issue52 花了四个多小时，郁闷！

happyman2000UID: 136936

Issue 52 "Education encourages students to question and criticize, and therefore does little to promote social harmony."
52． 教育鼓励学生们提问和批评，这样无利于社会的和谐。

I fundamentally disagree with the speaker that encouraging students to question and criticize does little to promote social harmony. Argument can be made like this, but it is built upon which I feel to be a poor understanding of what is social harmony and how to attain social harmony.

Social harmony, in the nature of it, of course does not mean that all social members have a unanimous view about all issues. Or else, one may draw such an absurd conclusion that the North Korean ruled by King dynasty or Iraq ruled by Sadam is the country with the highest level of social harmony, because in these countries no people dare to question and criticize, and they have long been accustomed to unconditionally upholding their governments or political leaders. Generally speaking, the main standard of social harmony is to observe whether a society can satisfy its social members’ needs for material products and mental products including academic freedom, political freedom as well as democratic rights while keeping the society in order as a whole. That is to say, the material products (or economic growth), the mental products (or democracy) and social order are three indispensable factors to make sure the social harmony. In the autocratic society such as the North Korean, even if people seldom question and criticize, there is still no social harmony because this country is inclined to sacrifice people’s needs for the mental products and the material products in order to obtain the ostensible or unsustainable social order.

According to the analysis about what is the social harmony, it is easy to conclude that economic growth and democracy is of paramount importance to promote social harmony. Only by making sure of economic growth, can enough opportunities of employment be created and thus can the basic material needs of people be satisfied, which is very critical to maintain social order because a social upheaval or unrest is always associated with a recession or a high rate of unemployment. The former Soviet Union was such an example. The long-term shortage of consumer goods led to the accumulation of dissatisfaction in people with government ruled by the communist party, indirectly causing the eventual collapse this great empire. Only by developing democracy, can people freely express their own views and take legal measures to protect their own interests, no necessity to resort to violent actions such as demonstration, riot or rebel. Consequently, the social order can be attained eventually through this democratic process of expressing individual interests and ideas. In a word, economic growth and democracy combined together can automatically realize the goal of social order, and thus can assure the ultimate attainment of a real social harmony.

Based on the above analysis, it is not difficult to determine what influence education will place upon the social harmony by encouraging students to question and criticize. For one thing, encouraging students to question and criticize seldom exerts a negative effect on the economic growth. It contributes to neither the rising rate of unemployment nor the decreasing efficiency in manufacturing. On the contrary, by encouraging students to question and criticize, creative and independent individuals can grow up, which will bring us more great entrepreneurs, engineers, scientists and thinkers, and which meanings in promoting social progress as well as social harmony is self-evident. Secondly, encouraging students to question and criticize is conducing to the development of democratic spirits. The essence of democracy is to freely express oneself and to debate with opponents equally and openly. Only by questioning and criticizing with each other during the school time, can these students develop the ability to make full use of the democratic rights that constitution entitles to them, and learn to respect others, compromise with opponents, and in a word contribute to the attainment of social harmony.   

To sum up, it is democracy and economic growth added together rather than the unanimous or the dumbness of people to others, governments and politicians that assure the attainment of the social harmony. Encouraging students to question and criticize conduces to democracy and economic growth and thus benefit the realization of the social harmony.  (685 words)

blake_wangUID: 9871

1, a good response!
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blake_wangUID: 9871

1, a good response
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GcanadaUID: 118286

写的不错啊,happyman2000,我要是有你好就可以了!
你可以放心去考试了,
特别的你的文法也很不错!
倒装句要的挺多的!

happyman2000UID: 136936

to Gcanada

谢谢你的好评！
我怎么能放心呢？这篇作文花了四个小时啊！上考场我会死得很难看的！

feier521UID: 109747

用词很好。
It contributes to neither the rising rate of unemployment nor the decreasing efficiency in manufacturing.
没看懂？

happyman， 我觉得你的第三段关于social hamony 的两个因素论述太多了吧。与主题关系不大。而且这两个因素在二段已有论述。
三段主要是为下一段encourage students to question and criticize铺垫，没有必要那么长。让人感觉论述教育的行为部分太薄弱了。
个人观点。你觉得呢？

现在看你的文章，都当范文看了。：D
还有你的时间都花在哪里啊？4个小时也太长了点吧？
构思？造句？用词？不会是想到不会的单词就查字典吧？

happyman2000UID: 136936

最初由 feier521 发布
[B]用词很好。
It contributes to neither the rising rate of unemployment nor the decreasing efficiency in manufacturing.
以下省略...... [/B]

我的意思是：它既不会导致失业率的上升，也不会导致生产效率的降低！是不是表达有问题？
这篇作文的内容的确有待商议，前两段主要谈什么是social harmony以及how to attain social harmony，然后在此基础上分析讨论questioning and criticizing 是否有利于social harmony. 问题正如你所说的，重点应该在第四段，前两段显得太多了。可是，我觉得第四段展开有点难!

yellowchildrenUID: 134407

一点个人想法：
我觉得可以第三段不要，然后把第四段分成两段，一段说提问批评对经济增长的促进（我觉得你这段说理不是特别好，不知道是不是因为觉得没有说的，其实可以说提问批评对权威的置疑导致的创新对经济的促进），一段说对民主的（我觉得你这段说理挺好）

