issue10

dreamflyerUID: 21967

我的困惑是，根本不知道这种社会学方面的东东该怎么写：（几乎写了一个半小时，而且自己觉得写的很差，看了孙远提纲，人家完全是不同意的～ 死了～～～

"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."
       

As far as I know, a lot of governments devote to construct their major cities today, while ignoring the entire protection and construction of the country. By doing so, they believe the nations' cultural traditions could be preserved and generated. Fundamentally, I agree with this viewpoint, yet it needs some supplicant.

To begin with, major cities are an appealing to material things as well as people all over the country, which make the cities prosperous not only in economy but arts and culture. Big cities, such as New York in U.S.A. at present, or Chang'an in China thousands of years ago in Tang Chao, could not develop without millions of people. When people gathered, economy boomed, and specula cultural shaped. Meanwhile, the prosperity of both economy and culture would become a strong inviting to those who either wish to earn one's life in a place with more chances, or wish to achieve one's ideal in a specific field. Therefore, more people gathered. This would become a positive circle beneficial to the building of the city's culture.


With the inflow of kinds of ordinary people, many artists, musicians, architects and other elites of various fields would like to come to big cities either. As for artists and musicians, their works be popular with people is the most happy news for them. In order to be familiar with common people so that create the most vivid pieces of work close to the lives of them, and then make the works publicly read or listened or watched by them in the first time, artists and musicians would live their lives around a lot of ordinary people as well as friends with the same objectivity in career. Big cities provide them the best opportunity. As they work in big cities, their works influence, surprise and educate citizens, so that they pass down from generation to generation, and once people mentioned some city even some country, they would react with the works as well, which are the most important parts of the cultural tradition of the country. Such as China's Summer Palace in Peking, France's Lovour in Paris, England's great author Digence（狄更斯：（） and his London in his novel, as well as America's Gone with the Wind and its Atlantic.

In addition, only cities, especially big cities, could provide the opportunity of different ethics of people meeting, so that the collision of different culture would lead to more diverse and more tolerant society. Let's have a look at New York, which is one of the biggest cities in the world. I bet you can find nearly every ethic of people in the solo city. Some may grow up there, some may not. However, they could live together peacefully. Whites and blacks and others are living under the same sky, breathe the same air, and enjoy the same system of American government's services. Tolerances of the society makes the city develop better with the donation of kinds of people. So people could eat authentic French meals in NY, could watch the old art of Beijing opera from China, and could learn whatever you are interested about the world. And all of this, shape the modern cultural traditions of the U.S., which is one of the most democratic, tolerant country in the world.

Nevertheless, there are still many precious traditions of little towns could not transferred to big cities or be preserved there, which the government should also pay attention to and provide funds to protect. In China, there is a small tribe in Yunnan Province that still remains in the phase of matriarchy, called Moso. Such phenomenon could only exist in the southern forests, which needs women be responsible to the management and whole stuff of their people. So the only way to preserve it is to make it leave it where it's used to and protect if from disturbing of outside. Such unique cultural traditions with high significance are unrare, and United Nations have already taken some measures to protect them, so should every government.

In sum, I agree that big cities should receive financial support so that they would better preserve and generate the countries' cultural tradition. Meanwhile, government should also pay attention to other seminal cultural cites other than big cities. Without this, we human beings will regret to lose many treasures.

gambellUID: 122696

o.1 我的第二篇issue，请大家准备鸡蛋～
我的困惑是，根本不知道这种社会学方面的东东该怎么写：（几乎写了一个半小时，而且自己觉得写的很差，看了孙远提纲，人家完全是不同意的～ 死了～～～

"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."


