【NINE小组】第三次作文—by wywcgs

wywcgsUID: 2565269

感觉这篇写得很迷糊，加上本身英语水平不高，预测对批改的同学是一次煎熬……
不过还是希望被狠拍，拍死最好……

84 It is no longer possible for a society to regard any living man or woman as a hero.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

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Media becomes powerful and omnipresent in contemporary life. We can get more information from diverse media than before. The more famous an individual is, the more attention it is paid to. It seems that there is no secret in front of media, even if you are a celebrity. So someone claims that it's impossible for an living individual to be a hero in modern society since people may know much about his (or her) defect through media. But I don't afraid about it. In my opinion, living heroes just exist in our diary life.

In fact, the argument depends on the ambiguous conception of hero. What is the standard for a hero? I admit the correction of the statement above if one claims that a hero is a man or woman who is perfect and impeccable. For instance, Philps, who won seven gold medals in 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, was involved in drug taking revealed by media just several days after he became famous. None is perfect even he is a outstanding man, so none is qualified to be a hero by the definition of hero above.

However, in my point a man or woman is eligible to be a hero if it can represent a strong and virtuous aspect of human beings. It's not necessary for a hero to be perfect. Let's take the mine collapsing accident in Chile in which thirty workers were buried for example. Surviving more than two months, they were considered to be heroes all over the world. Although they are not perfect, nobody cares about their defect because their tenacious spirit impressed everyone. They conveyed us the spirit that life is a miracle which should be cherished by everyone. It's enough for them to be heroes.

Moreover, it is imperfection that makes hero more realistic. The society requires heroes to encourage individual to live a positive life. People prefer the example in their real life to a virtual figure in their dream. One may not follow the heroes once he believes they are perfect while he isn't. If he realizes that the hero he admires is also a common individual who has his advantages and disadvantages, he will be encouraged to do something challenging to him. Once a day I saw a video in Internet which is a speech of a man who losses all of his arms and legs. Despite his disability, he can get dressed, have meal, play basketball and take care himself well alone. Most audience were shocked and impressed by him. One may believe he can finish them better since it can be done well by such a disabled man. It is the imperfection of hero that should be appreciated.

To sum up, hero is also human being. We should not require them to be a saint. One is a hero as long as he can encourage us to live more positive and healthy. It is the ultimate effect of the existence of the heroes.

ymxjtuUID: 2984484

同学你的Argument呢？

wywcgsUID: 2565269

164
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. At present, the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. In addition, there is ample evidence of the popularity of jazz in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly.' Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. We therefore predict that the C Note cannot help but make money."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

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The evidence above seems to be persuasive at first glance. But in fact, the arguer should answer several essential questions to make it convincing.

First of all, is there much complain about the far distance of the nearest jazz club? The distance makes advantage to us only when jazz fans not want to go much further to listen jazz. In fact, the existence of jazz club may take disadvantage to us if few is not satisfied with its distance. One may prefer listening in the club with his best friends to enjoying the music himself with the ones they don't know in a new club.

Secondly, how many of fans attending jazz festival are the local resident of Monroe? The quantity of people in the festival can reveal less things than we expected, because there may be many fans come to attend the festival who living other places, who will probably not join our C Note. It is not a persuasive evidence even when the number of local fans is large enough, since local people may come to the festival just by curious but not favor.

Thirdly, how well the nationwide study reflects the condition in Monroe? People in Monroe may not be willing to pay as much money as in other cities. Obviously the arguer should get the data in Monroe to evaluate the prediction. Even the money spent on jazz in Monroe is appreciable, our club may not very hot. People may spend their money on the buying the disc but not joining the club.

Fourthly, what the effect the musicians make in the Monroe ? Musicians lives in Monroe may just because of beautiful environment or suitable climax or other reasons independent to music of Monroe. If they are not interested in publicizing the jazz music, there existence makes no advantage to our club.

The last one, how much the 'Jazz Nightly' listeners are willing to spend on jazz? As you know, listening the radio is free. There is a possibility that many of the listener don't have enough money to spend on the jazz. A survey is required to evaluate the price they can sustain. If their don't want to cost too much, obviously it is an unfortunate news to our club.

