【NINE小组】第一次作业—by batman4000

batman4000UID: 3139168

The luxuries andconveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into trulystrong and independent individuals.
现代生活的奢华和便利，让人们无法成为真正强大、独立的个体。


The statementindicates that due to the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life,people are less possible to become truly strong and independent individuals,which I totally agree with. With the remarkable development of modern society,technology has become part of people`s daily life. However, this kind oftwo-edge sword has both positive and negative influences at a time. Which means,the more comfortable our everyday life is becoming, the weaker we everyone willbe.
I am sure thatwhether you are young or old, rich or poor, a cell phone much be a sort of necessitiesfor everybody. The reason is that living in such a high-pace and modern city, everythingis changing so fast, and that requires us to be in contact with other peoplemore frequently and efficiently. Apparently the invention of cell-phone meetsour fundamental needs. But at the same time, cell phone really makes us less independent.Nowadays, people spend most of their times communicate with workmates, hangingout with friends, taking care of their family.. As a consequence of that, theyhardly have chances to stay alone. This kind of lifestyle makes people rely onbeing accompanied with others, which lead them dislike, even afraid of beingalone. Imagining how could a person be independent if he has to accomplishevery social job with others even including studying, working or sleeping.
Now our earth isgetting smaller, which means we can go anywhere in no more than several hours. Also,the changes of becoming more convenient are not limited in transportation. Peoplecan pick up a variety of fresh, sufficient food to eat and they don`t need toplant themselves. There is a tendency that we are liberated from heavy physicalwork and this makes us weak in body. In fact, people are easier to forget theimportance of their health. In accordance with a scientific survey, over halfof the people living in the city lack of exercise. So modern people arevulnerable to having some disease. On this issue, the luxuries and convenienceof contemporary life really plays an importance role in it.
Basically,compared to the ancient people, we are lucking because we don’t have to fightagainst nature and struggle for our safety and food. Thus, we pursue differentgoals. We live in such a sophisticated society and are supposed to develop ourown social network. We have dreams to fight for and always want it come true. Wehave family and are responsible to be a good parent. Contemporary human civilizationis highly developed. The power of individuals is so limited that everybodyshould learn to cooperate with others. All of those faces above make us modernones weak in physical and independent in mental. To sum up, realizing theadvantages and disadvantages of contemporary life requires us to bedialectical.

说实话，第一次写作文，发现自己实在欠缺的太多。不过我相信只要坚持写下去，一定会有很大提高的。厚着脸皮，鼓起勇气发上来，请各位大神多多指教~~~嘿嘿~~

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

这个如果没人改的话，和XF互批一下，然后自己修改后礼拜三中午第二次互批

woshigoogletamaUID: 2944072

The statement indicates that due to the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life,people are less possible to become truly strong and independent individuals,which I totally agree with. With the remarkable development of modern society,technology has become part of people`s daily life. However, this kind of two-edge sword has both positive and negative influences at a time（我理解为同时的意思，应该是at the same time). Which means,the more comfortable our everyday life is becoming, the weaker we everyone will be.
I am sure that whether you are young or old, rich or poor, a cell phone much(must吧) be a sort of necessities for everybody. The reason is that living in such a high-pace and modern city, everything is changing so fast, and that requires us to be in contact with other people more frequently and efficiently. Apparently the invention of cell-phone meets our fundamental needs. But at the same time, cell phone really makes us less independent.Nowadays, people spend most of their time communicating with workmates, hangingout with friends, taking care of their family.. As a consequence of that, they hardly have chances to stay alone. (这个因果关系牵强）This kind of lifestyle makes people rely on being accompanied with others, which lead them dislike, even afraid of being alone.（觉得这句也牵强） Imagining how could a person be independent if he has to accomplish every social job with others even including studying, working or sleeping.（没有说清和luxuries的关系）
Now our earth is getting smaller, which means we can go anywhere in no more than several hours. Also,the changes of becoming more convenient are not limited in transportation. People can pick up a variety of fresh, sufficient food(fruit吧) to eat and they don`t need to plant themselves. There is a tendency that we are liberated from heavy physical work and this makes us weak in body. （没有heavy physical work 就能make us weak？）In fact, people are easier to forget the importance of their health. In accordance with a scientific survey, over half of the people living in the city lack of exercise. So modern people are vulnerable to having some disease.（vulnerable to后直接跟disease）  On this issue, the luxuries and convenience of contemporary life really plays an importance role in it.
Basically,compared to the ancient people, we are lucking(lucky) because we don’t have to fight against nature and struggle for our safety and food. Thus, we pursue different goals. We live in such a sophisticated society and are supposed to develop ourown social network. We have dreams to fight for and always want it come true. We have family and are responsible to be  good parents. Contemporary human civilizationis are highly developed. The power of individuals is so limited that everybody should learn to cooperate with others.（低度文明的时候也需要cooperate） All of those faces above make us modern ones weak in physical and independent in mental. To sum up, realizing the advantages and disadvantages of contemporary life requires us to be dialectical.
总体来说语言流畅，但论证不是很充分。

