求mpromanus修改独立写作 托福新手 望给个评分

angelinajingUID: 2682008

Title:
People should buy things made by their own country, even if thingsof other countries may cost less.

International Purchase Time

With the reform and opening-up policy, theChinese market is flooded with commodities exported from other countries. Toprotect Chinese manufacturers’ profits, some advocate that we Chinese peopleshould only buy products made at home. However, I do not think it is a rationalaction. Contrarily, I hold that we ought to keep pace with times and purchasefor optimal products.

As customers, commodities with lower pricebut higher quality are always our first choice. That is why international tradeis thrilling. The secret exists in the price gap and technique gap. To startwith, local products are usually sold at lower price, especially for those thathave short-term shelf life. Thanks for the development of transnational trade,we are able to buy these special foreign goods in common supermarket at areasonable price. Besides, the science and technology in certain field may bemore advanced in other countries. For instance, German and Japan are the top powers in the areaof micro electrical industry. Therefore, it is natural for us to have thepreference for products made in these countries, if we hope to buy professionalor exquisite ones.

In addition, as civil, we should goshopping, without extreme bias for those products manufactured at home. Even ifplenty of Chinese industries are still at disadvantage in the internationalmarket, shielding them from the fierce international competition from aboardcan only prevent them from learning and improving. As a result, purchasingrational actually contributes to the normal development of Chinese manufacturingindustries. Like a child who is always under the umbrella of parents can nevergrow up, Chinese industries, especially those at threshold, need to experiencethe intense competition from the international market so as to develop.

Furthermore, purchasing internationallyconduces to favorable globalization. Products are more than material goods but alsocultural transmitters. For example, compared with Chinese wines, theintoxicating wines with various flavors from the world-famous dominant wineproducing country, France,are more preferable. When savoring every drop, we fell that we have lost in theancient vineyard and the happiness comes from the harvest celebration. Enjoyingthe tasteful and historical wines or drinking the cheap wines with less cultureattractions, which will be your option? The answer is obvious. Hence, price isnot the only factor we need to consider when purchasing commodities.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

额。。这位童鞋我已经不改作文了，请移步版上的互改组，谢谢，鞠躬~

简单扫了一眼：

1. 托福作文不需要题目
2. 语法用词论理神马都不错，表意偶尔比较不地道 - 比如as civil, those at threshold, cultural transmitters, optimal products - 我知道你想表达什么但是，‘话并不是这么说的’，这样。其他的没有什么大问题。