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[作文] 抢先看!!!雅思作文批改实例 [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-8-12 17:51:04 |显示全部楼层
专业雅思老师批改作文,包括语法、词汇、论证、批语以及各项评分和明细。有意者请联系:woaimangguoguo@yahoo.cn


Customersare faced with increasing amounts of advertising due to the competition amongcompanies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced byadvertisements? What measures could be taken to protect their interests?



Nowadays,
advertisings advertisements are prevalent as wellas colorful, and. We we have to watch see alot of diverse advertisings adverts whenwe are watching TV, surfing the Internet and evenwalking on along the street. So I agree towith the idea that advertising effects consumers options and we should make some efforts to protect customers(you have already mentioned consumers in this sentence)their rights.


RecentlyNowadays, it is not uncommon to see all kinds of promotional ads advertisings on ina lot of mass many kinds of media.We cannot deny that many people are influenced by them and even believe inthem. For instance, many famous products and companies, such as Nokia, KFC, and Oppo,owe their successes are to not just only due to the quality, butalso because of to their successfulmarketing strategies---satisfying advertising. Theincreasing amounts of consumers prefer to choose the well-known productseven though they have to pay more because of the large amount of advertising cost (thissentence doesn’t flow well)
Despite the fact that due to the high costof advertising, some brands are at a higher price, however, consumers wouldstill prefer to buy well-known products
. With the increasing salesof famous productions (do you mean products?)(you should give an example here),it there is no doubt that advertisingplays a key role in customers’choice.



However, the influence of advertisings adverts are is notalways beneficial to the customers. In order to buy the well-knownproducts, they have to pay much more money than the ordinary unbranded goods ones. Nevertheless, in fact,some of the advertisings ads are not trueand damaged can damage a consumer’s interestsinterest (for example?). So some efforts shouldbe made to resolve this issue. Firstly, theauthority (which authority?) should make moreregulations to the company (for example?) whichwould help the consumer. Secondly, the mass media should deduce reduce the amount of advertisings appropriately advertisements. Lastly, consumers should cultivatethe ability to distinguish the good and the bad things.


Overall, I hold the opinion that too many much advertisingsreally effects affects consumers and Ihope that customer’s interests could can beprotected with the above measures.



Task Response: 6

  • addresses all parts of the question, but     some are not covered as well as others
  • uses an appropriate format
  • presents a position that is directly related     to the question, although some conclusions are unclear
  • produces main ideas, but does not always     fully develop them


Cohesion & Coherence: 6

  • arranges information and ideas in a coherent     way and there is an overall clear progression
  • uses cohesive devices to some good effect,     although there are some inaccuracies in cohesion between sentences
  • makes errors in reference
  • organises paragraphs with a clear topic     within each


Lexical Resource: 5

  • uses a resource that is sometimes limited,     but adequate for the task
  • lacks flexibility in word choice, and often     words are used repetitively
  • uses simple vocabulary well
  • controls spelling to a very good standard     and any errors are minor


Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6

·
usesa mix of simple and complex sentence forms with limited flexibility
·
attemptsto use complex structures with some accuracy
·
makeserrors in grammar and punctuation but these do not affect communication

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Taurus金牛座 荣誉版主

发表于 2011-8-12 22:27:06 |显示全部楼层
此文5.5-6
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As time pass
Hearing voice
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Creating interface
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Searching peace
In cyber space
Hunch is stylish
Above superficies
Life is synchronous
In between balance
It is for you …

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RE: 抢先看!!!雅思作文批改实例 [修改]

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