As far as I know（用I不好，可以说It is widely known that）, a lot of governments devote (devote及物动词，devote to 是词组)to construct their major cities today, while ignoring the entire protection and construction of the country(前面用cities,这里用复数好一点). By doing so, they believe the nations' cultural traditions could be preserved and generated. Fundamentally, I agree with this viewpoint, yet it needs some supplicant.（supplicant这里什么意思？？）

（不管同意与否，我觉得这篇论述的重点在于是否culture primarily exists in cities和应不应该因此把financail supply 给城市而不是农村，你的开头则.......）

To begin with, major cities are an appealing（appealing-> adj.动名词吗？） to material things as well as people all over the country, which make the cities prosperous not only in economy but arts and culture. Big cities, such as New York in U.S.A. at present, or Chang'an in China thousands of years ago in Tang Chao（Tang dynasty）, could not develop without millions of people. When people gathered, economy boomed, and specula(specula-> n.) cultural shaped. Meanwhile, the prosperity of both economy and culture would become a strong inviting(与appealing问题一样) to those who either wish to earn one's life in a place with more chances, or wish to achieve one's ideal in a specific field. Therefore, more people gathered. This would become a positive circle beneficial to the building of the city's culture.

这一段讲的是国家重镇通常具有很好的经济和文化状况，可以吸引更多的人口，从而有更为繁荣了城市的经济与文化，形成良性循环。这个循环对于城市的文化建设极为有利。
先不谈逻辑上与首段的衔接，我觉得你在语言上有点罗嗦，句语句之间的关系用得不好，强烈建议看看imong,happyman,feier,yingying等人的文章，值得学习

With the inflow of kinds of ordinary people, many artists, musicians, architects and other elites of various fields would like to come to big cities either. As for artists and musicians, their works be（being） popular with people is the most happy news for them(别扭). In order to be familiar with common people so that （in order to 后面用so that 看起来特别不舒服，表原因的话把句式改掉  ）create the most vivid pieces of work close to the lives of them, and then make the works publicly read or listened or watched by them in the first time, artists and musicians would live their lives around a lot of ordinary people as well as friends with the same objectivity(目标吗，是object) in career（would live with the common people and their friends）. Big cities provide them the best opportunity. As they work in big cities, their works influence, surprise and educate(educated??) citizens, so that（用了很多了，用hence,或者therefore） they pass down from generation to generation, and once people mentioned some city even some country, they would react with the works as well, which are the most important parts of the cultural tradition of the country.（时态乱了） Such as China's（Chinese） Summer Palace in Peking, France's（French） Lovour in Paris, England's great (great British)author Digence（狄更斯：（）(Dickence) and his London in his novel, as well as America's Gone with the Wind and its Atlantic. (不需要在前面加国家，直接用as sth to sth 就可以了，美国人很少直接写国名，多用地名代替，比如An agreement has been made between Paris and Beijing recently.)

In addition, only cities, especially big cities, could provide the opportunity of different ethics of people meeting, so that the collision of different culture would lead to more diverse and more tolerant society. Let's have a look at New York, which is one of the biggest cities in the world. I bet you can find nearly every ethic of people in the solo city. Some may grow up there, some may not. However, they could live together peacefully. Whites and blacks and others are living under the same sky, breathe the same air, and enjoy the same system of American government's services. Tolerances of the society makes the city develop better with the donation of kinds of people. So people could eat authentic French meals in NY, could watch the old art of Beijing opera from China, and could learn whatever you are interested about the world. And all of this, shape the modern cultural traditions of the U.S., which is one of the most democratic, tolerant country in the world.

Nevertheless, there are still many precious traditions of little towns could not transferred to big cities or be preserved there, which the government should also pay attention to and provide funds to protect. In China, there is a small tribe in Yunnan Province that still remains in the phase of matriarchy, called Moso. Such phenomenon could only exist in the southern forests, which needs women be responsible to the management and whole stuff of their people. So the only way to preserve it is to make it leave it where it's used to and protect if from disturbing of outside. Such unique cultural traditions with high significance are unrare, and United Nations have already taken some measures to protect them, so should every government.

In sum, I agree that big cities should receive financial support so that they would better preserve and generate the countries' cultural tradition. Meanwhile, government should also pay attention to other seminal cultural cites other than big cities. Without this, we human beings will regret to lose many treasures.


太长了，后面三段大致看了一下，别说我懒，说说你的问题
1。逻辑上衔接不好，有点混乱，大概和你不确定说什么有关，建议先列提纲。
2。错别字....................
3。句法虽不单一但是突不出变化，而且有些语法上的问题会让改的人头疼。

再次建议贴文章前先自己改一下，这是对自己的负责。
多看看牛人的文章，很有收获。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

太感谢了……是很差的东西，谢谢你的耐心
：）））