不过语言上的确让偶PF...^_^

happyman2000UID: 136936

to yellowchildren
你的建议挺好的!
第四段拆成两段！第三段完全不要也不大好，我可能会把他揉进第一段。

luckyqjaUID: 140650

最初由 happyman2000 发布
[B]to yellowchildren
你的建议挺好的!
第四段拆成两段！第三段完全不要也不大好，我可能会把他揉进第一段。 [/B]

我觉得第三段好像扯远了。不过你的句式很漂亮，羡慕

imongUID: 140258

Issue 52 "Education encourages students to question and criticize, and therefore does little to promote social harmony."
52． 教育鼓励学生们提问和批评，这样无利于社会的和谐。

直接在你的原文里作改动了，上下对照着看吧。

I fundamentally disagree with the speaker that encouraging students to question and criticize does little to promote social harmony. Argument can be made like this, but it is built upon which I feel to be a poor understanding of what is social harmony and how to attain social harmony.

Social harmony, in the nature of it, (Social harmony in nature is not…) of course does not mean that all social members have a unanimous view about all issues. Or else, (otherwise) one may draw such an absurd conclusion that the North Korean ruled by King dynasty or Iraq ruled by Saddam is the country with the highest level of social harmony, because in these countries no people dare to question and criticize, and they have long been accustomed to unconditionally upholding their governments or political leaders.(好) Generally speaking, the main standard of social harmony is to observe whether a society can satisfy its social members’ needs for material products and mental products including academic freedom, political freedom as well as democratic rights while keeping the society in order as a whole. That is to say, the material products (or economic growth), the mental products (or democracy) and social order are three indispensable factors to make sure the social harmony. In the autocratic society such as the North Korean, even if people seldom question and criticize, there is still no social harmony because this country is inclined to sacrifice people’s needs for the mental products and the material products in order to obtain the ostensible or unsustainable social order. 好啊，写得太好了。语言上非常出彩，我都没法一个一个的变颜色了。不足的是结论带一下可能好一点，要不然知道你说了一些东西但是不太清楚围绕的是什么，在这里这一点没有太大影响。

According to the analysis about what is the social harmony, it is easy to conclude that economic growth and democracy is of paramount importance to promote social harmony. Only by making sure of economic growth, can enough opportunities of employment be created and thus can the basic material needs of people be satisfied, which is very critical to maintain social order because a social upheaval or unrest is always associated with a recession or a high rate of unemployment. The former Soviet Union was such an example.(没必要另起一句，as …就连上了) The long-term shortage of （consumer） goods led to the accumulation of dissatisfaction in people with government ruled by the communist party, indirectly causing the eventual collapse this great empire.（用动词undermine比较好）（连接！） Only by developing democracy, （又来了，不要写逗号）can people freely express their own views and take legal measures to protect their own interests, (可能这里却一点连接词)no necessity to resort to violent actions such as demonstration, riot or rebel. Consequently, the social order can be attained eventually through this democratic process of expressing individual interests and ideas. In a word, economic growth and democracy combined together can automatically realize the goal of social order, and thus can assure the ultimate attainment of a real social harmony. 很好。

Based on the above analysis, it is not difficult to determine what influence education will place upon the social harmony by encouraging students to question and criticize. For one thing, encouraging students to question and criticize seldom exerts a negative effect on the economic growth. It contributes to neither the rising rate of unemployment nor the decreasing efficiency in manufacturing. On the contrary, by encouraging students to question and criticize, creative and independent individuals can grow up（换,不好,用develop之类的） which will bring us more great entrepreneurs, engineers, scientists and thinkers, and which meanings（不太对） in promoting social progress as well as social harmony is self-evident. Secondly, encouraging students to question and criticize is conducing to（conduce to） the development of democratic spirits. The essence of democracy is to freely express oneself and to debate with opponents equally and openly. Only by questioning and criticizing with each other during the school time, can these students develop the ability to make full use of the democratic rights that constitution entitles to them, and learn to respect others, compromise with opponents, and in a word contribute to the attainment of social harmony.   太好了，一下子就说回来了，说明理论相当深刻，整个逻辑结构严谨的很，用词也有大家风范，6分典范（语言的不足——我做的correction——除外）。

To sum up, it is democracy and economic growth added together rather than the unanimous or the dumbness of people to others, governments and politicians that assure the attainment of the social harmony. Encouraging students to question and criticize conduces to democracy and economic growth and thus benefit the realization of the social harmony.  (685 words)

绝对是一篇好文章，立论的想法太好了，完完全全做到了自圆其说，这是以前看的文章中都很少见到的。比51还好。

NoChoiceButUID: 151894

一点个人看法：
你在第二段中提出三个因素（物质，精神，社会秩序？），为何以后的论述就不提前两个因素呢？如果说经济的进步和民主的推进也会对前两个因素起作用（当然肯定起作用）的话就说明你提出的三要素并不完全是一个层面的东西（前两个导致后一个）。不知道我表达清楚了没有

tigervUID: 153356

I have a feeling.Even though this essay is well done,I still believe the author needs to focus more on why and how it's unreasonable about encourging students to question and criticize dose little to promote social harmony.I wish the author would give us more his own opinions about that specific question rather than only emphasize on some unrelated and broad comments.