issue118

glidingshUID: 110700

我的限时issue174,请求“狂劈”
174
In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievement within that field.

1，科学方面同意作者的观点
2，3， 在艺术和政治方面不同意作者的观点

Is it the precondition to make a significant contrubution that endeanor first being strongly influenced by past achievement within certain field. The speaker thinks so. In my view, when we talk to the science it is important to be strongly effected by past achievement. But in other realms, such as business it is not that case. It is my reasons as the following.

Please have a look that in the realm of the science, when somebody was first being strongly attached by the past achievement he or she would draw interesting in this field, which is the first steep to make a great contribution. For the human being we always have motive to do those we are excel or interesting. Coming back to the history, there are many examples to prove my opinion. For instance, Copernicus, the greatest astronomist, who found out the center of the univeristy is the sun not the earth, was majory in physic, but when he get in touch with the astonomy he decided to study star. Observably, the past achievement in the field of astronomy caused Copernicus to change his majority. Another example is that the most famous person in today's world, Bill Gates, is strongly influence by past achievement about the computer and decided pay off the most famous university, Harvard. Now day, we all use the operating system DOS and windows.

Past achievements are good lessons for us and it help us to learn more and get in to rearch in that field. But when we focus on the field of the art, in my view, it is different. The greateat artistic works largely depended on the society in the special time or express the inside feeling of the certain person. For example, the greatest artist, picasso, whose works were come to show the ideas of an eccentic person with the complex life. Another greatest artist, pillo, his works brought out an struggling human man for his interseting. Therefor, in the art, artists is all to appeal to show their own opinions within their works.

Having a look at policy, it is no double that the great policist is alway bulit up by that society. In today's domocratic society, greatest political leaders not need to strongly influenced by the past achievement but they must learn the achievement of the past and aviod the mistakes in the past time. Past achievement tell us the nature of the human being and the original culture, which help us to reduce the prejudice between the white American and the African American. And as a political leader, he or she must draw the right dicision to imporve the development of the economy.

In sum, In my observation, I insofar agree with the speaker about the conclusion that endeanor must be strongly influenced by past achievement with that field he can make a singificant contrubution. In the field of the science, it is just as the speaker said. But when come to the art or policy, it is not very exactly.


首篇限时作品， 写完之后改了一些语法错误， 请大家“狂劈”吧
而且，我觉得我写文章总是写不长， 每次凑是在凑字数，郁闷ING。

blake_wangUID: 9871

excellent organization with exception to several grammar and lexical mistakes which may spoil the great honor of this essay.
1, the author assumes a case-by-case attitude which serves to express a complex point of view.
2,

glidingshUID: 110700

请具体指正，好吗？
限时总是会打很多错字，还有很多恶心的语法错误
55555

glidingshUID: 110700

我来顶一下

feier521UID: 109747

Is it the precondition to make a significant contribution that endeavor（我觉得你的endeavor理解错了？泛指：任何的研究领域） first being strongly influenced by past achievement within certain field? The speaker thinks so. In my view, when we talk to the science, it is important to be strongly effected by past achievement. But in other realms, such as business it is not that case. It is my reasons as the following.

Please have a look that in the realm of the science, when somebody was first being strongly attached(?) by the past achievement he or she would draw interesting in this field, which is the first steep(step) to make a great contribution. For the human being (we) always have motive to do those we are excel or interesting. Coming(Tracing) back to the history, there are many examples to prove my opinion. For instance, Copernicus, the greatest astronomist（astronomer）, who found out the center of the university is the sun not the earth, was majory(major??) in physic（formerly）, but when he get(got) in touch with the astronomy he decided to study star. Observably, the past achievement in the field of astronomy caused Copernicus to change his majority(?). Another example is that the most famous person(one of the most famous persons) in today's world, Bill Gates, is strongly influence(influenced) by past achievement about the computer and decided pay off(decided to drop out) the most famous university, Harvard. Now day（nowadays）, we all use the operating system DOS and windows (--the products of Gate’s  Microsoft Company).

Past achievements are good lessons for us and it(they) help us to learn more and get in to research in that field. But when we focus on the field of the art, in my view, it is different. The greatest artistic works(artworks) largely depended on the society in the special time or express(ing) the inside feeling of the certain person（rather than depended on the past achievement）. For example, the greatest artist, Picasso, whose works (were) come to show the ideas of an eccentric person with the complex life. Another greatest(最高级？两个都是最伟大的？) artist, pillo, his works brought out a struggling human man for his interesting. Therefore, in the art, artists is(are) all to(all too) appeal (appealing)to show their own opinions within their works.