In conclusion, there is too many possibility in this prediction and we should find more convicing evidence to evaluate the feasibility of the C Note club.

ymxjtuUID: 2984484

修改
Media becomes powerful and omnipresent in contemporary life. We can get more information from diverse media than before. The more famous an individual is, the more attention it is paid to. It seems that there is no secret in front of media, even if you are a celebrity(对名人而言就是没有隐私的，这个是不是举得不太恰当啊). So someone claims that it's impossible for an living individual to be a hero in modern society since people may know much about his (or her) defect through media. But I don't afraid about it. In my opinion, living heroes just exist in our diary（daily） life.
前面对媒体的陈述很好，可是好像联系不太紧密，是不是可以做一点修改。

In fact, the argument depends on the ambiguous conception of hero. What is the standard for a hero? I admit the correction of the statement above（去掉） if one claims that a hero is a man or woman who is perfect and impeccable. For instance, Philps, who won seven gold medals in 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, was involved in drug taking revealed by media just several days after he became famous. None is perfect even he is a outstanding man, so none is qualified to be a hero by the definition of hero above.

However, in my point a man or woman is eligible to be a hero if it （he or she） can represent a strong and virtuous aspect of human beings. It's not necessary for a hero to be perfect. Let's take the mine collapsing accident in Chile in which thirty workers were buried for example. Surviving more than two months, they were considered to be heroes all over the world. Although they are not perfect, nobody cares about their defect because their tenacious spirit impressed everyone. They conveyed us the spirit that life is a miracle which should be cherished by everyone. It's enough for them to be heroes.
例子举得很好

Moreover, it is imperfection that makes hero more realistic. The society requires heroes to encourage individual to live a positive life. People prefer the example in their real life to a virtual figure in their dream. One may not follow the heroes once he believes they are perfect while he isn't. If he realizes that the hero he admires is also a common individual who has his advantages and disadvantages, he will be encouraged to do something challenging to him. Once a day I saw a video in Internet which is a speech of a man who losses all of his arms and legs. Despite his disability, he can get dressed, have meal, play basketball and take care himself well alone. Most audience were shocked and impressed by him. One may believe he can finish them better since it can be done well by such a disabled man. It is the imperfection of hero that should be appreciated.

To sum up, hero is also human being. We should not require them to be a saint. One is a hero as long as he can encourage us to live more positive and healthy. It is the ultimate effect of the existence of the heroes.

这篇文章如果用来说明英雄不是完美的就非常好，但是，反过来看看现在的题目，我实在不知道该怎么把二者结合起来，完全不知道作者表达的和题目要求的有什么关系。作者是不是要再考虑一下？

ymxjtuUID: 2984484

The evidence above seems to be persuasive at first glance. But in fact, the arguer should answer several essential questions to make it convincing.

First of all, is there much complain about the far distance of the nearest jazz club? The distance makes advantage to us only when jazz fans not want to go much further to listen jazz. In fact, the existence of jazz club may take disadvantage to us if few is not satisfied with its distance. One may prefer listening in the club with his best friends to enjoying the music himself （为什么出现这个词啊） with the ones they don't know in a new club.

Secondly, how many of fans attending jazz festival are the local resident of Monroe? The quantity of people in the festival can reveal less things than we expected, because there may be many fans come to attend the festival who living other places, who will probably not join our C Note. It is not a persuasive evidence even when the number of local fans is large enough, since local people may come to the festival just by curious but not favor.

Thirdly, how well the （does）nationwide study reflects the condition in Monroe? People in Monroe may not be willing to pay as much money as in other cities. Obviously the arguer should get the data in Monroe to evaluate the prediction. Even the money spent on jazz in Monroe is appreciable, our club may not very hot. People may spend their money on the buying the disc but not joining the club.

Fourthly, what the effect the musicians make in the Monroe ? Musicians lives in Monroe may just because of beautiful environment or suitable climax or other reasons independent to music of Monroe. If they are not interested in publicizing the jazz music, there（their） existence makes no advantage to our club.

The last one, how much the 'Jazz Nightly' listeners are willing to spend on jazz? As you know, listening （to） the radio is free. There is a possibility that many of the listener（listeners）don't have enough money to spend on the jazz. A survey is required to evaluate the price they can sustain. If their （they） don't want to cost too much, obviously it is an unfortunate news to our club.

In conclusion, there is too many possibility in this prediction and we should find more convicing evidence to evaluate the feasibility of the C Note club.

根据题目要求，作者提出了很多问题，同时给出了建议，文章思路是完全按照题目编排来的，所以就这样的要求来说，这篇文章写得很好，就是每个5个问题提问时都有语法错误，希望作者改一下。
麻烦下次发之前，改一改基本的语法和拼写错误！