Lecture而把重点放在了article上，因为综合写作的OG上要求说主要写听力的内容，article交织在里面就可以啦，建议将lecture和article调换位置。

yunduo618UID: 3018194

8月11日20100626NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who have learned many different skills are more likely to succeed than those who focus on learning only one skill.

I tend to appreciate this kind of people who are versatile, capable and potential. (potential用在这里感觉不是很合适哦) Usually this kind of people needs to possess various different skills. In a nutshell, I consider people who have learned many different skills are more likely to succeed. (开头很直接，如果能更自然地衔接就更好了)

First, ones who have different skills easily feel confidence than who don’t have. And confidence is a significant factor for success. The bosses incline to choose a confident employee instead of a shy man; a police prefers to trust a confident witness instead of a nervous one; teachers like the confident students more（the teachers have more interesting on a confident student instead of bashful one. 个人觉得这样与前两句在句式上构成了排比会更好一些）. So you can see how necessary a person should be confidence. The more confidence you are, the bigger ratio you can be successful. Just as Bill Gates, if he has no confidence, he would doubt his own ability and refuse to drop out from Harvard; if he lacks of confidence, he has little chance to cooperate with those influential people and even hardly build up Microsoft. Why those people can be confidence? Because they have various skills which can help them handle with every special situation.（感觉有自信和掌握多项技能之间的逻辑联系不是很强
，如果能举例说明B在某件事情上因为技艺多而表现出超出常人的自信就好了） Possessing more skills is helpful and essential.

What’s more, the different skills have the ability to broaden your roads and help you get the goal. Supposing an actor can not only act truly（truly是说这个人表演得很真实么，个人觉得vivid可能会好一些哦）, but also know how to direct every actor to finish a movie. He can be director when someday he doesn’t want to occur in the programs（program是指的电视节目多一些吧，把in the program 改成 on the screen 如何？）. You see, people can really benefit from different skills. They can face more opportunities, jobs and a decent salary. They can enjoy a satisfied and successful life through this way（Through this way, they can enjoy a satisfied and successful life. 这样在句型上有个小小的变化会显得不那么千篇一律）. Meanwhile, a director who clearly knows(改成 familiar with) the show tips and has rich experience about how to act, he (去掉”, he” 这样句式简洁一点) will more probably to finish（感觉finish有点被动，换成achieve会不会好一点呢） perfect works because he knows how to guide people efficiently. And through those good works, the director will be successful both in salary and in fame because the large numbers of supporters.第二段的论据也不错哦，不过可不可以把主题句改成拥有多种技能的人有更多的机会从而更容易成功呢。

Finally, different skills can help people recognize more capable and influential people in different field. Through learning experience from them, making friends and even cooperating with them, they can be a harvest guy (guy 在这里感觉不是很适合，改成they can harvest 吧，不过你的句型是要漂亮一点) both in their careers and in their spirit. Relationship should be emphasized indeed. The rich spirit and ideal careers will speed the occurrence of successful, too. Holding different skills is a factor(强调different skills 的重要性可以把factor 改成foundation) of all of these.

In sum, when possessing different skills equals(equal 会不会绝对了一点，改成semi equals怎么样，仅仅是个人意见```) with approach success step by step, why don’t you make your effort to learn various skills in order to be successful? No matter how difficulties you will suffer from during you are learning(把you are learning 改成 the learning process), just do it!

整篇文章还是很不错的哦，观点和例证也比较深刻，但是第一个论据在逻辑上还要加强哦，用词也可以在斟酌一下。不过能在三十分钟内写出这样一篇文章已经不错了哦，呵呵，比我好多了，加油~

By yunduo618
8.12.2011

happinessviviUID: 2837177

812综合

happinessviviUID: 2837177

813综合+独立：

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

改好了~~加油

qnwh2011UID: 3148380

写的不错! 祝你考试顺利!

xu8431UID: 3147108

Nowadays every country in the world is associated with each other more closely than before because of the global development, they cooperate with each other and also experience vehement competition at the same time. In order to win in the competition, developing own country is the key factor. And I consider that improving school is the most important factor for developing as the below reasons show.

First, improving school should conclude(- -表示不理解) the policy about developing the quality of teachers. As the quality of teachers improves, the students will benefit a lot from this way. In fact, many teachers can’t be enough patient and expressive（enough放在形容词后或名词前，patient and expressive enough） now. When students puzzled and hardly make process, their teachers seldom think how to teach students efficiently and（but） easily blame the students. When teachers change their negative style through the improvement project, students may probably ask questions freely and also be more lively, confidence creative（confident and creative） than before. Teenagers are the future of every nation. When they really profit from the change of their teachers, improving school just can be proved effective and contribute to the development of a country.

What’s more, when the teaching equipment can be updated in time through this evolution project, the students which act as the key factor to the development of country also can obtain obvious improvement indeed. They can touch the latest technique by using these new equipment and get valuable experience and tips which can help them find suitable and ideal jobs. For instance, as a senior in the university, my major is Journalism, I get the chance to learn how to control the latest machines to make a news show, a program and so forth. It’s helpful to help me（- -|||）
adapt to the real work condition. Usually, students need not only various knowledge, but also experience. Practicing as many times as they can is useful and meaningful. We clearly know that the development doesn’t just ask for the knowledge from books, creativity and implementation capacity are more precious. And teenagers can train themselves to get these characteristics during the school time.

Finally, improving schools also can bring some changes to the administration level and teaching environment meanwhile. The administration level and teaching environment can influence the formation of students’ abilities and qualities. Let’s suppose some situations, if a school is famous for its harsh administrate, its students hardly be creative and brave because of the various laws; if the teaching environment of a school is bad, it will bring negative effect to the teaching condition. The boring students and the students who are weary of study are surly not the type that can contribute to the future development of their country. In contrast, the improved administration level and teaching effect can change this bad situation and develop the abilities and spirit of their students. They can really bring transformation to teenagers and hope to the country.

In sum, the bigger improvement, the brighter a country’s future will be. So, improving schools is a necessary policy should be carried out as early as possible.

伦家是新手，如果有曲解楼主意思、修改错误的地方，请多多包涵 ><
我rp差，写完这篇看完楼主的文，才发现离题了 - -
占用楼主时间 真不好意思
请楼主多多指教
新手只知道直接贴文

zuraghUID: 3145992

哦哦你让我知道了综合叫做integrated~
8.13 综合 已修改~ 813integrated - happinessvivi... revised by zuragh.doc (15.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2011-8-15 00:30:22 上传

下载次数: 2

zhengxiao0312UID: 3099700

by zhengxiao0312 812integrated.doc (21.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2011-8-15 21:24:33 上传

下载次数: 1

zhengxiao0312UID: 3099700

帮忙看看我的https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1294410-1-1.html

happinessviviUID: 2837177

815独立+综合

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

加油

zuraghUID: 3145992

文章细节和例证很不错
8.15 独立 已修改 815indenpendent happinessvivi...zuragh修改.doc (19.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2011-8-16 21:45:57 上传

下载次数: 2

lisq9989UID: 2110509

改迟了，因为晚上急事，不好意思呀

815 happinessvivi integrated 放飞的小鸟修改.doc (24.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2011-8-16 23:41:14 上传

下载次数: 1