Having a look at policy, it is no double(doubt) that the great policist(politician) is always built up by that society. In today's democratic society, greatest political leaders (do)not need to (be) strongly influenced by the past achievement but they must learn the achievement of the past and avoid the mistakes in the past time. Past achievement tell(s) us(不要用us， them) the nature of the human being and the original culture, which help us to reduce the prejudice between the white American and the African American. （以上几句，全是论述政治家需要learn过去的achievement，没有说明怎么no need？）And as a political leader, he or she must draw the right decision to improve the development of the economy.

In sum, in my observation, I insofar（用的不对，fundamentally） agree with the speaker about the conclusion that endeavor must be strongly influenced by past achievement with that field he can make a significant contribution.（I agree with the speaker insofar as that …） In the field of the science, it is just as the speaker said. But when come(it comes) to the art or policy, it is not very exactly(副词).

偶经不住PPMM 的诱惑哦。：D
拼写错误太多，我没有一一改出来，你到word 里就可以看到了。
感觉写的不是很好，论证不是很充分，尤其4段，3段也不够cogent。
加油啊，我还是没限时，限时肯定不如你！

paisleyUID: 64183

Is it the precondition to make a significant contrubution that endeanor （拼写错误）first being strongly influenced by past achievement within certain field. （这里应该是问号）The speaker thinks so. In my view, when we talk to（应是about） the（the无必要） science it is important （我觉得用important不妥，用quite possible如何？）to be strongly effected by past achievement. But in other realms, such as business（这里应该把art也说进去） it is not that case. It is my reasons as the following.（My arguments go as follows比较好）

Please have a look that in the realm of the science, when somebody was (为什么要用过去时呢?应该保持时态一致)first being strongly attached by(attach后面用to) the past achievement he or she would draw interesting(应是interests) in this field, which is the first steep(拼写错误) to make a great contribution. For the human being we always have motive to do those we are excel(??意思含混，语法也不对) or interesting(应是interested in). Coming back to the history, there are many examples to prove my opinion. For instance, Copernicus, the greatest astronomist, who found out the center of the univeristy is the sun not the earth, was majory in physic, but when he get(到底是got还是gets?) in touch with the astonomy he decided to study star(应用复数). Observably, the past achievement in the field of astronomy caused Copernicus to change his majority(这个词有这个意思吗?). Another example is that the most famous person in today's world, Bill Gates, is strongly influence by past achievement about the computer and decided pay off the most famous university, Harvard. Now day(应是nowadays), we all use the operating system DOS and windows. BILL GATES这个例子非常没有说服力,就一句没有任何论证的"他受前人影响"就拿出来当论点了，这不对吧? 还有许多其他比他合适得多的人.

Past achievements are good lessons for us and it help us to learn more and get in to rearch in that field. But when we focus on the field of the art, in my view, it is different. The greateat artistic works largely depended on the society in the special time or express the inside feeling of the certain person. For example, the greatest artist, picasso(首字母要大写), whose works were come(be动词和come怎么可能放在一起呢?) to show the ideas of an eccentic person with the complex life. Another greatest artist, pillo, his works brought out an struggling human man for his interseting. Therefor, in the art, artists is all to appeal to show their own opinions within their works.这里和上文的毛病差不多，你如何论证他们并没有受多少前人的影响呢? 如果要以他们为例,那么你应该说，某某是自学成材,当时流行某某主义,而他独树一帜,开创了某某主义的风格。

Having a look at policy(应是politics), it is no double that the great policist(拼写错误) is alway bulit up by that society. In today's domocratic society, greatest political leaders (少do) not need to (少be) strongly influenced by the past achievement but they must learn the achievement of the past and aviod the mistakes in the past time. Past achievement tell us the nature of the human being and the original culture, which help us to reduce the prejudice between the white American and the African American. And as a political leader, he or she must draw the right dicision to imporve the development of the economy.

In sum, In my observation, I insofar agree with the speaker about the conclusion that endeanor must be strongly influenced by past achievement with that field he can make a singificant contrubution. In the field of the science, it is just as the speaker said. But when come(应是when it comes) to the art or policy(应是politics,和policy含义相差甚远), it is not very exactly.


你的语法基础还比较薄弱，有一些很基本的语法错误. 建议你尽快把这方面巩固一下. 除了多做托福的语法部分查漏补缺以外，还可以看看我们给前人改的作文错误，注意不要再犯那些错误.


文中很多处无须用过去时. 还有一些拼写错误我没有该出来.自己找一下.

字数太少是表面问题，关键是你脑子里"存货"不多，对这些问题没有思考过，没话可说. 解决办法，一是多参与大家的讨论，二是多看书多思考。


建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。

你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！

glidingshUID: 110700

谢谢
看了你们的评点受益匪浅
语法是很薄弱的
55555，，
我要加油的