【NINE小组】第二次作文—by wywcgs

wywcgsUID: 2565269

85 Some people believe that in order to thrive, a society must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens. Others believe that the well-being of a society can only be measured by the general welfare of all its people.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

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Generally speaking, I don't agree any of the arguers who seems to be two extrmists. In my opinion, the truly thriving society should appropriately resolve the conflicts between overall success and personal welfare. Neither of them can overwhlem the other one.

The prosperity is illusive and unstable which is based on the tremendous sacrifice of personal interest. No civilian can endure the life which isn't ameliorated by the overall success of a society. Let's take for example the falling of Qin dynasty in China history, a mighty dynasty which unified China by continuously eliminating six powerful knigdoms. Undoubtedly, Qin dynasty was an overall successful knigdom. The most cruical factor leading to its triumph is the severe statute which extraordinarily boosts the authority of the government and battle effectiveness of the army. Unexpectedly, it is just the same severe statute that caused the doom of Qin dynasty, whose commencement was a famous rebellion in China history. The origin of this rebellion was just the venial transgression by some paupers, who should be executed immedately according to the law and finally decided to revolt. Then the powerful Qin dynasty was devastated in just a few years. The reason is the disregard of the living conditions of civilan by monarch. It illustrates the point that the sacrifice of personal interest can not leads to truly thriving.

Meanwhile, the society is not thriving which only pursues personal welfare. People will have less motivation to work well in a high welfare society since he can enjoy a comfortable life even without working. Apparently it is harmful to the developing and prosperity of a society. Once a day a read a news which refered to a vargrant in Europe who successfully raised more than ten children only with his welfare. Making no positive effects to others, he enjoyed such a high welfare yet. Altrough it is an extrem example, this phenomenon caused by high welfare should not occur in a truly thriving society in my point.

Despite the negative effect to people's working activity stated above, exorbitant high welfare also leads to the insufficiency of communal facilities improvement, since there is an obvious confliction between these two things. Let's take the army for example. A powerless country will be easily destroyed by external power hence can not survive for a long time. Ancient Babylon and acient Greek, which leave us so many substantial and mental treaures, were both subjugated by the nations less civilized than them. Althrough one may argue that these states were not truly thriving, it reveals the importance of the national force, which is an obvious kind of overall success. The high welfare is harmful to it in this aspect.

To sum up, both overall success and personal welfare are indespensable in a truly thriving society. Without personal welfare, the thriving is fragile. Without overall success, the thriving is meaningless. We should find a balance between them, then the truly thriving society is realistic.

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

1# wywcgs


Generally speaking, I don't agree any of the arguers who seems(seem
如果seem是谓语就用单数，但seem在who后面) to be two extremists. In my opinion, the truly thriving society shouldappropriately resolve the conflicts between overall success and personal welfare.Neither of them can overwhlem（overwhelm） the other one.

The prosperity is illusive and unstable which is based on the tremendoussacrifice of personal interest. No civilian can endure the life which isn'tameliorated by the overall success of a society. Let's take for example the falling of Qin dynasty （Take something forexample吧？）in China（’s） history, a mighty dynastywhich unified China by continuously eliminating six powerful knigdoms（kingdoms）. Undoubtedly, Qin dynasty was an overall successful knigdom（kingdom）.The most cruical（crucial）factor leading to its triumph is the severe statute which extraordinarilyboosts the authority of the government and battle effectiveness of the army.Unexpectedly, it is just the same severe statute that caused the doom of Qindynasty, whose commencement was a famous rebellion in China history. The originof this rebellion was just the venial transgression by some paupers, who shouldbe executed immedately（immediately）according to the law and finally decided to revolt. Then the powerful Qindynasty was devastated in just a few years. The reason is the disregard of theliving conditions of civilan（civilian） bymonarch. It illustrates the point that the sacrifice of personal interest can not（cannot） leads（lead） totruly thriving.

Meanwhile, the society is not thriving which only pursues personal welfare.People will have less motivation to work well in a high welfare society sincehe can enjoy a comfortable life even without working. Apparently it is harmfulto the developing and prosperity of a society. Once a day a(I?)read a news(news貌似是不可数的吧) which referred to a vagrant inEurope who successfully raised more than ten children only with his welfare.Making no positive effects to others, he enjoyed such a high welfare yet. Althoughit is an extreme example, this phenomenon caused by high welfare should notoccur in a truly thriving society in my point.

Despite the negative effect to people's working activity stated above,exorbitant high welfare also leads to the insufficiency of communal facilitiesimprovement, since there is an obvious confliction between these two things.Let's take the army for example. A powerless country will be easily destroyedby external power hence cannot survive for a long time. Ancient Babylon and ancientGreek, which leave us so many substantial and mental treasures, were bothsubjugated by the nations less civilized than them. Although one may argue thatthese states were not truly thriving, it reveals the importance of the nationalforce, which is an obvious kind of overall success. The high welfare is harmfulto it in this aspect.

To sum up, both overall success and personal welfare are indispensable in atruly thriving society. Without personal welfare, the thriving is fragile.Without overall success, the thriving is meaningless. We should find a balancebetween them, then the truly thriving society is realistic.


这位童鞋，麻烦下次交作业前用word修改下拼写错误和一些简单的语法错误，虽说一些小错误不影响评分，但是太多了阅卷机器和老师都会疯的。。。。（后面的拼写错误就不标出了直接word改了。。。）



然后整篇文章结构还是蛮清晰的，但是第二段的论证令我感觉读起来不是很顺畅，有点散，相比而言第三段的论证感觉会好点。。最后从第一段来看本文是平衡观点，但是一个说了一条理由；另一个说了两条，是不是写成有偏向性但不完全肯定的会好点呢？(对平衡观点的文章不是很熟啊。。。如果没有这么一说就忽略吧)

kaooUID: 3145702

2# 会飞的橙子 没办法，英语这些密码字打错的几率很大，打得快的话打错机会灰常大，体谅体谅吧。怎么说还是内容重要