batman4000UID: 3139168

第一次修改：
The statement indicates that due to the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, people are less possible to become truly strong and independent individuals, which I totally agree with. With the remarkable development of modern society, technology has become part of people`s daily life. However, this kind of two-edge sword has both positive and negative influences at the same time. Which means, the more comfortable our everyday life is becoming, the weaker we everyone will be.
I am sure that whether you are young or old, rich or poor, a cell phone must be a sort of necessities for everybody. The reason is that living in such a high-pace and modern city, everything is changing so fast, and that requires us to be in contact with other people more frequently and efficiently. Apparently the invention of cell-phone meets our fundamental needs. But at the same time, products of modern technology represented by cell phones really makes us less independent. Nowadays, people spend most of their times communicating with workmates, hanging out with friends, taking care of their family.. As a consequence of that, they hardly have chances to stay alone. This kind of lifestyle makes people rely on being accompanied with others, which lead them dislike, even afraid of being alone. Imagining how could a person be independent if he has to accomplish every social job with others even including studying, working or sleeping. So, although modern technology provides us more luxuries and conveniences ,we are not independent as before any more.
Now our earth is getting smaller, which means we can go anywhere in no more than several hours. Also, the changes of becoming more convenient are not limited in transportation. People can pick up a variety of fresh, sufficient food to eat and they don`t need to plant themselves. There is a tendency that we are liberated from heavy physical work. This makes our bodies less strong than the ancient people. In fact, people are easier to forget the importance of their health. In accordance with a scientific survey, over half of the people living in the city lack of exercise. So modern people are vulnerable to diseases. On this issue, the luxuries and convenience of contemporary life really plays an importance role in it.
Basically, compared to the ancient people, we are lucking because we don’t have to fight against nature and struggle for our safety and food. Thus, we pursue different goals. We live in such a sophisticated society and are supposed to develop our own social network. We have dreams to fight for and always want it come true. We have family and are responsible to be a good parent. Contemporary human civilization is highly developed. The power of individuals is so limited that everybody should learn to cooperate with others. All of those faces above make us modern ones weak in physical and independent in mental. To sum up, realizing the advantages and disadvantages of contemporary life requires us to be dialectical.

joy_me2006UID: 2979290

不是批改小组的 能不能跟大家交流一下哩？如果不能 就把我下面的话忽略吧~

1>With the remarkable development of modern society 怎么感觉看过很多这种开头~
2>However, this kind of two-edge sword has both positive and negative influences at the same time. Which means, the more comfortable our everyday life is becoming, the weaker we everyone will be. 双刃剑means负平价？ 后文讲手机确实讲到了方便的正评价 不过这里是不是感觉怪怪的~
3>I am sure that whether you are young or old, rich or poor, a cell phone must be a sort of necessities for everybody. 应该还真有人没有吧 比如三岁小孩什么的。而且你sure, 别人不sure 感觉有点臆断了。
4>Now our earth is getting smaller, which means we can go anywhere in no more than several hours. 楼主的意思应该是因为时间短而世界变小，这个因果关系是不是反了 或者改为 变小是基于说交通时间更短这样一个意义上。

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

The statement indicates that due to theluxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, people are less possible tobecome truly strong and independent individuals, which I totally agree with.With the remarkable development of modern society, technology has become partof people`s daily life. However, this kind of two-edge（edged）sword has both positive and negative influences at the same time. （双刃剑就是指有利有弊的情况或行为，再加上这句话的宾语就感觉有点罗嗦，而且后面解释这句话的时候感觉是负向的，和双刃剑不太匹配）Which means, the more comfortable our everyday life is becoming, theweaker we everyone will be.


I am sure that（跟LS感觉一样） whether you are young or old, rich orpoor, a cell phone must be a sort of necessities for everybody. The reason isthat living in such a high-pace and modern city, everything is changing sofast, and that requires us to be in contact with other people more frequentlyand efficiently. Apparently the invention of cell-phone meets our fundamentalneeds. But at the same time, products of modern technology represented by cellphones really makes us less independent. Nowadays, people spend most of theirtimes communicating with workmates, hanging out with friends, taking care oftheir family.. As a consequence ofthat（这个可以不要吧？）, they hardly have chances tostay alone. This kind of lifestyle makes people rely on being accompanied withothers, which lead them dislike, even afraid of being alone. Imagining howcould a person be independent if he has to accomplish every social job withothers even including studying, working or sleeping. So, although moderntechnology provides us more luxuries and conveniences, we are not independent asbefore any more.

（感觉最好和上文有一定联系，而不是突然冒出来的，连接词or其它的可以加点；LS说的有道理，这里没有交代清楚）Now our earth is getting smaller, which means we can go anywhere inno more than several hours. Also, the changes of becoming more convenient arenot limited in transportation. People can pick up a variety of fresh,sufficient food to eat and they don`t need to plant themselves. There is atendency that we are liberated from heavy physical work. This makes our bodiesless strong than the ancient people. In fact, people are easier to forget theimportance of their health. In accordance with a scientific survey, over halfof the people living in the city lack of exercise. So modern people arevulnerable to diseases. On this issue, the luxuries and convenience ofcontemporary life really plays an importance（1.important 2.这边感觉是负面评价，但是用的这个词组感觉很中性或者偏正面，是不是换个会好点？） role in it.

Basically, compared to the ancient people, we are lucking（lucky？） because we don’t（it is said that GRE写作里尽量不要用这种，打完整的do not比较规范，还能凑字数，是吧—XDF某老师说
） have to fight against nature andstruggle for our safety and food. Thus, we pursue different goals. We live insuch a sophisticated society and are supposed to develop our own socialnetwork. We have dreams to fight for and always want it come true. We havefamily and are responsible to be a good parent. Contemporary human civilizationis highly developed. The power of individuals is so limited that everybodyshould learn to cooperate with others. All of those faces above make us modernones weak in physical and independent in mental. To sum up, realizing theadvantages and disadvantages of contemporary life requires us to bedialectical.


我滴感觉素，这篇文章是完全支持的，但是论证方面感觉不清楚，一些句子间联系性不强。
PS：这篇属于老G型的。。。然后写作指令到底怎么看待….这是个问题。。。。.

batman4000UID: 3139168

5# joy_me2006
多谢你抽出时间修改我的文章~~嘿嘿~~你的建议都很有意义，我会认真修改的~
希望以后有更多机会交流下~