第一次写托福作文，求狠批，TPO1独立作文

薰叶初UID: 3143366

本人第一次写托福独立作文，花了好几个小时才磕磕绊绊的写完，写一个句子都要想半天，希望各位抽空改下我的作文，求狠批，求进步，求庇佑！





TPO1 Independent writing:
Agree or disagree:
        At universities and colleges, sports and socialactivities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receiveequal financial support.






Though the nation has gained a greaterawareness of the need for educating students of high caliber, undergraduatesstill burden themselves with heavy academic pressure, working diligently inlibraries even in holidays, where mostly universities are becoming increasinglycommonplace. Consequently, students will gradually be introverted, and havetrouble communicating with others as well. The mounting peer pressure, or increasingupward mobility of the younger generation has, at least in part, been blamedfor the phenomenon. Perhaps, however, the main reason centers on the deficiencyof financial support of sports and social activities. So, I fundamentally agreewith the statement.


On the one hand, students can benefit a lotif this carried out. First and the foremost, better infrastructure for doingexercises will provides them with access to seek health, extricate them fromoverwork, which may lead to mental and physical exhaustion, for a while. Alongwith the refreshments stem from playing sports, they will be more readily todelicate themselves in study. Furthermore, in terms of future occupation, they shouldachieve capacities which cannot learn theoretically but is vital to adapt tocomplex work. It is just like, for example, people who merely watch videos coachinghow to play basketball or good strategies in playground will never exhibit excellentskills in a match unless they practice out. Participating in activities involvingteam work, undoubtedly, will encourage them to express their perspectives courageously,practicing their interaction abilities and seek advance with enthusiasm. Fromthis way, they can realize their potentials in specific areas and cultivatesome hobbies to enrich themselves. Then lives on campus will be additionally colorfuland monumental. Finally but not the least, people with similar interests willcome up together and may create eternal friendships.


On the other hand, colleges will boastoutstanding students who attain honors because of high-quality performance invarious aspects, such as the first prize in football match, wildly acclaimed inorganizing parties, fine spirits exhibiting in activities, and so on. Needlessto say, it will dramatically increase colleges' reputation. And in return, moretop students will attend in these universities. Meanwhile, better opportunitiesin employment will be available, for large companies are voluntarilycollaborate with them. Rising budget in sports and social activities may cutdown financial support in other areas, but the advantages of the plan faroutweigh the disadvantages.


In conclusion, it is high time we carry outthe plan for future development.

薰叶初UID: 3143366

自己先顶一下，不知道这篇作文有没有写离题了~